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Author's Chapter Notes:
Dawn gets an email that changes everyone's life.

A huge thanks to my lovely beta All4spike for getting this chapter back to me so fast! Also a huge thanks to Edgehead (Mel) so the awesome banner, i love it so much sweetie!!!!!!
Chapter 17

Leaving it all behind

One week later

Dawn sat at her laptop, tears burning her sad eyes; she couldn’t believe the words she was reading in the email she had just received from Buffy. How could she do this to her? How could she just leave her? Everyone always left, she reminded herself.

She heard the front door open and Faith’s, Tara’s and Spike’s voices filled the house. She couldn’t stop the rage that boiled within her, so clicking print on the email, she impatiently waited for the paper to appear. Snatching it from the printer, she stormed down stairs.

“Hey Bit” Spike said smiling up at her has she moved towards him, but before anyone realized what had happened, Dawn’s right open hand connected with Spike’s cheek.

“Dawn!” Faith snapped as Tara gasped with surprise at Dawn’s outburst.

Spike only stood there jaw clenched as a clear red hand mark formed on his face. “You want to tell me what I did to deserve that pidgeon?” Spike asked calmly, so calmly it just seemed to make her rage even worse.

“Don’t call me pidgeon or Bit,” She spat. “In fact don’t ever talk to me again.”

She turned to storm away from him but he quickly stopped her, grasping her arm and forcing her to face him. “Now hang on a second, you don’t just get a free pass at smacking me in the face with no explanation,” he informed her as she jerked her arm from his grasp. “Now explain,” he demanded.

“I don’t know what you did to her, but because of you she isn’t coming back,” she yelled, tears falling from her eyes. “How dare you take her from me? She was all I had!” she screamed, face red with anger.

“Dawn I don’t know what is going on here but you know you have me...” Faith started moving to comfort her sister but Dawn moved back. Faith couldn’t help but be hurt.

“Oh please.” Dawn laughed bitterly. “You don’t want to be here. All you’ve done since you got back is make everyone’s lives even more miserable by moping around and putting everyone down.”

“Dawn...”

“No it’s true. You know it’s true. But she wanted to be here with me, she didn’t try with all her power to have to get away from me. She didn’t look at me like a burden or a freak and you took that from me!” she spat as she turned to face Spike.

“Dawn I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spike said, moving forward again to try and comfort her.

“Maybe this will help you understand,” she hissed, throwing the crumpled paper at him before running up the stairs and disappearing into her room, slamming the door behind her.

Spike quickly picked up the paper, opening it up as he started to read aloud:

Dearest Dawn,

I know I shouldn’t be telling you this, this way but I fear should I face you or even hear your sweet but sad voice on the phone, I would cave, and I can’t. You see I’m not returning to Sunnydale. I’ve decided that with Faith there now, I’m no longer needed and perhaps it would be better if I use my skills elsewhere.... Lots of big bads out there need stopping and it seems wasteful to have two slayers in one town.

I know what you’re thinking, that there is more to the story than that, and you would be right. I can’t tell you what happened between Spike and myself that led to me making this decision, but I will say this. Sometimes things just fall apart and you can’t ever put them back together again. Don’t be mad at him, he will need you in this.

I promise in time I will come and visit you and perhaps one day your sister will allow you to visit me, but until then my sweet Dawn, please be strong. Know this is in no way your fault and I love you as if you were my own sister.

Say goodbye to the gang for me and look out for Faith. She has a long and hard road ahead but if she is anything like me, she will get there with time. And tell Spike.... tell him I’m sorry I lied, but I couldn’t bear the look on his face if I had told him the truth. I know he would have tried to stop me from leaving and I had to go.

I will talk to you again soon and remember I love you always.

Buffy

Spike looked at the paper in his hand. Tears streamed down his face as the realisation that he had lost her for good hit him like a ton of bricks. Dropping the paper to the floor, he turned and headed for the front door.

“Spike.” Faith’s soft voice stopped him but he didn’t look up, he couldn’t. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“No it’s not, I’m the bad guy. I never deserved her anyway,” he whispered sadly as he walked out, leaving a surprised Tara and Faith behind.

“Oh my god poor Spike,” Tara whispered.

“I have to fix this, it’s all my fault.”

“How is this your fault?” Tara asked in confusion.

Taking a deep breath, Faith led Tara into the kitchen to explain everything and just hoped that maybe Tara could help her put this all back together.


Three weeks later

Buffy came out of Angel Investigations, heading for home after a long night of research. There was a new baddie in town, a guy named Holt. A guy from Angel’s past, and while she didn’t agree with what Angelus had done to Holt’s family, she also knew he was hunting the wrong person, Angelus no longer existed and everything inside her was screaming that things were going to go very bad with this guy.

Walking into her apartment building, she headed upstairs hoping more than anything for some much needed rest, only to come face to face with Faith and Tara who were standing at her front door.

“Giles,” she whispered, knowing right away who had told them where to find her.

“He is the only one aside from Angel Inc who knows where you are,” Faith replied.

“Right come in.” She moved past them, unlocking the door and heading inside. “So what can I do for you guys?” she asked, turning to face them.

“Faith has something she wants to say.”

“Right... Buffy about that night, the things I said...” Faith started, but Buffy quickly cut her off.

“I know you’re sorry, but I’m not angry at you, I don’t blame you. I’ve been where you were, felt the fear and pain, so I get it.”

Faith nodded glad she understood the uncontrollable anger. “Spike...” Faith started again but was cut short once again.

“Don’t, please don’t try to defend him,” Buffy begged as she started to pace.

“He misses you Buffy and he is hurting really badly,” Tara intervened.

“Please Buffy it wasn’t his fault. I threw myself at him that night, I begged him to stay with me but I... I knew he didn’t want me. He didn’t want to be there with me, I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch. All he wanted was you but I just wanted to feel anything other...”

“Than dead,” Buffy finished for her.

Faith looked up, a little surprised. “Right, been there felt that,” She laughed softly. “He just wanted to help me, Buffy.” Faith sighed.

“And of course the best way to do that, is to screw your brains out,” Buffy snapped, getting frustrated.

“I thought you weren’t angry,” Faith whispered, hurt.

“Maybe I am a little angry,” Buffy sighed. “But not at you.”

“So me you’ll pardon, but not him?” Faith snapped.

“He lied to me!” Buffy all but yelled.

“And so did I,” Faith went back at her.

Buffy sighed shaking her head, taking a much needed deep breath she continued. “You’re not a danger,” she whispered.

“What do you mean Buffy?” Tara asked, stepping forward.

“You know Anna lied to me when the magics started to consume her. I could have helped her, saved her, but now she is rotting away in a rehab slash mental hospital for the magically deranged. Pike lied to me about being attacked and turned that night. Maybe I could have saved him too, re-ensoulded him somehow, but now he is nothing but ashes.” Buffy shook her head in frustration as she continued, “It’s not that Spike slept with you, we weren’t together. Had he been honest from the start, I could have dealt with it, I could have stayed and tried to make things work.”

“He was scared, afraid of losing you, that you would never be able to forgive him,” Faith tried to reason.

“I forgave him the second I heard about it,” Buffy confessed.

“Then what’s wrong Buffy?” Tara asked, confused.

“I love him so much that I can forgive him for sleeping with someone else, someone I considered a friend. I can forgive him for lying to my face for months. What would happen if his chip stopped working? If he started feeding again? If he killed someone? Would I just forgive him? Turn a blind eye cause I love him so much that I would rather let innocent people die than have to stake another person I love, simply ‘cause I can’t live without them?”

Faith finally knew now. She understood all too well. She had loved Angel so much that when he lost his soul, she had hesitated time and time again in stopping him. People had died because of those hesitations. It was part of the reason she would never allow herself to fully care for Spike in the first place, because she herself had worried that if the chip stopped working and they were a couple in love… If he started to feed again, could she stop him? Or would more innocent people die because she hesitates when it comes to the person she loves.

“I understand.” Faith nodded.

“I know you do,” Buffy replied. She had read about Faith’s time with Angel in the watchers’ diaries covering what had happened in Sunnydale. Faith turned, heading for the door.

“Faith!” Tara gasped, surprised.

“Tara, sometimes some things are better left alone,” Faith explained.

Tara nodded, heading for the door. She figured Faith would explain more on the way home.

“It’s better that Spike doesn’t know you found me. That he doesn’t know where I am.”

Faith only nodded, opening the door as Tara headed out. “Dawn misses you like crazy, you should call her,” Faith said before walking out and closing the door behind her.

“I miss her too,” Buffy whispered to the now empty apartment, hoping that she had made the right choice.


Chapter End Notes:
I know its been a while since i updated but work hasv been madness since before Christmas but hopefully now im back on track :) Let me know what you think.



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