~*A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same *~



Giles pulled the shower curtain open and turned off the cold water that was pouring down onto his shivering son. The water was hitting his body, but his face was just as wet.

He pulled Spike up and wrapped a towel around his shoulders, trying to warm him.

"Will."

He just sat there, almost comatose if not for the tears streaming from his eyes.

"William."

Spike looked over at him and Giles wanted to cry when lifeless blue eyes regarded him.

"Don't." His mouth closed and he nodded his head. "There's nothing you can say to make it better, so don't even try."

"It will get easier."

Spike laughs were laced with sobs as he looked at his father.

"No. It won't." He looked straight ahead at nothing. "The rest of my life will pass and I will never again be happy. Not without her."

"Do you think she would want this? For you t--"

Giles sucked in a breath at the rage and fire that filled the once dead eyes.

"Do you think I wanted her to die?"

He stood and took the towel from his father, drying himself as he walked mindlessly into his bedroom. He layed down on his bed and curled around his pillow, pretending it was her and willing sleep to come, so he could be with her again.



~*All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.*~





He fought it with all his strength, but he could feel the dawn coming.


So he looked at her face one last time, before it faded into the soft white of his bedroom wall. He lay in bed and heard the birds singing, and wanted to kill them.


How dare they be happy? How could they sing when the world was deprived of her? When he was deprived of her.


"Good morning, my love."


He curled himself around the pillow again, clutching it to him as he wept.


~~~~~~~~


He walked into the library and regarded his friends that sat at the large table. He didn't return their smiles and they didn't expect him too.


Kendra and Giles walked into the main room from the office and relayed the latest events in slaying.


Spike couldn't help but have a sense of hatred toward the dark slayer.


She had taken Her place. She didn't belong here.


He never listened to what they said, they just pointed him to what to kill. He didn't have any special strength, and he didn't need any.


Because he took out his pain and his loss on the demon population. They feared him as much as they did the slayer.


He was fueled by a pain that was never ending. He was fueled by grief.






~*Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love*~




"One Hundred Forty-Seven."


The rose was placed in the vase and he swep away the leaves that littered the ground around her grave.


"Hello, love."


He waited for the soft breeze, but it never came. No stars were shining and the night was quiet.


But he knew she was there.


"I love you."


He ran his hand across her name and traced it, just as he did every night.


"How I long to see you. See your smile, hear your laugh. I ache for it." He whispered into the night, his voice strained with tears.


"I can't do it without you. Come- come back to me, Buffy. I need you more than they do." He looked towards the Heavens.


He brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, his body rocking back and forth with sobs.


"Please...please, God. Give her back to me..."





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