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Disclaimer: See chapter one

A/N: Please keep in mind that this chapter begins when Buffy walks out of the crypt and Xander and Anya followed in chapter one, and takes place during the time Spike and Willow are talking.

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‘Oh God,’ Buffy thought, ‘Why the hell was I kissing Spike? Oh yeah.’ “Willow,” She said out loud.

‘Ok, why was I humping Spike like a bitch in heat?’ “The answer once again,” She said as she answered all her thought up questions out loud, “Willow.”

“Now onto the true question, why was I kissing and humping Spike and actually liking it?” ‘Can I blame that on Willow to? Cause that would help me out a lot right now.’

She looked behind her and saw no one following her. ‘Which is probably because I ran out of there like the devil was on my heels. Buffy the coward, yep that’s me.’

Buffy was silently hoping that Willow would be smart enough to stay away from her for a while so that she had time to cool down some so that she wasn’t in the line of fire from the very pissed off slayer that was cursing her name in as many languages as she could think of. Or as many as she knew. Which was one.

“And it’s not like I was willingly kissing him. It was all because of the stupid spell. A spell she was going to find when she got back to the dorm, even if she had to rip the room a part to find the damn thing. ‘And then I’m going to burn that bitch.’

She was so caught up in her thoughts of torturing that damn book, that she didn’t hear Xander coming up behind her calling her name.

Xander ran up until he was directly behind her and when she still didn’t notice his presence, he reached out a hand and placed it on her right shoulder.

She finally realized that someone was behind her, but it was to late because whatever it was about to tackle her to the ground. As it was it already had a hand on her shoulder, so she did the first thing that came to mind, let her slayer take over. She grabbed his forearm with her left, and reached her right hand behind her to grab the creature’s upper arm. Once both of her hands had a firm grip on her attacker, she ducked down a little and then lifted herself straight up and tossed her opponent to the ground in front of her and saw the creature’s face, but instead of expecting a vile creature she looked down and saw…Xander?

Buffy put her hands over her mouth and took a step back. “Oh God,” She said. She had just tossed Xander over her head, and by the looks of it, he hadn’t had a very pleasant landing. In fact it looked quite painful, if the thud he made when he landed was any indication.

Buffy realized that she had been saying a lot of “oh gods” lately, and decided to but a little more syllable’s into her vocabulary. “Xander, I am so sorry. I didn’t realize it was you, honestly. Are you ok?”

“Buff, calm down, it’s ok, and I’m fine. I’m just not gonna be getting up to soon.” He laughed a little, “It’s a good thing that it’s not raining outside, because without the stars I’d probably be deadly bored if I’m going to be down here as long as I think I am. What were u thinking about so hard, Buff?”

“More like some very disturbing recent memories,” She covered, for some reason, she didn’t want Xander to know about her plans of burning the book, ‘He might try to stop me,’ She reasoned. And she also decided to keep going along with her idea of denying what he was really feeling inside for Spike. ‘I’ll probably let them know when I figure it out myself…well…maybe.’

She offered a hand down to Xander, and helped to pull him up to his feet. “Wow, guess I won’t be down there for as long as I thought I would be. Haha,” He said, pointing at the ground and laughing at it. Buffy cracked a smile at his joking, just as a rather upset Anya came up to join them.

“What’s going on? Xander, why are you on the ground? What did you do to him?” She finished by looking at Buffy with an accusing glare.

“Calm down Ayn, it’s ok. Buffy here just thought that I should get more acquainted with the dirt.” He brushed a hand off as if to say ‘no big deal.’

“Whatever,” Anya replied, “But if you can’t perform tomorrow night after our date, I’m going to be highly perturbed!!”

Buffy sighed as she once again apologized to Xander. She ran her hands over hair, which was now tangled thanks to Spike’s wondering hands. She then ran her hands down her shirt and the tops of her pants to get out a few wrinkles that had been made when she had been wiggling around on top of Spike’s hard body. ‘Hard being the key word there,’ she thought.

“I’m sorry Buffy.” At her questioning look he continued, “For the hell that had to come with the knowledge that you were engaged to Spike.”

‘Oh yeah,’ she thought irritably. She was not in the mood for Xander’s comments, but found she had no other choice but to go along with it or else she’d never hear the end of it. ‘And I have a test tomorrow,’ She groaned inwardly, but sighed out loud. “Xander, please remind me that willow is my friend and I don’t really want to rip her head off her shoulders and let her body dangle over a shark tank for hours on end.”

“Not taking it lightly I assume?”

“LIGHTLY?!?!?!? Lightly was the last word that comes to mind at the moment, Xander!!” Buffy turned around sharply, which sent her hair flying backwards over her shoulders, and started walking back towards Giles house as she continued on her fake rage fit with Xander and Anya following her.

“It’s just, it’s Spike, Xander! I WAS ENGAGED TO SPIKE!!!! There has got to be a law against that somewhere. Why on earth would Willow want me to get married to Spike of all people living and, you know, non-living. It just doesn’t make sense. I mean I know that I’ve been at Giles’ a lot working with Spike lately, but it’s not like I want to be spending time with him, technically I’m working on getting information in the commandoes. It’s not like I go over there to watch movies and eat popcorn with the guy, IT’S SPIKE!

“I mean he’s not even free to go wherever he wants. He’s locked in the damn bathtub in the apartment Watcher’s apartment to the one slayer he’s never been able to kill. How does all this become my fault?

“It doesn’t Buffy, Willow’s just under a lot of stress right now.”

“Yeah, well, you got the easy one.”

“Umm…Hello? Demon magnet!”

“Umm…Hello? Marrying Spike!!!”

“I think she’s got you beat on things a person never wants to do in their life,’ Anya threw in, speaking up for the first time since they started walking. “You have to face demon’s everyday weather or not Willow curses you to it. Buffy marrying Spike has to be one of he last things in her do to for fun.”

“Not one of the things on my “not to do” list, the last thing on the damn list.” Anya just shrugged in response.

“Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point there. But at least he was trying to protect you and not trying to rip your throat out for his next dinner.” Xander was trying his best to get the upper hand in this, but it just didn’t seem to be working. ‘Anya’s right,’ he thought, ‘Marrying Spike is away worse then me being cursed by having demons following me around trying to kill me.’

“Not yet at least,” Buffy responded, breaking him out of his pity trip his thoughts were taking him on. Buffy wasn’t mad at Spike, and was actually madder at herself for lying to her friends. ‘I wonder what they would think if I told them the truth. Or at least part of the truth,’ she reasoned. ‘Xander definitely couldn’t handle the whole truth. Great, now I sound like I’m in court waiting to be judged on a crime I committed. Seems fitting.’

“You want to know the worst part of it all?” At Xander’s intriguing look she went on. ‘The memories of him kissing me I actually kinda liked.’

“Well yeah, Buff, wasn’t that part of the spell? To make you like him?” ‘She couldn’t possibly have feeling for Spike. She couldn’t… right?’

“I honestly can’t explain it to you Xander,” Buffy continued, oblivious to what Xander was thinking. She was so confused herself that she couldn’t really concentrate on anything else at the moment, and it was giving her a major headache. All she could see in her head were memories of her and Spike together and thoughts of what could have been, had Willow not reversed the spell before it got to out of hand. And to top it all off, the only thing she could her in her head was Spike telling her that he loved her. She sighed, “I really don’t know how to explain it.”

Anya was trying to put herself in someone else’s shoes for once in all her existence, and the thoughts of what Buffy must have been doing with Spike didn’t seem all that bad to her. Yes she was repulsed at the sight of them kissing in Giles’ living room and what they had been doing in the crypt, but she had to admit, that he was kinda cute. Who was she trying to kid? Spike was HOT!!! ‘I wonder if he’s a good kisser? Bet he’s got a nice size penis as well. He’d probably be good in bed. Nothing like Xander,’ She reasoned. ‘Xander’s sweet and innocent…but in a cute way that makes him an approachable sex partner. Spike’s a complete Bad Boy that one would think needs taming. The kind of guy a girl builds a sex bot over.’

Xander sighed, bringing her back from her delicious thoughts of a robot Spike pounding into her like there was no tomorrow. Out of the blue she asked, “So does this mean you have feelings for Spike?”

This halted Buffy steps as she spun around to face the ex-demon. “Ok Anya, Listen CARE-FUL-LY!” She pronounced each syllable slowly as if talking to a child so that she could make sure that she got the point she was about to make. ‘And maybe I’ll be able to convince myself as well,’ She silently added.

“1.) I was trying to think about it.” ‘Not think about? HAHA!!!’ “2.) I can’t have feelings for Spike.” Well at least that one wasn’t a lie.’ “3.) EWW!!!” ‘Why doesn’t my nose just start growing so that I can call my self Pinocchio the Vampire Slayer?’ With everything she had to say out, she returned on her journey towards Giles’ The two Scoobies still following her.

“Ok, first… I’m not stupid.”

“Your not? Well then, could you please stop acting like it?”

“Whatever. Look, do you want to hear what I have to say or not?”

“NO!!!”

“Good. So…here’s how I see it. I don’t understand why your pulling the “I cant have feelings for Spike,” line. It’s getting old. And why exactly can’t you have feelings for him for ye the expert on vampires?”

“Ok Anya, here’s an idea. He’s a vampire.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Xander said holding up a hand and stopping the two girls movements and well as his own. If Xander had been thinking clearer then he would have known why it would be such a good idea to not say what he was about to. But, being Xander, he decided to just say it without thinking first. “Isn’t Angel a vampire, Buffy?” At her nod of correction, seemingly already knowing where this was going, Xander continued, “So how is it that you can love Angel, but not Spike?”

Xander seemed to finally realize what he was asking her and his face turned from one of questioning to one of shock. “I did not just defend the beached wonder!”

“Yeah, imagine my surprise,” Buffy said, in almost as much shock as he was in. She rolled her eyes and shook her head a little trying to clear it, and then kept walking towards her destination.

“I’m not saying that we should forget that Spike’s a vampire,” Anya said, once again speaking up and trying to take control of the conversation. “All I’m saying is that you need to be open to the possibility that you might ha…”

“DON’T ANYA!!!” Anya was cut off by a very upset Slayer. “JUST DON’T, OK?” Buffy stoped walking once again and turned around to face the ex-demon directly. “Don’t even say it! I will say it for myself. Yes, ok, I have feel for Spike.”

Xander’s mouth dropped open, but no sound came out. ‘Did she just say what I fearing she just said?’ He thought.

“But,” Buffy continued, “All they are, are feelings of hatred and repulsion and…and disgust alright??? But not love. NEVER love. I could never love a soulless, non-human, neutered vampire who has done everything he knows to kill me and my friends!”

Anya let out a sigh. ‘Right when I thought that we were getting somewhere,’ she thought.

“Whatever you say Buffy, whatever you say. But you were wrong about one thing.”

“Oh yeah?” Buffy replied, turning around and walking once again, Anya hot on her heels with Xander taking up the back.

“Spike is no eww.”

It was Xander’s turn to stop in his tracks. Buffy stopped along with him, even though she couldn’t see him. When she turned around to look back at the couple, she had to hide from bursting out and laughing over the look on Xander’s face.

“You can’t be serious,” He said when he as able to form some sort of coharitible sound from his mouth. He stared at her in disbelief as he awaited her answer to his question. She obviously thought that it was a rhetorical question because it didn’t look like she was going to be answering anytime soon.

Buffy was trying her hardest not to start smiling, but his face did her in and she couldn’t contain the little grin that slipped though. She didn’t want Xander to think that she didn’t care and that she was on Anya’s side, cause she wasn’t uh uh not at all nope not her, so she put her hand over her mouth, hoping that Xander wouldn’t notice or that Anya wouldn’t open up her big mouth.

“Your not serious Anya…you can’t be.” Xander raved on. “You cannot think that Spike is cute.”

Anya started to walk past Buffy, knowing that Xander was on the edge of a jealousy cliff. Buffy followed closely after Anya, even though she doubted that she noticed her at all.

“Anya…” Xander probed.

“No alright Xander.” ‘And to think that I used to find his jealousy to be a cute thing. Now it’s just annoying.’

“I don’t think Spike is cute.” ‘It’s gonna take us a while to get back to Giles’, may as well have a little fun on the way,’ She grinned.

Xander was apparently satisfied with his girlfriends answer cause he ran to catch up with the two girls that hadn’t gotten that far yet. When he reached them he put an arm over Anya’s shoulders and said, “Good cause you had me worried there for a moment.”

“He hot!!!”

“He’s what?!?!?!?” ‘Please let this be a dream,’ He thought.

“He hot.’

“He’s What?!?!?” ‘Oh god…it’s not a dream’

“He’s ho…”

“Please Anya, I heard it to many times already.” Xander was lost in her words. Not in a romantic I can’t believe how romantic this is, but more of a good god almighty this cannot be happening.


‘How can she think that Spike is hot??? And how come she actually said it out loud?’ He silently wondered. ‘She’s never said that I was hot out loud before. She couldn’t possibly…no. NO NO NO NO AND NO!!

“Anya…please tell me that YOU don’t have feelings for Spike.”

“No Xander, I don’t have feelings for Spike. So you can stop the jealousy act.”

“I don’t think this is an act,” Buffy said, putting her two sense in. “I think that he’s really this jealous.”

“I am not jealous of the evil, bloodsucking, white as snow, gross bodied, completely disgusting pig named Spike.”

Both girls wondered how one person could put that much hatred and anger into one sentence, let alone of person’s, or in this case vampires, name.

“Whatever you say Xander. I do not have any feelings for Spike.”

“Neither do I,” Buffy piped in.

“I simply think that he’s hot is all. That doesn’t mean that I have feelings for him.” ‘Sometimes he can be so blind.’

“That’s all???”

“Yes that’s all.”

“I’d like to comment that I don’t have feelings, nor do I think that Spike is anything other then disgusting.”

“Thank you Buffy for that useful piece of information. Now, Anya…how on earth could you think that he’s hot?”


Deciding to have a little more fun with his mind, Anya started swaying as she walked and made her voice sound breathy like she was talking about her 7th grade crush. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s the hair.”

“Don’t you mean is alien identification?”

Anya ignored Xander’s comments and continued as if he hadn’t said a word. “Or maybe it’s the accent.”

“He sounds like William Shakespeare for Christs sake, Anya!!”

Continuing she said, “Black looks really, really good on him. And all his shirts fit him like a condom fits a…”

“STOP!!!” Xander and Buffy said simultaneously.

Anya sent Buffy a sideward glance that said you were thinking the same thing.

“All his pants fit him EXTREMELY well…especially when he bends over with his back to you so that you can see his ass!!”


“ANYA!!!!!!!!!!!”

“All I’m saying is that I’m having a hard time trying to figure out why someone wouldn’t be attracted towards him.”

‘Ok this is getting kinda weird,’ Buffy thought. ‘It’s like she took an all access pass through my head and says all the things I’m thinking. Oh god…this could become a problem quickly.’

“Ok guys listen,” Buffy said trying to get the topic of the conversation over with as quickly and as painlessly as she could. But she was ignored and Anya kept trying to reason with Xander.

“I don’t see why your taking this so personal Xander. It’s not like I’m going to go out and have sex with Spike or anything.” ‘Hmm,’ She thought, ‘Now there’s an idea.’

“Please never say that again.” Xander and Buffy both said at the same time, although Buffy’s mind was far from disagreeing.

“Ok already! Xander stop being such a baby!” At this point Anya was so fed up with his jealousy that she was thinking of not having sex with him for a week!!! ‘Although, that would also be a punishment for me as well. Can’t have that.’

“I am not being a baby!!!”

“Your are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“I AM NOT BEING A BABY!!!”

“YES YOU ARE!!!”

“GUYS!!!”

“WHAT???” They both said in unison.

She sighed, “Can we please keep walking?” Somewhere during there little argument they ad stopped walking which halted Buffy’s movements and her intentions of checking on Giles’. They all started walking again for the time being.

“Come on Buffy,” Anya said, not wanting to let this go until she got the answer that she KNEW Buffy wanted to say, but was to stubborn to admit. “You cannot tell me that you don’t think Spike is hot.”

“Anya, please stop,” Xander pleaded. “Sooner or later your going to keep saying that and put me in a coma if I’m lucky.”

“Well Buffy? Do you?” Anya probed stopping once again from their journey to the Watcher’s apartment.

“Which answer will get us to Giles’ place before next month?”

“Buffy please, not you to.” Xander begged.

“Either way. I just want to know the truth.” It seemed Anya was determined to get it out of her. “Buffy, can you honestly say that you’ve never, on your own free will, thought that Spike was attractive?”

“Honestly…?” ‘Damn, she might have me.’ Buffy thought. ‘I shouldn’t even need to question this. It should just come out as a simple NO! Has it changed? I mean, Xander was right, even though he’s gonna regret ever saying it. Angel was a vampire and I loved him more then anything.’

“But he had a soul,” The little angel on her right shoulder argued.

“Yes but that was just restraining him like the chip in Spike’s head restrains him. Without the soul he killed more people then Spike ever did,” The devil on her left argued.

‘So apparently my feelings for Spike did change,’ She said in her head, silently telling the little mythical characters on her shoulders to go away. ‘But Anya’s not asking if I love spike or not. She’s asking if I think he’s hot. So where did the question of do I love Spike come from?’

“Now that I think about it Anya,” Buffy finally said, “I’ve never really thought about him in that way.” ‘That’s it Buffy. Lie your way out of it. That’s the mature thing to do.’

“Well I’ve thought about it, but only tonight during Willow’s Spell.” ‘At least that part is the truth.’

“Good,” Xander said. “Can we keep it that way?”

“Only if we start moving again,” Buffy added.

“Sounds like a plan Buffster.” Xander happily moved along, right past the two girls, glad that all this non-sense was over. Or so he thought.

Buffy followed behind Xander, but the brunette boy was still several feet in front of her. What she thought was going to be a quiet walk back to Giles’ place now turned out to be an on going conversation…which apparently wasn’t over cause Anya was right behind her.

“Was that really the truth Buffy?” Anya asked again, but not loud enough for Xander, who was still several feet in front of them, could ear.

‘Not entirely,’ She thought, but out loud said, “Yeah.”

“Whatever. All I’m saying is that Spike IS hot. And I know that you’ve thought it to. That’s one of the first things a girl notices about a guy, human or not, whether or not she thinks he’s cute, hot or, ugly and whether or not she would like to have sex with him. And lets be honest for the first time tonight ok? Spike doesn’t even come close to being ugly and past the “cute” barrier a long time ago.

“Don’t tell Xander this, but I was totally not joking about the whole “tight pants” thing. I mean, come on Buffy. You’re the Slayer, he’s a vampire, you two have fought millions of times and your trying to tell me you’ve never once looked at his ass??? I don’t think so.”

Buffy was trying hard not to smile, while at the same time trying to figure out just when exactly her and Anya became the kind of friends that talk about guys asses together. ‘Although she’s the only one talking and I’m trying to keep from agreeing.’

It fell silent for a few minutes with Anya waiting out to see how long it would be before Buffy cracked and just admitted it. Her avoidance to talk about it made her realize that she was hiding more then she was willing to tell. Xander was just too blind to see it.

Buffy was lost in the thoughts about what had happened in the past day, and after a few minutes let a small smile appear on her lips and looked down so that Anya wouldn’t notice the little blush that was coming up on her cheeks. Although Buffy should have known that that was what Anya was waiting for the whole time and had expected her to do just that.

“That’s what I thought.” Now that she had gotten the answer she wanted, she had time to think about Spike’s ass herself before they were at Giles’. “He does have a nice ass.” She said after a minute.

“I got that part. You’ve said it like a thousand times tonight. Anya had put very good images in her head that, a day in a half ago, she would have found disgusting. Or would she? ‘Just when did my feelings for Spike change? The spell is definitely gone, but the same thoughts are still there. I don’t love him or want to marry him or anything thing, but…DAMN HE HAS A NICE ASS!!!’

‘Oh god…I did not just think that. Just yesterday I wanted him dead now I want to go back to the dorm and dream of having sex with him. OH GOD!!! I did not think that!’

“I think that I might think about Spike’s ass later tonight. Not when me and Xander are having sex cause I might say Spike’s name instead of Xander and then he would just go into another jealousy trip. But later tonight when I go to sleep that would something to dream about. Maybe dream of having sex with him if I’m lucky.”

Buffy looked over at the ex vengeance demon in complete shock. Once again she had read her mind and the look on her face told Anya exactly that. Anya smiled, pleased with hersef.

“You have to admit, he is hot.”

Buffy looked to the ground then over to Anya and smiled before looking back to the ground again, this time still smiling.

“Knew it,” Anya said smiling as well. The rest of the trip was made in silence as all three of them walked away with a little more knowledge.

Anya walked away knowing that she was going to have some very good dreams and pleased with herself knowing that she had finally gotten Buffy to admit what she had known for a while.

Buffy walked away with far more knowledge about how she felt about Spike then she ever wanted to know. She also knew that this new found knowledge of her emotions was going to be a hard thing to keep from Willow.

Xander walked away with a smile on his face after checking his watch and seeing that it was close to mourning and that it would be breakfast soon and he could eat.





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