Chapter 11
William and Buffy sat at her kitchen table eating the soup he’d made for her while she had been sleeping.
“That was pretty good,” she told him after she ate her last bite.
He watched her, feeling both happy and surprised that she had finished the entire bowl he’d served her.
“Glad you liked it, pet.”
“Well, I’m going to turn in,” she told him getting up from her chair. “The chemo really takes it out of me. The spare room is across from the upstairs bathroom. You can stay there instead of on the couch.”
“Thanks,” he told her.
“Don’t get any ideas,” she warned him “It’s just for tonight.”
“All right, I won’t, thanks, luv.”
He stayed at the table after she left, a smile on his face. He was making progress already, and it was only his first day back.
Buffy went about her room getting ready for bed and enjoying the sudden giddiness she felt. She hadn’t felt this way in a long time. She liked that William had taken care of her like in the old days; it made her feel less alone to know someone cared. She knew that he was only here until tomorrow. She would have to tell him to go home in the morning, but for now, it was nice to feel good.
She fell asleep and found herself dreaming of one of her favorite times spent with Spike before everything had gone bad before her mother had gotten sick. It had been their one year anniversary. He had taken her to the beach and made her pack an overnight bag. They would be staying in a hotel, their first time away together.
He drove them right to the beach. It was midafternoon when they arrived. They played in the water and chased each other around until finally he told her that they should leave and check into the hotel.
Later on, once the sun had gone down he took her back to the beach. There were no longer many people about, and they walked to an isolated area. There she saw he had taken some wood and built a fire for them. He’d also brought a blanket and a basket with their dinner. They sat by the fire, drank champagne, and enjoyed the sound of the waves crashing.
“I love you, Buffy,” he told her.
“Spike,” she’d said, unable to return his words.
He placed his hand on her cheek and tilted his head to the side, his blue eyes looking more intense than she’d ever seen them before.
“You changed my life. I can’t imagine it without you. Buffy, you are my heart.”
He had a tear in his eye, and she was so overwhelmed with love for him that she couldn’t speak; all she could do was to kiss him and show him how much she loved him in return. She felt their kiss become more intense, deeper, more meaningful, his hands suddenly everywhere on her. She allowed him to lay her back on the blanket and place small kisses on her face and neck.
“Love you, Buffy,” he whispered. “So much. Love all of you—you’re so kind, so strong.”
A moan escaped her, and her entire body became aroused, just with his words and the feeling of him over her, protecting her. She had never been able to speak so openly to him; it was something she envied in him, but she was always able to show him her feelings in other ways. She began to rub her groin on his, enjoying the friction it caused. He let out a moan, and she knew he was enjoying it too. She began unbuttoning his jeans when she heard a female voice in the background,
“Uh, uh, uh, my Spike. You promised me you’d be my toy tonight.”
She pulled away from his kiss only to see Drusilla standing behind him. Her pale body swathed in a long black flowing dress. Her lips were contorted into a half smile, half pout; it gave Buffy the creeps. Buffy suddenly found her arms empty, as he began to walk away from her toward Drusilla; his mouth twisted into a horrible smirk.
“’Ello, luv,” he said to her. “Didn’t expect you’d come round tonight.” He kissed her, and she placed her hand behind his head to deepen it.
“Spike?” Buffy asked, her sad and forlorn voice ringing out in the darkness “What about our dinner? It’s our anniversary.”
He turned to look at her, his face smudged with her lipstick.
“Sorry, pet. Can’t stay here anymore, ‘ve got my Dru to take care of. She can give me things you never could. She’s not lacking like you are.”
“Lacking?” she asked. “Lacking what?”
“You’re not enough for him, luv,” Drusilla explained. “You’ll never be. My Spike needs more. He needs me. Come on now, Spike, let’s leave the sad girl alone.”
Spike took one last look at Buffy, shrugged, and walked away with Drusilla. Buffy was left alone sitting on the blanket, feeling as though her heart had been ripped out of her chest.
She had tears streaming down her face but could not wake up. She tossed and turned, but still the nightmare continued.
Suddenly, she was fifteen again and walking into her father’s office building in L.A. where she had lived before moving to Sunnydale. She was practically skipping down the hall to his office feeling so excited about the ice capades he was taking her to that night. Looking in a mirror in the hallway she barely recognized herself, so happy her skin almost glowed. She hadn’t seen herself look so youthful and carefree in a very long time.
Suddenly, she opened the door to her father’s office, and it was as if the light that had been her happiness, flew out of her body. Her father had a woman over his desk screaming out his name as he pushed into her from behind. Buffy felt nauseous and turned to leave, running out the door she heard her father say,
“Shit, Marilyn, put your clothes back on. Fuck! Buffy, honey, wait, I can explain!”
He chased after her and caught her just as she was about to exit the building.
“Why dad? What about mom? How could you do that to us? “
He shrugged in the same way Spike had at the beach. “That’s just the way life is, sweetie. I don’t love your mom anymore, and I never really wanted to have kids. You were more of an obligation than anything, and now that I’ve met Marilyn I can be done with you.”
The woman he’d been with in his office came out now and put her arm around him.
“We’re getting married,” he announced. “Please let your mother know I want a divorce.”
Buffy couldn’t see anything through her tears.
“Daddy?” she called.
“Don’t you know?” The woman asked her. “Men will only hurt and disappoint you. Never trust a man.”
Then they were walking away from her just like Spike and Dru had before.
Buffy finally awoke from her nightmare and felt how wet her face was. Why was this happening? There was no way she could go back to sleep now, so she got up, washed her face with cold water and made her way back into the kitchen.
William was sitting at the table having some tea when Buffy came in the door.
“’Lo, luv,”
She jumped. “William, you startled me!” she yelled.
“Sorry. Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” she asked innocently.
“You look like you just saw a ghost, pet. So tell me, did you have a nightmare?”
She shook her head, “No, just couldn’t sleep. I’m going to— “she turned to leave “I just need some fresh air.”
She didn’t want to explain herself to him. She just needed some quiet time and fresh air, so she went out to the back porch and sat on her bench swing. She felt so flustered; out of sorts that dream had really messed with her head. She looked up into the night sky and taking in all the stars she wondered where in her life things had gotten so fucked up. When had she stopped being able to show emotion? Had it been because of Spike and the way he’d hurt her or had it been because of her father? She knew she hadn’t really been able to tell Spike she loved him, she’d only been able to let him know a few times in their relationship whereas he wore his heart on his sleeve, even at the end when they had both been angry and hurt. So where did it start? Now she was living her last days, and she realized how truly emotionally stunted she was. Spike had given her reason to doubt. What Marilyn had told her in her dream he’d proven it to be true; men couldn’t be trusted. She’d never forgiven him; in fact, she didn’t think she could. She had given him her heart, and he had trampled it. Even now that he was here, even after all the changes she’d seen in him, she still couldn’t put the past behind her. She had to protect herself didn’t she? The last thing she wanted was to be hurt again, especially now that she had so little time left. She put her head in her hands; all this self-analyzing was giving her a headache.
She heard the screen door slam shut and looked up to see him walking toward her with a steaming mug in his hand.
“Brought you some tea, figured it would help you get back to sleep.”
“Thanks,” she told him.
He handed her the cup and stood there awkwardly, not knowing whether to sit next to her, or go back inside. She seemed to want to be alone, but he didn’t think that leaving her to her own thoughts was a good idea. Finally, he sat down, thinking that if she didn’t want him there she’d tell him. She never had a problem telling him to go away. They sat there in silence for what seemed an eternity until finally he said,
“Buffy –“
“Don’t.” she told him “Not now. Let’s just go back inside and get some sleep. I’m tired now.”
He nodded and helped her up. They went inside and up the stairs.
“Good night, Buffy,” he told her when she was at her bedroom door.
“Good night, William,” she answered walking in and shutting the door behind her.
William let out a big sigh and let himself into the room. Baby steps he told himself baby steps.
*******************************************************
Xander and Anya’s
Xander sat up on his bed suddenly awake.
“What?” Anya asked. “What is it?” She was slightly annoyed to be woken from her sleep.
“Camden!” he yelled. “That’s where she went with her mother on vacation. Camden, Maine! That must be where she is.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'd like to give a HUGE thanks to my beta Sanity Fair who has been incredibly helpful. She has had patience with my complete ignorance when it comes to punctuation and has also helped to make this story more descriptive for readers. You are AWESOME!
Id also like to thank sallyntmare for researching towns in Maine and helping me locate a nice quiet place for Buffy to live and attempt her escape from her real life.
Id also like to thank sallyntmare for researching towns in Maine and helping me locate a nice quiet place for Buffy to live and attempt her escape from her real life.
Chapter End Notes:
Reviews make me smile :) Please let me know what you thought of the chapter or the story. I welcome opinions and constructive criticism. I will update soon.