Chapter 22
“So she’s standing there telling me about how this little girl plummeted to her death all the while I’m toying with the ring in my pocket trying to get her to appreciate the beauty of the cliff.”
They all laughed as they sat around the table outside enjoying the steak and potatoes meal Xander and William had prepared.
“I was trying to impress him with my knowledge of history,” Anya said while piling more potatoes onto her plate.
“Nice, Anyanka, morbid as ever.” Spike smiled at her teasingly.
Her head shot up, and she was about to tell him off when she noticed how happy he looked with his hand wrapped around Buffy’s.
“I give up. It’s useless.”
“Knew I’d wear you down” He smirked at her.
“Cut her some slack, Will. After all, she did manage to get Xander to propose. That means he won’t be complaining about how miserable his dating life is anymore.”
“Who are you, and where is my woman?” Laughter tinged his voice.
They stayed outside for a while after finishing their meal, telling jokes and enjoying the weather. Finally, Buffy yawned one too many times, and their little impromptu party drew to a close when William insisted she go lie down.
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“I’m glad to see you and Anya getting along.”
William took his t-shirt off as he spoke to Buffy, who was already tucked into bed watching him.
“She’s kind of nice. You just have to really get in there and dig to get some sensitivity out of her.”
“She’s never had any girlfriends.”
“So she told me. Come sit by me, Will. I want to cuddle.”
She gave him a pout, and he was next to her in a second.
“How’s my girl?” He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek before she cuddled into the spot between his shoulder and neck. “Poor lamb, got some difficult news today.”
“I talked to Anya about it,” she mumbled into his neck.
“Really?” He had guessed as much when he’d seen them hugging earlier.
“Mm Hmm.”
“And?” William took her by the chin and made her look into his eyes.
“I’m scared. She brought up some good points though.”
“Which were?” William knew that prodding was the only way to get her to speak freely about the subject.
“Whatever the outcome, there’s a solution. I mean obviously the best thing would be for the tumor to have disappeared, but that’s highly unlikely.”
“So?”
“So even if I need surgery, whether it’s to remove the tumor or remove my breasts, both will lead to me having more time to spend with you.”
William smiled. “I love Anya.”
“Hey! I thought you loved me.” Buffy looked at him making sure to give her best pout.
“I do. I can show you.”
William leaned over, lightly kissing her lips before slowly dipping his tongue into her mouth and moving his hands to touch the skin under her tank top.
“Mmm, William.” Buffy gently pushed him away. “I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling it right now, you know?”
He remembered reading somewhere that chemotherapy killed libido, so he wasn’t upset with her refusal. How could he be? It was enough to have her share the bed with him.
“Course I do pet. No worries, we have a lifetime for that. Let’s just get some kip, yeah?”
She nodded and brought her head back down to his shoulder. William shifted so that his arm rested around her waist and made sure to nonchalantly place his hand on her behind.
“Night, love.”
“Night, Spike.”
He let out a deep contented sigh. He didn’t remember ever having been this happy in their relationship. This new thing they had started was absolute bliss to him.
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A few days later found them sitting in Giles’s office waiting to discuss the results of her MRI.
It had not been fun to sit in that tube thingy for almost thirty minutes, but she had gotten through it with William’s help and support. Now, he reprised his role as her rock by holding her hand, calming her as he stroked it with his thumb.
“It looks as though I have some good news.” Giles told them while reading from his computer screen.
“You got it all? It’s gone?” Buffy bounced up and down on her seat hoping against all hope that she was right.
Giles looked up at her and removed his glasses, his action making Buffy stop bouncing. She knew his tells too well.
“I’m sorry Buffy but, no. Your tumor has shrunk however, and that’s also good news. It means you don’t have to have a mastectomy if you choose not to.”
“What do you mean if she chooses not to?” William was taken aback by Giles’ words. He had thought that a smaller tumor meant no breast removal at all.
“It means that the decision is up to Buffy. She can choose to have the tumor removed or to go ahead and have the mastectomy. The chances of the tumor returning are less with a mastectomy however, the procedure does not guarantee that the cancer will never return.”
Giles eyed William as he spoke his next words. “Buffy, a lumpectomy is less risky and a much simpler surgery, but in the end I’m afraid this is your choice to make, my dear”
Buffy nodded. “I know and I’ve already decided.”
Both men gave her wide eyed looks.
“You don’t have to make your decision right now. You can take your time.” Giles spoke to her in his calmest fatherly tone.
“I know and I have. I’ve been thinking about this since our last visit. I’ve decided to have the lumpectomy. I am ready to get on with my life and the way I figure is if the tumor comes back,I can have a mastectomy. Can’t I Giles?”
William stared at Buffy. She had made this decision on her own and seemed so confident with it. The woman sitting next to him was entirely different than the one he had found when he’d first arrived. She had grown so much.
“Yes, that’s correct Buffy. If you are confident in this decision, I can let you know how the procedure will go, and then we can set up an appointment for you. Does that sound good?” Giles was happy to see how much she had changed and how happy she looked; the fact that she was holding William’s hand had not gone unnoticed by him.
Buffy looked over at William for his input.
“It’s your decision, love. I’ll support you no matter what.”
She looked at Giles; the smile on her face so wide and bright it solicited a smile from him.
“Lumpectomy it is,” she said with a firm nod.
The next half hour was spent discussing the procedure along with the risks that came with it. It seemed simple enough and the way Giles made it sound, the risks involved weren’t all that common, just something he was required to explain to them. There was a chance they’d have to take out more than expected; the shape of her breast might change and that she wouldn’t be awake under the general anesthesia and the nerve block anethesia and the latter was anethesia directly for the site to desensitize the tissues to make them less sore upon awaking and recovery. Giles explained that some lumpectomies were performed as outpatient surgery, but she would have to remain over night because of the stage of her cancer and because her lymph nodes would also have to be removed in order to further prevent the risk of the cancer coming back. Buffy remained calm as he read the list of risks off, she had read up on all of this and knew that the chances were low. Spike’s reaction was quite different. His eyes were large as saucers and his hold on her hand tightened with each risk Giles marked off the list. He couldn’t understand how she could remain so calm when so many things could go wrong. Buffy looked at him, gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled. “It’ll be okay,” she mouthed to him. That seemed to calm him down a bit.
“Now, Buffy, I know you’re not going to like this, but you are going to need to continue chemotherapy after the surgery, just for a few more sessions to be sure that the cancer is completely gone.
She made a face making both William and the doctor laugh.
“What? It’s not funny. I want my hair back.”
Giving William a reproachful look she couldn’t help but laugh. Okay, maybe she was being petty. She had just found out that this awful thing was going to be taken out of her, and all she could think about was her hair.
“Fine. What’s a little more poison, if it means I’ll finally be done with this hell?”
Giles smiled at her, once more taken aback by the drastic change in attitude the man sitting next to her had brought about.
On their way out, Buffy gave Giles a warm hug. “Thanks,” she said, “I don’t think I could have done this without you as my doctor.”
Giles smiled warmly at the girl. “You’ve surprised me today, my dear girl. Your entire demeanor has changed. You are practically glowing.” He looked at William and nodded. “I think I have you to thank for that, young man.”
Buffy looked up at William and beamed. William took the doctors hand and thanked him once again for all of his help.
“I guess I’ll see you on the operating table, Giles.” Buffy waved as she walked out the door.
“Rupert.” William nodded at the older man and followed his beautiful girl out.
*********************************************************
On the drive home Buffy noticed William’s leg bouncing up and down as his hand tapped a little ditty on the steering wheel. Putting her hand over his she looked at him and asked,
“What is it? What’s bothering you, William?”
He looked at her, opened his mouth and then closed it again before finally letting out a frustrated sigh.
“Aren’t you scared? I’m freaking out here, love.”
“Don’t. There’s no reason to. The scary part’s over, Will.” She reassured him with a smile.
“Over? Did you hear all of the things that could go wrong? I think now’s when the scary part begins.” He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. He was supposed to be her rock, her anchor, and now his fears were going to make her go running again.
“Will, the tumor shrank. That’s really good news. I wanted to jump up for joy when Giles told me. This surgery’s going to be so quick and easy, you’ll see. They have to tell everyone about the risks involved, but did you hear the percentage of times those things actually happen? It’s like slim to none. Relax. Enjoy this with me, will you?” She took advantage of the nasty Desoto’s single front seat and pushed herself closer to him, placing her head on his shoulders and her hand on his knee to stop it from doing it’s strange little dance.
“It will be okay, I promise.”
He smiled and kissed the top of her head. “You’re right, pet. ‘M just overreacting is all. You’ll be just fine, and we can put this all behind us and move on. I love you so much.”
Buffy smiled at him but couldn’t return the words. She felt badly about it, but she just wasn’t ready to take that step. Every time he told her she felt a twinge of guilt and hoped that he would be okay with her just being able to accept the words for now. She was afraid if she said them back to him, she would lose that last little bit of protection she had against him. Losing that last wall would mean opening herself up to the pain and hurt he and so many others before him had put her through before. She couldn’t do that; she had to protect herself at least a little, didn’t she?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a short one but its filled with a lot of info. Hope you like it. Let me know! Thanks so much for your reviews! Thanks to SanityFair who was a huge help with all of her knowledge of the subject and of course with punctuation.
Chapter End Notes:
THanks Reviewers! I saw some new names and that was REALLY exciting. Do you think Buffy made the right surgical choice? What about her feelings for Spike? Is she taking too long to just let him in already? Let me know!!