Buffy sat on her bed trying to read a book but finding her mind wondering off constantly. It had been two months since William’s visit and she hadn’t heard a word from him. *Good. I told him to get out and he finally listened* God but that man could be stubborn. How many times had she asked him to leave her alone after their break up? Countless but still he make it a point to be near her whenever he could.

She remembered the first time he showed his face after their nasty break up. It had been at the Bronze where she’d been hanging out with Xander and his new “friend” Anya. Buffy was talking to Xander about her upcoming night courses when he interrupted her

“Oh look, there’s Spike, um I mean William.”

“William?” her heart stopped and she caught herself asking and looking around the room for him.

“Yeah. He’s going by William now. Says it suits him better.”

“Suits him better.” She whispered to herself still looking. She didn’t see him though. She quickly stopped herself and went back to talking to Xander and pretending she didn’t care that Spike or rather, William was there.
After a few more minutes of pretending to care about Xander’s new construction project he said

“’Scuse me Buff. I’m going to go say hi to him.”

He laid his hand over hers and squeezed. She smiled at him as he got up to leave knowing that he’d been torn by their breakup feeling as though he’d had to choose sides. She’d tried her best to be respectful and understanding of his friendship to Spike but sometimes it was difficult knowing that Xander’s loyalty didn’t lay solely with her and he hadn’t wanted to kick his ass for the way he’d treated her. Xander had told her he’d given Spike hell for what he did but that he had changed and was taking lots of steps to be a better person so he couldn’t be angry at him anymore.

She watched as Xander walked up to some guy and said hello. She wondered how they knew each other and looked around again trying to find Spike. Her eyes fell back on Xander and the guy he was talking to looked up, made eye contact with her and smiled. She gasped when she recognized his piercing blue eyes. It was Spike, but completely different. He was someone different, William. He’d cut his hair so that it was a close shave and the blonde was all gone. He was sporting his natural brown color. She noticed that his black duster and t shirt were gone. He had on a very tight light blue t shirt and faded blue jeans.

“Hey! Buffy!”

Anya’s voice made her realize she was staring and she quickly tried to compose herself and looked at Anya to hear what she’d been saying.

“He’s changed” Anya told her

“What? Who?” Buffy asked confused.

“William. Who else?” Anya answered not hiding her annoyance. “He’s in AA now, even has a sponsor. He doesn’t go out anymore, and he’s been taking a few college courses. He’s really trying to straighten himself out.”

“That’s nice” she answered.

“He still loves you Buffy.”

“Anya-“ she didn’t want to have this conversation again. She was tired of hearing about how sorry he was.

“Buffy you need to stop being such a bitch.”

“What?!” she asked shocked at what this woman she barely knew had called her.

“Look, he’s sorry. He’s changed, he’s apologized to you. Sure not to your face but through letters, flowers, e mails- he’s sorry! Give him another chance.”

“Listen, I don’t see how this is any of your concern but what I choose to do with my love life is my business not yours. You have no right to sit there and judge me I don’t care what you are to Xander.” She got up and grabbing her purse said “Tell Xander I had to go and I’ll call him tomorrow”

She was making her way toward the door as fast as she could before the tears could start coming when she felt someone grab her by the arm from behind.

“What?” she yelled turning to see who it was.

“Not leaving are you?” he asked “Hope not on account of me.”

It was Spike or William, she quickly tried to compose herself.

“I um, I have to work tomorrow. Early night for Buffy.” She said avoiding looking him in the eye.

“Look Buffy, I know you’ve gotten all of my apologies but I just wanted to say it in person. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when I said I’d be. I’m sorry I wasn’t at your mum’s funeral, it was a difficult time for me but most of all I’m sorry for –“

“Drusilla.” She finished for him “Look Sp- William it’s done. It’s over and so are we so let’s just get on with our lives okay?”

She was crying now. There was no stopping the tears now that he’d mentioned her mother. He hadn’t been there to hold her hand when they’d put Joyce in the ground and she hated him for that because he’d promised her he would be. She felt his hand on the side of her face.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated “I want you to know I’m not drinking anymore. I joined AA….”

“That’s good William. Good for you but I can’t do this. Not now. You hurt me, more than I thought you ever could. I have to go.”

She took his hand off her face and walked away. She made it to her car before breaking down in tears and driving home to watch The Notebook and eat all of the ice cream in the house.

William sadly made his way to the table where Xander and Anya were sitting.

“How’d it go? Didn’t look good from here.” Xander told him.

“She’s not ready to talk yet – I’m a fuck up.”

“You are not a fuck up.” Anya told him. “Yeah, sure you fucked up but you’re making up for it, almost every day. Seriously Will how much money have you spent on apology gifts for her? She needs to get over it. It’s been months!”

“Anya!” both men yelled.

“What?” she asked. “Look, that girl is ungrateful and she can’t see a good thing when it’s staring her in the face. She can’t appreciate that you are atoning for what you did, that you’re becoming a better man because of it. She’s not worth it William.”

“I love her Anya.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t worry.” Xander told his friend “She’ll come around soon. You’ll see.”

**********************************************************

She finally fell asleep, book in hand and visions of Spike plaguing her dreams.





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