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Author's Chapter Notes:
I can only say a massive sorry, yet again, for the delay in updating. I have no excuse other then my general rubbishness. A huge thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story, and to everyone who has taken the time to review. It really does mean a lot!
Spike’s voice was husky, but the sound of him breathing her name onto her parted lips had her coming again.

Her own unsteady voice spoke in ways words never could.

“Spike. You’re home.”


Spikes head was spinning. Too much to take in, too much to feel.

The whole time he had been away, right up until the pain of his injuries had made him lose consciousness, all Spike had thought about was Buffy.

Buffy, his golden goddess with a heart he thought he had lost. He knew he should have told her about his soul, or lack thereof. He knew he should have told her right from the beginning, but it was not information he usually shared. The majority of demons he knew could sense that he didn’t have one, but they were often in the same position. The humans he’d known couldn’t tell, and he had always considered that as a good sign, they had taken for granted that he was soul having, basing their high opinion of him on his actions alone. For Spike it had never really mattered anyway. He knew what he was, how he felt and how he thought. He had seen a great many things in his life, he knew a soul was no measure of goodness, just as he’d known Buffy wouldn’t agree.

He should have told her. She wasn’t just any human. She was Buffy. She was special. Spike had known that the minute he’d laid eyes on her, she wasn’t just someone who would pass in and out of his life.
The more he’d gotten to know her the more he came to the terrifying realisation that she was his life.

Spike had loved before. He knew what loving felt like. What he felt for Buffy was so much more than that. He hadn’t even realised how much more until that bloody awful phone call.

He thought he’d lost her then. It wasn’t like when he’d sacrificed himself to save he-of-the-massive-forehead. That had hurt, but mainly because of the soddin great sword wound he'd sustained. He’d known at the time that no matter where he’d ended up he would find his way back to Buffy.

But when he’d hung up the phone that night he thought he’d really lost her. She had learnt what he was and she didn’t like it. The council had worked their evil mojo on her and she couldn’t see beyond the prejudice their teachings had instilled. To her he was a monster, no better than Angelus.

He didn’t blame her for believing what she had been taught. He did blame her for not believing him.
Buffy knew him, maybe she didn’t know his past, but she knew him in the ways that really mattered, probably better than anyone ever had. And she’d still turned away from him.

But now he was looking up at her, and she was looking right back, their faces so close as to be practically touching.

He hurt like hell. He could feel his muscles beginning to knit back together, his broken bones becoming whole once more, and it wasn’t a comfortable experience, but it was hard to focus on the pain when he had Buffy before him, and the mind tilting knowledge that it was slayer blood, her blood, helping him heal.

It took Spike a moment to register the words Buffy has spoken. He had watched the way her lips moved, fascinated by the sight of them so tantalising close to his own, but he had to replay the words several times before the meaning hit him.

Welcome home Spike. Welcome home.

He was home. Whose home? He knew it wasn’t his, it was too bright, too warm. Though looking away from Buffy was the last thing he ever wanted to do, Spike glanced quickly to the side of her. They were in her living room.

He wasn’t sure whether to be angry with Anna for doing the exact opposite of what he’d said, or whether he should throw her some sort or parade for bringing him to Buffy.

Home. The way she said it would have had his heart racing if it was able to. It was like she thought of her home as his.

And of course there was the other word she’d used. Welcome. He was welcome. He was sure the look in her eyes confirmed the suspicion. She was glad to have him back.

Despite the fact that forty percent of his bones were still broken and it was unusually painful for him to keep his eyes open Spike had never been so happy.

Of course he needed to talk to Buffy, needed to have it all cleared and out in the open. He needed to know how she felt, make sure she knew how he felt. He wanted to talk to her right that second, he didn’t want to wait another moment before kissing her sweet mouth, but he underestimated how weak he still was. Completely against his own wishes Spike’s eyelids fluttered closed.

He didn’t remember anything after that until the next time he woke. He certainly didn’t remember the two words he managed to speak on his final conscious breath. But Buffy remembered them. And every time she thought of them afterwards her heart would swell a little more.

Missed you.



It was several hours later that Spike regained consciousness again.

During that time Buffy rang Giles to let him know what was going on. She watched Spike sleep. She called up Xander and asked him to pick up some blood from the butchers, not reckoning Xander’s sneaking skills were up to stealing human blood from the hospital. She wasn’t sure if Spike would take more slayer blood when he was actually conscious, though she would sure as hell offer.

Buffy watched Spike sleep some more. She tried to eat something. She called her mom to fill her in on the latest and was pleased to hear she’d be home the next day. She stroked Spikes hair and watched as the bruising that marred his beautiful body began to slowly fade. She rang Willow, but couldn’t get a response.

When Anna woke and came back down stairs she checked on Spikes progress and was amazed at how he was coming along. “It’s incredible! I know Spikes a quick healer, but even for him this is something else entirely, I can’t imagine how his body is repairing itself so quickly!”

Buffy gave a non committal shrug and tried to discreetly ensure her neck was covered. She wasn’t ashamed of having let Spike feed from her, she was proud and ridiculously pleased that she’d been able to help him, but she wanted to talk to Spike about it first.

Anna had washed, neatened her hair and changed into some of the spare clothes she’d had in the car. The bruise on her head was the only indication of her near death experience.
Seeing her almost maternal concern over Spike renewed Buffy’s initial warmth towards the woman. If she hadn’t known she would never have guessed that Anna was a demon.

Once Anna was sure that Spike would be fine left to Buffy's care she set off for Giles’ house, with Buffy’s more than slightly confusing hand drawn map for guidance.


Knowing that between Giles and Anna the werewolf problem would soon be solved Buffy allowed herself to relax slightly and just enjoy being with Spike. Even unconscious he was her favourite person to be around.

Seeing him there, so vulnerable and yet so strong, Buffy knew with certainty that she couldn’t be without him. Not ever. Soul or no soul, he was Spike and she wanted him in her life as much as she needed him in it. She wasn’t sure what she would say to him when he was finally awake, but the words would come. They would get past this. No matter what life threw at them they would get past it.

They would always find a way.


Buffy noticed the minute Spikes breathing changed. She had always loved the fact that even though he didn’t need to breath to live, Spike always had. It said so much about him, and now she realised something else. Spike showed his humanity in so many ways, all of the time. He was so full of vitality, so full of light; there was no way he could ever be thought of as a soulless, disgusting thing. Buffy hated herself for ever doubting him, and was more grateful then she could express that she had the chance to make things right.


She had been sitting in the same place for most of the afternoon, on the couch with Spikes head in her lap.

Buffy stopped stroking Spikes forehead as she waited anxiously for him to wake up.

His eyes abruptly shot open, causing her to jump a little. A frown creased his forehead. His voice was hoarse from lack of use but as sinfully sexy as ever. “Why’d you stop the strokin pet? I was likin that.”

Buffy’s answering smile was almost impossibly big. “You’re awake!”

Spike chuckled, “Well spotted luv, what gave me away?”

Buffy tried to glare at him but she just couldn’t do it, not when she was finally staring into the hypnotic blue of his eyes. Suddenly all the worrying she’d been doing over what to say and how to say it seemed so very stupid. Now she had the chance to say them the words fell from her lips without thought or pause.

“I missed you. Spike, I missed you so much. I can’t believe I almost lost – I can’t believe you almost... died thinking that I - well I don’t know what you were thinking but I’d bet my last doughnut it wasn’t good.” She shook her head rapidly, “I was wrong Spike, I was so wrong. It doesn’t matter, not the soul, not anything... not when it comes to you. You’re different, we’re different. I think I knew that all along, deep down, it just took me a while to remember.” Buffy hadn’t realised she was crying until one of her tears fell on Spikes cheek. "I was stupid, and I’m sorry.” Suddenly she was crying in earnest, stifled sobs she’d been repressing. She thought she’d cried all she could in the last week, but it seemed she was wrong about that too. “Vix told me, she told me that I’d hurt you, and I thought she was just a stupid big ho bag with no fashion sense and – and bad hair, and I didn’t listen to her, but she was right wasn’t she? I did hurt you, and then I let you get hurt fighting stupid werewolves so you could come back to help stupid me. I’m so sorry Spike, please don’t – please don’t leave me again.” Her voice grew very small, very frightened, “I hate it when you leave.”

Spike had struggled in to a sitting position, it hurt his still healing body badly, but he paid it no mind. He had taken Buffy’s hands into his own and rubbed them soothingly throughout her speech. When she was finished he felt near tears himself, but he pushed them back. “I won’t ever leave you pet, not again. Not ever. As long as you want me I’ll be here. And I’m the one that should be sorry, not you. I should have told you the truth, told you up front, from the start. I was a coward and a bloody fool. I wasn’t tryin to protect you by not sayin anythin, I was tryin to protect myself. You’re my blood now Buffy, my heart, and I couldn’t lose you. I thought I had, and that hurt more than anythin those mangy dogs did to me. You’re my life slayer, my whole bloody life.”

Spike raised a slightly shaking hand, and cupped Buffy’s cheek. He brushed her tears away with the pad of his thumb and brought her head forward so their foreheads were touching. Forgetting his injuries for the moment Buffy threw her arms around his neck and buried her hands in his hair. “You’re my life too, nothing makes sense without you Spike, nothing.”

Spike let out a long exhalation. “Oh slayer, you don’t know what you do to me”.

Buffy untangled herself a little, took Spikes hand and pressed it over her heart so he could hear the way it raced. She laughed, a shaky breathless laugh, “I think I do. I’m guessing it’s something like what you do to me.”

Spike looked at her in wonder. This girl, this goddess of light and justice, this amazing girl who made his existence worth all the pain and bloodshed it had endured in the past, she seemed to feel the same way about him.
Spike’s whole being felt suffused in a warmth it had never known before. Spike had been loved in the past, he had loved and been loved in return, but this... this was something else entirely. This was heaven on earth. No, more than that, this was everything. Everything.


Without realising he had moved Spikes lips were suddenly pressed against Buffy’s. Like a spark to a fuse she responded. They set the world on fire. Time was a meaningless nothing, at that moment time, and all that it contained, was forgotten. There was no good, there was no evil. No hellmouth. No vampires. No slayers. No saviours or savings. There was just him, and her. And them.


It might have been minutes, hours or days later when they broke apart. Buffy held Spikes gaze, and each saw the same reflected feelings of beautiful wonder.


Spike was the first to speak. “Slayer, Buffy, I forgot to say thank you. Thank you for your blood.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, and made a pfft sound. “No big, I already said you could feast on me anytime.” She blushed bright red when she saw the way Spikes eyebrows rose. “I mean, you could drink from me – I mean feed from me - feed on my blood that is. Anytime.” Her eyes widened, “Oh my god, I’m such an idiot, you must need more right? I mean you only had a bit before, and then you went all land of the sleeping, and you must need more then what I gave you right?”

As she was rambling Buffy pulled the collar of her shirt down to expose the already healed bite marks Spike had left.

Spike laughed and stilled Buffy’s hands. “Slayer, it’s alright, I don’t need any more right now. Slayer bloods damn powerful stuff, and just havin you here is the best kind of healin for me at the moment. I just wanted to say thank you, you didn’t have to do that, and you have no idea how much it means.”

Buffy could see the overwhelming layers of emotion overflowing from Spike’s eyes and she thought that maybe she did have an idea. She was still concerned though. “But you must need more blood? You’re not all healed yet.”

Buffy poked him and he hissed and winced simultaneously. Her voice was apologetic but triumphant. “See?”

Spike groaned, “Bloody hell slayer, poke a man while he’s down why don’t you? I wouldn’t say no to a cup of regular blood, if you’ve got one lyin around” Buffy opened her mouth to argue but Spike cut her off, “Really pet, thank you, but you’re bloods already given my body the boost it needs to heal. Any old blood will do to help the process along now; you’re bloods too precious to waste.”

Buffy frowned but reluctantly got off the couch to head to the kitchen. “Ok but you might change your mind when you hear the options available.”

Spike’s eyebrow rose, “I’m guessing you’re not talkin about AB positive or a bit of O neg?”

Buffy gave him a wicked grin, “Nope, the choices are pig, cow or squirrel.”

Spike spluttered, “Squirrel? Where the bloody hell did you get squirrel from?”

Buffy shrugged her shoulders, “Xander got it from the butchers, in case you felt like something rodent-y and exotic.”

Spike muttered, “I knew there was a reason I hated that boy.” Then he looked at Buffy’s smiling face. Something in his stomach stirred and suddenly what kind of animal his dinner came from wasn’t important at all. “I’ll have pig please luv. Could you heat it up? And stick some Tabasco in it if you’ve got some? And add a little weetabix for texture? Make it bearable like.” Well, it wasn’t really important, but Spike did have some standards.



The next couple of hours passed in wonderful peace.
After Spike had fed Buffy felt able to eat too. She watched the ashy grey leave Spikes skin with joy and saw how the bruises that marred his body had faded from deep purple to a yellowed green.

She was so reluctant to leave the bubble of them, for even a moment, that it was with difficulty that Buffy put her selfish desires aside and picked up the phone. It took several moments for Giles to answer, which was unusual for him. When he did he sounded even more flustered than usual. “Yes? I mean, ah, hello? Rupert Giles speaking.”

“Giles? What’s up? You sound all weird and British.”

Giles was momentarily speechless. “I am British.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. What’s up? Did Anna get there ok?”

Giles responded in an unmanly, uncomfortable pitch and Buffy could practically hear him polishing his glasses. “Anna? Oh yes, yes, she arrived quite some time ago.Good lord! She arrived six hours ago! It hardly feels she's been here five minutes. How odd." Giles suddenly realised he was rambling, and tried to get back on track. "Yes, anyway, she found me just fine, despite the map she had to follow. I had no idea there were so many rivers in Sunnydale.”

“Those were roads Giles! And you so knew that. And I never said I was good at drawing, so no more bad jokes from you about my map making skills ok? Any who, how are you two getting along?”

Giles lowered his voice.“Oh, um, well we’re getting along well actually, I had no idea she would be such a warm person, and so... attractive. She’s not what I expected at all. And the demon knowledge she has! It’s remarkable, so very interesting! And she’s spent considerable time in England, not 3 miles from where I grew up, quite a coincidence don’t you think?”

Buffy pulled the handset away from her face and looked at it in horror. She glanced towards Spike, who could hear the whole conversation, and was grinning madly. He mouthed, “I thought they’d get along.”

“Giles that’s not what I meant! I meant how are you getting along with the work, you know, with the finding of the evil nasty werewolf?”

She could tell Giles was blushing madly. “Ahh you meant... I see... um, well as to that Buffy, well... we haven’t actually gotten to that yet. But we will! We were just going to set our minds to it as a matter of fact. Over dinner. A working dinner.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose, she really didn’t want any further details. “Rrright. Well as long as you talk about it at some point, seeing as how you’ve been going on about how important finding this werewolf is for like, weeks. Don’t get too... distracted or anything.”

Giles coughed uncomfortably. “Anna and I are professionals Buffy.” Buffy suddenly heard a female voice in the background. Concern, and embarrassment that the concern hadn’t been present before, suddenly coloured Giles tone “Oh, is Spike awake?”

Buffy caught Spikes sparkling eyes and smiled. “Yeah he’s awake. He’s a way off being good as new but he’s healing.”

Spike suddenly spoke up, “Tell the watcher a drop of scotch would probably help the healin process pet.”

Buffy rolled her eyes yet again. “Actually Giles, he’s fine.”

There was now relief and amusement in Giles voice, “I’m terribly glad to hear that Buffy, give him my best, and tell him I’ll see what I can do about the scotch.”

After Buffy hung up, arranging (to Buffy’s horror) that Anna would stay at Giles’ that night, and that they would both come over first thing in the morning, against his protests that she 'stop the bloody manhandling' she changed some of Spikes bandaging.
Then she got another blanket from her room, draping it around Spike and herself. She snuggled into his side, careful not to jostle him too much. They had the tv on, at a low volume, but they ignored it.
Just then they could only have attention for each other.

“Spike?”

“Yes pet?”

“We’re... together again now, aren’t we?”

Hating the trace of uncertainty which still lingered in her voice Spike ran his finger tips teasingly along her arms. “Yes pet, if you’ll have me, we’re together. If I get my way we’ll be together until the end of the world.”


Buffy shook her head and softly replied, “No. Not until the end of the world Spike. Much longer than that.”



Spike, still exhausted from the trauma his body had sustained, slowly fell asleep against his will. Buffy, lulled by the sound of his breathing and equally tired from her emotionally draining and exhilarating day, quickly followed him.




That was the second night they fell asleep in each other’s arms.


Chapter End Notes:
I've got the next 3 chapters done, just working on the final one now. will try to upload one a day!



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