Chapter 16
After hearing the doorbell ring for the fifth time, she staggered from her bed to the top of the stairs, her limbs heavy and her head hazy from the aftereffects of both the chemo and sleep.
“I’m coming!”
Where’s William when you need him? Buffy held on to the railing and looked down; the mere thought of reaching the bottom exhausted her. It was so frustrating being so slow and tired. Something as easy as getting downstairs, now took herculean effort. Didn’t the person at the door get that she was sick?
“Hold your horses. I’m coming!” Her yell came out raspy, making her sound as though she’s smoked too many cigarettes in her lifetime.
Finally, reaching the bottom, Buffy made her way to the front door. She opened it, ready to give whoever was on the other side a piece of her mind but froze when she saw who it was. There in her doorway, stood Anya wearing her best “I am going to force myself to like you, even though I actually hate you. But because my boyfriend loves you, I have to be nice.” look. Xander stood behind her with a meek but slightly frightened look on his face.
“Oh, my, Buffy, you really are sick.” Anya’s eyes widened as she took in Buffy’s appearance: dark circles under her eyes, weight loss, puffiness, baldness, and all.
A look of pity came over the girl, and Buffy was tempted to slap it off her face. Anya’s brown eyes now looked like a sad puppy’s, and when she turned to look at her boyfriend, Buffy’s hands came to her head. She touched her bandana while looking at Anya’s newly dyed blonde locks and felt suddenly very self-aware of her baldness and ashamed of the effects the cancer had on her body.
“Anya, Xander...” Her mouth opened and closed, but she could not formulate any more words.
Xander pushed his girlfriend aside and took Buffy’s hands in his.
“Don’t be mad. William told us you were here. We needed to come. I had a bad feeling about you, and I had to make sure you were okay.”
“William,” she repeated, it was the only word she heard out of Xander’s mouth.
He’d done this. He’d betrayed her.
“You look good,” Anya said falsely, making up for her previous comment. “I like your scarf.”
Buffy gave the girl her best fake smile; she’d mastered it just for her.
“Come in.” She motioned them in with her arm. “William isn’t here. He went out to get dinner.”
She was going to kill him, but her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as she was suddenly overwhelmed by Xander’s arms around her.
“Buffy I’m so sorry. I’m here for you, whatever you need.” His large arms hurt her already sore body; so she gently pulled away, getting a close up look at his unshed tears and the pity written on his face.
Tears of anger overtook her; the pity on both of their faces was exactly why she left Sunnydale. The looks they gave her were something she never wanted to see, especially from Xander, her closest friend. Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and struggled against the tears that were threatening to fall when thankfully, William walked in carrying dinner. He seemed surprised by their visitors.
“Xander, Anya- what are you guys doing here?” His face was stone, lips set in a straight line, eyes cold as ice, and his jaw twitched in anger.
Buffy took this chance to step away from Xander and compose herself. Shooting William a glare, she said,
“I’m tired, so I’m going to go lie down in my room. You take care of our guests.” She emphasized her last sentence by pointing an accusing finger at William.
When she was convinced that William understood her anger by the way he lowered his gaze to his boots, she turned and walked ever so slowly toward her room.
“What are you guys doing here? I thought you’d call before you showed up, so I could try to prepare her,” he hissed at them once he heard her door slam shut.
“Look man, it’s like I told you. I had a bad feeling about Buffy, and I had to come see her. We would have been here sooner if someone hadn’t made us stop at every tourist attraction in almost every state.”
He shot Anya a look of annoyance as he explained their delay.
“He said it would be a romantic trip for us. I was just making it count.” Anya looked at Xander, lifting her chin at him in defiance.
“A romantic trip, plus a one hundred eighty dollar dye job.” Xander took a strand of Anya’s hair in his hand and looked at William. William only rolled his eyes at him.
“We couldn’t tell you exactly when we were going to show up because you would have told her, and she would have run” Anya took her hair back from Xander’s grip, her mouth opening in shock when he pulled on it.
“Great!” William cried. “Now, she thinks I told on her to you guys.”
“So tell her we gave you no choice. She’ll understand.” Xander placed his hand on Williams shoulder, attempting to make his best friend feel better.
“Have you met Buffy?” William raised his eyebrows.
“He’s right. The ice-queen’s going to hold this over his head for as long as she can.”
“Anyanka!” Both men yelled.
Anya put her hands on her hips and glared at them.
“That is not my name!”
They both looked at her, clearly still angry and not caring about her name at all.
“Okay, sorry.” The blonde raised her hands in surrender.
“She really is sick though. Xander was right. What’s up with the scarf?”
Both men rolled their eyes at her but let the comment go. They knew Anya didn’t mean to be insensitive; she was just oblivious.
“Buffy has breast cancer. She has to have chemotherapy, and it’s made her lose her hair. Look, Xand, all due respect, but I think this is a conversation you should have with her yourself,” William said.
“Understood.” Xander nodded.
“How about you offer us a seat, William? Seems Buffy has money.” Anya’s eyes widened, and she let out a whistle as she took in the house’s interior beauty.
Standing in the foyer, directly in front of them was a staircase that lead to what Anya assumed were the bedrooms. To the left, she saw the living room where two large cushy brown couches were set in an L-shape so anyone sitting there could watch the television that hung over a gorgeous stone fireplace. The living room walls were a burnt orange color and the floors were dark wide planked oak hardwoods. There was a large area rug in the pattern of orange, brown, and green swirls, covering the area in front of the sofas.
To the right, lay the kitchen. Its walls were a warm yellow and the floor was made of repurposed brick pavers. The appliances were stainless steel and the countertop looked to be an earth-toned granite.
“Nice,” If she were a cartoon, Anya would have dollar signs for eyes. “Now, I get why you’re so into her. She’s loaded.”
“That’s not why, and you know it. Go sit down.” William pointed at Anya, his face red with anger. “I don’t have time for you right now, Anyanka, but I’m tired of hearing you talk negatively about my girl. So keep your bloody opinions to yourself, or sod off! I have to go check on Buffy.” William didn’t look at Anya’s shocked face before turning around and walking away.
She looked to Xander for support, but all she got from him was a nod she was sure was in agreement with what William just said. She looked down at her feet feeling shameful for once in her life.
“Maddening woman!” William yelled loud enough for her to hear as he made his way up the stairs in search of Buffy’s forgiveness.
Xander rolled his eyes, an act that he often did, usually once Anya was no longer paying attention to him, took her by the hand, and led her to the couches. He’d never understand how their friendship worked.
Once upstairs William knocked softly on her door.
“Go away!” Her voice sounded tired, and he could tell she was crying.
“Let me in, luv. Need to settle things ‘tween us.” He leaned his side against the door, listening to her.
“Will, I’m tired. Please, let me sleep.”
He quietly turned the door knob and was surprised to find the door unlocked. He walked into the dark room and saw her curled up on her bed looking small and frail.
“Don’t you listen?” she asked, coming to a sitting position her voice changing from soft to hard. “No, you don’t. That’s why they’re here because you have no sense of loyalty.”
“Come on, sweet. Know you don’t mean it.”
“Stop calling me pet names! There is nothing between us.” Her anger was so great she couldn’t even formulate a reasonable argument.
He came to sit down beside her. Buffy slid further away from him on the bed.
“Didn’t break any promises. Xander called, they were already here. Had to tell them where we were, didn’t I? Couldn’t have ‘em drive back to Sunnydale. Wouldn’t have been fair.” His voice was soft, gentle, and he was treating her anger as he would a child’s tantrum.
“Please go away, and leave me alone. I need to process. I’m so angry right now that I can’t even see straight.” He had to lean in to hear her and sitting so close to her he could see beads of sweat on her forehead.
“You okay lu—Buffy?” She looked faint.
She nodded and lay back on her pillow.
“Go away now. I need to sleep.” Her eyes closed. She didn’t have any energy left to argue.
He nodded, though he knew she couldn’t tell, stood up, and walked away.
“I hate you right now,” she told him as he left.
William walked down the stairs with a heavy heart. He hated seeing her so angry, so disconsolate, especially while she was sick. He knew she didn’t really hate him, but her words hurt nonetheless.
*******************************************************
“Well? Is everything good between you now?” Anya looked up worriedly from couch when she saw him come down.
“No, Anya, everything is not good. Chit’s brassed off—no thanks to you two.” He waved his finger between her and Xander.
“What? Speak American, William. No one knows what you’re saying when you get all worked up.”
William looked at Anya, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Sometimes it took all of his patience to deal with her and not lose his temper.
“She’s mad, Ahn, and he thinks it’s because of us.” Taking a cue from William’s body language, Xander took Anya’s hand in his and translated as best he could.
“Look guys, it’s late an’ you need a place to put your things. Follow me, I’ll show you where you can stay.” William stood, letting go of his anger. It wasn’t their fault Buffy was angry. It was his. He shouldn’t blame them for his and Buffy’s dysfunction.
Leading the way up the stairs, he showed them to his room.
“You can stay here. I’ll just need a minute to get my things out of your way.”
“What? William, no, we can’t kick you out of your room,” Anya said. “Isn’t that couch downstairs a fold out bed or something? We could sleep there.”
William smiled at his friend. “Don’ worry about it, pet. The couch won’t be a problem. Slept on plenty of those in my life, haven’t I?”
Anya nodded, remembering the countless times he’d slept on the couch in her apartment.
“Poor William,” she said, “don’t worry, if getting the girl is what you want, then I will help you do it. Even if I think you’re insane for loving such heartless bi-“
“Anya….”
“Lovely girl.” She said, taking in his clenched fists and the way his body tensed.
“Listen Will.” She took his fists in her hands. “I know I can be a bitch sometimes.“
“Sometimes!” William smiled his eyes twinkling and opened his fists allowing her to take his hands.
“Shut up,” She admonished. “What I’m saying is that I know we haven’t known each other long, but I’ve grown to love you as a brother, and sometimes I get carried away trying to protect you.”
“What are you getting at, pet?” There was a tone of laughter in his sarcasm, and he took at step back when Anya slapped his shoulder.
“I will try to be on my best behavior while I’m here, and I’ll keep my opinions to myself.”
“Thanks. I would really like that Anya,” William said and walked into the hug she offered him.
“You two kids all right now?” Xander, who had been standing in the corner observing the two friends, walked toward them and joined the embrace wrapping his arms around the pair.
William shook him off. “Yeah, we’re good. Let’s get out of here ‘fore I turn into a nancy boy.”
They decided on the new accommodations. Then Xander and Anya went out to the car to get their things. Following them out, William leaned against his Desoto and fished in his pocket for his cigarettes, taking one out then lighting it.
“I thought you quit.” Xander’s voice came out of nowhere.
“Lotta stress here, mate.”
“I can imagine.” Xander stood beside William and leaned on the side of the car along with him. “She’s not very easy to deal with when things get out of control. She’s always been like that.”
William looked from left to right, “Where’s Anyanka?”
“Anya went up to get us settled. It’s just you and me, buddy. Feel free to talk.”
“Think you’re the one needs to talk.” He knew this whole thing was bothering Xander and the fact that both he and Buffy had kept it from him was really the icing on the cake.
“I don’t think she should have run away like this. It’s hurtful. We’ve been best friends since forever.”
Xander’s pain was evident in his body language, the way his stance lacked confidence, and he kept running his hand through his hair.
“Don’t think she did it to hurt you. Starting to see that she did it to protect us.”
“Why? We don’t need protection. She needs us now more than ever!”
“A woman’s brain is a complicated thing, Xander.”
“You’re telling me! I’ve been trying to wrap my head around Anya’s for as long as I’ve known her.”
Xander got a funny smile on his face as soon as he spoke her name.
“What are you thinking, mate?” William asked; his curiosity piqued when he saw Xander’s expression.
“Can you keep a secret?”
William rolled his eyes.
“Oh yeah, duh,” Xander responded.
Xander dug inside his pocket and pulled out a box, holding it for William to see and opened it. Williams’s eyes widened, and his eyebrows almost touched his hairline.
“Are you ready for that? It’s a big step.”
“I’m readier than I’ll ever be. Anya’s the one, Will. I’ve never felt like this for anyone before.”
“Never had anyone before,” William argued.
“You know I thought you’d back me up on this man. You’re my best friend, and you love Anya. You understand her better than any of her other friends do.”
“’M sorry. You’re right. Got a little caught up in my own relationship drama is all. I think you proposin’s a great idea. You two make a good couple.”
“Thank you.” Xander let out a sigh. He’d been expecting his best friend to be happy for him but hadn’t taken his current situation into account.
“When are you going to ask her?”
“I don’t know. I’m waiting for the perfect time.” Xander shrugged his shoulders.
“Never gonna come.”
“What? Of course it will,” Xander said.
“You have to make this happen. Can’t just sit on your arse and wait for it. Just ask her.”
Xander nodded. His friend made sense; he couldn’t just sit around and wait for the perfect moment to present its self. He had to make his own perfect moment.
“Good point, Will. I think I’ll go inside and go online to see if I can find some ideas.”
“All right, mate. Enjoy.”
William watched Xander go inside and lit up a cigarette. He wasn’t ready to go in and deal with them yet. He had to come up with a way to get Buffy to forgive him.
*******************************************************
Later that night after Xander and Anya had gone to bed in his room, he lay awake on the couch, trying to get some sleep. He heard a door upstairs open then close and the water running. Someone must have been using the loo. He heard the faucet shut off then the door open and a quiet but frustrated voice say,
“Fuck, that hurt.”
It was her. She was awake and he needed to talk to her, make her forgive him. He stood up and ran upstairs to find her sitting on the floor in the hallway, rubbing her bare foot.
“What happened?” He was at her feet in a moment, taking her injured foot in hand and beginning to massage it.
“I stubbed my toe. I had to pee, and I’m so tired. I feel disoriented, and it’s hot.” She pulled her tank top away from her chest and blew air down into her cleavage. She looked so distraught he was compelled to take her in his arms and allow her to lean her head on his chest.
“Poor, sweet, Buffy,” he cooed.
He picked her up, “Let’s put you to bed, shall we?”
She nodded and allowed him to carry her into her room. He laid her on the bed noticing for the first time that she still had on the light blue lace camisole and matching boy shorts. She would be his undoing. William tucked her in and turned to leave,
“Please stay,” she begged. “I’m a mess. I don’t want to be alone.”
He nodded and walked over to the recliner that sat next to the bed.
“No, not there,” she patted the space next to her on the bed, “here.”
He couldn’t argue with her, especially not now with the way she looked so distraught and ill. He went to her, lay with his head propped up on pillows, and allowed her to wrap her hot little arms around him. He felt her body shake and knew she was crying.
“What’s up, pet? What’s got you so sad?”
“I don’t want them here,” she sobbed.
“Xander an’ Anya? They’re you’re friends. They came because they love you.”
“It’s selfish. I know, but I don’t want to worry about their feelings and how they’re handling my illness. I can barely handle myself.”
He looked down at her, a frown on his face.
“That what this is all about? Why you ran away, didn’t want me here?”
She nodded.
“Oh, sweet, we’re not here to make you feel bad. We’re here to help you, to love you when you need it the most.”
“I’m not so good with love,” She extended her hand out signaling at him, “case in point.”
“We’re not asking you to love us. I‘m—we’re asking you to let us love you.”
“I can try it,” she said.
She was hot, her arms, her body. He put his hand to her forehead and came away with it damp with her sweat.
“You’re burning up. Think I’ll call the doctor….” He turned to the nightstand next to her bed and reached for the phone.
She stopped him and said,
“It’s normal, part of the side effects of chemo. I’ll be fine soon.”
“You sure luv?” He looked down at her, his eyebrows knit and his lips in a thin line, the concern written on his face. She felt that this was the only look he sported since coming to live with her. Her fault, the guilt ate at her.
Buffy nodded, struggling to keep her eyes open.
“Sleep now luv, need to get your rest.”
She nodded and snuggled closer to him. “Don’t leave me, Spike. I need you.”
He ignored her use of his nickname. She was feverish, and this was the first time she’d been so open with him since he’d come to stay with her. He smiled at her quiet snoring. She finally trusted him or at least was on her way to doing so, and this made him happy.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks so much to Sanityfair for helping me out with this chapter. I did choose to keep some things as they were so any mistakes found are mine alone. Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for all of you reviews. I love to see that you are enjoying the story. I woould love to hear what you guys thought of this chapter. Please review. Help my muse! Is there anything you don't like? Something you'd like to see happen? I'd like to know your thoughts.