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Author's Chapter Notes:
Buffy opens up to Spike about her tragic past.

A huge thanks to my Beta Pixiecorn (Kelly) for going over this chapter for me thanks sweetie your the best. Also thanks again for the amazing banner i love it.
Chapter 8

Too little too late.

Buffy wasn’t sure what to do, Spike had left her alone in the cemetery over an hour ago and still she'd made no attempt to move. She was surprised that he had been so completely honest with her about why he couldn’t be with her. She had thought for sure it was because he didn’t have feelings for her but now she knew it was because he did and that scared the hell out of him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Buffy began the long walk out of the cemetery and headed straight for home. As she walked up the footpath that lead to her house she felt it, that familiar tingle that told her Spike was nearby.

She stopped but didn’t turn.

“I thought we covered the whole stalker thing?”

He walked towards her, hands in his pockets and as she turned to face him she noticed how nervous he looked.

“How do you always know it's me thats near and not another vampire?”

“I can feel you. You're different than the others.” She whispered, looking at the ground. His head shot up, his eyes quizzical. If his heart beat it probably would have pounded right out of his chest at that moment.

“I just wanted to make sure you got home safely.” He replied, she looked up at him trying her best to act normal.

“Well here I am. Home safe and sound.” She smiled, holding her arms out.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” He said quietly as he turned to leave.

“Spike, wait!” She called, moving towards him as he turned back to face her. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

“What’s that luv?”

“You where totally honest with me tonight and I'd like to be with you too, so maybe you could come in? I can make you some hot coco?” She asked, hopeful.

He nodded and followed Buffy inside. After dropping her keys on the bench she set about quickly making them both a hot coco before they moved into the lounge room. Taking a seat across from each other, she took a small sip of her drink before placing it down on the coffee table before she spoke.

“I was fourteen when I found out I was the slayer." She met his eyes and continued. "My parents had just been killed and I was devastated but with the funeral and packing up the house, I never really got the chance to grieve." She took a deep breath. "And then I moved to London and began my training and a part of me feels like I never truly got to say goodbye to them but then I met Pike and Anna and they helped me through a lot.” Her eyes started to well up at the past.

“When I was sixteen Pike and I started dating, his father was a watcher so he knew about me being the slayer and he was so supportive, it was so easy to fall in love with him and when I turned twenty one he asked me to marry him I didn’t hesitate in saying yes. I mean we both knew my job had its risks but I think he started to believe that I was invincible. Hell, I think even I did but it wasn’t until two years later that he discovered I wasn’t.” The last part came out in a mere whisper and without his vampire hearing he may not have heard it.

“The night your watcher was killed?” He asked.

“Yeah.” She sighed before continuing. “I'd told Pike and Anna to stay indoors because a powerful group of vampires had been causing trouble for me but Pike went out looking for me one night and got captured. I was told to come to their warehouse or they would kill him.”

“You had to know it was a trap-”

“Of course I knew! But I loved him and I was willing to die to save him." A tear ran down her cheek. "So I went. I was hoping that with Anna and my watchers help I might be able to get out alive but once I got Pike untied I was overpowered. I told them to run but my watcher refused. The last thing I remember was him trying to save me. A few months later Anna brought me back using forbidden magic’s, thinking that I was in some sort of hell dimension. I was so angry with her." She glanced down and wiped a few of her fallen tears away. "I felt so betrayed."

"Buffy-"

"I was in heaven."

“Buffy, I-" She quickly cut him off, knowing if she stopped now she would never finish.

"Pike tried to reach out to me but I was damaged... Being ripped away from-” she whispered.

“I started taking my anger out on him." She met his eyes. "I called off the wedding, I was cruel to him but when I got physical with him I realized what I was doing was wrong. I told him the truth about where I had been and how I was feeling and he helped me through a lot. He helped me heal and I fell even more in love with him but I could never bring myself to tell Anna the truth, she slowly spiraled out of control. The magic had consumed her and when she killed a man for revenge using magic the council stepped in. They got a coven to bind her powers and she was sent there to do a type of rehab.” She took another deep breath.

“After that things calmed down a bit, Pike and I set a date for the wedding and I was truly starting to feel happy again," she let out a laugh. "I should have known then something was going to go wrong. I'd not long turned twenty five, we were to be married in four weeks when Pike was attacked walking from his work to his car.”

“They killed him?”

“Worse." She whispered and met his eyes. "They turned him, I had no idea of course, he showed up at my house the next night and I invited him in and he attacked me. I was so caught off guard that he actually got a taste.” She said, placing her hand over the healed bite marks on the left side of her neck.

Spike couldn’t stop himself from moving to touch the bite mark with his fingertips, causing shivers to run through her before he stepped back.

“I was able to fight him off but I couldn’t bring myself to kill him. We fought for what felt like hours but there where moments when he was himself and then he was just an animal again. I finally pinned him to a wall but I hesitated. I knew if I didn’t finish it he would kill me and I think I would have preferred that but he looked at he with his human face and I know it sounds impossible but it was him again," she looked down. "even if it was just for a few moments.”

“Not impossible luv.”

“He begged me to finish it. He said he didn’t want to hurt anyone, least of all me. So I kissed him and I told him I loved him and then I killed him.” A sob escaped her and she ram a shaky hand across her cheeks, wiping away the tears.

“I’m so sorry, luv.”

“The next day was the hardest, having to take his ashes to his father and tell him what had happened. He was absolutely devastated. His wife had died the year before in a car accident and now his only son was dead. I think a part of him blamed me, I know I did… After that I just couldn’t stay in London anymore, there were just too many painful memories so when the council told me about Sunnydale and what had happened to Faith I knew this was where I needed to be. I went to Anna and told her I was leaving and that I wouldn’t be coming back. That was about eight months ago so believe me I know all about loss, pain, the fear of losing someone you care about... I just wanted to be totally honest with you like you where with me.”

“I’m so sorry pet, that you had to go through all of that alone.” Buffy nodded, wiping her tears away.

He took a few hesitant steps forward and pulled her close, rubbing soothing circles into her back as she cried into his shirt. He felt his heart break for her. she had been through so much, lost so much and he felt like all he was doing was causing her more pain by being a scared coward. Would it be so bad to allow himself to love her? He pulled back wiping the tears from her checks and knew then in that moment, when her eyes meet his, that it was too late, he was already in love with her.

“Oh god, it’s too late.” He whispered.

“What’s too late?” She asked, slightly confused.

He wanted to speak but no words would come out so he settled for the next best thing. Leaning down, he placed his lips over hers. The kiss was gentle as he tried to relay all the love he felt inside himself for her, she kissed him back eagerly before pulling away for a moment.

“You’re not going to run off again are you?” She asked, concerned.

“No, never again.” He relied in a husky voice before crashing his lips onto hers again. His hand moved up to cup her breast but his movements where stilled by a loud banging on the front door.

“Ignore it.” He groaned, his hands roaming her hips as he moved back in to kiss her again.

“I can’t.” She laughed, pushing him away and moving for the door. “It’s three clock in the morning, it might be an emergency.”

“It bloody better be.” He grumbled making her giggle as she opened the door to a pale and wide eyed Dawn.

“Dawn, sweetie... is everything okay?” She asked, concerned.

“No! S-Spike, we have to go find Spike.” She replied sounding panicked. Hearing the distress in Dawns voice, Spike walked to the door.

“I’m here bit, what’s wrong?”

“Why are you here at three in the morning?” She asked, shocked.

“Could ask you the same thing.” He replied, one eyebrow raised.

“Right of course! Quick come with me!” She yelled as she ran across the street and into her house. Buffy and Spike quickly followed, moving past Giles, Xander and Anya to see…. “Faith” Spike’s mind screamed.

Faith was here, sitting next to Willow. A very not dead Faith who was brushing the dirt from her clothes, her knuckles were bleeding and she was clearly shaken.

Spike's eyes narrowed, looking directly at Willow with rage in his eyes.

“What have you done?”


Chapter End Notes:
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