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Author's Chapter Notes:
AN: Ok, I know it's been like an hour, but I couldn't wait to update. And it a nice long chapter for you to enjoy.
Complete Rewrite.





Her head hurt.



It hurt so badly, she thought it might just pop straight from her shoulders. It throbbed and pulsed and swirled like crazy. She felt like she was going to explode from the sheer agony.



And then there was light. Blinding bright white light. Light so bright, it hurt her eyes when she tried to open them.



Followed by noise. A familiar far away sound that still managed to pierce her ears, and jolt her in to consciousness for a quick second. But it was enough.



“Buffy?” she heard her mom call from outside the bright room she’d awoken in.



Wait.



No it wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be her mom calling her.



But she… it wasn’t possible. Her mother was dead.



Suddenly ignoring the searing pain in her head as if it were nothing more than a light headache, Buffy bolted straight upright in the unfamiliar bed. “Mom!” she exclaimed, hurting her ears slightly with the sound.



As the seconds ticked by, she could literally feel the hurt draining from her body as she looked around her surroundings.



“Don’t wanna be late for your first day of school,” Joyce called from behind the door directly in front of Buffy.



Blinking her eyes, Buffy looked around the strange room she had apparently awoken in. But it wasn’t strange. Not unfamiliar. Just… different.



She’d seen this room before. Defiantly. But she remembered it quite differently. This was her old bedroom, from back in Sunnydale. The room that had been quite literally blown up. But it was not the way she’d left it all those months ago.



Last time she’d seen it, it looked like it had been lived in for years. Photo’s covering the surfaces; mementos collected from over the years scattered around; it had a lot more furnishing and, well, Faith was sleeping in it, not her.



But right now, it was packed tightly with over stuffed boxes and wooden crates, the layout was all different, and it was seriously messy. But not completely unfamiliar.



It looked like her room had done so many years ago. When it was new. Her first day of school.



And then it hit her. And the sudden realization caused her eyes to nearly pop right out of her head.



This didn’t just look like her old room. It was her old room. She was back in Sunnydale. On her first day of school. With her mom downstairs, calling for her.



Her mom was downstairs.



Her mom was alive.



And before she even knew what she was doing, she was hurtling out of her room at full slayer speed. The pain she’d felt before completely forgotten as she propelled herself into the kitchen.



There was approximately twenty seconds between Buffy leaving the comfort and warmth of her own bed, and her crashing into her mom by the kitchen counter. Before Joyce knew what was happening, she was being crushed in her daughters tight grip around her body, and struggling to breath.



“Buffy, what are you doing. I can’t breathe,” she gasped, struggling to get free.



Buffy realized her mom was having trouble getting oxygen, so she quickly released her whilst smiling her head off.



Buffy had never thought she’d get the chance to see her mother again. As, unlike her, her mother had died a natural death. And as everyone had repetitively told her that there was no coming back from that. Not ever.



Yet here she was. Her mother standing happy, healthy and alive. And Buffy loved it.



“Sorry mom, I just don’t know my own strength. I’m just really, really happy to see you,” Buffy said grinning ear to ear.



“Well, I can see that, although I’m slightly scared to ask why. I honestly think that you may never stop surprising me with the unexpected.”



Buffy just laughed and pulled her back into a slightly gentler hug, but still a firm one. “No, you’re right. I will, more and more. I am far too complicated for almost anyone to figure out what I do never. Even me.”



“Well it’s good to know I’m not the only one who finds you a complete mystery sometimes. Now go get dressed or you’ll be late for school.”



“Ok mom. Whatever you say,” Buffy smiled, kissing her mother on the cheek. “Love you.”



As Buffy bounced down the hall, Joyce just looked at her at a total loss for words. “Strange,” was all she could manage.



As Buffy bounded towards her bed room, she stopped just outside the bathroom door. Suddenly over taken by curiosity she entered the room.



Even though she was knew what she was going to see in the mirror once she got there. Even though she knew logically once she reached the reflective surface she wouldn’t be faced with the girl she was used to. Somehow it still managed to get a rather loud gasp from the blond slayer, as well as some very open and startled eyes.



What she saw shocked her quite a bit. Quite a lot actually.



Because she was sixteen again. Buffy Summers, was once again sixteen, after seven long years.



And it was cool.



Seriously freaky, and kind of terrifying. But cool.



It’s not like she’d changed much in the last seven years, even though all of her friends clearly had. Her hair was different. And she had a little more baby fact, making her sort of soft around the edges. But her features were basically the same. She could clearly recognize the girl in the mirror as her. And she was almost the same height. Which more annoyed Buffy than reassure her if she was truthful.



Guess she really couldn’t look forward to being a tall slim fashion model this time around.



Absolutely intrigued by what Buffy was seeing in the mirror, she stuck out her tongue.



Carefully she analyzed her face again with the addition of the tongue. Looking at every curve. Every spot. Every feature. All in an attempt to get once again completely comfortable with the body and face she was now wearing.



After a moment, she proceeded to pull a number of different faces, studying each one closely and moving on.



She continued doing this throughout all of cleaning her teeth, washing her face and applying makeup. And it would have continued had Buffy not been forced to stop staring at herself, as she heard a voice behind her.



“Buffy, what on earth are you doing?” Buffy’s mother said looking at her like she was crazy. Which wasn’t something Buffy had ruled out yet. Going back in time was not an everyday occurrence, even in Sunnydale.



“Uh, sorry mom. I just got a little side tracked,” Buffy said looking a little embarrassed about being caught pulling stupid faces.



“Well, you need to hurry up because I’m gonna drop you off in fifteen minutes,” Joyce said sternly.



“You got it mom. I’ll be done before you can say complete rewrite,” Buffy smiled, giving her mom another happy hug and laughing slightly at her own words.



“All right then. I’ll go wait downstairs till you’re ready.”



Buffy released her mom, and set off to her room, when she realized something.



“Oh mom. Where’s Dawn?” Buffy asked grabbing a white shirt from a box.



Joyce just looked confused at the question.



“Who?”



Suddenly, Buffy’s eyes went wide, before quickly returning to normal.



“Oh, never mind. Just me, being strange Buffy. I… gotta go,” Buffy stumbled rushing into her room, and slamming the door behind her



Dawn. She hadn’t even thought. Of course. Dawn was never really here at all was she. She’d just woken up and guessed she’d fallen back into the world she remembered. But she’d forgotten Dawn was never really part of that world. Because, even if she remembered her little sister being here, those memories had been fake, and Dawn didn’t exist.



In this world, it would be years before she saw her little sister again. The one person who had stuck with her after Sunnydale was gone. The one person who’d cared enough to stay was gone.



She might even still be back there in the future. And if she was, then Buffy had left her there. She’d died on her again. Dawn.



A silent tear trickled down Buffy’s cheek as she realized all the other aspects of being back in time. She’d never met Xander, Willow or Giles; she was back in high school; she’d have to reface the Master. And the worst part, Spike hadn’t met her. Wasn’t in love with her. He was evil.



She knew that eventually the monks would send Buffy her sister again. But Spike. He wasn’t here. Couldn’t be here. It wasn’t possible.



She’d have to reface him. Hide her emotions for as long as possible. Pretend she didn’t love him. Didn’t feel like life without him left her hollow. Didn’t cry more often than she’d liked to admit for his death. And she’s have to keep on acting, until he loved her again.



And what if he never did? What if she did something wrong? What if the timeline changed? What if she had to stake him?



She couldn’t face him. Not Spike. Not ever.



He’d been the only person she could trust completely for so long. How many times had she leaned on him for strength, or went to him for help. She loved him, and he wanted her dead.



But then as she started to get dressed, she began to see the flip side of the coin. Just like some things might go wrong. She could put others right. If she played her cards right, she could stop most of the things in her life going wrong.



She knew she wouldn’t be sleeping with Angel, so that fixed the Angelus issue. She could get her mom to the hospital earlier for a cat scan, and maybe stop the cancer from becoming as bad as it did. And there was Jessie. Xander’s best friend. Maybe she could save him, and stop Xander having such a massive issue with all things demon in the first place.



Then she realized something. She realized she knew something she really shouldn’t know. Shouldn’t even be able to know. Ben is Glory!



Ben is Glory, and Glory is Ben.



She wouldn’t even have to die this time. Well not at the hands of Glory anyway. The Master was a whole different story. She didn’t know what was going to happen there. Prophecies always were always tricky business.



Buffy was just pulling on her second boot, when she heard her mom call her from down stairs.



Quickly, she grabbed the school bag she saw tucked in between two boxes full of books, and made a dash down stairs.



As she ran out to the car, she hoped the fact she had already done everything would make it easier. Maybe French would be possible. She could only hope, ‘cause she really didn’t want all the subjects to be as hard as last time. Slaying tends to not leave much room for remembering all the stuff she knew she wouldn’t ever need to know. Wouldn’t need until now anyway.



So she thought about school, and she thought about things she could change. Because she really, really didn’t want to think about what would happen with Spike. She couldn’t.



After a few minutes, Buffy could see the school building she’d blown up a few years into both past and future approaching. And seeing it again visibly made her shudder. You could find a lot of monsters in Sunnydale, mainly ‘cause of the hell mouth and all, but never as many as would try to get right on top of it. The source of evil.



She knew going back to Sunnydale high was like going back into the belly of the beast. But that would be the only way to keep her friends safe. To keep everyone safe. So her twenty two year old self knew she had to do it.



And God it was going to be just as boring as before wasn’t it.



Grabbing her school bag, Buffy opened the door and got out of the car. But before she walked away, her mom leaned over to her.



“Have a good time,” Joyce smiled. “I know you're gonna make friends right away, just think positive.” She gave Buffy a positive thumbs up as she spoke, and Buffy just smiled.



“I know I will mom. For some strange reason I’ve got a very good feeling about today,” Buffy said shutting the car door as she spoke, but still being heard through the open window.



“Good, and honey?” Joyce said still smiling but it didn’t quite reach her eyes this time. “Try not to get kicked out?”



“I promise,” Buffy said, now grinning ear to ear again. “Love you mom.”



“Love you to sweetie,” she replied before driving away, leaving Buffy to face her first day all over again.



**



Taking a deep breath, Buffy began to walk forward toward the center of all evil up ahead. She could only hope she’d remembered enough about her past her at Sunnydale High to prevent most of the catastrophes. Because she would really prefer it if Xander didn’t almost got eaten up by a big bug this time.



And just as Buffy reached the top of the steps towards hell mouth high, she heard a loud thump behind her.



It wasn’t overly obvious. If she hadn’t been paying as much attention to the area surrounding her, she wouldn’t have even noticed it. But she’d learnt to always keep her eyes and ear pealed for any and all danger; it came with living as long as she had.



Wondering what had happened, Buffy turned around quickly to find a barely conscious Xander in a heap on the floor with a smiling Willow leaning over him and practical drooling.



She vaguely recalled being told about this moment a few years from now at the Bronze. Willow had said the Xand man had been so dumb struck by simply the back of her head; he’d crashed his skateboard right into a pole.



She smiled quickly to herself, wanting desperately to run over to her friends and sweep them into one big giant hug. It had been ages since the three of them had any chance to spend quality friend time together. And now she’d get to relive all the quality friend time she wanted, and she absolutely loved it.



But if she was going to have any of that, she’d have to keep the basic foundations of their friendships the same. Which meant she wouldn’t be able to talk to Xander until she left the principal’s office, and she’d have to somehow get them to see her dusting vampires tonight, without Jessie dying if at all possible.



So she didn’t rush over to them as she wanted to. She simply continued on her journey to see the principal and get her time tables. Did she have French today? She couldn’t remember.



**



Quickly she approached the door to the office, taking a deep breath and preparing herself for the overly peppy man she was about to face. As loudly as possible, she knocked against the wood.



A second didn’t even have time to pass before the door swung swiftly open reviling the man who had literally been eaten alive in this job.



He stood smiling in his grey suit, looking highly alive. Which somehow still managed to surprise her. When she’d first met this man she’d thought him to be actually a little crazy. But now, comparing him to Snyder, she was glad to have Mr. Happy instead of Mr. I-Hate-Children-grumble-shout.



“Come in, come in. Have yourself a seat,” Principal Flutie said merrily, ushering Buffy into the room.



Taking her bag of her shoulder, Buffy moved over to the single plastic chair that sat right in front of the desk in the middle of the room, and took her seat. The chair was still just as violently uncomfortable as last time, which really didn’t help the situation at all.



Buffy could hear the Principal moving around behind her as he retrieved her record, putting her senses on high alert. Nothing like when a vamp was near but higher than normal. It was just instinct. ‘Cause if you can’t see it, it can hurt you.



Shifting uncomfortably in her chair, Principal Flutie walked round to his chair, flicking though her file as he went.



“Buffy Summers, sophomore, late of Hemery High in Los Angeles. Interesting record, quite a career...” he said sitting down.



And before Buffy could reply, she watched him pick up her record and tear it into four pieces again. Just the same as last time. Dope.



“Welcome to Sunnydale!” he said cheerily, shifting his arm around the desk. “A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper, even if it says... Whoa.”



She watches his face change color as he for the first time really read over her record, and she couldn’t help but smirk.



“Mr. Flutie…” she said getting her smile under control.



“All the kids here are free to call me Bob,” he said quickly making a desperate attempt to piece Buffy’s report back together.



“Bob…”



“But they don’t.”



“Well I knew that,” Buffy whispered under her breath.



Buffy watched as the man before her began taping the paper back together, and wondered why he hadn’t thought of reading it before ripping it to shreds. It would have saved him from looking like an idiot for a start. What kind of Principal doesn’t even read the new students permanent records?



This one, she thought to herself smiling again.



“Is there something funny about this Miss. Summers,” Flutie said, looking up from the badly reassembled report.



“Look, I know my transcripts are a little colorful,” Buffy said dryly, trying to repeat the seen as much as she remembered it. Slayer memory was always handy. Just a tad more powerful than the norm, for remembering demon names and attack moves or something.



“Hey... We're not caring about that. Do you think, uh, 'colorful' is the word?” he said tapping the paper, “Not, uh, 'dismal'?”



What the heck was he doing? He was saying that it didn’t matter and then talking about it all annoyed like. Come on.



“Your right, it really sucks,” Buffy said, throwing the timeline to the wind. “But I intend this time around to be a big improvement. No getting kicked out for Buffy.”



“Well I glad to hear it. You know any other school they might say 'watch your step', or 'we'll be watching you'... But, that's just not the way here. We want to service your needs, and help you to respect our needs. And if your needs and our needs don't mesh...” he drawls, putting the poorly repaired sheet back into its folder and slamming it shut.



“Got it. I’m sure I’ll… mesh… just fine,” Buffy said getting out of her chair, and turning towards the door.



“Have a nice day Miss. Summers.”



“Man I hope so,” Buffy replied, leaving the office as quickly as possible.



She wasn’t entirely sure what lesson she was supposed to be having first, which had seemed like the sort of thing she’d remember, but she’d probably blocked most of her school related memories. So as she walked into the hall, she grabbed her bag and searching though it as she walked.



Which didn’t turn out to be her greatest plan, or maybe it did, because next thing she knew she was crashing into another student and dropping all her stuff with a crash onto the floor.



She knew what was coming. It was happening the same way so far so this would most likely be the same. But it didn’t stop a huge smile spreading across her face as Xander rushed over to help her.



“Can I have you,” Xander gushed, as the two of them leaned down to gather her fallen belongings.



Suddenly Buffy realized what he’d just said to her, and looked up at him eyebrows raised. She knew she was going to have to deal with the enormous issues of the Xander crush on her pretty quickly. She didn’t want him following her around like a lost puppy, she wanted her friend back.



“Duh...,” he said, chuckling to himself before correcting his mistake. “Can I help you?”



“Thanks,” she replied inwardly smiling to herself. She’d missed him.



“I don't know you, do I,” he asked looking up at her.



And for a second she froze, eyes going wide, before realizing he was just making conversation.



Amused slightly by her own mistake, she quickly replied, “no, I’m Buffy… and new.”



“Xander. Is-is me. Hi,” he stuttered, smiling sheepishly.



“Well, hi Xander. Thanks for the help. It was really nice to meet you,” Buffy smiled at him.



Suddenly his whole face lit up, and a twinge of worry struck Buffy.



“Well maybe I’ll see you around some time,” he said, helping her get her last things into her brown shoulder bag.



Buffy noticed that her stake was still on the floor out of the corner of her eye, and tried as hard as she could to draw no attention to it. It was a necessary, and also funny, conversation the group would need to have in order to let the fanged cat out of the bag.



“Maybe at school. Since, we both… go there,” he said struggling to find words, which caused Buffy to giggle slightly as she got to her feet. Which only cause him to blush more.



“Yeah, we do. See you later Xand,” Buffy said walking away.



Buffy ginned madly as she just managed to hear him calling her. Guess he found the stake. But she continued walking, as horror of horrors, she had French.



**



God how she’d hated French. Not once in her life after Sunnydale had she ever needed to use the language, and she’s spent two weeks slaying in France.



Well, seeing as how she never really spoke to her targets so much as ran them through with sharp objects might have added to that. But they never did understand her puns.



As it turns out French was just as boring and impossible as she’d remembered it. And it left plenty of time for staring out of the open window and day dreaming.



Which would have been fine, had her day dreams not been filled with Spike.



She’d spent the last six months desperately trying to get over his death unsuccessfully. Every night she’d lie awake praying her dreams would be filled with something other than the last words they’d shared together.



He’d loved her for so long. Loved her with everything he was, and she’d just blocked him out. No, more than blocked him out, treated him like nothing. Like he was less than her or her friends, because he wasn’t human.



But was Oz completely human. Or Clem. And most defiantly that really nice demon Lorne that she’d met in LA wasn’t human. All at least part demon, and all she been kinder to than Spike.



That must have destroyed him. She could remember once, before she’d died for the second time, he’d told her that he knew he was a monster, but she’d treated him like a man. But she hadn’t.



He didn’t ever really think of himself as a monster in the first place, especially before the soul. He’d called himself evil, but never a monster, except that one time. And even then it was to say he felt like a man. But she hadn’t even aloud him that.



It was no wonder he hadn’t believed her. She wouldn’t have.



Being told you’re loved, moments before death, by a person who’d acted like you weren’t worth the dirt you stood on. It was no wonder.



But she hadn’t lied. She really loved him. Scratch that, she still loved him. With every fiber inside her.



It had taken that speech, those last few nights and his death to realize it. Realize that she loved him. For everything he was, with all that she was. And he was gone.



He’s still gone she thought. ‘Cause even though a version of Spike would inevitably exist here, it wouldn’t be her Spike. He was gone.



Dead.



Lost.



He couldn’t be here.



The only reason Spike had fallen for her in the first place, was that Angelus had turned Dru against him, and the truce they two had shared to stop her ex-lover. That was what had set of the chain reaction leading to the chip, and then the love, and then the soul.



But there would be no Angelus this time; she’d make sure of it. She couldn’t let innocent people die just to get her boyfriend back. Even if she wanted to.



And she would not sleep with Angel.



Just… yuck.



God he was such a control freak. How had she not noticed that before? Oh yeah, ‘cause she was too starry eyed to see past the whole hansom and in love with her thing.



The second they got to LA after the final battle, he’d tried to take everything into his own hands. He’d tried to push Buffy, THE Slayer, to the back lines so he could have the spot light. Telling her things like, ‘it’s ok Buffy, I’ll handle it’, and ‘don’t worry I got it under control, no need to thank me’. And then just patting her on the head and sending her on her way like a God dam child.



And then, and then, he’d had the nerve to ask her if she was finished baking. So she just left.



She had just seen the one man who was willing to give up everything for her, and had, die. And he was asking if she wanted him back yet.



He was the one who’d broken them up, saying ‘you need a normal life Buffy’. Hello, her life would never be normal. She was the freaking slayer for crying out loud. How could her life ever be normal.



But that’s what everyone wanted for her. To have a normal life. No one asked if she wanted one or not, it’s just what she was expected to want. Why, because that’s what she’d said, like over a year ago.



She’d had a go at it. For about three weeks after Sunnydale, before she’d gotten bored stiff.



All her friends had told her to go, relax, eat pizza and shop. And the moment she’d gotten back, none of them were there. Everyone wanted her normal, but no one wanted it themselves apparently. They’d just gone off, taken control of everything and left her.



When she came back saying that she was bored stiff with shopping and pizza and that she needed something to do to keep her mind off a certain bleached blond vampire who she refused to tell them about, they just set her up as an agent. Just hocked her up as one of the council’s weapon.



Her friend had deserted her, and none of them even knew it. They all just thought she’d be living a normal life by now. Just kicking back in Italy, going out and getting a new boyfriend or something.



Everyone always thought that would be what she’d want. Except Spike.



He always known a normal life would not only be almost impossible for her, but also dull as hell. He knew her so well. She really wished he was here now. To help her with living her whole over life again. She’d leaned on him so much that last year in Sunnydale.



Next thing she knew, a loud bell started ringing. Shirking her out of the depressing train of thought she’d been following, and sending her off to her first history lesson, again. Giving her the chance to look forward to remeeting Cordelia.



Yay.












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