It was dark outside when Buffy woke up. Even if she had wanted to go to the burial, it was now 8 o’clock; she had missed it anyway. She crawled out of bed, opened the first two drawers of her dresser and pulled out the darkest pair of jeans and t-shirt she could find. She was in a melancholy mood and wanted her clothes to match.
She had a mission to do and there was no time like the present. Buffy slipped on her boots then pulled a lightweight jacket over her arms, knowing it would be a bit chilly. Lastly, grabbing the picture she had drawn of her and Spike together, she carefully climbed out of her window and down the tree to land, hard, on her feet. She was thankful that even though she didn’t have her Slayer powers in this world, she still had her bravery to jump at such heights. She took a moment to enjoy the tingling of her feet as she hit the ground, then took off sprinting.
She continued running past the house, and then past William’s house, not even pausing at the fact the lights were still on at 8:30 at night. She kept running, even as she felt her side hurt, until she reached ‘William’s Thinking Spot.’
She plopped herself on top of a rock as she looked up at the sky. She thought back to, less than twenty-four hours ago, when he had called her ‘something special’ and then shared a kiss. It was definitely not a ‘Spike kiss’ but he had been all she had left of Spike. She was now alone.
She didn’t have William anymore, she didn’t have a part of Spike anymore; a reminder of the softer side of him. There would be no more glancing in William’s direction to see a familiar smirk.
She hated this reality. She couldn’t understand why she was brought here only to have such a tragedy happen. It seemed that death was looming around every corner now. Who was next to die in this new world?
Spike, in her world, could have gotten up from being hit by the car. He could have done the same actions and actually she was quite sure he would have. Spike would have stood up, laughing in the face of the car, as he staggered home with perhaps a broken rib or two and a broken arm. Any injuries he would have sustained would have healed in time. She had crippled him for goodness sakes with an organ and still he had managed to heal enough to walk and be normal.
She sighed as she felt the tears stinging her eyes. She suddenly remembered his notebook and reached into the tree trunk to pull it out. He was right in that no one in their right minds would reach into there to look for it since it couldn’t be seen. She opened it on her lap to read the last poem he had written. It was about her of course.
Your short blonde hair
The way it floats in the air
Your smile
And the way it makes me feel agile
Your luscious lips
And I can't forget those wonderful hips
Your eyes are so cute
I don't think anyone would dispute
Your cheerful cheeks
Make me where I can't even speak
Your beauty
Is truly like no other
That's why I want you
And no other.
Buffy wiped a stray tear that had fallen from her eyes as she sniffled. She wanted to see him. She wanted to talk to him but knew the only way she could now was to talk to a stone with his name on it.
She hugged the notebook and picture to her side as she darted to Sunnydale Cemetery. She immediately recognized the sign of a freshly dug grave. She collapsed in front of it, carefully tracing the letters, W-I-L-L-I-A-M then his last, P-R-A-T-T. The dates he lived were under it, 1979-2002. All that was etched on the stone was a simple saying…
Here lay a dream buried too soon.
Buffy started to sob loudly as she read those words, realizing that it was exactly what had occurred. She felt as thought this was all a cosmic joke. The Powers That Be were having a laugh at her. She took advantage of the love Spike had given her, and gave her a chance with William. Only to have him be killed. The grave-stone may read another man’s name but she knew, in her heart, that this was all a metaphor, a metaphor for her selfishness and not knowing a good thing when she had it. Because of her stupidity of standing in the middle of the road, William was now gone. Her beloved, Spike, was gone.
Buffy leaned towards the gravestone whispering to it as though it were Spike, “I miss you so much. I never got a chance to thank you for bringing me back to life. I know it was the others who really brought me back but they brought me back broken. You saved me. You gave me a reason to live and a reason to continue to hold on. You reminded me what I was living for. I miss you so, so, much.”
She paused to retrace the letters. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be easier, simpler, and perfect. It was supposed to be, fancy free, and a chance for my friends to be happy and for us to really find happiness. This world is far from perfect. You aren’t in it. You saved me, yet again, and died. This time there is no bringing you back. I have to go on in this world without you and I don’t think I can do that,“ she sobbed. “God, Spike, if only I could take this away and make it right. If only I could make a wish and have it all disappear to go back the way it was,” she put her hands together as if praying. “If I could wish to go back to the Sunnydale I loved, I would and none of this would have happened. How unfair it is that a world exists with jerks like Liam, Riley and Parker and not full of people like you. I swear if I could I’d make this right. I swear I would. I wish I was back in Sunnydale with you and none of this had ever happened. Oh Spike, I do love you.” She laid her head against the gravestone even as her tears continued to fall.
Anya felt Buffy’s pain calling out to her again. She could feel the injustice and the sorrow Buffy felt at the loss of William. She understood how she felt and felt her own tears fill her eyes, realizing how she would feel if that was Xander instead of William buried deep in the ground. She crept closer listening as Buffy’s words filled her heart and mind.
“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be easier, simpler, and perfect. It was supposed to be, fancy free, and a chance for my friends to be happy and for us to really find happiness. This world is far from perfect. You aren’t in it. You saved me yet again and died. This time there is no bringing you back. I have to go on in this world without you and I don’t think I can do that. God, Spike, if only I could take this away and make it right. If only I could make a wish and have it all disappear to go back the way it was. If I could wish to go back to the Sunnydale I loved, I would and none of this would have happened. How unfair it is that a world exists with jerks like Liam, Riley and Parker and not full of people like you. I swear if I could I’d make this right. I swear I would. I wish I was back in Sunnydale with you and none of this ever happened. Oh Spike, I do love you.”
Anya’s heart broke as her features changed into her demons'. She had been given a gift, the gift to grant Buffy’s wishes in any world and since she was given injustice in this world yet again, she was able to grant her another wish.
She whispered into the dark, “Buffy, wish granted. I hope you don’t regret this one as well.”
She watched as Buffy collapsed at the foot of the grave, still clutching the picture.