Chapter 17
She awoke to the feel of William’s hard body behind her. His arm was draped over her waist and his left leg over hers. His nose touched her shoulder blade, and she wondered if he’d fallen asleep while taking in her scent. It was nice to be held; she felt safe and protected. She didn’t want to move, but the ache in her bladder told her she had better before she embarrassed herself. Buffy gingerly moved his arm off of her in an attempt to quietly climb out of bed. She took a step toward the bathroom but froze when she heard him shift. Taking a look back at the bed, she saw he had only moved to a more comfortable position and was still sleeping, so she quietly continued onward.
After appeasing her bladder, Buffy stood in front of the mirror, taking a good look at her reflection, not liking what she saw. She looked haggard and gaunt from the weight loss. Her cheekbones were pronounced, as well as her clavicle and sternum. She liked being thin, but this was ridiculous. There were prominent dark circles under her eyes, and she felt her eyelids were drooping as evidence of lack of energy. Noticing her breasts no longer filled her camisole was another mark against her, and the most devastating thing was her hair loss. Buffy felt as though she looked like death warmed over. How could he find her attractive? The cancer took away any semblance of beauty that she once had and her self- confidence along with it. With one last look at her reflection, Buffy walked out into the bedroom to see William sitting up shirtless in bed. She paused to appreciate the picture he made. He smirked at her when he saw what she was doing.
“How are you feeling?” he asked as she climbed back into bed with him.
“Like I was run over by a truck.” She gave him a weak smile and tucked herself under the covers, placing her head on the pillow.
“Aww, poor Buffy.” He had a playful smile on his face as he leaned down and kissed her forehead.
He couldn’t help noticing the way she looked up at him with hooded eyes.
“Spike-”
His face turned stony, his cheekbones protruded, and his jaw twitched in anger. He made to leave the bed, but Buffy stopped him.
“Oh, god, I’m sorry.” She quickly clapped her hand over her mouth. Grabbing his arm she said, “It’s just… I only associate this feeling with Spike. I’ve never felt this way with you — I mean William.”
Hearing her talk like this erased any anger he felt. His face relaxed as he made himself comfortable on the bed and took her hand in his.
“Feel what way, love?”
Feeling her cheeks heat up, Buffy took her hand away from his and covered her face, letting out a muffled,
“What am I doing?”
William removed her hands and looked at her. She saw he was trying to hide a smile, but his twitching lips gave him away.
“Don’t laugh at me!”
“Not laughing at you. Just find you bloody adorable when you’re embarrassed.”
She huffed, crossed her arms, and pouted. “Now I’m not going to say anything.”
William groaned, his cock twitching in reaction to her pout. “Please, don’t do that. You can’t know what it does to me.” He uncrossed her arms and lifted her chin for her to look at him. “Come on, pet, tell me what’s on your mind. Is it about last night?”
She simply nodded but remained pouting.
“Love?” he asked, looking into her eyes trying to convince her to talk. She took in their deep azure coloring and knew this was William at his most honest. He cared about her feelings and what they were in relation to him.
“I felt connected to you. Like it used to be with us when you used to be so good to me, William.”
He felt his heart flutter; William couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was Buffy Summers actually sharing her emotions with him? He chose his next words carefully, knowing she was like a small bird; she might scamper off if she felt vulnerable.
“And now?” he prodded.
“And just now when I woke to you holding me, it felt great. I felt safe.” Buffy traced her finger over one of the roses on her comforter, avoiding eye contact.
“Safe is good.” He took her face in his hands forcing her to look at him.
The look in hazel eyes pled for him to understand her trepidation, but she was hypnotized by the depths of his blue eyes when he leaned in closer and his lips came inches from hers.
“Look, I don’t know what this means. I’m even more confused now than the day you showed up on my doorstep.” She looked away abruptly and went back to her invisible doodling on the comforter.
William silently berated himself for moving too fast. This woman was an expert at testing his patience.
After a few minutes of silence she finally looked up at him, and he saw fear, not frustration in the way her eyes darted from him to the ceiling. She bit her bottom lip as she twined her hands together.
“Hey,” He put his hand on her shoulder, “it’s okay. We’ll be fine.”
“Just, I know there’s something here,” she waved her hand between the two of them, “but I’m not ready to deal with it. My plate’s kinda full you know?”
He was elated but tried to play it cool.
“I know. Why don’t we take it one day at a time, just like we’ve been doing.”
She nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“Good. So what are your plans for today?” he asked, looking over at the clock on the nightstand.
She laughed at the way he so easily changed the subject. “I think I’m going to lie in bed. I don’t have the energy to do much else.”
He smiled. She was so adorable.
“Okay if I take in a meeting today? I hadn’t realized how late it was” She still looked ill, and he felt trepidatious about leaving her alone to deal with Xander and Anya.
She nodded. “Of course.”
He got up from bed ignoring her whine. He had to be strong, AA was calling, and it wouldn’t be wise to skip a meeting just because a miracle had happened. The woman he loved wanted to hang out in bed with him all day!
“You should talk to Xander and Anya.”
She shook her head.
“Nope. Not gonna happen.”
“At least Xander?” It was his turn to pout and tilt his head in his familiar way.
Buffy couldn’t help but smile at his antics but quickly put a stop to it by covering it with a frown. “I don’t want them here. I never asked them to come. You should tell them to go home on your way to AA.”
“Buffy—”
“William, I don’t want to talk to them. Please don’t ruin my morning. I just want to sleep.”
Relenting, he said, “Okay love, sleep. I’ll bother you about it when I come back.”
“Thanks ever so much.” She rolled her eyes at him and threw herself back on the pillows covering her eyes with her arm. “Go away now. I’m tired.”
William smiled and walked over to her and bent, giving her a kiss on the forehead.
“I’ll be back in a bit. Call me if you need anything.” He turned to leave, but she stopped him by catching his arm.
“Last night was good, right?” she asked, sounding a bit insecure.
He smiled at her. “Last night was great.”
“Good.” She smiled.
William left the room unable to contain the smile on his face. He’d just taken a huge stride in getting through Buffy Summer’s seemingly impenetrable wall.
When he came downstairs he saw a note on the coffee table.
Will and Buffy,
We decided to take advantage of the nice weather and go for a hike. We’re at Maiden’s Cliff at the Camden Hills State Park. We figured Buffy might want some time to process our arrival.
Xander and Anya
So he’s really going to take the plunge. William thought to himself. I hope this cliff he’s taking her to is romantic. William thought about letting Buffy know she was on her own but thought twice about it. She said she would be in her room all day anyway, and she was probably already asleep, the poor thing looked exhausted. There was no need to bother her. William took his car keys and left.
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“Xander, I am dying here,” Anya said breathlessly.
“Relax, Ahn, we’ll be there soon. Trust me, this is going to be worth the effort. I hear the view from this cliff is breathtaking.” Xander climbed up the steep hiking trail and extended his hand to help her up over the rocks.
“By the time we get to the top, I won’t have any more breath to give.” Anya leaned over and pressed her palms to her knees trying to catch her breath.
“Come on, babe, enjoy the surroundings. Take in all this fresh air. This is nature at its finest.” Xander extended his arms showing Anya the beauty around her.
He was having trouble trying to stay upbeat. Anya had done nothing but complain since the moment she took a look at the hike from the bottom of the cliff. She was starting kill the romantic mood he was trying to set, and it looked to him as though maybe today was not the day to propose. Anya wiped the sweat off her brow with a hand towel and gave him an apologetic look.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, this is nice. I’m especially glad we went out and bought these hiking boots because I can’t imagine doing this with regular sneakers.” She gave him her most brilliant smile. “You’re awesome, Xander. I can’t believe you found this place all on your own, and I won’t complain anymore.”
“Thanks, Ahn. I appreciate your intent.” He knew she was lying, but she was doing it for his benefit and that made him love her even more.
“Oh, my, God, look!” Anya gave a little hop and pointed ahead.
Xander followed her line of vision to a large steel cross.
“We’re almost there!” He turned to look at her, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
“Do you know why that cross is there?” Anya asked him feeling proud to know some interesting trivia.
“No, I figured it was just to make it look nice.”
“Well, it’s a sad story really. There was this eleven-year-old girl, and she was climbing the cliff with her sister, but her hat blew off and she went after it. She caught the hat but was blown off the cliff by the wind when she sat down at its edge.”
Xander rolled his eyes. Leave it to Anya to ruin the mood. He was going for romantic, and she had to bring up a tragedy. He looked at her and had to smile. How could he be angry at her? She didn’t know what he had planned. This was exactly why he loved her. Her spontaneity is what attracted him to her in the first place. Anya’s view of the world was often like that of a child, and she had no problems expressing her opinions in the same way a child would. Xander admired her for being so open and not caring what others thought of her. True sometimes her thoughtlessness could be taken as rude and uncaring, but he was willing to deal with that. It was a flaw that those who got to know her grew to love. He was lucky to have this woman in his life and today he would make sure to make it permanent.
“Come on, Ahn. Let’s get to the top.” He took her hand in his and continued walking toward the cross.
**********************************************************
Buffy stuck her head out of her bedroom door.
“Hello?”
Her only response was silence. Deciding to take the chance, she stepped out of the room and walked downstairs toward the kitchen. She was incredibly hungry. She saw Xander and Anya’s note. Oh, thank god. I’m by myself. Feeling more relaxed she took off her robe and walked in her grey pajama bottoms and camisole.
Buffy made herself a sandwich and sat on the couch in the living room with the TV on. She wasn’t able to pay attention to what was playing because her mind was full of thoughts. What the hell am I going to do about William? Do I still love him? Who am I kidding? Of course I still love him; I never stopped.
She threw her head back against the couch feeling incredibly confused. How could she tell him how she felt? Especially in light of everything that was happening. Her chemo wasn’t working, and she might have to have major surgery. Who would want her if she had no breasts? Who would want to stay and deal with so much baggage? In the end she would probably send him straight to the bar all over again. She’d only agreed to the increase in chemo because he seemed so adamant against a mastectomy. She agreed because she was scared to lose him. What had started out as the simplest of plans had now turned into a complete mess, thanks to her friends. She just wanted to be alone. Now that I am, well, it doesn’t feel great. She admitted to herself.
*********************************************************
“Xander, it’s beautiful!” They stood at the top of Maiden’s cliff admiring the gorgeous view of Megunticook Lake and its surrounding woods.
“Was it worth the pain in the ass hike?” Xander stood next to her admiring her beauty instead of what lay ahead.
“Absolutely,” she said, a smile playing on her lips.
“Anya,” Xander took her by the shoulders and turned her to look at him, “I brought you up here for a reason.”
“I know and I’m sorry I complained the whole way up. You were right, Xander it was totally worth the effort.”
Xander began digging in his coat pocket for the felt box he’d been carrying since they’d left Sunnydale. Finally finding it, he got down on one knee.
“Xander, what are you doing?” Anya looked at him confusion clearly written in her eyes.
“Anya Jenkins, I love you. Every day I grow more and more in love with you. You have taught me so much about how to look at the world. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to see things the way you do and share in your joys and your sorrows. Please, Anya, will you marry me?” He opened the box and showed her the sparkling ruby that lay in it.
Anya took in the brilliant red stone surrounded by a circle of small diamonds embedded in a platinum band. She could only cover her mouth in surprise.
“What are you thinking, Anya?” Xander asked nervously.
“I am completely shocked. I was not expecting this.” She was doing a little dance as she spoke. “I mean don’t get me wrong. I’m happy. I’m so happy this is happening!”
“So can I have an answer?”
Xander picked the girl up and twirled her in a circle eliciting a scream from her. He put her down and looked her over.
“What? Did I hurt you?”
“No. We’re just really close to the cliff and I don’t want to get blown over by the wind.” She took Xander’s hand and ignoring his laughter pulled him away from the edge of the cliff.
“What do you say we celebrate with some champagne and a picnic?” he asked as he opened his knapsack and began pulling out a bottle of champagne and a basket.
“I say, ‘absolutely!’” Anya took his bag and sat down on the ground making herself more comfortable for their celebration.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to SanityFair. You're awesome and ever so patient with my lack of grammar skills.
Readers please let me know what you think! It's so much easier to write when I know people are enjoying what Ive written so far. Thanks!
Readers please let me know what you think! It's so much easier to write when I know people are enjoying what Ive written so far. Thanks!
Chapter End Notes:
Maidens Cliff in Cambden Maine is an actual place. It is part of Camden Hills State park. The story of Elenora French, an 11 year old girl who fell of the cliff and the cross that stands there in her memory is also true.
Please Review!
Please Review!