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Author's Chapter Notes:
The Cliff hanger is over. I bet you all love me now.
I Found You.



Slowly, as if scared moving too fast would make him disappear, Buffy turned to the owner of that deep soft voice.

The impossible voice.

The voice that she’d given up hope on hearing again completely.

“Spike?” her voice barely more than a whisper.

And then she gasped.

Her hands flying the cover her mouth.

And there he was. The man who she had watched die saving the world, for her, was standing before her. Standing literally feet away from her. He was really there.

He looked younger somehow. But it couldn’t be him. He couldn’t be there. He didn’t even know her yet. This couldn’t be her Spike; it had to be evil Spike. The Spike who hunted slayers, massacred millions and loved that skank Drusilla. It had to be. But the look in his eyes told her different.

“Buffy, is it you? M-my Buffy. I mean…” he swallowed. “Do you know who I am?” He looked like he was terrified for her to answer. And that in its self was proof enough. He was her Spike.

All the panic she’d been feeling through the day was gone. He was there. And he knew her. He was her Spike.

She wouldn’t have to deal with evil Spike again. Or worry he wouldn’t fall for her this time. Because he was there. He was back. He loved her.

Not being able to contain the swell of joy burning inside her any longer, she threw herself into his strong amazing arms. Finally feeling complete for the first time in months as he pulled her closer to him with all his strength. Each of them was clinging to the other with such power; it would have easily crushed simple, normal human beings in seconds. But neither of them was normal by a long shot. So they could stand there, happily wrapped in the death grips they each had around the other.

“Spike… you’re really… Spike… please don’t let me be dreaming… I can’t be dreaming… you’re really back?” Each word she said was broken by a sob. Every breath was a struggle. Buffy could feel the hot wet tears flooding her eyes, and soaking into Spikes shirt, and she loved it. It took her a few moments to realize she could also feel a few of Spike’s tears dropping onto her back as well.

“Not a dream luv. It’s real. God, it’s really real,” he sighed in relief, tightening his grip on the sixteen year old body before him, who was really so much older.

“I was so scared you wouldn’t know me pet. You’d just think I was some bloke with drop dead good looks.” She could practically feel him smirking at her. “I was terrified.”

Then his head just dropped down and buried deep into Buffy’s golden hair. “God I love you Buffy. Love you so bloody much.”

And then she froze.

Those few words made her suddenly remember their last few moments together. Suddenly Buffy wasn’t quite as over whelmed with joy. She was pissed off.

Pushing herself out of Spike’s grip and punched him hard in the stomach before he had the chance to stop her.

“Bloody hell Slayer, what was that for?” Spike rasped, doubling over and clutching his stomach in pain.

“You didn’t believe me!” Buffy shouted angrily. “The last chance I’d ever have to say it, and you didn’t believe me. You… you stupid vampire.”

Tears long forgotten, angry Buffy was out. And she was Pissed.

“What the bloody hell, are you prattling on about?” Spike said, looking not entirely confused.

“You. I’m prattling on about you, and your stupid you brain. I was about to lose you forever. It was the last chance I’d ever get. And you thought I was just saying it to make your death worth it. To make you happy in your final moments. No, you were about to be gone forever, and I hadn’t had a chance to tell you. I couldn’t let you go not knowing. God, Spike. The amount of sleep I lost thinking you didn’t believe me.” Buffy’s voice softened though out the speech. And now her watery again eyes were locked in gaze with Spike’s intense blue one. So much emotion shone in those eyes. It always had. Even there in the dark she could see it. And right then, they were full of hope. Hope that she was saying what he thought she was saying. “Believe me now Spike. Please. I love you.”

And in an instant, he was kissing her. A deep passionate kiss. Filled with the longing both had felt for so much time. The longing for her and those honest words. For him and his sweet tender touch. To be together. Finally.

Buffy melted under him, as one hand was buried deep in her hair and the other was on her lower back, pulling her against him. She moaned in pleasure as his tongue gently teased its way across her lips and into her mouth.

The sounds Buffy was making only made Spike despite for more. He pushed her up against the wall of the house, and deepened the kiss further. Lovingly running his hands all across Buffy’s soft sweet body. Feeling her soft curves against his gentle touch for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

And as she watched him as he kissed her, she was again distracted by the thought that he somehow looked younger.

“God Buffy, never thought you’d… never… God I love you,” Spike moaned in-between the kisses and breaths. “Say it again. Please. Again.”

“I love you Spike. I love you so much. Missed you.”

Biting gently onto Spike’s soft lower lip, he growled deeply in pleasure. The lustful vibrations coming from his throat only achieved in making Buffy crave him all the more. She started to run her hands slowly over his soft chest, muscled chest… warm chest...

And she froze.

Spike had been many things over the years. He’d been, evil, annoying, dirty, sexy, caring and heroic. But never, in the entire time Buffy had known him, had he been warm.

Spike looked down at Buffy, figuring he knew perfectly well why she had stopped dead in her tracks. It had him freaking out just less than a day before about it, and he was desperate to see Buffy’s reaction. You see, it’s not every day your whole life is flipped on its head, and then spun around a few times for good measure.

He opened his mouth to start trying to explain the situation, when Buffy’s hand flew up to cover it. She didn’t want him to say it. She wanted to find out herself. Feel it herself.

She shuddered gently, as she felt his warm breath against her palm. Spike had breath, and it was warm.

Finding it harder and harder to breath, Buffy did the only thing she could think to do in that instant. She grabbed Spike firmly by the shoulders, and thrust her head hard against his chest. Not really caring if she hurt him right now. Just desperate to know for sure.

And there it was. Almost gleefully proving her amazing, impossible theory to be true. That steady rhythm. She could feel it pulsing softly against her ear, again and again. Possibly the most amazing thing she had felt in her entire life.

Spike’s heartbeat, gently pumping away.

She could feel the tears of joy begin to flow down her face again. He was not only back. He was alive.

Hardly being able to bear the intense emotion any longer, she looked up in awe at Spike’s loving gaze. He wrapped his arms tight around the small teenaged body that was pressed against him, and whispered with a smile, “takes a bit of getting used to don’t it pet.”

Still knelling on the floor, and looking up in amazement at the impossible man she’d happily give the world for. She just managed to reply in a whisper, “Spike. How? When?”

“Around twenty four hours ago. No idea how though. What about you?”

“What about me?” Buffy said slowly standing up.

“How long you been here?” he asked tenderly, stroking her hair.

“Oh, right,” Buffy had completely forgotten she was back in Sunnydale. Completely forgotten her first day of school replay. Forgotten she’d died. Forgotten everything in the world, but him.

Him and his heartbeat.

“About twelve hours. I just got to relive my first day of school on the hell mouth.”

“That must have been fun,” Spike said sarcastically. Taking her hand in his as they began to walk towards the Bronze, together.

“God, don’t even joke about it. French certainly hasn’t gotten any easier. Stupid school,” Buffy grumbled resting her head on Spike’s seemingly low shoulder. Maybe he wasn’t wearing his boots.

Quickly, she wiped away her tears and just enjoyed reveling in his sheer existence. She wasn’t sure why she was talking about school at a time like this, but it seemed appropriate.

“Être seize est difficile. Bonne chose ton copain parle le français.”

Pulling away and stopping were she stood; Buffy stared at Spike in utter shock.

Spike. Live in a crypt, cheat at poker, great at sex Spike, spoke French.

“You speak French,” Buffy said disbelievingly. “Ok now I know I’m dreaming.”

“Hey,” said Spike looking annoyed. “I’ll have you know Slayer, I speak seven languages.”

“Oh you so do not,” she said looking at him in disbelief.

“I do to.” The angry look on Spike’s face was getting seriously funny.

“Really, which ones.”

Spike then proceeded to list the languages while counting on his fingers, “French, Spanish, Latin, Samarian, Fyarl, Ugandan and the kings sodding English.” That devilish smirk that knew Spike’s face so well looked back at her. Appearing quite overly satisfied, but somehow different. There was little light were they were standing, so she decided to ignore the fact.

He was standing there, looking smug, and she loved it. Loved every little bit of it. But couldn’t let it go.

So Buffy just stared back at him and put her hands on her hips. “Ok, for a start, you made one of those up,” she retorted.

“No I did not,” he said, getting defensive again.

“Then what the heck is ‘Fyarl’,” she said crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows.

They were having an argument. And it made her insides swell up with joy.

“It’s a demon language you dozy bint. Why do you think I could understand Giles when he was all demony, and none of your bloody scobbies could?”

And then she cracked. Completely losing track of what they’d been talking about, she looked instantly up at him, with shock in her eyes. “Demony,” Buffy giggled madly.

“God, I’m starting to sound like you Slayer.”

“To bloody right you are,” she replied hosting an evil grin and a glint in her eyes.

Spike mouth grew into a massive smile as he watched her saunter over to him and put her arm ‘round his waist. Where she then pulled him to her tightly.

“This is real?” Spike questioned. Usually when something as good as this happened, it turned out to be some kind of spell.

“Completely,” she whispered. “And you’re alive.”

“Apparently.”

“Wow.”

It was a lot to take in. It was everything to take in.

“I love you.”

“I love you to.”

It was the truth. She really did, and that fact made him so unbelievably happy. So happy he wondered how it was possible Angel could even look at her knowing how she’d felt and not lost his soul on the spot.

Buffy also shared the same feelings. She looked so happy; so complete. Like she’d just finally found her missing piece. And Spike was beyond happy to be that piece. Ecstatic in fact.

Buffy loved him. At long last, the one thing he’d always craved, but never thought possible, had happened. She loved him. It was beyond perfect.

He put his arm across her shoulder and pulled her into him, as they began to walk away again.

After a few minutes in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s presence, they began to walk under a street lamp. Instantly, Buffy looked up to meet his gaze, wanting to see him in the light again for the first time in months. And what she saw beyond shocked her.

Pulling away from his warm embrace, she looked at every inch of him. She was right before. He did look younger. A lot younger. He was shorter for a start, and his cheek bones weren’t quite as sharp as they were before. Not to mention his coat was hanging on him funny. If asked before, to take a guess at Spike’s age, she’d have gone with some were in the late-twenties. Now though, he looked nowhere near that age.

Spike, seeing the confused and almost scared look Buffy was giving him, really put him on edge. After about a minute of her complete silence, he spoke up. “What exactly are you staring at slayer?”

Not changing the expression on her face in the slightest, she replied, “Spike, exactly how old are you?”

“Bit of a personal question there pet,” Spike answered, beginning to nervously shift from one foot to the other under Buffy’s intense gaze and running his hand through his hair.

“Spike just answer the question,” Buffy said in a stone cold voice. She was deadly serious. Now he was getting scared.

“Uh,” Spike started, swallowing. “I’ve about hundred and twenty three vampire years on me, and around twenty seven human.”

“Well you don’t look it.”

“Should I be takin’ that as a compliment,” he laughed, trying to lighten the mood and failing.

“No, you should take it as a warning. Spike,” she said suddenly looking into his eyes. He could clearly see fear in them, and he didn’t like it one bit. “Spike, you look about sixteen.”

“What. That’s not possible.” Suddenly the look in Buffy’s eyes passed over to Spike’s. “Slayer, if this is a joke…”

“It’s not. Look.” Buffy reached into her bag to pull out a fairly large makeup mirror.

Spike was about to object, saying he had no reflection. When he suddenly remembered his new found humanity, and decided not have Buffy look at him like he’d forgotten how to use logic or something. He then started wondering why he hadn’t thought to look in a mirror before now. But the thought stopped dead in its tracks when he looked into the reflective surface before him.

First there was the initial shock of having a reflection in the first place. But it was the appearance of his reflection which caused him to freeze solid in place. This was not the bleached blond vampire he’d seen in photos or on video tapes. Nor was it the reflection of the ponce William from over a lifetime ago. No, this was Spike as he vaguely remembered looking back when he was sixteen. With the addition of bleached blond hair, a scar across one eyebrow and a leather coat that was a little too big. Spike was sixteen.

Buffy, still in shock herself at the appearance of Spike, noticed he’d started hyperventilating. If this was how freaked out Buffy was at Spike’s body, she was scared to imagine what he must be feeling.

“Spike. Spike look at me,” Buffy whispered carefully. Being back in her sixteen year old body was a shock, but at least she remembered looking like that. It had only been seven years or so since she looked into the mirror and seen that girl; Spike hadn’t been sixteen in over a century though. And seeing him panicking like that was bringing fresh tears to her eyes. But she had to be strong. For him.

Slowly Spike tore his eyes away from the mirror in front of him, and looked at Buffy. In all her life, she had never seen Spike look so scared. And it broke her heart.

“Buffy.” His voice shaking a bit as he said her name. Like it was his only life line. Without it he might just break down completely. Like he needed her.

She moved into him, carefully wrapping her arms under his coat and around his waist. She could literally feel him tremble as he closed his arms around her back, pulling her into him.

“Spike, it’s ok. Look, I don’t know what’s happened here. But it looks like we’re both sixteen again,” she said stroking his back. “And you’re human. But you’re still super strong, and I’m here. And I love you, so much. So it’s gonna be ok. Ok?” She pulled away a little, not leaving his arms, to look into his eyes. His young eyes, for any sign he might be okay.

Looking at her, and knowing he’d gotten the girl, was defiantly enough for all this to be worth it. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t scared. He might have been twenty seven for a long time, but he hadn’t been sixteen in over a hundred years. He barely even recognized the boy staring back at himself in the mirror.

But she was here. She loved him. And he could tell she was scared as well. So he’d just suck it up. For now. For her.

“Yeah pet. I’m fine. Just a bit shaken up is all. Not every day you look at your reflection for the first time in over a century, and you don’t completely recognize the man staring back at you.”

Buffy could see he was still really freaked out, but he was trying to be brave. Right now they both really needed each other. And for the first time, they were really there.

Slowly, Buffy pulled Spike’s head down and placed a soft gentle kiss on to his lips.

Relishing in the sweet taste of Buffy, Spike pulled her closer and ran his hand though her golden hair, as he so loved to do. He could hardly believe this was real. Buffy loved him. And God did he love her back.

“I can’t believe this is real. If it weren’t for the whole being sixteen part and having to stake Dru, I’d be bloody well sure that I was heaven right now.”

Buffy pulled away and stared at Spike in disbelief. “You staked Drusilla. When did this happen?”

“Buffy, where exactly do you think I woke up?” Spike asked raising an eyebrow.

“Oh,” Buffy hadn’t really thought about that yet. She just thought ‘hey, Spike’s back’. “So what happened, from your point of view I mean?”

Spike and Buffy started to walk again hand in hand. “Well, I remember being in that sodding hell mouth. Completely ready to die for love, honor, glory and all the right reasons. And the next thing I know I’m back in bloody Prague, with Dru attacking me with a pillow. I mean I knew she was crazy, but I didn’t realize she was that of her rocker. How the in hell I didn’t see that before I don’t know…” But Buffy cut him off.

“Because you loved her. Spike I know I’ve been one hell of a bitch to you in the past.” She could see he was about to object, but she carried on.

“Don’t you try and tell me I haven’t or it wasn’t my fault, because that’s what I’m talking about. Spike, when most people love each other, they look at their flaws, and either accept them, try to change them, or ignore them completely until it destroys the whole thing,” She said smiling. She knew she had referenced both Angel and Riley in there, even if Spike didn’t know it himself.

“You Spike. You love people for everything about them. Flaws and all. You would never try to change someone you loved, or leave them because they acted in a way you didn’t like. You fight for your love. You will never let it go until it forces you to. And that is why you didn’t see Dru’s madness, or care about my bitchy side. That’s why you Spike, are really amazing. Why I love you so much.”

Spike couldn’t even find words for what seemed like forever after hearing that from her. But eventually he finally managed, “when’d you get so good with words luv.”

“It comes with age,” she said smiling and curling into his side again. “You can continue your story now.”

She thought he was amazing. Buffy thought he was amazing. That in itself managed to stun him into silence for a good few minutes. But after a while, he managed to pull himself together enough to continue.

“You know, I kinda like bitchy Buffy,” Spike joked, causing Buffy to smile at him again. “Well anyway, Dru was screaming about some Shanshu bugaboo. Which can I just say, I didn’t have a clue what she was on about. But when she started reaching for the actual weapons, I knew she wasn’t just having a fit. She was gonna try to kill me, and then she started on about you. Said she was gonna find you and… So, I smashed a chair, and staked her,” his voice shook a little as he said it, but he held it together.

“Spike are you ok. ‘Cause, you did kinda love the girl for a hundred plus years,” Buffy said, gently squeezing his hand in hers.

But she could tell he was gonna be fine though. It might have taken him this long, and maybe Buffy saying she loved him helped it along to. But Spike realized now, Dru never loved him. Even if he been willing to give up everything just to see her smile. She never loved him back. He was convenient, and devoted. But still nothing to compare to her precious Daddy.

“Yeah, I’m fine. She was gonna come after you, and I didn’t know if you were you or sixteen year old Buffy. I wasn’t gonna risk letting her hurt you,” Spike smiled to himself. Happy he’d finally figured out Dru’s game, and that he’d gotten out of it. “Wanna here the rest of the story pet?”

“Yes please,” said Buffy smiling sweetly. She was quite glad to know that Spike liked her better than that Gothic ho bag. Even if he still loved her a little, Buffy had come out on top. He was in love with her. Of course she actually loved him back, and that was bound to gain her some extra brownie points.

“Well, after the dust settled, I realized exactly what had happened. And after a few minutes panicking over this heartbeat I’ve suddenly gained, I set of to come straight here. Found a teleportation demon to get me to LA, and took the car from there.”

“And what would you have done? What would you have done if I hadn’t known who you were?” Buffy asked with concern evident on her face. She had been really worried about having to deal with evil Spike again all day, without ending up melting down mid fight or something.

“Not entirely sure. Hung around and seen if I could have helped you and your scoobies with my vast knowledge of the future, I suppose.”

“Speaking of people who hang around and help out. I’m about to get my first visit from tall dark and forehead,” Buffy scowled, feeling the tinglies going off on the back of her neck. It was kind of weird not feeling Spike’s.

Tall dark and forehead she’d called him. Buffy’d called Angelus tall dark and forehead, Spike thought, and she’d sounded annoyed about seeing him. Maybe, just maybe…

Spike stopped dead, a wicked smile playing on his lips. Buffy turned to look at him. “What are you smiling about?” she asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer or not.

“I’m just guessing here, but it’s only you’n’me who know about the future right.”

“Yeah, what’s your point Spike?”

“Just that we could have a lot of fun with this.” The look on his face was much more like that of Spike’s before the soul than now. And for some reason, all that did was excite her more.

Finally, Buffy caught onto Spike’s plan. And grew a wicked grin of her own that could give Spike’s a run for its money.

“Well we really should tell someone about the future. Just in case of emergencies,” Buffy said coyly. It was time for a little Angel shaped revenge.

“Right, of course. Emergencies.” Spike was grinning so wide, his cheeks began to go red. Which was quite a strange color to see on Spike.

And then she felt it grow stronger. Those same tinglies she’d always associate with her past love. Almost like someone scratching her neck. He was close, and this was gonna be so good.

Buffy grabbed Spike’s arm and quickly pushed him behind a pile of trash cans without a second thought. She could hear him quietly cursing, as he got himself into a more comfortable position, which only made her smile even more. But she quickly switched to a more solemn expression as she saw a tall dark figure emerge from the shadows.

“So you’re her then. Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that,” Angel smiled approaching slowly.

“Oh, I was taller. About the same in the way of muscles, but I’m stronger than I look Angel,” Buffy said sweetly. She loved knowing so much about him, when he thought she was oblivious. Heck, she knew more about him than he did. She’d only said his name, and he already looked startled.

“So you know who I am then. Don’t worry though I don’t bite.”

Spike hiding in the shadows couldn’t wait any longer. He knew he got bored easily, and he wanted a piece of this taunting Angelus business. Seeing Buffy about to reply to the brooding ones comment, Spike cut her off, stepping out of the shadows just a bit as he did so.

“You tell that to all your victims Angelus,” Spike said smiling as he approached the pair. But what Spike didn’t predict, was the moment Angel heard Spike’s voice, he charged at him.

Angel grabbed Spike by the throat and pushed him up against a wall in darkness. Not being able to breath, Spike started to panic as he tried to push Angel off him. Angel just held him there with all the force his body could muster, holding him slightly off the floor.

Now, choking was not an experience Spike was used to. He knew what it felt like to not be able to breathe when he didn’t need breath, just sort of a lack of movement in the chest. But now he could feel his throat tightening painfully, his vision was beginning to blur, his lungs constricting as he gasped for air he couldn’t find.

After the initial shock of seeing her ex-love attack her current one, Buffy noticed Spike was struggling for air. And, being human, breathing was something he needed to be able to do to survive. Scared for Spike’s life, Buffy threw herself at Angel, tackling him to the ground in an instant.

“Buffy,” Angel said whilst being pinned to the floor. “Don’t believe what he tells you. I’m not evil. I came here to help.”

“I know you did Angel,” Buffy said releasing her grip on Angel and running over to Spike. Who was lying on the floor with his hands on his neck, struggling to breathe through the pain around his throat. “But killing Spike really isn’t going to help.”

Angel looked down, at the blond stroking he grand child’s back and telling him to breathe. Why was she telling him to breathe? Was this slayer so gullible, that Spike had actually convinced her he was human? But then why did Spike look like he was in actual pain. And why wasn’t he getting up?

Carefully, Angel listened closely to the air. What he heard shocked him so much he literally stumbled backwards. He could hear two heartbeats. One of them was obviously the slayers. But the other one was impossible. There was no one else around. But it couldn’t be true. Spike couldn’t be alive, could he?

“Spike. Spike look at me. Just try to breathe. Come on Spike. Come on, breathe.” Hardly able to contain herself anymore, she flung herself into Spike’s arms. Whispering “breathe,” over and over again like a mantra.

“It ok pet, I’m fine see. Just a bit… you know I don’t even know a sodding word for what I’m feeling right now.”

“Would someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?” Angel exclaimed, starring at the couple before him in complete shock and confusion. What was happening before him made quite literally no sense. Not even a little bit of sense. Sense was nowhere to be found here. Spike was human, and Buffy was hugging him. He was at a loss for words.

“You mind taking this one luv. I’m finding it right bloody hard to talk at the mo’,” Spike chocked.

“Of course sweetie, just keep breathing. I won’t lose you again.” Buffy kissed Spike on his forehead and turned so her back was pushed into his chest. She began talking again as Spike wrapped his arm around the small slayer, and the other still on his throat.

“Angel it’s a hell of a long story, and I really don’t know where to start.”

Angel looked over the pair sitting before him, needing answers he replied, “Just start at the beginning.”



Chapter End Notes:
Do you love me? Tell me now and I'll love you.



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