William sat on the couch in Buffy’s room and held her close, accepting the unusual sense of calm and comfort touching her brought. He’d read that it was common during his extensive research into soul mates, but knowing that it was possible was in no way the same as experiencing it. He felt more himself while holding her. He knew too, that it was only a taste of what joining with her truly could bring.
“William?”
“Hmm?” He reached one hand up to run down the length of her hair.
“What happened to your shirt?”
He laughed softly. “Apparently Aphrodite found it lacking.”
“She took your shirt?”
“In a way. Will you miss it?” He gave her a quizzical look as though it were a serious question.
She laughed softly. “I don’t right now.” Pink tinted her cheeks. Buffy wasn’t a shy girl, she’d never really had any trouble acknowledging an attraction before. But this was different. William was different. She honestly wasn’t even sure he would appreciate her appreciation of his lean but well-muscled chest. He might, she thought, find such thoughts shallow.
Surprise widened his eyes. “Buffy?”
She cupped his bruised cheek gently. “I can’t kiss you,” she said quietly, unable to keep the sharp note of sorrow from her tone.
“Oh, I wish you would though.”
“Is it all kisses? If I kissed your cheek—” She stopped suddenly and looked up at his eyes. “Don’t answer if you’ll get—”
“Relax, love. Damage is done. It has to be a real kiss—lips to lips. A true kiss, freely given, seals her fate.”
Buffy realized he was quoting the rule he’d heard and nodded. She brought a single finger up to touch his full bottom lip. The urge to kiss him was shocking. The knowledge that she couldn’t, that she’d never be able to taste his mouth, nearly brought a new round of tears. She leaned close, placed a light kiss on his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
He held her until she fell asleep and for a long while after. When he felt her shiver, he carried her over to her bed and pulled a thick blanket up to cover her. He was tempted to crawl in beside her, but couldn’t bring himself to do so uninvited. Instead, he pulled a chair close and sat down to consider Aphrodite’s words.
When Buffy awoke she found him staring out the window. She sighed. “So I guess everyone knows where the windows are too.”
He smiled as he turned to her. “The window was simply covered. I did it myself. I thought seeing the outside might make you even more fearful. I think I rather underestimated you. You’re not really a cower-in-the-corner type of girl.”
“I was terrified when She took you.”
He got up and walked towards. “I know. I think it means you like me.” He gave her a flirtatious wink.
She couldn’t laugh, but she smiled. “I do.” Telling him that she loved him seemed cruel. She couldn’t stay; she couldn’t bring that kind of pain to her family and friends. His knowing that in another world, a better world, she’d stay and love him would only hurt him more.
William gestured to a tray near her bed. “I had food brought in. I thought you might be hungry when you woke.”
Buffy nodded and picked out a piece of cheese. “Do you ever eat?”
“Sometimes. I don’t require it, but it can be enjoyable.”
“Will you sit and eat with me, so I’m not eating alone?”
“Of course I will.” William tried not to stare at the expanse of her thigh being revealed where her dress had ridden up. He failed. He placed his hand on the bed beside her. “May I sit here?”
She nodded and scooted closer to the headboard as though to make room. William knew that she was trying to keep a little space between them, but he didn’t let it bother him. He sat down and selected an orange slice from the tray.
Buffy ate a large perfectly ripened strawberry. “Oh, wow.” Buffy swallowed and then reached for a second. “These are so good. You have to try this.” She held it out towards him.
William leaned in and took a bite.
She gasped slightly in surprise and then watched him slowly chew and swallow. When his tongue poked out to swipe across his lips and collect an errant drop of juice she whimpered.
It was at that moment William realized that she might want him nearly as much as he wanted her. Using her desire seemed wrong, somehow, but even as he had that thought he could see Aphrodite’s disappointed face. Any physical attraction between them would only reinforce the truth about their metaphysical connection. She was his soul mate; she was bound to want him. Showing her just how much she might want him, how much pleasure they could bring each other, was only part of providing the evidence she needed to make the right decision. Of course deciding to try a bit of seduction was an entirely different thing than knowing how to seduce a woman. He was going to have to get some advice.
In the meantime, there were things that needed to be said. “You’ll find love if you go back. You will. How could anyone not fall in love with you? So you’ll find a man and he will do his best to make you happy.” He saw Buffy open her mouth to speak and shook his head. “I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. I want you to be happy.”
“William—”
He slid his fingers into her hair and cradled the back of her head in his hand. “Just listen, please.” He leaned close. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever happens, it cannot change the truth. I will always be yours just as you’ll always belong with me. You’re mine, love. My soul mate, my dearest, mine.”
He was right. Of course she couldn’t say that. She also couldn’t tell him that she wouldn’t want someone else, that he’d already planted himself too deeply in her heart for her to even imagine being with another. Instead she tried to shake off the intense mood with a joke. “How very caveman of you.”
His brow furrowed with confusion.
She gave a fake growl and spoke in a deep voice. “Woman—mine. Watch now I make fire. You give me many fat babies.” She laughed.
William paled and looked away. He walked back to the window and silently surveyed the dark world.
After a few moments, Buffy walked over to stand behind him. “I was just—”
“It’s another thing I can’t give you.” He didn’t turn around. “Dead men can’t father children, Buffy. That’s not to say…I would never want to deny you the chance to be a mother if you wanted that. I couldn’t, but there are others here…you could…you could take a lover. I wouldn’t begrudge you the—”
“Stop.” Her hands fisted in anger. “Look at me, William. I can’t be with you. I can’t. I wish—but—don’t you dare let anyone convince you that you’re not enough. Any woman who could consider what you’re offering doesn’t deserve you.”
“Monogamy is not generally expected here. It happens often enough, but it’s not the norm.” He’d turned to face her, but he still kept his gaze on the floor. He was already certain that she wouldn’t choose him, he couldn’t give her another reason not to. When he’d said that he’d make her happiness his only goal, he meant it. He’d take the pain if it meant she’d get joy.
“Maybe it’s not the norm for this place, but it’s the norm for you. Isn’t it? You can’t change what you need.”
His eyes were cold and his voice flat. “I can’t change the fact that I’m unable to give you children myself. I can move past immature feelings like jealousy and—”
“Wanting someone to love you as much as you love them isn’t immature. Please. Please, promise me you’ll never let someone hurt you like that.”
“You talk as though I mean another woman. I don’t. There’s you. For me, there is only you.”
“I’m sure it seems that way now, but in time—”
His eyes narrowed. “Spare me your condescension.” He walked to the door and stopped. “There are things I must see to. If you require anything, you may ask Willow.”
Buffy watched him leave without giving her another look. She curled up on the bed and allowed herself the cry that she’d been holding back since the moment she’d realized that she loved him.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Yay! Spuffyrealm is back up. Whew-the world was just a little sadder there for while.
First: Thank you for all the support and sweet words about this story. I'm so glad to see that it has caught the attention of some awesome readers.
Next: I think I can answer a few questions without spoilering at this point. 1. No one ages past their prime in The Underworld. I never really stated that outright-I hinted and tried describing people as all being rather young in appearance, but never explained it fully. I think I should have and might go back and edit it in somewhere. Basically, I didn't want to say it before William told Buffy his story since it had to do with the unique properties of the place and then it seemed like something Buffy would have figured out. Sorry for any confusion. Willow looks like she did during the show. 2. There are many stories in Greek Mythology where women suffer because of jealous Goddesses. William, however is clever and knows the rules. He will not announce that Buffy is more beautiful than the Goddess of Love (even though he feels that way). Don't worry about his ability to show his love to Buffy. Aphrodite wants him to be with her. You'll see more in the story about that later. 3. Their heritage. We will find out a little bit more about the ancestry of one of our lovers. That is all I can say about that for now. 4. Someone wanted to know what Willow and Tara were doing behind the bookshelf. Willow say they were just talking, but I'm not sure I believe her. What do you think? ;)
And finally- I am sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Things got a little busy at my house. Don't worry though-I have this fic completed except for an epilogue. It won't be left unfinished.
First: Thank you for all the support and sweet words about this story. I'm so glad to see that it has caught the attention of some awesome readers.
Next: I think I can answer a few questions without spoilering at this point. 1. No one ages past their prime in The Underworld. I never really stated that outright-I hinted and tried describing people as all being rather young in appearance, but never explained it fully. I think I should have and might go back and edit it in somewhere. Basically, I didn't want to say it before William told Buffy his story since it had to do with the unique properties of the place and then it seemed like something Buffy would have figured out. Sorry for any confusion. Willow looks like she did during the show. 2. There are many stories in Greek Mythology where women suffer because of jealous Goddesses. William, however is clever and knows the rules. He will not announce that Buffy is more beautiful than the Goddess of Love (even though he feels that way). Don't worry about his ability to show his love to Buffy. Aphrodite wants him to be with her. You'll see more in the story about that later. 3. Their heritage. We will find out a little bit more about the ancestry of one of our lovers. That is all I can say about that for now. 4. Someone wanted to know what Willow and Tara were doing behind the bookshelf. Willow say they were just talking, but I'm not sure I believe her. What do you think? ;)
And finally- I am sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Things got a little busy at my house. Don't worry though-I have this fic completed except for an epilogue. It won't be left unfinished.