She looked around frantically, unable to deal with the mounds of heartbreak these jumps were causing her. Would she be forced to do this for eternity? Was this hell? Was she being punished?
She was in a church, and Spike was there, hugging a cross while his body smouldered around it, “Can we rest now? Can we rest now Buffy?”
A tear fell from her eye, this was the closest to her Spike that she’d seen in what felt like forever.
“Yes Spike, we can rest now” she whispered, walking over to him and trying to gently pry his blistered skin from the harsh metal of the cross.
He looked at her then, really looked at her, and then turned his haunted blues to the ceiling,
“Who is this? A trick? Hurt the girl…you took the girl away…tricks…”
“Spike, it’s okay, just please come with me. We‘ll go home, clean you up.”
Her heart was officially broken, shattered into millions of pieces that slayer healing could never fix.
“Home” he barked out with a harsh laugh, “Home is where the heart is, no heart here”, he answered pointing to his chest. “Just an empty hole…”, he whipped his head and stared so long and hard at her she had to turn away.
A rough hand grabbed her chin and made her return the gaze, “Why does a man do what he mustn’t Buffy?” he finished in a sob, falling to his knees.
She knelt down beside him and took his hand in hers, “For her William, always for her.”
***
He was sleeping now, fitfully on the bed in his crypt, while she watched over him, unsure of how to help.
She reached in her pocket and pulled out a cellphone, a quick search through the contacts proved that this was Sunnydale, but not one she recognized. With a sharp intake of breath she realised she was back home, just further along the timeline than when she’d jumped from that tower.
“Tricks, deceptions…who are you?”
“Buffy” she answered, turning to look at the now awake vampire.
“Not my Buffy.”
She smiled, “No, not your Buffy Spike, an earlier one. I jumped from the tower to save Dawn just a few days ago.”
He shot up and began clawing at his chest, sobs heaving through his body. “NO no no no no no….”
She grabbed his hands and straddled him, pinning his self mutilating hands above his head. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
In a moment of eerie lucidity he replied, “You. You came back wrong.”
She felt a chill run down her spine. “What do you mean?”
“You died, and you came back wrong.”
“I didn’t die” she found herself whispering.
“No…not you I suppose, but my Buffy did…NO! Not my Buffy…never my Buffy…”
“Spike….” She took a deep breath and waited until he looked at her again, “Buffy loves you. I’ve been through a handful of dimensions this past week and the only factor that remains a constant is you. You and her. Buffy loves you Spike, trust me. She loves you so much that …”
Tears fell from his eyes at that and he cut her off, “You don’t know the things I’ve done.”
She sighed and let some memories flood her mind and smiled down at him, “Yes I do. And she’s forgiven you, she wants the same forgiveness from you Spike but this Buffy is so screwed up…feels so alone, feels like if she gives in to you…”
“I’ll hurt her again?”
“No, no…she’s afraid she’ll hurt you again and she really can’t live with that.”
“Do you love yours?”
“My Spike you mean?”
He nodded yes and she smiled softly.
“Can you keep a secret?”
“From my past self kitten? Think I can manage” he said with a laugh that warmed her heart.
“Yes…yes I do.”
“Does he know?”
“Not at all. But once I get home I’ll change all that Spike, I promise. How you feel right now, at this point in time, will never come. You’ll never feel like this. It’ll be different, I promise.”
She leaned in and kissed him softly but thoroughly and when she pulled away to lean her head on his, his now free hands came up to tuck a stray hair behind her ear.
“What was that for?” he asked, awe radiating from his eyes.
“For love Spike. That was because I love you.”
She didn’t have time to see the tears building in his eyes fall, or hear the words about to spill from his mouth, all she felt was bone crushing agony and she closed her eyes and tried her hardest not to scream.
She tried to register the sounds all around her, anything to take her mind off the overwhelming pain. She could hear Dawn crying, and Willow…she could hear the sounds of heavy boots dragging through metal and rocks…she was home. Oh god, she wanted to call out, to open her eyes and see her friends, her father figure, her would be lover if the fall didn’t in fact kill her this time around. She thought of the last Spike she’d seen, how broken he was, how if she succumbed to the darkness that was pulling at her every fibre she would only ensure that tragic fate of theirs.
With the last of her energy she opened her eyes and called his name.
Regardless of the fall that had undoubtedly shattered the bones in his legs he ran to her, ran to her and knelt beside her and sobbed over her. The others, shell-shocked by the entire days events, for once blessedly let the heroes be alone.
“I though you were dead.” he whispered, hands hovering all over her but never touching.
“Think I was…think I changed something somehow though…” She could taste the blood in her mouth, knew it must be seeping out by the look of terror he was trying desperately to hide.
“You just got a l’il banged up yeah? Slayer healing will fix you right up.”
“Am I dying…again?” she finally asked, tears spilling as fear and heartbreak filled her core.
He cupped her face then, with so much love it burned her soul, “No Buffy, you’re not dying. You’re just tired, you trust me right?”
She gave him a slight nod, “Yes Spike, I trust you.”
He pulled out a small knife and cut his wrist before bringing it up to her mouth. It tasted so good, so sweet that she couldn’t help but clutch onto the wound and drink thirstily.
She could hear yelling all around her, and the last comment she heard was Spike yelling “She won’t have enough to turn, just to heal.” before the world went black.
***
She could hear everything, the whispers downstairs, the crickets outside, the breeze. Her eyes snapped open and her fingers immediately sought her wrist, searching for a pulse. She smiled when she felt it, steady and regular.
Her eyes could see things more clearly though, tiny cracks in the wall, even though her room was dark. She stood and stretched, feeling none of the pain she’d been prepared to feel.
“Vamp blood and slayer blood makes for a pretty great elixir, don’ it luv?”
She looked around the room, searching for the voice before her searching eyes rested on the silhouette of the vampire sitting just outside her window.
“Really does” she answered, and climbed out to sit next to him while he lit a smoke and inhaled deeply.
“Pretty bad spill you took, had us all worried Slayer.”
“You took the same fall.”
“Im not human though” he pointed out with a smirk.
She thought of a million ways to verbally explain that he was, more so than many of the people she’d encountered thus far in her young life. She opted shock him physically instead. Grateful for the short shorts and tank someone had put her in while she’d been sleeping she straddled the now speechless vampire and pressed her lips to his, demanding every part of his body to respond, she wasn’t disappointed.
He moaned into her mouth, his hands climbing up her back frantically, touching her, feeling her, seeking the answer to his desperate question, ‘Is this happening?’
Her only response was to continue kissing him, completely shamelessly, to put all her love and regrets and hopes and dreams into this one, seemingly unbreakable kiss.
When they finally broke apart he kept his eyes closed. “I must be dreaming.”
“Me too…never thought I’d get to see you again, to tell you all the things I’m sorry for…”
“Buffy?”, her name was a softly spoken question, his now open eyes the window to the soul she’d only recently allowed herself to see.
“I love you Spike. In this dimension and every other, I love you.”
There was a flash of lightning then, that illuminated the two warriors sitting on the roof, and Buffy shivered as his hands started to frantically touch her everywhere.
Another flash just before the large raindrops hit them, and Buffy knew the other dimensions were sealed up now, never to be seen by her again, but that didn’t matter, because home was where her Spike was.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi all, theres no excuse to how long it's been since ive posted. I just want everyone to know i had a lot of personal things to deal with and it wasn't out malice, or laziness. I hope this chapter seals this story properly and Im sorry to all the suggestions i didnt get to do.