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Author's Chapter Notes:
1: Some dialogue and actions belong to the episode Bargaining pt. 1
2: This story is unbetaed. All mistakes are my own
Chapter 1

The house on 1630 Revillo Drive was silent. Maybe too quiet, according to the people that frequent there. If they hadn't known any better, they would say that the house was completely empty. But it wasn't. There was at least one person still living there. Breathing, talking, going through the motions...but that was about it. Rupert Giles pinched the bridge of his nose as he came to stand in the doorway of the room that had once belonged to a 14 year old girl and watched as the grieving sister again gently caressed the barely worn cover of a diary.

It's been nearly three months since Dawn's sacrifice. The summer was nearly over and Buffy Summers had yet to go out and actually slay anything. To keep up appearances, the Scoobies had made good use of the Buffybot that Spike had had built, programing it as best they could to act like the actual slayer, so the demons and vampires would not suspect that not all was right with their nemesis. But that couldn't hold up forever. Someday, some creature will get lucky and make the startling discovery that the bot was not the real article and then things would get really bad for Sunnydale. Giles wanted to get Buffy back up and slaying before that even had a chance of happening.

But looking at the girl now, sitting on her dead sister's bed, caressing the book that contained her sister's last words, thoughts, and feelings, Giles feared that any chance of getting Buffy back on her feet and ready to slay again was a long way off. He also couldn't help but remember her words before the big battle, about quitting if Dawn died. Surely she hadn't meant it. Surely she wouldn't really abandon her sacred duty...right? But she had done it once...after she had sent Angel to hell. She had disappeared to LA, leaving her friends to deal with the Hellmouth on their own. She had quit over the death of her lover, so would it really be a surprise if she quit because of the death of her beloved sister? And Buffy had loved Dawn...she had loved her more than anything...had been closer to her than she had ever been to anyone. So really, why was it that he had such a hard time believing that his slayer had been serious about quitting...that she really was done with it now that the one person she had loved above all others was now gone from her?

Still, there was a part of him that hoped that it had all been just words in the heat of the moment...that Buffy really hadn't quit. That she was taking a time off to heal. That all it would take was a word from him and his slayer would be back on the job.

“She wrote all the way up until the end,” Buffy's voice was soft...so soft that Giles almost missed what she was saying.

He sat on the edge, not wanting to disturb anything. Buffy had kept Dawn's room exactly the same as it had been when she had left it the morning that they had fled, hoping to outrun Glory. Hoping to save her sister. He winced, realizing that neither had happened and how foolish they had been to even think that running away would work.

“I'm sure that writing it all down was a great comfort to her.”

“She was always writing in a diary. By time she learned how to read and write she was always writing in those stupid books. I kept one too, but I was never as diligent as her. Not a night went by that she didn't record her day. She burned them all, you know. When she found out that she was the key...she burned them all. All that's left is this one...and it's not even full enough...not by half, Giles...”

“Buffy...”
“It shouldn't matter, should it? She wasn't real. She wasn't really my sister, just some mystical energy inserted into my life by some monks...but...but she was real to me. She was real to me and those diaries were proof that she existed...that she was here...but now all I have is just this one...just a handful of pages...that's all her life had come to...,” Buffy's voice cracked at the end, revealing just how broken she really was.

“No...no. That's not all her life had come to. She saved the world,” Giles answered, his voice soft and full of sympathy. It broke his heart to see his slayer so...broken. This was worse than the heartache over Angel. Almost as great as the heartache over losing Joyce. This was something that Buffy may never recover from. “She saved us all...”

“Yeah. She did. She did the job that I was supposed to do...but just wasn't strong enough...”

“Buffy...no one blames you. She was your sister...I was a fool to ask what I had of you.”

“No...you were right. Everyone saw it...even Dawn had. I was the only one that wouldn't...couldn't accept it. I still can't. I...I just don't understand Giles. Why did they give her to me if they were only going to take her away? What kind of world is this to ask for a sacrifice from a innocent little girl? It's just not right...none of it is...”

“No. It's not. But it's the world we live in, my dear girl. The world that we fight to save. It's harsh and cruel...but it's the only one that we've got.”

Buffy sighed and got to her feet, wiping her hands against her jean clad thighs. She turned around to look at Giles with sad tired eyes. “Well maybe it's not worth saving anymore, Giles. Have you ever thought of that? Maybe it's time to just give it up.”

“Again, I have to disagree. I believe that even though it is harsh and cruel, there are also good and kind things about it. Things worth saving...”

“Well good luck with that,” Buffy headed for the door, signaling that the conversation was over.

“Buffy!” Giles called out, just as she was in the doorway, ready to walk out. To his relief, she stopped. She didn't turn around, but just the fact that she stopped proved that she was willing to listen to him still. Maybe there was a chance that he could reach her. Convince her to take up her duty once more, despite all the loss that she had suffered. “The Buffybot has been covering up for your absence for the last three months. We have been very...lucky so far. But that luck will run out and sooner or later the vampires and demons will find out and when that happens...it won't be good. Do you know when you will be ready to return?”

Buffy turned around to face her watcher, her green eyes tired, yet shone with a determination that he had seen many times before...times when she was about to say something that none of them was going to like.

“I have already told you Giles. Right before we went to fight Glory. If Dawn died, that was it. I quit. I wasn't just blowing smoke. I meant it. I quit. I don't know what you're going to do about Sunnydale or the issue of world save-age...but leave me out of it. I'm done.”

“Buffy...”
“I'm done, Giles! End of discussion. I'm sorry if you thought that I'd change my mind and I appreciate you giving me this time to really think about it, but...nothing's changed. I'm done with saving the world. I'm done with slaying.”

“I wish that you would give this more thought...we need you...”

“And I need you to understand. I can't protect a world that calls for the death of the only person I've ever completely loved. Especially after I lost mom...I just...I can't...”

“Buffy...”

“This conversation is over Giles. Don't bring it up again,” Buffy's voice was like steel as she continued on her way down the stairs, leaving Giles feeling at a loss on what to do next. The gig with the Buffybot was bound to be revealed soon and when it was...Giles didn't even want to think of the consequences of a slayer less Sunnydale.

~*~

Sundown found Buffy sitting on her back porch steps, her mind again lost in memories of her mother and sister. Her and her mother taking Dawn to the mall and purchasing her first diary. Dawn at Disneyland. Dawn and mother's alliance when it came to getting Buffy to accept Ted the evil robot...the memories were never ending and they could take her over if she let them. But sitting on the porch, staring off into space was how Spike found her as he entered the back yard. That as how he always found her these past three months. After the battle was over...and Dawn was buried, Spike began showing up at the Summer's house to find Buffy on the back porch steps. Sometimes they would just sit in silence. Sometimes they would talk, usually with Buffy sharing some kind of memory. Either way, it was now a thing between them, sitting on the back porch of Buffy's house.

“Slayer,” Spike greeted, not even sure what to expect.

“Spike,” was Buffy's distracted reply.

“Mind if I join you, Pet?” Spike never just sit down without asking. Some how it had just felt wrong to assume that his presence would always be tolerated.

Buffy just shrugged. “Go ahead. Don't let me stop you.”

Spike took his usual place and waited. If there was a conversation to be had, the slayer would start it. He didn't have to wait long. Only ten minutes of just sitting together in silence before Buffy began talking.

“Why do you keep coming around, Spike? My company is not exactly stellar these days.”

“You're better company than most,” he snorted, lighting up a cigarette, ignoring the look of disgust that she threw him.

“Those things are disgusting and will kill you.”

Spike chuckled. “Vampire, love. You know perfectly well that it'll take a lot more than these to do ole Spike in.”

“Ok. Those things are disgusting and the second hand smoke alone will kill me.”

Rolling his eyes, Spike sighed and put out the freshly lit cigarette after only one puff. “Touche. So what is on your mind tonight, pet? Besides slaying my cigarette habit?”

Buffy looked at Spike, wondering why she was even tolerating his presence. Thy weren't friends...at least she didn't think that they were. But he was the only person that she could stand to be around these days. There was no pressure from him like there was from the others. They all expected her to just get over Dawn's death and return to slaying. Spike didn't...or if he did, he kept it to himself. He didn't act as if returning to slaying was written in stone for her. Heck, he was probably the only one who hadn't thought of killing her sister to save the world. She had trusted him with other things too...

“I kind of had a fight with Giles. He wants me to return to slaying and...I don't.”

Spike arched a brow. “You want to quit slaying?”

Buffy grimly nodded. Despite what people may think, this was not a decision that she took lightly. She had given it a lot of thought, even after Dawn's sacrifice she had gone back and forth on changing her mind. But quitting felt right to her...that is when she ignored the part of her that hated the idea...the part that had raged against the idea. It had been a battle, but the part of her that was just so tired of it all had won, which meant no more slay-age for her.

“Is that even possible? Isn't slaying in your blood? A part of who you are?”

“I don't know about all of that. Giles and I...after the whole Dracula ordeal began to research what being a slayer really was. Where the power came from...but all of that fell to the wayside when Glory showed up. I just know that I don't have it in me anymore. I...I've lost too much...”

Spike had to admit that the girl had that look in her eyes now. The look that all the slayers he had killed had in their eyes when they went up against him. The look that he had described to the slayer once before. But he had never heard of a slayer quitting, attempting to quit, or even succeeding in doing so.

He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the arrival of Xander and Willow, who had decided to check the back porch since their knocks on the front door had gone unanswered.

“Buff, there you are,” Xander greeted, not even bothering to acknowledge Spike's presence. “We knocked and knocked, but there was no answer.”

“So we checked the back and here you are...with Spike,” Willow gave a little wave to the vampire. Next to Buffy, Willow was probably the only Scooby that Spike could stand and she seemed to have developed a soft spot for him as well. “Hiya Spike.”

“Hello, Red,” Spike simply nodded in acknowledgment.

Buffy's sigh was full of resignation. She loved her friends, but they were the last people that she wanted to see tonight. Not to mention that she didn't appreciate them just barging in like this. It felt like they were intruding somehow. Like these strange moments with Spike was something private...something that was just hers...and that feeling brought up questions that she wasn't even prepared to contemplate. “Why are you guys here?”

Willow whinged her hands, feeling as if she was intruding as well. But they were here now, so they might as well talk things over. “Giles called. He said that we need to talk to you...about slaying...”

“Bloody hell,” Spike cursed, realizing where this was all going and was not at all surprised. “So the watcher called in the bloody cavalry.”

“You don't have to talk to me about anything, least of all about slaying,” Buffy got to her feet to face her friends. Anger at Giles filled her. Really, what did he expect this to accomplish? Did he think that Willow and Xander would have some magic words that would make her want to slay again?

“You see, there? That's where you're wrong,” Xander held up a finger like he always did when he was about to make a point to straighten Buffy out, or that was the way Buffy thought of it. “G-man said that you had gotten it into your head to quit slaying again. As your friends, we're here to tell you that it's a bad plan.”

“Again?” Spike asked, arching a brow. When had the slayer ever quit slaying?

“I had taken a break after I had sent Angel to hell...well...I guess you can say that I quit, but it didn't take back then,” Buffy explained, turning her attention to Spike and then back to her friends. “Besides, this is different. I don't plan to leave Sunnydale and nothing will convince me to go back to slaying.”

“Is it Dawn?” Willow asked, keeping her voice sympathetic. “Because I don't think that she'd want you too quit slaying.”

“It's about me. I no longer have it in me to defend a world where teenage girls die while men like Willie the snitch live long lives! I just can't do it anymore!”

“Life isn't fair, Buffy. That doesn't mean that we just give up,” Xander continued on, certain that he could get her to see reason. “Look, we all loved Dawn and we miss her. We'd do anything to get her back. But life moves on Buff. The world continues to need a slayer and right now, you're it. It's not something that you can just up and quit.”

“That's the problem, Xander. I protect the world and I lose the people that I love. Merrick. Angel. Riley. Mom....Dawn. I can't lose anymore! I refuse to lose anyone else in the name of saving the world!”

“But Buffy...what about the lives that could have been saved if you don't quit?” Willow asked. “What about Sunnydale?”

“Yeah. We still live on top of a hellmouth in case you've forgotten,” Xander chimed in.

“Well thanks to Spike, you have the Buffybot. I am sure that she is doing my job just fine, maybe even better.”

“But the Bot is not...,” Xander began, just to be interrupted.

“The girl said that she was finished. Instead of harassing her, how about respecting that decision and backing the hell off!”

“No one asked you, Spike,” Xander turned a glare on the vampire. He never could stand Spike and was just looking for a reason to run a stake through him.

“Funny that you should say that. Buffy and I were just discussing that very topic when you lot arrived.”

“Let me guess. You're all for it. You'd agree with anything just as long as it'd get you into her pants!”

“Xander!” Willow gasped, horrified by Xander's crudeness.

“Actually, I don't think that it's possible for her to quit being the slayer, but if she wants to give it a try, that is her decision, not mine and it's certainly not yours! Now back the hell off, whelp and let the girl alone. She at least deserves that much from you,” Spike stood up and took a step towards Xander, wincing as he felt a warning tingle from the chip.

“Come on bleached wonder. Just give me an excuse,” Xander growled, reaching for the stake that he kept with him at all times.

Buffy was about to step between them not in the mood for a fight, when the Buffybot ran into the back yard, sparks flying from a gash made in her forehead.

“Willow! I have been injured!” The Buffybot announced.

“Bloody hell,” Spike groaned.

“Do you see?!” Xander jabbed a finger in the Buffybot's direction. “This is the reason why you can't quit and just leave it to the robot!”

“Hey, this is nothing I can't fix,” Willow examined the gash closely. “Not to worry, the she will live to slay another day.”

“But still...”

“And Spike's right. It is Buffy's decision. We have to respect that, Xander,” Willow sighed. She didn't think that quitting was a good idea either, but Buffy was more than a slayer to her. She was her best friend and it was clear that she was in a great deal of pain right now. She just couldn't push her on the slaying issue.

“Willow, why don't you bring the Buffybot into the house and fix it in there. Spike and Xander, it's late. You guys should go,” Buffy rubbed her eyes, feeling too tired for any more arguments and there would be more if she didn't tell the boys to leave. Spike and Xander couldn't tolerate each other for more than an hour at a time when it wasn't a life or death situation.

Spike just nodded, feeling sad that the time with the slayer was cut short, but he understood and melted into the night as he left. Xander though just stood there looking like a lost puppy.

“Buffy, please reconsider,” Xander tried one last time.

“Go home to Anya, Xander,” was Buffy's tired reply.

“Willow...,” Xander looked towards the witch, hoping that she would change her mind and try to reach Buffy. Maybe the slayer would listen to her.

But Willow only smiled. “Go home, sweetie.”

The girls watched as the dejected Xander turned around to head for home. He could only hope that Buffy will come to her senses soon. He didn't like the thought of Sunnydale being without a slayer.

Left alone, the two girls ushered the robot into the house for the needed repairs.

~*~

In a demon bar, somewhere miles away from Sunnydale, a vampire was setting next to a leather clad demon named Mag, telling his unbelievable story of his stand off with the slayer.

“So I get her cornered in this alley, see...”

Mag is skeptical. He ran into these vampires every day, bragging that they had taken on the slayer and lived to tell the tale when really they had ran away like wimps. “You get the slayer cornered.”

“Yeah. I figured that it's my duty. She's a menace to our society. So we fight, and I'm like, pow pow pow,” the vampire made some punching gestures to prove his point. “And I got her on the ropes.”

Tired of listening to what Mag thought of as lies, he turned around and grabbed the vampire by the throat. “You're lying to me.”

His voice choked, the vampire struggled to speak. “I swear on all that is unholy! You haven't even heard the best part, I cut her, right? And she's...I don't know, some kind of machine. She's not human!”

Looking into the vampire's eyes, Mag searched for any signs of a untruth. He frowned as he found none. By the look in his eyes, the vampire was telling the truth...or what he believed to be the truth. He let the vampire go. “You're high.”

“I'm telling you, it wasn't even the slayer, man. It was like a trick. A robot!” His point made, the vampire began to drink his beer, but Mag grabbed him again and dragged him across the room and through a crowd of demons. He pushed the vampire up to the booth where the leader of his gang, Razor, was sitting.

Razor scowled, not liking to be interrupted, especially when it concerned vampires, the lowest kind of demon in his opinion. “What's with the blood rat?”

Mag growled at the vampire. “Talk.”

“Okay, uh, so I was over in Sunnydale, minding my own beeswax, when I see the slayer,” the vampire nervously began.

Mags shook him. “The part about the robot.”

“We fought, right? And I was all over her, boom boom boom...”

Mag interrupted, his patience at an end. “He says that the slayer's been replaced by some kind of machine.”

The vampire nodded eagerly. “A robot, yeah! And I kicked her synthetic ass. You should have seen the sparks.”

Razor got up and towered over the vampire. “You tellin' me there's no slayer in Sunnydale?”

“That's what I'm saying, they've got some kind of decoy standing in for her,” the vampire nodded, the false bravado was back in his voice. “Town is wide open.”

“Nowhere like the hellmouth for a party,” Mag looked at Razor. “There's all kinds of bad in that place.”

Nodding thoughtfully, Razor laughed and was joined in by his gang and the vampire, who patted Razor's chest.

“I guess with your muscle, uh, you could own it in no time,” the vampire chuckled nervously. “Hey look, I know you guys don't usually let vampires join the gang and I got the whole sunlight issue, but I was thinking, you know, as thanks for the 411, you could let me go...”

Razor didn't let the vampire finish. He grabbed the creature's throat and squeezed until his headless body fell to the floor dissolving into a cloud of dust.

“I'll think it over,” Razor brushed the remaining dust off his hands. He looked around at the surrounding demons and yelled. “Let's ride!”

The demons all cheered and turned to go. Outside they mounted their bikes and rode off into a cloud of dust. Destination: the Hellmouth...





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