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Author's Chapter Notes:
I am uploading the next three chapters tonight so hopefully this will get it caught up to where I am with it on other sites. I feel bad that I have been so random on updates but the past month has been crazy busy for me. Hope you enjoy!
Spike froze. He had hoped, even dreamed of what she seemed to be suggesting, but he had never believed that she ever would. Suddenly he was torn between wanting her completely and not wanting to take advantage of the situation. He held her gaze for a few minutes trying to read the emotions playing in her eyes.

Buffy tore her eyes away from Spike's, embarrassed by her question and his current lack of response. She took his silence to be her answer. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she desperately tried not to let them fall. She started to move, eager to get into the safety of the room and away from his scrutinous gaze when she felt him reach out and grab her wrist. Keeping a firm hold of her wrist he pulled her to him, wrapping his other arm around her waist, holding her so that her body was flush with his.

"I'm not sure you really know what you're asking," Spike growled, his mouth right next to Buffy's ear, so she felt the heat of his breath which made her shiver. He threaded a hand through her hair and tipped her head back so she was looking up at him. He looked down, but her eyes were closed, as Buffy was trying desperately to keep the tears from falling.

Finally she took a deep breath and opened her eyes. They were sparkling with tears and it tore at Spikes heart. "I think I do. I know things aren't really normal between us yet, but…."

Buffy wasn't able to finish her sentence as Spike's head came down and he captured her lips in a fierce kiss. Buffy took her free hand and wound it around his neck, her other hand, still held captive at the wrist, flattened over his heart.

"Buffy," Spike gasped as he pulled away his voice low. "I won't deny it- I want you. God, how I want you. But I don't want to do anything you'll regret. I wanna do the right thing…"

Buffy placed a finger over his lips and his voice faded. He stared down at her waiting for her to speak. "I know what I'm saying, Spike. I know this is crazy, and it's happening way fast, but for once in my life I don't want to have to think or analyze, or wonder what everyone else will think. I want to do what I want, and right now I want this. I want you."

"And tomorrow?" Spike asked, praying that she wasn't just asking for this one night. If that was all she wanted, he would probably give it to her, but it would break his heart all over again.

Buffy cocked her head and regarded the man holding her. She realized that over the past two days she had seen a side of him that no one else had; at least no one in Sunnydale. She didn't know what had happened, or how much he really had changed, but she knew he was different; different in all the right ways.

"Tomorrow we get up and do the things we planned to do, and tomorrow night we come back and do this all over again."

"Only if you're sure, pet." Spike said, holding his breath waiting for an answer.

"I'm sure," came her quick reply and she pulled his head back down to hers. Spike finally let go of her wrist and let that arm wrap around her as well, pulling her tightly against him. With her hand finally free, Buffy was able to slide it up to mingle with her other hand which was already tangled in his hair. The kiss seemed to last for ages, finally ending with both of them parting gasping for breath. Their foreheads touched, but they both kept their eyes closed as they took a moment to catch their breath. Spike let his fingers run over the bare skin revealed by the backless dress that Buffy wore, tracing along the outline of the dress.

"I have wanted this for so long, Buffy." He said finally opening his eyes to look down at her. "I've always wanted this with you."

"Me too," she admitted softly, her hands coming around to cup his cheeks. "I only ever wanted it to be you."

"Love?" he said, unsure of whether or not there was some deeper meaning to what she was saying.

"Let's go inside." She knew he would soon find out that this was a first for her. She hoped that she wouldn't be a disappointment to him; she knew he surely wouldn't disappoint her.

Reluctantly Spike pulled away and took her hand leading her into the suite and carefully shutting and locking the balcony door behind him. They walked together, hand in hand, in silence to the bedroom. As soon as they were standing at the foot of the bed Spike pulled Buffy back into his arms.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured before catching her lips with his own in a sweet kiss. His hands slid down her arms and wrapped around her waist to pull her close. Giving in to the kiss and feel of being in Spikes arms, Buffy wrapped her own arms around his waist underneath his suit jacket.

Spike murmured Buffy's name as he moved to kiss along her jaw line and down her throat. Buffy responded by sliding her hands up to push his jacket off his shoulders. Spike helped her get the jacket off and tossed it haphazardly towards the chair in the corner. Buffy then attacked the buttons of his shirt, desperate to feel his bare skin beneath her hands. Spike claimed her lips again in an almost bruising kiss, hands sliding freely over the bare skin of her back.

Succeeding at her goal of removing Spike's shirt Buffy let her hands run freely over his sculpted chest, reveling in the feel of warm skin. She wasn't quite sure she wasn't dreaming. There had been so many times she dreamed of doing just this with him. His muscles felt so solid beneath her hands, yet his skin was soft and warm. Wanting desperately to be closer to him she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck pulling herself closer, crushing her chest to his.

"Spike," she whispered tearing her lips from his and lowering her head so she could place kisses along his neck and collarbone.

"Oh, Buffy," he sighed when he felt her hot lips on his skin. His hands dug into her waist, holding her tighter against him. The husky passion in his voice made Buffy smile against his skin.

"Please tell me you really want this," he pleaded softly. Inwardly berating himself for being such a ponce. He wasn't insecure damn it! Only with her was his cocky outward attitude at risk. She probably didn't know it, but she held the power to bring him to his knees.

Buffy pulled back and looked up so they were eye to eye. She nearly gasped at how dark with passion his eyes were. There was no mistaking he wanted her. Had she not seen it in his eyes, she would have been known it by the telltale bulge pressing against her stomach. Yet, there was a touch of something she was surprised to see. Insecurity. Spike was never insecure. How could he not know how much she would want him?

"Always," she whispered fervently, pressing more firmly against him. The word was barely out of her mouth when Spike swooped down to continue kissing her, letting his hands slide down to her waist where the zipper of her dress started. Slowly he lowered the zip as far as he could, then ran his hands back up her arms to rest on her shoulders at the straps of her dress. Buffy shivered at his touch. Slowly, painfully slowly in Buffy's opinion, Spike slipped the straps of the dress down her arms, pushing the bodice to her waist and quickly returning to cup a breast in each hand. The fit perfectly in his hands, Spike knew they would. Buffy let her head fall back and moaned when Spike lowered his head to take a nipple in his mouth suckling lightly. Instinctively she reached a hand up to grasp the back of his head holding him to her, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"So beautiful, Buffy." He whispered letting go of her nipple with a wet plop and immediately moving to her other breast. Spike kneaded the breast he just abandoned, teasing the nipple with his thumb as he suckled at the other.

"Spike," Buffy said her voice husky with passion. There was something she needed to tell him, and if she didn't soon, she would be too distracted to remember.

"Hmmm" he murmured releasing her nipple and pressing a trail of kisses up the valley between her breasts and finally resting against her neck.

"I have a small confession to make." Her heart was pounding. Would he stop once he knew she was a virgin? Would he look down on her? Would she be any good? Butterflies where taking up residence in her stomach, and her fingers were slightly trembling as she lightly grasped his hair and drew his head up so he was looking at her.

"Tell me, pet." The serious tone of her voice made him nervous. Did she want to stop? It would probably kill him, but if she wanted to he would.

Suddenly Buffy couldn't look at him, nerves overwhelming her. She buried her face in his neck and wrapped her arms tightly around him. Spike wrapped his arms just as tightly around her, gently massaging the muscles at the small of her back, hoping to get her to relax. Her sudden change in attitude worried him.

"You know you can tell me anything, love. We can stop if you want to." He offered quietly.

"No!" she said quickly holding on to him tighter. "I just…"

Spike sighed when her voice caught. Loosening his grip he maneuvered them so that he was able to sit on the edge of the bed and pulled her to stand between his legs. Buffy self-consciously moved to cover her bare breasts, but Spike caught her hands.

"Don't cover yourself up, Buffy, love. You're beautiful." He whispered quietly. Buffy flushed, but scooted closer so she could loosely wrap her arms around his neck. Bending down she pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes.

"I've never done this before, Spike." She whispered quietly, hoping that that was enough for him to understand. Spike was almost unsure that he heard her, her voice was so small, but there was no mistaking it. Buffy was a virgin. Spike felt a feeling of awe wash over him as he looked up at her flushed face. He didn't know why it surprised it, he had guessed as much two years ago. A sudden rush of pride and love filled him as he thought about what Buffy was offering.

"Look at me, love." He pleaded, his hands sliding up her waist, brushing past her breasts, and moving on up to cup her face.

Buffy slowly opened her eyes, and gasped when she saw the awe and desire in Spike's eyes shining back at her.

"We don't have to do this, if you aren't ready, Buffy. You're first time is special. Are you sure you want it to be with me?" Spike surprised himself with his own words though he meant them with every fiber of his being. He didn't want her doing anything because she felt caught up in the magic of the wedding they had just gone through. He wanted her to want him, to really be with him. Not the man who was her pretend husband, or the man who was protecting her from a stalker, but him- Spike.

Tears welled in Buffy's eyes and she squeezed them shut in an effort to keep the tears from falling. His kindness and tenderness made her feel loved. She knew he wanted her, and perhaps he didn't love her but he cared. Of that she was absolutely certain. And at that moment she knew that no matter what happened when the stalker was caught, no matter if he left again, her heart was his. This wedding, this marriage, was her chance to have everything she had ever wanted, and it started tonight. "There is no one else I would rather have this with, Spike. It's always been you I've wanted." Her voice was soft and trembling.

There were no words. Spike couldn't remember a time when he was so completely lost for words. His heart soared; her words filling him with hope. Swiftly he pulled her closer and pulled her into a searing kiss. Slowly he lowered his hands to push her dress down over her hips, letting it pool softly on the floor at her feet. Buffy was left standing before him in nothing but a pair of lace panties, leaving her feeling exposed. But not for long, as she suddenly found herself on her back on the bed, Spike looming above her.

"Perfect," Spike was pressing kisses all along her chest, fingers grazing down her stomach resting just above. "Fuck, Buffy, you are so beautiful. "

Buffy didn't think she could get any redder, but she did, her eyes widening as he continued to trail in a path down her stomach. Looking up at her Spike, watched her reaction as he hooked his fingers under the edges of her panties and slowly drew them down her legs. Spike sat back and took in the site of her nude before him. She was a goddess, and at least for now, she was all his.

"Spike," she moaned reaching out, desperate to touch him. "Please!"

"Please what?" her murmured crawling back up so he was face to face with her, pressing his hips into her, encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist.

"I need…."she couldn't find the words to express her need, her mind soaring in so many directions at the feelings that Spike's touch was stirring.

"I know what you need sweetheart, just trust me." He whispered, bending down to kiss her thrusting one hand into her hair, the other trailing down her body, desperate to memorize every curve. Buffy was moaned as he broke the kiss. Looking down at her flushed face, Spike smiled.

"Do you trust me?" he asked softly, holding his body completely still.

Buffy looked at him in surprise, not quite understanding why the question seemed so important now. Cocking her head to the side she answered the only way she knew how. "Of course I trust you, Spike."

Spike sighed. "Let me love you, pet. Let me love you the way I've always wanted to."

Buffy smiled, "I thought you already were." Her voice was teasing and she was rewarded with a grin.

"Just wanted to make sure," Spike said. "I'll make this good for you Buffy, I promise."

"I know," she whispered in reply tightening her legs around his waist, wanting him closer, hating that there was still the barrier of his slacks between him, yet knowing that he would soon remedy that.

"Patience, pet, patience." He whispered thrusting up against her. "We've only just begun."

Buffy wasn't sure if it felt as if it was hours or days later when they finally collapsed on the bed exhausted, limbs entwined. She rested her head on Spikes chest listening to his slowing heartbeat. Spike had one arm wrapped tightly around her, holding her close, the other holding fast to her hand on his chest. Sometime during the evening the comforter had been thrown from the bed, leaving them just the sheet to drape over their entwined bodies.

"Sleep now, my love." Spike whispered pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Spike," Buffy murmured. He hummed in response. "Thank you."

Spike looked down at her in surprise. "For what, sweetheart?"

"For loving me." She responded sleepily.

His grip on her tightened at her words; wondering if she truly understood what she had said. How could she know? He watched as her eyes drifted closed and her breathing slowed. "Always will, sweetheart, always will." He whispered as he closed his own eyes praying that when he woke up it wouldn't turn out to have all been a dream.





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