Time was moving so slowly. A horrible drawn out nightmare that seemed to last for an eternity. Then it was all over.



A second made all the difference. One second and Buffy’s life was destroyed all over again. One second and he was no longer stood before her. In one second he was dragged to hell.



Buffy had been broken before. She had known pain, she had lived pain. She had never known anything like this. He was sucked into hell and it was as if the flames that took him had consumed her as well.









12 hours earlier.



Kendra was dead. Kendra was dead and Buffy hadn’t stopped it.



She hadn’t even been there. Drawn into another hideous fight with Angelus she hadn’t been there when Drusilla attacked. Now Kendra was dead, Willow was hospitalised and the police were after her.



Thank god for her mom. She had been so calm, so concerned and so comforting. It had helped that Spike was there too. Turning up, as always, out of the blue.





He knocked out the policeman who had come for Buffy with impeccable timing.

He seemed out of breath, even though he didn’t need to breathe.



He looked at her with wide and, were they panicked? eyes. “Kendra’s dead”. It wasn’t a question.





Buffy felt close to tears as she answered. “Yes. She’s dead.” She couldn’t keep the reproach from her voice as she asked, “Spike, why didn’t you help her? She’s a slayer. She... she was a slayer. Why didn’t you save her?”





Spike lit a cigarette and Buffy was sure his hands were shaking just a little. “I couldn’t. I didn’t know-I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t see. I hadn’t seen her, her future. Not once. I knew something was going to happen to her, I knew. But I couldn’t see, couldn’t stop it.”





Buffy felt her anger rise. “So what, she was supposed to die or something?”







“Yes.” Spike said it with conviction but Buffy could tell it pained him. “She was going to die whatever happened. It was set. She wasn’t meant to be the slayer for long.”







“I hate this. I hate this! If I had killed Angel before, if I’d done my duty, Kendra and Miss Calendar, they’d still be alive.”





Spike shook his head. “They wouldn’t have been. If you had killed Angel and Drusilla then they would have died some other way, it was prebloodydetermined pet.”





Buffy swallowed down her rage and hurt. “Well what do I do now? What do I do?”







Spike seemed suddenly to have his swagger back. “You do what you were made to do. You slay pet. We’ve got to go and tell your mum what’s happenin, the police have been by and she’s worried sick.”



Buffy didn’t bother to ask him how he knew this.



“Then you need to ring your mates. Evil captain forehead and the nutter have Giles, I know where they’re keeping him, but we’re goin to need the whelp to get him back. You’ll want to check on red too.”



Buffy nodded, she didn’t feel up to doing more than that.



She knew what she had to do, she had to kill Angel. But was she ready for that? She loved him. Even after everything the monster inside him had done she still loved him.

She knew the time for being ready had passed. It was a time for action now. But inside Angelus was her Angel.

She loved Angel.How could anyone kill the one they loved?



Buffy’s mom was amazing. Now more than ever Buffy was so glad Spike had made it that Joyce knew she was the slayer. She couldn’t imagine how difficult the situation would have been if her mother had been ignorant of it.



Joyce didn’t, for one second, think that Buffy had killed Kendra, as the police were claiming. She made tea and gave out hugs like they were going out of fashion.



Buffy called the hospital and had the relief of speaking to Willow. If Willow had died Buffy never would have forgiven herself. She arranged with Xander to meet her at the mansion as soon as possible before hanging up.





Spike was being uncharacteristically quiet. For the first time in the weeks since he had first become friendly with her mom and started hanging out at the Summer's home on a semi regular basis he wasn’t stuffing his face with mini marshmallows or trying to ‘secretly’ raid the drinks cabinet.

“Spike? Are you ok?”



He started when she said his name, "Yeah slayer, I'm fine. We'd better get moving. It's almost time."



Buffy said goodbye to her mom. Her mom hugged her and wouldn’t let her go. “Oh honey, I wish you could just not be the slayer sometimes. I hate doing this. Saying goodbye to you and not knowing... please honey, please be careful.”



Spike patted Joyce a little awkwardly on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Joyce, she’ll come back to you.”



Joyce and Spike exchanged a long look, and seemed to be communicating silently. Buffy felt a surge of strength inside. She could do this. She had to. She had to come back, for her mom. And Spike would make sure she did.





Joyce watched them from the front door until they had disappeared into the darkness.







They hadn’t gone far before Spike turned to Buffy and said, “You need to stop by Giles apartment luv, there’s somethin you need there, and someone you need to see.”




































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