She awoke to the sound of ringing, and letting out an annoyed moan hit the snooze button and turned to the side to try and get some more sleep. The ringing continued.
“What the-?” she said hitting the snooze button multiple times. The ringing continued and finally she realized that it was the doorbell and not the alarm clock. With great effort she stood from her bed and threw on her bathrobe.
“I’m coming!” she yelled as she made her way down the stairs “Cool your jets will ya?”
She mumbled to herself.
She threw the door open when she reached it ready to give whoever it was a piece of her mind but found herself staring instead.
“Buffy” he said
“Will?” she gasped and then quickly recovered remembering she was pissed at him. “What are you doing here?” she snapped.
“Came to help you.”
“Well last time you did that you royally fucked up.” She reminded him.
He looked ashamed.
“‘M sorry. Had to get some things sorted but now I’m here and I promise you- no more fuck ups.”
She rolled her eyes. “How am I supposed to believe you?” she asked
“Trust me.”
As if it were that easy
.
“Look, William, I have chemo in a half hour and I have to get ready. I get the feeling your stubborn ass won’t leave so just come in and stay out of my hair.”
He nodded and followed her in. Looking at her closely as she walked around the living room he saw how thin she had become since he’d last seen her. He hair was also thinner, had it started to fall out already?
“Have you been eating?” he asked her.
“That’s none of your business.” She told him rudely.
She noticed the worried look in his eyes and felt bad.
“I do eat. I’m never hungry anymore but I force myself. It just doesn’t stay down much you know? It’s the chemo.”
“Buffy-“
“No pity.” She told him “Especially from you. I’m going upstairs to get ready. I don’t care what you do.”
She felt a rush of happiness as she walked up the stairs. *He came back* she thought *I don’t have to do this alone* and she allowed herself a small smile.
Fifteen minutes later she came back down showered and changed. Not seeing him in the living room she went into the kitchen. He was sitting at the table a cup of coffee and a toasted bagel with cream cheese across from him.
“Sit,” he directed her.
She sat down and took a sip of coffee.
“Thanks.” She told him “I don’t think you being here is a good idea William.”
He looked at her, his face serious.
“You need me. Whether you realize it or not, you can’t do this alone. I’m here to help.”
She could have argued but she was happy that he was here with her. She knew she should have been angry but why waste the energy?
“Eat up,” he told her “have an appointment to get to.”
She wanted to thank him for this, but her pride as usual, stood in the way.
They sat together in the hospital. Spike in the recliner next to hers. The drive over had been quiet. She hadn’t felt like making small talk and he must have sensed it so he hadn’t pried. Now he watched her lying back with her eyes closed, the chemo going into her body through a small IV in her arm. She still looked strong, determined, whether it was to beat this thing or to show him she could do this alone he couldn’t tell. She opened her eyes and caught him staring.
“What?” she asked
“How do you feel?”
“Not bad now. Later, it’s always harder later.” She closed her eyes again and put her ear buds in so she could tune him out and pretend he wasn’t there. He caused her too much stress.
William wondered how she’d done this on her own for the past two months. Poor girl. He wouldn’t leave her again, not if he could help it.
She opened her eyes and looked at him again.
“How’s Xander?” she asked
“Good. He’s good”
“Is he still with Anya?”
“Yeah, they live together.” He told her.
She made a face.
“Anya’s a good bird. She looks out for her people.” He explained “Just doesn’t have the best way of saying things, no filter.”
“I’m not her biggest fan.” She told him
“Suppose not.” He answered recalling some confrontations between the two women. “He loves her though, an’ she’s good for him.”
She nodded and began putting her ear buds back in.
“He misses you. Worries about you.”
She looked at him. “I went away to protect him.” She explained.
“Him or yourself?”
“What?! William, I don’t want to hurt anyone. He’s fine. He’s living his life with the bitch from hell.”
She smiled at the look of reprimand on his face.
“Anya,” she amended “with Anya and he doesn’t need me sucking up his good vibes.”
“He loves you Buffy. He’d want to help, be here for you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it William.” She said shutting down. “I made my decision and it’s for everyone else’s good.”
She put her buds back in leaned back and closed her eyes. Those wore their last words to each other until they reached her house.
He drove back home because she didn’t look well enough to do it herself although she’d insisted that she was fine. He had to help her out of the car and into the house however, but not once mentioned it.
“Couch or room?” he asked when they walked in.
“Couch” she answered.
He helped her to the couch where she laid down and he took the afghan that was folded on the chair and placed it over her.
“Thanks” she whispered.
Her eyes were starting to close and she looked paler than she had that morning.
“Going to see about making some lunch.” He told her “You just get some rest. Sleep for a while.”.
She didn’t have the energy to speak so she nodded at him and closed her eyes. She heard him walk away and then come back to place something on the coffee table. When she opened her eyes she saw that he’d brought her saltines and ginger ale. She smiled to herself and went back to sleep.
In the kitchen William worked on finding ingredients to make soup. Once he has that started he went out to the car and got his laptop. Sitting in the kitchen he googled Stage 3 breast cancer and intravenous chemotherapy along with its side effects. In his research he realized how serious Buffy’s cancer really was and real that a lot of women opted for mastectomies in her case just to be sure the cancer never came back. He also read that the chemotherapy would cause her to be tired often and that she would probably be sick to her stomach as well as suffer from hair loss, things he’d already noticed in her.
He was interrupted from his reading by the sound of her retching and ran out to the living room to see her leaning over the bucket he had brought her while she’d been asleep. He sat down behind her and held her hair back while rubbing circles on her back.
“sh sh s’alright” he soothed
When she finished she leaned her head back onto his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair and noticed the many strands that came attached to his hand. Realizing what he was doing he placed his hand on her forehead instead.
“A lot came out didn’t it?” she asked
“What do you mean?”
“My hair” she explained.
“Sorry” he said sheepishly.
She smiled up at him. “Comes with the territory.”
She was trying to be strong. He could tell because her smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“Maybe I should shave it off like yours.” She whispered lacking the strength to speak up.
He smiled at her. “Can show off your natural color.”
“This is my natural color.” She frowned “I never asked you why yours changed.”
“My hair? “He asked “Was going through some big changes, seemed the thing to do. Change outside and in.”
“Hmm” she said
“Want me to put the TV on?” he asked her
She nodded and he put it on. He flipped through the channels for a bit until he found a Passions re-run and left it there. She rolled her eyes at him and went back to sleep.
He sat there with her head on his lap watching his show until his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He gently took it out without disturbing her and answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey Will, how’s everything? She okay?”
William gently got up from the couch placing a pillow under Buffy’s head before answering.
“Yes Xander, Buffy’s fine.”
“How about you? How was the drive?”
“The drive was good. I’m good.” He answered
“It must have been tiring. About how long did it take you to get there? Hey did you bring warm clothes? Not like I know if you need them but you might. How’s the weather there?”
William smiled at his friends’ awful detective attempt. “Stop trying to figure out where I am Xander.”
Xander grumbled something William didn’t understand.
“Fine. Just tell her I love her and if she needs me I’ll be there for her.”
“Got it. Talk to you later. Got some things to take care of.”
“Alright. Oh Anya says to be careful with yourself.”.
“Careful. Got it. Talk to you later. Bye.”
William hung up the phone shaking his head. Anya would always play mother hen to him. He turned to see Buffy watching him
.
“Xander?” she asked
“Yeah” he told her “But don’t worry, didn’t tell him anything.”
“But he was trying to figure it out. I heard you.” She accused.
“He won’t though. Don’t worry your secret’s safe.”
“That’s why I didn’t want you here.” She told him as if she hadn’t heard him explain. “I don’t want anyone involved. This is my business and I should be able to handle it on my own if I want!”
Her voice got louder the angrier she became. She struggled to sit up then slowly stood and made her way up the stairs shooting him an angry look in the process. William threw himself down on the couch when he heard her bedroom door slam. Would they ever be able to be together a full day without fighting?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I have another update. Wow! I'm pretty surprised at myself. I just can't shut my brain off.