[Reviews - 108]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 2522 times

- Text Size +




Dawn had hugged Spike when he and Ms. Rosenberg delivered the news. He'd given the other teacher a panicked look that she returned with a shrug.

"Wow, so what do I get?" Dawn asked, bouncing on her heels.

"Well, the school will pay for your trip to D.C. and you'll get a $5,000 scholarship to the University of your choice. Plus it looks extra nifty on a college application. Oh, and I almost forgot, you'll be given an award here in front of the assembled student body. Your family is welcome to come to that, too," Ms. Rosenberg said.

Dawn clapped her hands.

"That's awesome because my mom can't come to D.C. with us because of work," Dawn said.

"You can have your grandparents there, too, if you want," Ms. Rosenberg said.

Spike had remained absolutely silent. He hadn't seen Buffy in a month. Scratch that, he'd watched her picking up Dawn after school, he'd seen her from a distance going into work and he'd seen the warm light of their living room window several times since she'd walked away from him, but he hadn't the nerve to talk to her. Maybe working with kids was making him act like one.

With Dawn's innocent slip a demon inside of him began to purr. He could fuck Buffy in her own bed, stay with her all week, eat every meal together and see her in the morning, in the sunlight. God, he was pathetic, especially because having someone to share dinner with instead of plowing through a solitary microwave entree while re-watching "Spaced" featured prominently in his fantasies.

Dawn practically danced out of the classroom. Ms. Rosenberg, Willow, lingered a moment as Spike gathered up his papers and filed them in his battered, brown leather briefcase. Willow was slight of build with bright, red hair and large, perceptive green eyes. Everything about Willow was the pinnacle of cute; you could almost hear cherubs flapping about whenever she moved.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Willow asked.

Spike sighed.

Willow was the only teacher on staff he considered a friend. They bonded when he'd been one of the three people to attend her New Year's Eve party. The other two were her sister and Dru. The sister left well before midnight and even Dru ended up ditching them to go to a better party across town. Spike couldn't leave the poor girl alone on New Year's Eve, especially given that she'd invited all of the other teachers at school and he was the only one who showed. So he'd stayed, even though it caused a row with his wife.

Spike and Willow had spent the rest of the night singing karaoke in her tiny apartment and getting drunk on domestic champagne. One couldn't get trashed with someone and sing "Tainted Love" without some sort of friendly feelings developing, or at least, he couldn't.

"Why do you ask, Red?"

"You've been weird around Dawn, and kind of weird in general lately," Willow said.

"Dru left me, for good this time," Spike said.

The sympathetic way she looked at him made his heart melt. Willow held her arms open wide.

"Hugs, now," she said.

Spike walked into her embrace. He opened his mouth to thank her and she took the opportunity to invade it. She was thrusting her tongue in and her hands were no less busy; she ruffled his shirt before both palms landed on his ass. Willow Rosenberg, she of the Hello Kitty erasers and the Oscar the Grouch cupcakes for his birthday was trying to dry hump him against his desk.

He was frozen in place, his briefcase dangling from one hand. She finally pulled away.

"Sorry, been wanting to do that for about four years," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. If you want to, you could come by later. We could bust out the 'Soft Cell' and make some margaritas without all that icky margarita mix," Willow said.

"So just tequila and salt?"

"We don't need no stinking salt," Willow said.

God, she was lovely, and why not something normal for once, something easy with someone dear?

Spike smiled at her and touched the fuzzy, pink sweater that covered her shoulder.

"Can we take a rain check, pet? There are a few things I need to get sorted first," he said.

The corners of her mouth turned up, but her eyes looked sad.

"I'm sorry, this isn't really like me to be so slutty, at least I hope not," Willow said.

"None of that," he said.

Spike walked her to her car and then went to his own. He dug his phone out of his pocket and dialed Buffy’s number. This time he didn’t hang up as soon as he heard her voice.

“We need to talk,” he said.

There was a pause, and then she took in a weary-sounding breath.

“Actually, I think we kinda do,” Buffy said.

She wouldn’t agree to meet him at his house after work, not an especially good sign, but she did allow for a sit down in the fast food parking lot. He got there an hour early and smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes before she arrived. She was dressed in her scrubs and the baby blue jacket she always wore, the one with the missing pearl button. Buffy looked extraordinarily tired, her whole body seemed to be bearing a weight and there was a shadow beneath her green eyes.

Spike handed her a cup.

“Got you a coffee,” he said.

“Thanks, but I don’t drink it anymore,” she said, gazing at the plastic lid.

“Giving up all your bad habits, yeah?” he asked.

“Spike, God, I don’t know how to do this,” Buffy said.

“Have out with it, love,” Spike said.

“I’m pregnant.”

Spike reached for her, pushing past the coat and placed his hand on her stomach.

“It’s mine?”

“You’re the only person I’ve had any kind of sex with in the past two years, so yeah, it’s yours,” Buffy said.

He leaned close and kissed her, never taking his hand away from her belly. Buffy was surprised, but she didn’t push him away.

“So how do you want to do this? We tell him together or you do it alone? We can turn my spare room into a nursery, maybe convert the basement for Dawn—“

“Spike, slow down, I haven’t decided what to do yet,” Buffy said, quailing at the pain on his face.

“You mean you want to get rid of it?”

“No, I don’t know. If I keep it I’m still not sure about you and me,” Buffy said.

“I grew up without a father. It’s not something I want to do to my child. We could live together for awhile, see how it works. If you don’t want to run off and get married, I understand,” Spike said.

“No you don’t understand. Riley said he would be the father if I decide to keep the baby, he knows everything and he still wants to be with me,” Buffy said.

“You told him before me?”

“I didn’t mean to, he found the test and thought it was Dawn’s. I had to tell him,” Buffy said.

“If I hadn’t called, would you have ever said a word?” he asked, numbly.

“Yes, I’ve just been trying to figure out how. Who the hell is so crazy fertile that she gets pregnant both times she doesn’t use a condom? I’m like an after school special,” Buffy said.

She hoped her joke would make him smile, but his face was an anguished mask.

“You wouldn’t tell my baby about me, would you? You’d just live the lie like you had been before you met me, the happy wife. But that’s my love made flesh inside you, that’s me bonded to you forever and ever. And you want to deny it ever happened? I know you didn’t love me, but at least have some pity for the way I feel about you. I’d rather you kill it—“

He was unable to finish. Spike contracted in on himself, leaving a empty spot over Buffy’s belly button where his hand had been. Spike sobbed. When Buffy tried to touch him to comfort him, he jerked and shoved her away, hard.
Seeing him crumbling was too much for her; Buffy began to cry too.

“I made an appointment at the clinic for next month during Dawn’s trip. I don’t know if I’m going to keep it, but, would you come with me if I do?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know if, that’s just a bit too much, isn’t it? Why would you even ask me something like that?”

“There’s no one else. Please Spike,” she said.

“You need to go, we can talk more later, but right now I can’t stand the sight of you,” Spike said.
Buffy got out of the car, still holding her cup of coffee. It was pointless to wipe at her face when the tears were not going to stop; she was half undone and her stomach was churning. She always got sick at night, not in the morning, but she knew it wasn't from the pregnancy. How could she do this to him? And why couldn't she just tell him she was in love with him?

Buffy knew she was afraid. When she was with Spike she was open, needy, ready to be hurt. He'd made her realize how unhappy she'd been, how she could do more than survive each day with consolations.

She touched the slight swell of her lower abdomen. Too real.

She thought of Riley. Buffy had fallen for him because she admired his goodness and the way he'd instantly cared about Dawn. He was strong and brave and sexy. And separate. He had always lived his own life. They'd lived together sharing meals, responsibilities, a love for Dawn and until he was injured they'd shared sex. Often.
But they'd never really connected outside of that. Buffy was in the home compartment and she wasn't allowed to see in the sections of Riley's world.

She thought about how he'd answered news of her infidelity with a joke.

"I don't think anyone's ever been so relieved to find out his wife was cheating on him," Riley had said.

He'd been holding the stupid pregnancy test in his hand, she thought she'd buried it in the trash but he'd somehow seen it. Buffy wanted him to scream at her, throw something at her. But then he'd told her she was only human, and if their roles were reversed he probably would have done the same thing.

Riley hadn't cried. He hadn't gotten visibly angry, but he had called Sam and left for the shooting range. Buffy knew him well enough to know he was aching and outraged, but he would never, ever say. She'd accepted that about him before, but after Spike, she wanted to know, connect. She wanted to feel.

Buffy heard footsteps rushing fast behind her and she turned around. Spike was running after her. She ran toward him. He was holding her, kissing her cheeks. Buffy grabbed his waist and held him, not caring that squeezing him hurt her swollen breasts.

"If I do this, you've got to do something for me. I want to plead my case, see you again," Spike said.

"But, Riley," she said.

"Just coffee then, or not coffee since caffeine is bad for the baby. We'll take tea together and talk. You've got to give me that," Spike said.

"Alright, but tea has caffeine in it, too, unless you meant the herbally kind," Buffy said.

"I meant the meal. English here, remember, like whatever Apple Martin is. You used to think it was cute," Spike said.

"I still do," Buffy said.

That finally got a weak smile from him.

They held each other for awhile and then parted. Buffy couldn't help herself--she looked back at him as she was walking away. It warmed her to see he was looking back, too.


Chapter End Notes:
The title comes from the song "Tainted Love," by Soft Cell. "Spaced" was a t.v. show created by Simon Pegg in the late 1990's. In one episode he asks his Buffy the Vampire Slayer poster for advice.



You must login (register) to review.