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Author's Chapter Notes:
Some more flashbacks. This time from Buffy.
Buffy sat on the recliner at the hospital with her eyes closed trying not to think of the chemo running into her body through the IV attached to her arm. What the hell had happened with William? Here she was two weeks later with more important things to think about and she still couldn’t get him out of her head. His visit, although well meant, had been disastrous. She couldn’t help the bitter smile from spreading across her face. Hadn’t that been the way of their entire relationship? Full of good intentions that always ended in disaster?
Things hadn’t really gotten that bad until her mother had gotten sick. They were living together by then, she had moved in with him after six months. She’d noticed that he drank every night.
“Enough to get a good buzz going” he’d say.
But his demeanor never changed. If anything alcohol made him sweeter, more loving, it loosened his tongue. The sex was great too! Nothing lacking in that department. So she ignored it. There wasn’t a problem there, or nothing noticeable, until they hospitalized her mother. She would stay with her all day coming home at 9 and 10 at night to find that Spike had gone out for the night. He’d come back really drunk and pass out on the couch so that all she ever saw of him was his head of white blonde hair. She slept alone and didn’t see him ever and it was beginning to aggravate her. She wanted to talk to him about it but it was difficult because they never saw each other. It was causing her more stress than she needed and so she decided to handle it, get the problem solved….. by calling Xander.
“Hi Xand, it’s Buffy”
She had been nervous. Xander had been her best friend since grade school but she still felt like she was betraying Spike by talking about their personal problems especially since he probably had no clue that they were having problems at all.
“What’s up Buff? I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s your mom?”
She hadn’t even told him her mom had been hospitalized. She had been so self-involved lately. What a horrible friend she was being.
“She’s in the hospital.”
“Oh Buffy”
That’s all it had taken for her emotional damn to break. All at once she started crying, sobbing into the phone. Every tear she had held back broke through. Xander could hear her crying, gasping for breath.
“Buffy, are you all right? Where’s Spike? Do you need me to come over?”
“I don’t know where he is.” She sobbed “I haven’t seen him in weeks”
“Wait a minute what? Weeks? I just saw him last night and he didn’t say anything.”
She tried to calm down and steady her breathing.
“Xander have you seen him drinking?”
“Of course, Spike’s always drinking. He’s always had a Jack and Coke in his hand. Why?”
“Because I think it’s out of hand. He comes home so late and then he doesn’t even bother to come to bed. He just passes out on the couch. He’s still padded out in the morning when I get up to go to work and to the hospital. By the time I get home he’s gone again God knows where or with who.”
The thought of Spike cheating on her brought her to tears again.
“Wait a minute Buffy hold on. He’s not cheating. Like I said, he was out with me last night.”
The tears just wouldn’t stop. Just then she heard keys at the door and saw a very sober Spike walk in. A panicked look crossed his face at the sight of her tear stained face and he quickly ran over to her.
“Hey baby what’s wrong?” he asked his eyes full of concern
“You” she cried “You’re what’s wrong.”
“Uh, Buff” Xander’s voice came “M maybe I should let you guys talk”
“Yeah” she whispered “I’ll talk to you later Xand”
She hung up the phone just as Spike got on his knees in front of where she was sitting on the couch so he could be at eye level with her and took her hands in his own.
“What was it you were talking to Xander about love?”
“You” she whispered “and your drinking and how I haven’t seen you in two weeks.”
“Haven’t seen me?” he asked “I’ve been here the whole time pet”
She shook her head.
“You’re gone when I get home and you’re so drunk when you come back that you just pass out on the couch. Spike we haven’t shared a bed in weeks.”
Again the tears started streaming but she didn’t fall apart this time. Spike looked guilty. He stood up and began pacing.
“I’ve been that bad eh?” he asked
She nodded.
“I’m sorry kitten. Sometimes I get out of hand and I guess that watching you deal with so much, well, it made me feel like I should give you space to deal with your stuff.”
“She stood up from the couch and walked over to him wrapping her arms around him she said,
“I need you baby. I don’t want space. I need you right here with me. In our bed.”
He kissed her then. Hard. So intensely that she almost forgot the rest of it but she managed to pull away.
“Spike”
“Yeah? God I missed you so much.” His hands were caressing her ass now and she feel him getting excited.
“About the drinking. It worries me.”
“It stops. It ends now.” He reassured her. Putting his forehead to hers so that they were eye to eye he said, “I’m sorry love, I let it get out of hand but it’s under control now. I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
A slow seductive smile spread over her face.
“Really?” she asked
Picking up on her mood he leered back at her
“Really.”
“Good, because I need you in the bedroom. Now.”
“I can be there for you love.” He picked her up and carried her to their room.
******************************************************

His sobriety lasted about a week. The following Friday he was escorted home by a very angry police officer. Spike had been drunk beyond comprehension and had quickly passed out on the couch.

His behavior had been horrible but she had stayed. She loved him and at that time she'd stupidly thought that was enough.


Chapter End Notes:
As you can see, Spike is remembering the good times in their relationship while Buffy is still dwelling on the bad.



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