Buffy felt that she really connected with William today at school, so she decided she would sneak out of her house tonight to visit him. Once it was 9 o’clock, she made sure that Dawn was sleeping, before sneaking out. She really hoped that William would still be in his usual spot.
Just as she hoped, he was there, sitting in the moonlight as he doodled in his notebook. Buffy quietly went to sit by him so she didn’t startle him very much. He was slightly startled, but she ignored it and sat down anyway. He became calm when he realized who it was that had joined him, and stayed seated.
Buffy smiled as she looked at his picture. It was a drawing of the woods with a deer standing in the middle of it.
“Was the deer really there?” she asked.
William shook his head, “No. I just added that to the picture.”
Buffy smiled as she glanced up at the full moon, thinking of something she could say to him.
“Are you enjoying school?” she decided that would be a good place to start.
William nodded, “I enjoy school. I know that’s a poncy thing to say but I do. I enjoy learning new things and being challenged.”
Buffy smiled slightly with a nod, “I enjoy it sometimes too when it doesn’t get too overwhelming.”
“Just take one day at a time and you won’t get overwhelmed.” he grinned.
Buffy studied him for a moment, wondering when he became as insightful as Spike but shook it off.
She leaned back on her hands and asked, “What do you plan to do when you graduate college? Will you immediately get a job or continue your education?“
William smiled slightly as he stared at the stars.
“I wish to write. I want to write novels and poetry. I want to write stories about things unknown and never seen before. Mum said it wasn’t practical and I should have a fall back career because most novelists don’t make enough money to live.,” he looked to Buffy. “But it is what I want to do. I’ll probably go into business though, which is what she wants me to do.”
Buffy stayed silent as she listened, but his last statement caused her to interject, “You can do anything you want, William. I think you being a writer is a wonderful idea,” she smiled brightly at him. “ I think I’d like to be a teacher; help children to find their way in the world. It’s not a pretty place out there; full of things children don’t even understand and I’d like to teach them to be aware of their potential.”
William gave her a brief smile then looked back to the stars. Buffy followed his lead, and in comfortable silence they both gazed up at the night sky.
She found herself missing the violence a little, and the rush of a good fight but she didn’t miss all of the death. It seemed a person died every night in her world, and she was only one girl, not able to save every last person. She wished she could, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. In this world, people were safe from supernatural death. They had the chance to live a long and normal life, just like her parents are. She could definitely get used to that.
She turned her head to see William’s head cocked to the side, giving her a side glance. Just as Spike always did.
“What are you thinking about? You seem lost in thought.”
William looked embarrassed as he looked down at his picture, unable to meet her gaze.
“Your hair is beautiful in the moonlight. It shines.” he timidly said.
Buffy blushed as she pushed a hair back from her face. Then William met her eyes and for a second she was lost in his gaze. She couldn’t control herself as she leaned over to give him a kiss. She felt William almost pull away, but she pressed her lips to his harder, urging him to kiss her back. The kiss started as timid and shy, and his lips were warm against hers; such a contrast between that and Spike’s kissing. Spike was always so passionate when he kissed.
He stopped the kiss suddenly, causing Buffy to let out a sigh of disappointment. She missed Spike so much and even though William didn’t taste of Whiskey and cigarettes, she could pretend for a moment.
She opened her eyes to see William staring at her very intently with a slight blush on his cheeks. She gave him a warm smile, which he returned.
“I’d better go home. It’s getting l-late and Mum will w-worry.” William softly mumbled.
Buffy nodded and accepted his offer for his hand to help her up.
“Will you walk me back?” she asked.
William agreed "Of course but we c-can't take too long or mum will n-notice."
Buffy hated the fact he was back to his shy stuttering self but figured it was the price to pay for kissing him. She looked over at him and he met her eyes for a moment before looking shyly away. She sighed disappointed with his reaction. She had hoped for something other than shyness.
In the moonlight, they walked in silence, with William always one step behind her. Buffy kept trying to slow down to walk side by side but as soon as she met his step, he would slow down and make it impossible for Buffy to keep the same pace. Frustrated she asked, "Did you enjoy the kiss?"
William looked at her a bit surprised at her choice of topics then smiled shyly as though not sure what to say. After a few minutes of them walking he finally stuttered, "Y-yes. It was nice."
Buffy smiled a little realizing as much as she was annoyed by his shyness in terms of walking behind her not next to her, his shyness around the kiss was sweet and different than what she expected. As she reached the house, they waved goodbye and didn’t kiss. William hurried off with a quick, "See you l-later" leaving Buffy behind feeling torn about the kiss.
She was happy no more kisses happened as she had already too much on her mind to be muddling it with more kissing.
As she closed her eyes to sleep, she made a decision: She was stuck in this world without Spike. She would always love Spike, even if she didn’t get a chance to tell him. William was like having a small piece of Spike around. She would miss the other parts, but could live with at least having a small piece of him still around. She would probably even love William because she loved Spike and she realized she was sort of ok with that. Still, even after deciding that, she fell asleep as she stared at her drawing of Spike.
Thursday brought a day without William. Buffy was disappointed that she hadn't put more thought into her schedule revolving around classes with William but alas whoever chose her classes didn't seem to care about whether or not she got to see him every day. Buffy was happy to spend some quality time with Tara again. She found herself laughing at Tara’s stories and making the most of her new life. She was determined not to sit and pout about what she had before and decided to make the most of what she had now, which were her friends and family, along with William.
Since she had a lot of free time on Thursdays, Tara and her went out for ice cream again. Buffy got a chocolate brownie sundae because that was what she was in the mood for. They sat together as they swapped stories of school experiences and Buffy told Tara about her Zoo outing with her sister.
“Would you like to join a gym with me? I’ve been thinking of working out. I’ve gotten such bad habits such as eating like a pig.” She paused, gesturing to the almost finished brownie sundae, “And I really need to work out to keep up my body weight. Would you like to do that with me? Perhaps one day on the weekends and again on Thursday?” Buffy decided she’d ask Willow to take two days with her, then ask Xander for the remaining days and perhaps even Anya to take a day, so she’d be back to training only without the strength.
Tara smiled, “Sure. I’ve always thought about joining a gym but hated going alone. I always felt like everyone is staring at me when I do work out. There’s actually one on campus but I haven’t found a time it’s not crowded.”
Buffy smiled gently at Tara, “We can go together. Then they won’t be able to stare at just one of us, so in all likelihood only half the gym can stare at us at a time.”
Tara chuckled at her friends logic, “Sounds good,“ she paused. “Which movie do you want to see?”
Buffy ate her last bite of sundae, then cleaned up the mess on her chin before announcing, “The Perfect Storm. It looks like a great flick.”
“Nothing like a movie on a Thursday afternoon to make the day perfect.” Tara laughed.
They went to the movies and watched The Perfect Storm, which had both Tara and Buffy crying.
As they walked back to campus, from their long break, Buffy asked, “Do you ever wish you could change things? Ever wonder what changing one thing in your life could do to the other parts?”
Tara turned and looked at her, “Like what?”
“Like, say you and Willow got back together, or say Willow wasn’t hooked on the net,“ she paused. “Or even say your mother was brought back to life. Don’t you wonder what things like that would change about your life today?” Buffy rambled with a smile.
Tara looked down at her hands and shook her head, “No. I don’t really wish for any of those things. I wouldn’t want to wish something Willow loved away. I wouldn’t want to wish my mother back to life because she lived a hard life and my dad wasn’t too nice to her. I would want Willow back but not because of a wish. I want us back together because we both desire and choose it…a wish makes things superficial. I’d spend my life wondering if we were together because we belong together or just because I wished it.
Buffy frowned, but answered quickly, “I think it might give people a chance to have a better life. A wish might open your eyes and allow you to have something you might not otherwise have.”
The air was filled with silence as Tara was lost in thought and Buffy pondered on what Tara had said. Did the wish really make this whole world superficial? She wished for a world filled with normalness without the complications of the supernatural at every turn. She never wished for parents to stay together or for her friends to not be so against Spike or for her mother to be alive. She never even wished that William would love her. Instead she wished for a chance to have the life she always wanted. Some life that was turning out to be.
So far most of her friends were unhappy, her dad was still so busy and hardly ever around, William was so shy and awkward around her, and most importantly she missed Spike more than she could ever have imagined.
Tara broke Buffy's thoughts with a quiet, “I miss Willow. I miss her a lot.”
This statement snapped Buffy back into where she really was leaving behind the old Sunnydale.
“I know that feeling too well. You guys should really try to talk it out sometime. Perhaps if she understood where you were coming from, it would help." She gave Tara a sympathetic hug, and then released her as she gave Tara a warm smile.
"Thanks for the time together. I enjoyed it.” Tara smiled, “We can make a habit of this if you would like. Then do the gym thing after you pick up Dawn. It might be fun.”
Buffy smiled back, “I’d like that. Wanna go with Dawn and I to the football game tonight?”
“I would love to!“ Tara grinned. “I’ll meet you there at 7?“
“Sounds perfect. See you there!” Buffy giddily replied.
With a wave, they both parted; Tara left to go home, then work for a few hours before the game, and Buffy went to finish her last class.