Spike and Buffy began meeting on her lunch break, using the time to talk. It started with him trying to persuade her to keep the baby, but lately they'd been discussing other things, too.
He'd told her what it was like growing up without a stable place to live.
“So your mom would break into an empty house and you’d start living there?” Buffy asked.
“It was legal when I was growing up, but you had to have somebody there all the time or the cops could throw you out so we’d live with other families, take it in shifts,” Spike said.
“What about school?”
“I missed a lot, stayed with my Uncle Rupert and Aunt Jenny some when I was in primary school. Then he got a job in the States when I was about twelve. Things were very bad for a while. My mom got arrested for stealing. Uncle Rupes took pity on me and I came here for good when I turned sixteen,” Spike said.
“So whatever happened to your mother, do you still see her?” Buffy asked.
“Died. She was wandering around an empty house and the stairwell was a bit shaky. She fell through, busted her leg and froze to death. They found her a few months later. It was normal for her not to call for long stretches, didn’t think anything of it. I hadn’t seen her for six years, was just finishing up school. I paid a fee and they sent me a box with her ashes. Keep them in the closet,” Spike said.
He wasn’t emotional when he talked about his mother's death. It was the first time Buffy had ever seen his normally animated face become expressionless. Buffy was the one who ended up crying. They'd ended that conversation with Buffy wrapping her arms around Spike while he rested his head on hers. She didn't care that her co-workers were looking at her strangely.
The next night he'd asked about her mother. So she'd had to tell him about Joyce, how she'd fought back her cancer for years until she'd been too weak to care for herself. Buffy had to move in with Joyce to watch over her the last few months of her life. Riley had been away, that was his third tour, and so she'd eventually had to bury her mother without his help. Looking back on her marriage to Riley, most of it had been spent with Buffy on her own.
They talked about lighter stuff, too; books and music and movies. She'd made fun of him for liking Nicholas Sparks and he teased her about how all the musicians she listened to sounded like the lineup for Lilith Fair circa 1995.
It had been two weeks, and Buffy sat across from Spike in the hospital commissary, wondering what she was going to do without him. She watched with mild amusement as Spike tried to manipulate his chicken cutlet with the plastic knife and Spork.
"Spike, just pick it up, I promise you won't offend my delicate sensibilities," Buffy said.
"Fine, but I feel like a bloody savage," he said.
She smiled at him and they tucked into their bland meals. Buffy toyed with the white rice on her paper plate. Lately it was the only thing she could keep down at night.
"Dawn was so excited today when I dropped them off at the airport I thought she was going to start stopping passerby to tell them about how she won the big essay contest," Buffy said.
"Teenagers, they still think life's worth living, misguided little sods," Spike said.
"God, moody much? And what’s with you trying to crush Dawn’s dreams by telling her she could never be a professional writer?" Buffy asked.
“I did no such thing. Was being straight with the girl, is all," Spike said.
"Well she’s thinking about going into the Marines because of you," Buffy said.
“No, she’s thinking of going into the Marines to connect with soldier boy,” Spike said.
“You know, he’s not a boy, he’s only three years younger than you,” Buffy said with a smirk.
He looked at his plate.
"So, are you really going through with it, pet?"
He didn't have to explain what it was.
"Riley wants me to," Buffy said.
"Not so noble now that it's sinking in, is he?" Spike asked with a smug grin.
That was true. After Riley's initial calm reaction, they'd begun arguing over inconsequential things and he'd become more withdrawn. He'd confessed that he'd rather she not go through with the pregnancy after she'd told him she was still talking to the baby's father. She hadn't told Riley that her lover was Spike, not wanting to see the look on his face when he realized what she'd done to Dawn.
"Would you be?" she asked.
He paused for a moment.
"Suppose not," he said.
Buffy looked at him as Spike had another unwieldy bite. He chewed and swallowed, then took a sip of water; all the while the next words he planned on speaking were already plain. At this point in their relationship she could read his eyes.
"If you do it, I'm gone afterward. I won't hate you or resent you, but I'll be finished with this. I want a girl of my own for once. I want something that's mine. Do you understand that?" Spike asked.
Others can pick and choose, if you can't, he thought.
Willow had baked him some cookies as an apology for her clumsy pass. The redhead was sweet. He almost wished he'd never met Buffy so he wouldn't miss her when she was gone.
"I do," Buffy said.
"So what time is it going to be?"
"I'll be by your place at nine," Buffy said.
They finished eating in silence.
[Reviews - 108]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 2429 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to Willow Trees, sorry for my impatience. This is not betaed, so any mistakes are mine. Thank you for everyone sticking with this story.
Chapter End Notes:
The title comes from "The Wasteland." The Lilith Fair is a reference to the fact that Sarah McLachlan songs are a Whedon mainstay. I think he used her songs at the end of Season 2 and Season 6. Nicholas Sparks wrote that book "The Notebook," that was turned into a movie of the same name and seems like something Spike would've watched. I could be wrong, but William definitely would have liked it.
"Others can pick and choose if you can't," is a line from "The Wasteland." One of the characters in that poem is advising her friend that her husband will cheat on her if she doesn't try to keep his interest. The wife in question is indifferent to her husband after having an abortion.
"Others can pick and choose if you can't," is a line from "The Wasteland." One of the characters in that poem is advising her friend that her husband will cheat on her if she doesn't try to keep his interest. The wife in question is indifferent to her husband after having an abortion.