Spike let out a loud growl as he stared across the coffin with accusing eyes. “So tell me Buffy, what did you do with this William?”
Buffy peered at him, confused. “William was you---”
Spike shook his head. “No, William was some alternate dimension form of me. If it were really William, I would bloody well remember what I did with you.” He paused, eyeing her and leaving her with a sense of guilt, “So I repeat: What the bloody hell did you do with him?”
Buffy shook her head, causing him to growl slightly,
“Would you have stayed in that alternate universe with William if he hadn’t died? Would you have been happy with him? If so bugger off and return back home to your friends so we can leave this broken and destroyed.”
“No I wouldn’t have stayed. I missed you.”
Spike resisted the urge to smirk. He was too upset to make her feel better. He wanted to punish her for letting someone else touch her. Spike stood up and leaped across the coffin to stand in front of her in a single movement. He lifted her by her arms and slammed her against the crypt stonewall, moving his arm in the last second to cradle her head. The move prevented her head from hitting the wall but let her body jar against the force just the same.
“I’m not William. You know this, right?” Buffy nodded and Spike continued, “I won’t pet you gently and give you loving words all the while. I’m not bloody satisfied with poncy handholding and sweet kisses in the moonlight. Did he kiss you Buffy? Did he snog you senseless until you couldn’t think and you were weak in the knees? Did he caress your skin telling you how warm it was,” Spike breathed in her ear, running a hand up her side to cup the side of her breast, “Did he tell you how he dreamed of you?”
Buffy shook her head but then admitted, “He did hold my hand and kissed me in the moonlight. It wasn’t you though.”
Spike growled as he rubbed his body against her, moving a hand down to lazily caress her breast through her thin shirt.
“Oh believe me; I know I’m not William. The question is: Do you know I’m not William? You said you loved me. Did you love that William? Did you tell him you loved him? Did you let him say it to you without you denying his every action? Were you sweet to him, and all gentle like? When you close your eyes at night, will it be him you remember or me?”
Spike's hand moved down lower to rub her through her black cotton pants enjoying the feeling of wetness immediately soak through her panties and then through her pants. As the scent of her excitement hit Spike's nose, Spike rubbed a little harder. Buffy bit her lower lip allowing a moan to escape from her lips, unable to help herself. This time he did smirk as he leaned over to nibble on her earlobe, “Buffy, who do you want? Me or some pretend sweet mamma’s boy, William? Who do you crave? Who do you love?”
Buffy’s knees buckled as she felt herself be swept up into Spike’s strong arms as he carried her over to the coffin, laying her down on top. He unbuttoned her shirt as he repeated the question.
“Buffy, who…do…you….love?” Then he flung the shirt off her onto the floor, repeating the process with her pants and panties, which she helped him to remove. “Buffy, who do you crave?” She moaned as he moved his hands up to cover her breasts. He growled as he sat up, removing his hands that had been touching her. He was completely dressed still and she was now naked before his gaze. “Bloody Hell, Buffy; answer me before I really hurt you.” She pleaded him with her eyes not to make her say it out loud but he wouldn’t hear of it.
She closed her eyes and he growled, shaking her gently, “No, open your damned eyes woman and tell me whom you want?”
She opened her eyes to stare into his intense blue ones. “I want you. I want you, Spike, not William.”
He leaned down to reward her for her honesty and kissed her hard, leaving her breathless. Then he sat back up whispering, “Whom do you really love?”
She let out a deep sigh as she admitted quietly, “You. I love you Spike, not William. Not anyone else.”
Satisfied, he growled before claiming her lips with his again. She quickly lifted his shirt over his head, leaving it to fall as he reclaimed her lips again, as she managed to yank his jeans down his torso, then over his legs. He stood up, kicking them to the side only to lower himself back down onto her. He nudged his erection against her entrance then lowered his hand to feel the wetness. She was more than ready for him and both of them knew it.
“Buffy, I want you to tell others about us. I want more than this.” He moved his hand up to show her how wet his fingers were. “I want more than shagging. I want more than snogging. And I want more than hidden away secrets and disappearing before morning. I want more and if you are going to be with me, I want it all. The whole bleeding nine yards.” Buffy’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Yea, Slayer, that’s right. I want it all. The real question is, do you luv-want it all, too? Are you tired of stolen kisses, stolen nights of passion only to turn around and feel nothing afterwards? Are you tired of being all alone with no one to understand you and to have only your bloody oblivious friends to be around you? Dammit, Buffy, answer me!” She stared into his eyes and nodded slightly.
He shoved off her to stand up and pace, ignoring the fact he was naked.
“What the bleeding hell does a head nod mean?”
Buffy sat up as she admitted, “It means I’m lonely. Happy? The only time I’m not lonely and feel complete is when I’m with you. I can’t talk to my friends. I can’t talk to Dawn. I can’t talk to anyone because they don’t understand. I’m so sick of being alone. I watched William die. William reminded me of you, only lacking in the dangerous appeal you have. I had to watch him die and I wanted you. I spent the whole time in my most perfect world wishing you were in it with me.”
Spike stopped pacing as he knelt in front of her, “So what does that mean Buffy? Tell me once and for all, want do you want from me? Just a couple shags to make you feel something? Just a few ‘I love yous’ on my part; never to have you say it again? Want a person who you run to and have it all be a secret and ignored the next day? What the bloody hell do you want from ME?” Spike shouted.
She could tell he was angry and all she could do was cry. Spike sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat down more gently to talk to her, “Buffy what do you want? I mean forget your friends, forget Dawn, and forget even me. What does Buffy Summers, not the slayer, but the woman want?”
Buffy sniffled, wiping her eyes. “I want you. That’s all I wanted in that other world and that’s all I want here. I want you. I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t. I know everyone would hate me and be ashamed of me but I still want you…I can’t help it.”
Spike nodded as he gave in, pulling her close to him as she continued to sniffle.
“Life is never easy, Buffy. You’ve been looking for an easy way to live-an easy way to feel normal and loved. There isn’t an easy way. I’ll always love you but I can’t help you feel normal. You’ve had a good dose of it this past week or however long you were gone. Was it all it was cracked up to be?” He felt her shake her head. “I didn’t think so. I like being a vampire. I love it, in fact, and I don’t regret it. You shouldn’t regret being the Slayer either. You save the world and get to be a hero. It might give you the inability to be normal but it gives you something greater than that: satisfaction. Yeah?” She nodded and he smiled letting her go, noticing she was no longer sniffling, “So, Buffy seriously right now, what do you want? We can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow as long as you stay until tomorrow.”
She studied him for a moment, then whispered softly, “You. I want you.” Spike smirked as he leaned over lowering a hand to massage her breast, “Good. I was hoping you’d say that. I want you too, sweetheart. I want you so much.”