Sunday Morning
William walked into the house, leaving his bag in the entryway and called for his mum. He had the results of his A-levels and hoped she'd be proud. The house was quiet, so William went into the kitchen. Empty prescription bottles were lying overturned on the table and beside them was a note. His heart dropped into his stomach, and William felt as though ice water flowed through his veins.
He turned and frantically began shouting for his mum, tearing through the house and coming to an abrupt halt when he reached the living room. There, on the sofa, lay her lifeless body. Shock and uncertainty gripped him like tentacles, holding William to the spot.
William knew he needed to move. To check on her. To call someone. Something. Anything. Instead, he fell to his knees and vomited. Afterward, somehow, he made it to the kitchen and dialed the medics. The dispatcher's voice was calm and assertive, and she kept him on the line until the medics could arrive. The woman was asking him questions and giving him directions.
And William just stared his Mum helplessly. He noticed her shoes were off, as if she'd just lain down for a nap, but her jaws were slack, and her mouth was open in an unnatural way. He'd never seen a dead person before, but somehow he knew his mum was no longer there. There was a sense of emptiness about her body. William tentatively knelt beside her, taking her hand in his, and it was cool in contrast to his. Then he knew. "She's gone," he said, into the phone.
The medics were there, brushing him out of the way. They moved her and briefly tried to revive her.
"I'm sorry, mate, but there's nothing we can do," one of them said. "Is there is anyone you can call to be with you?"
William crossed his arms over his chest as though he was embracing himself and nodded mutely. He went into the kitchen to call his father. William dialed the number to the department and asked that his father be sent home immediately then he sat at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands. There was no way he was going back to the living room, because he couldn't bear the thought of his mum in a—He couldn't go there.
One of the medics came in the kitchen to let him know they were leaving. He gave some standard condolence that William barely heard then had William sign some papers while explaining something about an autopsy, but William didn't pay attention. He just signed the papers and took the copy that was thrust into his hand.
He continued to sit and stare into space until Rupert and his father arrived.
"What the bloody hell is going on?" his father shouted, continuing on about how dare William call him away from his classes.
William broke down, sobbing, but was but was able say, "Mum took some pills, and now she's gone."
William wanted his father to put his arms around him and tell him it was going to be all right, but his father slapped him and screamed, "This all your sodding fault, you worthless twit. I wish you'd never been born!"
Rupert grabbed William's father, but said nothing in William's defense. William had never felt more alone than in that moment.
"No, Dad. Please don't say that. I didn't know."
William slowly came to consciousness from the sound of his own voice. His cheeks were wet with tears, and the numbers on the clock let him know it was only five thirty am. William certainly didn't want to go back to sleep. Living through all that had happened had been difficult enough the first time around.
William thought he'd put his issues with his parents to rest, but obviously he'd not resolved them. He could see aspects of them in himself, and that frightened him. Maybe, he would make an appointment with a therapist, but first he knew he needed to speak with Buffy before the day got going and he lost his chance.
After setting up the coffee maker, William ran out and pick up some breakfast. He hoped she wouldn't leave before he came back so he could explain things and apologize properly. He didn't want her to leave. He'd never felt a connection like this to anyone before, and he didn't want to lose it before it had a chance to take shape. To have any remote chance with her, he was going to have to get his act together and find the right words to make Buffy stay.
The bakery was just opening when he arrived, so everything was warm and fresh. William chose some croissants, both regular and chocolate, some strawberry pastries, and a piping hot cup of coffee to go. When William arrived home Buffy's bag was still hanging in the entryway, so he knew she hadn't left. He put the goodies in the kitchen, brought his coffee into the living room, and turned on the telly with the volume down low, waiting for her to wake up.
He watched some ridiculous infomercial about a food processor/blender and had just started an episode of Oddities, when he heard movement coming from Buffy's room. William turned off the telly and went into the kitchen to start the coffee. When he came back, Buffy was sitting on the sofa.
"Um, good morning. I didn't expect you to be up so early," Buffy said, sounding as though she'd hoped to escape without notice. "You're never up before nine, and it's barely eight. Are you making coffee?" she asked, still not sounding quite sure she believed this was happening, as she sat on the edge of the sofa running her hands over the tops of her thighs.
Buffy's hair was hanging in a curtain around her face, so he couldn't see her expression, but her body language gave away plenty.
"Yeah, I woke up really early this morning and couldn't go back to sleep," he said, his voice sounding unsteady, even to himself, as he shifted from one foot to the other. "I went out and got some breakfast for us. I was hoping you'd stay for a bit, and let me apologize again, maybe explain a few things."
William cleared his throat and hastily sat down on the end of the sofa to await her reply. Buffy was silent for a long while, continually fidgeting, either rubbing her thighs or wringing her hands. Finally, she pulled her hair back from her face, pinned him with a look, took a deep breath, and spoke.
"William, you apologized last night, and I told you I was going to take some time today. Thanks for getting breakfast and making coffee. That was really sweet of you, but I don't know what there is to talk about right now," Buffy said, her voice shaky, but he could tell she was trying to be firm.
William moved closer to her a little hesitantly, putting his hand over both of hers, and he noticed they were shaking slightly.
"Listen, I'm not trying to hold you hostage. I know what I did last night was completely inexcusable, and you have every right to pack your things, go and never give me another thought. But please, just come have some breakfast with me before you go. I even bought chocolate croissants." He gave her a small smile that he really didn't feel, looking for any sign of change in her.
Buffy gave a small laugh. "You really don't play fair." She looked down and extracted her hands from his. "I'll hear what you have to say, but I can't make any promises right now, okay? Do you promise to accept that?"
William reached out and tipped her chin. "Yes, I promise to accept your decision, no matter what. Now, let's go get you some delicious chocolate." He stood, and she followed him into the kitchen.
Buffy got a couple of plates from the cupboard, and William pulled out two mugs, pouring the coffee. He grabbed the sugar off the counter and a spoon from the drawer. "Would you grab the cream from the fridge, please?"
She bumped the fridge door closed it with her bottom. "Already done."
They sat down, and William watched her tuck in. "That good?" he asked, as she stuffed a piece of chocolate pastry in her mouth, leaving a stray bit of chocolate at the corner of her lips.
Buffy closed her eyes as if she was savoring the taste. "Mmph s'good," she said, grabbing her mug to take a sip of coffee. "Thanks for getting them."
William watched her closely for any other reactions. "I'm glad I made the right choice in something. Listen, I've been up for a while, and I've been doing some thinking—"
Buffy held up her hand to stop him.
"William, can we just have an uncomplicated breakfast? I don't really feel like talking about yesterday right now. I need to get away and think some things through. Will you let me do that?" She gave him an imploring look, grasping the table with the tips of her fingers.
William felt a little defeated, but he couldn't stop staring at the stray bit of chocolate. He reached across the table and cupped Buffy's cheek, wiping the bit of chocolate off the corner of her mouth with his thumb then brought it back to his mouth and sucked the chocolate off. Buffy stared at him and gulped, her cheeks tinted a beautiful shade of pink.
"Sorry. You just had a bit of chocolate there," William said, looking down for a second, feeling a bit embarrassed.
"It's all right. Thanks for getting it for me, but you could have told me. I have a napkin. I don't mean to sound harsh, but your doing things like that doesn't make this any easier." Buffy stumbled over her words, sounding frustrated.
William could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. He felt like a total arse for embarrassing her, but he needed to get some things out in the open. "I'm sorry, I didn't think. I just acted, and I shouldn't have. I am confused about something, though. In the living room, you said you'd listen to me, and now you're saying you won't. I don't understand. I don't want to rehash everything. I just want to tell you something," he said, keeping his voice calm and not accusatory. He hoped he didn't sound as frustrated as he felt.
Buffy leaned forward and sighed dramatically. "Okay, I'm sorry for being all mixed-signal-girl. This is not exactly a big heap of fun for me either, and I didn't do anything. You may not be trying to, but you're making me feel guilty for wanting time to think about this whole situation."
She leaned back and kept her eyes on his, as if she were waiting for a reply or an apology.
William put down the cup, rubbed his face with both hands, then linked his fingers together underneath his chin. "Buffy, I'm sorry. Making you feel guilty is the last thing I want to do. Please, know that."
He took a deep breath and said, "I just want you to know I've decided to see a therapist. I think I have lot of unresolved issues with my parents, and they're standing in the way of my being the best man I can be."
Buffy smiled, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm really proud of you for recognizing your needs and your problems, but that doesn't change my decision right now. I still have to think about what's best for me." She stood and said, "I'll be back later this afternoon or this evening, and we'll talk then. I'll give you an answer one way or another. Okay?"
William stood as well. "Thanks. I understand what you have to do, and I know it's selfish of me, but I hope you come back this evening to tell me you'll give me another chance." He held out his arm to let her pass, and he followed her into the living room. "I think I'll even get out of here and get some things done today as well. It's not good for me to sit here and stew."
Buffy stood in front of him shifting from side to side. "Well, that sounds like a good idea. I guess I'll see you later. Bye, William." She turned and walked toward the door.
He reached up and scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah, have a good day. Call—"
The door closed behind her, leaving him in silence before he could to ask her to call if she wanted to get something for dinner.
Probably bloody well be gone by then, you stupid prat! Bollocks!
Buffy pressed the elevator button with a shaking finger. One more second in there and her resolve would have flown out the window. She phoned Olivia last night and asked if she would meet her today. The older woman didn't seem too surprised to hear from her, and Buffy was curious to know why. The elevator doors opened, and she got in, pressing the key for the lobby. When she arrived, Buffy went to the concierge and asked him to call a taxi for her. As she waited in the lobby, Buffy texted Olivia to let her know she was on her way, since she was earlier than planned.
Buffy had loved working with William over the last week. They worked well together and got along well outside of work. Buffy couldn't deny the ever-growing attraction she had to him, and last night he confessed his attraction to her. Attraction in the workplace was not really a good thing, but it was something she thought she could handle. However, there were some things about William that concerned her.
He always seemed to have a drink in his hand. After his outburst yesterday, plus the drunkenness that followed, Buffy thought it was more than she could undertake, especially with him taking medication. She'd never been more scared or felt more helpless in her life. Part of her was angry with him, and another part of her felt sorry for him. Buffy wanted to take him in her arms and make his pain go away, but she knew William had to fight his own demons.
The taxi arrived, and Buffy gave the driver directions to the coffeehouse. On the way there, Buffy thought of how she'd broach the subject with Olivia. Should she dance around it, or be straight and to the point? Buffy decided straight and to the point was the best route. She arrived, paid the fare, and went inside. Olivia wasn't there, so Buffy ordered a coffee, found two overstuffed chairs and a small table in the back, sipped her coffee, and waited.
Olivia bustled in a short while later, as Buffy caught her eye and motioned for her. She greeted Buffy with a warm embrace and a smile.
"Buffy, dear, it's so good to see you. How are you? How's William?" Olivia took her seat and propped her elbow on the arm of the chair.
Buffy smiled back at her. It was hard not to. Something about her just set Buffy at ease.
"It's lovely to see you too. How we are is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about today. We've had a great week together, but yesterday William got angry about something then got very drunk." Buffy looked her in the eye as she spoke, trying to gauge signs of shock or denial, but nothing like that came. Olivia just nodded. "He's not supposed to drink large amounts of alcohol with his medication, so he passed out after one really large drink. I've—"
Olivia reached over and put her hand on Buffy's arm. "Why didn't you call Rupert or me for help? We would have been glad to come over."
Buffy was flabbergasted. "I—I didn't want to call anyone for help! I want you to tell me why you're sitting here acting calmly like I told you he forgot to put butter in the mashed potatoes!" she said, trying to keep her voice as low as possible. A couple of other patrons had turned around to stare.
Olivia looked appropriately abashed. "Let me get a cup of coffee, and I'll tell you what I can. You want anything while I'm up?"
Buffy reached into her purse and handed her a five-dollar bill.
"Another cup of coffee and a cinnamon scone, please."
Olivia pushed Buffy's hand away. "Your money's no good, sweetie. I've got this one. It's the least I can do."
Buffy put her money back in her wallet and wondered what the hell that meant. What had Dr. Giles gotten her into? He always seemed so benign and sweet. Jeez! She felt like an idiot. Olivia came back shortly with their drinks and scones.
Olivia took a bite of her scone and a sip of coffee, after swallowing she said, "All right, I've known William since he was ten. He was a good boy, and he's a good man. However, William has not had a very easy life."
Olivia paused, looking unsure. Buffy could tell by the depth of emotion in Olivia's voice this was not easy for her to discuss. "I don't want to say too much and betray William's trust," Olivia said.
Buffy held her hand up.
"Olivia, William told me his mother was bipolar, and she didn't take her medication. He said he has bipolar two disorder, but he'd only recently started taking his medication again. This morning, he also told me he has unresolved issues with his parents." She didn't feel the need to mention any more.
Olivia's eyes went wide with what Buffy had to guess was astonishment.
"Buffy, I'm amazed William's opened up to you like that. My boy's not known for sharing his feelings or thoughts. I could tell by the way he looked at you. He fancies you. You've gone and bewitched him with those lovely green eyes." Olivia smiled a warm motherly smile that reminded Buffy of her own mother.
Buffy felt her cheeks warm, and she couldn't help but smile faintly until she remembered why she was there.
"Well—uh, that's great. But it's not what I came here to talk about. What happened last night was…well…beyond scary, and I don't know if I can work for him if it's going to be like that. I feel like Dr. Giles wasn't completely honest with me, especially judging by your reaction." Buffy took a bite of her scone and waited.
Olivia put her hand on her chest and closed her eyes as if she was searching for exactly the right words. She opened her eyes and spoke after a moment.
"Dear, I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do in regard to working for William, but I can tell you you've already done something remarkable with him that no one else ever has. You've gotten him to open up to you in a short amount of time, and you have him taking his medication. Those are two enormous things."
She reached over and squeezed Buffy's forearm. "William doesn't trust easily, because he's never had a lot of people to trust. The people he should have been able to trust the most failed him miserably."
Buffy leaned toward Olivia. "What do you mean they failed him?" Buffy couldn't imagine what Olivia was going to say.
Olivia shook her head as if clearing her thoughts and looked solemnly at Buffy.
"His parents, Margaret and Graham, were toxic together, but they couldn't stay apart. Margaret was completely off her medication by the time I met her, and she was really something. I don't mean that in a complimentary way either. Margaret seemed like a normal mother and professor's wife to the outside world, but sometimes you would get glimpses inside, and they were frightening."
Buffy was trying to take this all in. She pulled her knees under her and listened.
"Margaret would fawn over William one minute and curse him in the next breath. Graham never had time for him and drank too much. I think the strain of Margaret's illness had a lot to do with it, but when he drank, he was cruel to William, degrading him, making him feel less than he was. He was a very bright and sweet child, but I've heard both of them tell him how stupid or bad he was. William constantly tried to please them. The poor thing lived his life on eggshells. " Olivia sighed heavily and went on with her story.
"I wanted to get him out of there, but Margaret and Graham would never allow that. The outside world would see through the façade. I'm sure you noticed the tension between Rupert and William. Well, William blames Rupert for standing by and watching, doing nothing." Olivia bowed her head, her voice breaking at the last few sentences.
Buffy put her coffee cup down and took Olivia's hand.
"Olivia, I'm sure you did the best you could. Don't beat yourself up. I'm so sorry for William. I had no idea, and I can't imagine what he must have gone through or be going through. He says he wants to be a better man, and I think I have to give him that chance. I don't want to give up on him if he's put his trust in me." Buffy was trying hard not to cry. Tears were forming in her eyes, and she fought desperately to blink them back.
Olivia looked up at her, tears staining her cheeks.
"Thank you, Buffy. You're a good woman, and I think William just needs someone to believe in him. However, you have to think of yourself. Don't get so caught up in his problems that you lose sight of your focus." Olivia smiled warmly.
Buffy stood and gave her a hug. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go. I need to talk to William."
Olivia chuckled and shook her head. "No, dear, I don't mind at all. Give him my love. Call me anytime."
"Thanks, I will." Buffy turned as she started to walk toward the door.
Out on the street Buffy hailed a cab, got inside, pulled out her phone, and dialed William's number.
"Hi, it's me," she said, when he answered. "Can you meet me at the apartment? I'm ready to talk."
Buffy wasn't looking for a romantic relationship. She was terrified of having her heart broken, but she was willing to be his friend. Buffy just hoped her brain would give her body the message.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi, I hope you enjoy, and feel free to share your thoughts on the matter. This should give you some insight into William’s actions. Thanks to Abby and Diebirchen for the beta. Thanks to Minx Delovely for giving me her honest and valued opinion on things and to Edgehead for the cool banner
Chapter End Notes:
TBC
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for reading.