Back at the rink Spike couldn't concentrate on his own work, so he made his way to Giles' office. He was unable to get Buffy out of his head and he kept wondering if he was doing the right thing. He hadn't told Buffy why he had left two years ago, and for the time being he didn't plan to. He also hadn't told her what he had been doing during those two years. Two years ago when he rushed out of Sunnydale he headed to Colorado wanting to get a good distance from things and feelings that he hadn't wanted to be feeling. He had gone straight to his stepfather Jackson, whom he called Jack, who ran one of the top security firms in the country. During the past two years he had worked hard with Jack to gain experience with the firm. He had missed his work with hockey full time, but he had kept in touch with Angel and occasionally did a few camps with him—not in Sunnydale of course. Angel had apparently told Giles what Spike had been up to, and when he had called asking Spike for advice, he knew he couldn't turn him down. No matter how hard he tried, he still loved Buffy too much to let her get hurt. He had acted on instinct and immediately put in motion a plan to return to Sunnydale. That's how he had ended up back at the rink. He had done it without much thought as to how she would react, or how things would work out. He just acted instinctively to protect her. Now that he was back though, he couldn't stop thinking about all the different ways this could go. He was a man of action, someone who liked to act on instinct. It was the way he had always worked before. But now, with Buffy's well-being on the line, he had to think about all the options. That included how this current plan could work out.
Giles had told Buffy the truth, a number of different people where consulted about the situation, and when the idea of having her marry someone in order draw the guy out surfaced, there had been a lot of talk amongst the different agencies. The FBI thought it was too risky and probably would not do any good. The local police thought it could possibly work, but didn't like the idea of a 'civilian' playing the role of her husband. That was one of the things that Spike had been adamant about, and Giles had backed him up. If anyone was going to do this, it was him. His security team had been okay with the idea, granted they were the ones who had come up with it. But it was something that they had seen done in the past successfully. Granted it hadn't always required an actual marriage, but each situation was different. Spike understood that well. Now that the plan was in motion though, he wondered if it had been a good idea. Buffy seemed so unsure of him, unsure of what was going on around her. That wasn't like the Buffy he remembered. Perhaps they had been wrong in keeping the notes from her. Perhaps this charade wasn't the best idea. One of them was going to end up hurt, he just knew it. He couldn't keep his feelings hidden forever, truth was, he probably wouldn't even try very hard, and he was sure that when all was said and done, she was going to break his heart.
Spike looked up and realized that he was standing outside of Giles' office, and he wasn't quite sure how long he had been standing there thinking. With a sigh he gave the door a slight knock and pushed it open slightly.
"Oh, Spike, come in." Giles said when he recognized the man in his doorway. "What can I do for you?"
"I need to talk to you," he replied quiet. Giles gave him a worried look but motioned for him to take a seat. After closing the door Spike settled himself into the seat that Buffy had vacated just a short time before.
"Did Buffy speak with you?" Giles asked once Spike was seated.
"Yeah, left just a bit ago."
"How was she?" Spike looked up and saw the concern in Giles' eyes. It didn't help him feel any better. He clasped his hands together in an effort not to fidget around and leaned forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. He thought for a few minutes before he responded.
"I have no bloody clue." He said finally, frustration getting the better of him. "I think she's got it in her head that she doesn't have any other option. I feel like we're bullying her into this, and 'm sure she does too." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Fuck!"
"Spike!" Giles said, reprimanding him for his use of foul language at the rink. Spike didn't seem to care. Giles sighed, knowing that it was a hopeless battle. "She wasn't given much choice, Spike. That, however, is no fault of our own. The man who is sending her these threats is the bad guy, and we cannot forget that." Giles understood Spike's reluctance to some extent. While he didn't know many of the details about their previous relationship, he understood that both of them had been hurt in some way.
"It's just…" Spikes voice trailed off as he grabbed a pencil off of the desk to play with.
"Spike, Buffy has a very strong personality. You, as well as I, know that she would make this very difficult if she was not okay with this plan. And at the risk of sounding very repetitive, it is not our fault that she has been put into this situation."
Spike thought for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, I know, 'bout her at least. It is bloody well my fault. Was my idea wasn't it? Bloody stupid one if you ask me."
Giles tossed his glass down on his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose. Retirement seemed to be looking rather good right then. "Spike, it is a brilliant plan."
"On paper, yes. But when have any of my plans really worked out? Ask my team, things always come up to muck it up." Spike told him, snapping the pencil in his hand in half due to frustration. "I can't marry her, Giles. I swore I never would, even if it's Buffy, and even if it's only for convenience. I don't think I'll survive living with her and keep my heart intact. I just spent minutes with her and it nearly broke me. 'Sides she deserves a lot better than this, better than me!"
Giles looked at Spike with sympathy. He could hear the desperation in the man's voice, and he understood. Something must have happened to make Spike so adamant about marriage, but for the life of him he didn't know what. Perhaps some research was in order. He wondered if a phone call to Jackson would shed some light on the situation.
"Spike, I know you care a great deal for Buffy. You would not have dropped everything to come back here if you didn't. You can try to fool yourself all you want, try to say you only did it because it coincided with Angel needing to take some time away, but you know better. I know better! You could have given me a bit of advice, been done with it and stayed in Colorado. Instead you showed up here and have been working tirelessly not only at Angel's job, but also at protecting Buffy. I know this is hard, but what is stopping you from just letting go of the past and moving on? If you would just let things happen naturally between the two of you I'm sure things will be fine. Don't push her for more than she is willing to give, and don't give more than you are ready to."
"Easy for you to say," Spike grumbled slouching down in his chair. "', beginnin' to think I would have been better off if I hadn't come back. Worse now that it was when I left."
Giles rolled his eyes. These two were real pieces of work. "Spike, whether you want to admit it or not Buffy does care for you. This plan of yours will not only allow us to capture this horrific man who is stalking her, but will let the two of you get to know each other again. Perhaps this time around you can do what you should have done 2 years ago. For pity's sake this is not a death sentence." Giles told him. "And for the record things seem to be looking up since you've returned. We have a plan to catch this man, and you are going to do everything in your power to keep Buffy safe."
Spike gave the older man a rueful grin. He knew Giles was right, he just hated to admit it. "'ll do my best to see it your way, Rupes, but I can't see how Buffy could care for me. She barely knows me anymore. Yeah, at one time she liked be, but I'm the one that did the leaving, or did you forget?"
Giles looked at Spike, a quizzical expression on his face. He wasn't quite sure why Spike was trying to talk his way out of this charade with Buffy. It had been a fairly solid plan to begin with, and their previous, albeit short and abruptly ended, relationship did make things easier to pull off. He wondered if perhaps something else had happened between the two of them.
"Spike, is there something I should know? Some reason why this absolutely could not work?" he asked, leaning forward on his desk, his eyes intently staring at Spike.
Spike shifted uncomfortably in his seat. There wasn't much reason that he could give to Giles. Not that they hadn't already discussed. But for good measure, he thought he would feel Giles out as to what he knew about their previous relationship. Most people had figured they had been just friends. Then again Giles had sounded as if he had known something. After all the man was like a father to her. Perhaps she had confided in him. Hell, if she had then why was Giles letting him do this? He shouldn't have wanted him to get within 10 miles of her.
"Before I left, Buffy and I sorta had a…well we were more than friends," Spike told him, his voiced guarded. Giles sighed in relief, and Spike looked up at him shocked to see the small smile on Giles' face.
"I am well aware of that, Spike." Giles informed him. "I don't know the extent of what your relationship was; I don't know what went wrong, and to be honest I don't need or want to know. You and Buffy are both adults and can make your own decisions. I just need to know if you can and will make this work."
"Wouldn't be here if I thought I couldn't do it, Giles. 's what I do. Much I might go on about it, but when it comes down to it I'll do it." Truth was the idea of them finding another man to play the role of husband cut him deep, which in turn just worried him more. "I just can't speak for Buffy. I was the one who left, I don' know if she's forgiven me for that, or if she ever will."
"Spike, you came back, that has to count for something. Perhaps you didn't come back to fix your relationship, but now you have the opportunity. It is up to you to decide what to do. Have you spoken with her about your part in this investigation?
Spike got a weird look on his face and turned away. Giles realized that he had finally touched on a big part of Spikes problem. He was concerned over how Buffy would react if she knew how involved he was.
"Uh, no," Spike said keeping his gaze averted. "I sorta figured she might not be ready for that yet. I know 'm not ready to tell her. Maybe once we talk things over. See, the way I figure it, if she thinks that I'm not just some willing sucker who got pulled into this, she won't be so willing to go 'long with it." Spike felt a bit sheepish at being nervous over telling something so simple to Buffy. Why should it matter how he was involved in the situation?
"Why wouldn't she?" The logic Spike presented completely baffled Giles. "You're only trying to help."
"'s obvious we got some issues to work out. She has barely spoken to me since I got back. Right now I got a bit of her gratitude 'cause she thinks I'm just another player in this charade. I figure if we can work through the past, maybe I'll tell her what's been going on the past two years."
"She will find out soon enough, Spike. It would be far better if she heard if from you and not by accident from someone else." Giles warned in a serious tone. "Why do you have to make it so complicated?"
"Giles, think 'bout who you're talking to. When it comes to women, I have to make it complicated." He gave Giles a wry smile. The older man had to admit he was right. Spike often did make things far more complicated than they needed to be.
"You're not living up to your reputation. Most women would probably be blown away to see this side of you."
"My reputation is the bloody problem. Nice thing 'bout bein' away from her. Didn't have to worry about people caring how long or short my relationships were, or what girls I dated."
"It's just a bump in the road. Now, could we please move past this? I should think we have other things to discuss. Has your security team found anything new?"
"No," Spike said, relaxing as the conversation turned to something more familiar and comfortable. "Been working hard on things, but just not finding anything that will help us figure out who this wanker is. He's got to slip up somehow. If he doesn't, I don't know how we'll catch him."
And just like that the two men moved to talk about the investigation into Buffy's stalker. A half an hour later as Spike returned to his own office, he felt a great deal better about his impending 'marriage' deciding to take advantage of the opportunity.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Just a short (well short for me) little chapter to let you see how Spike is taking all of this. Hope you all enjoy & let me know what you think of the story so far. :)
Chapter End Notes:
So I have been doing a bad job of keeping this updated here. I am going to post at least 2 chapters this weekend, and perhaps continue on with that until I am caught up with everywhere else. Hope you enjoy!