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I just wanna start out by giving props to Crystal who’s review kinda inspired this chapter. Thanks ever so much!

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“I couldn’t do it,” Buffy stated as she sat down next to Willow. They were meeting for coffee at The Espresso Pump.

Willow looked at Buffy sympathetically, “Oh Buff. I’m sorry. Is it really that hard?”

Buffy looked anywhere but at Willow, “Yeah, yeah it is.” She paused before continuing, “God Wills. I got there with full intent to tell Riley it was over but the second I looked at him, I felt so bad. I mean what did he ever do to me other than practically worship the ground I walk on? I’m an evil bitch. No wonder Spike left me that day.”

Willow’s head snapped up, “Buffy Summers don’t you even try that line. Yes Riley may pretty much worship the ground you walk on and he loves you a lot which makes you feel guilty about breaking up with him but what about you huh? And as for that Spike thing, that’s pure bullshit. You know it, I know it and he knows it.”

Buffy sighed heavily, “I’m sorry Wills, it’s just. Arg! I don’t even know what the problem is! This is all so fucked up.”

“You know a thing or two about addiction right?” Willow wasn’t asking.

Buffy looked away, “Willow, you know…”

“Answer the question Buffy,” Willow said, her resolve face forming.

Buffy looked up at Willow and nodded, “Yeah, I do know a thing or two about addiction.”

Willow smiled warmly at Buffy, “Well you may have gotten over the substance part of the Spike package but you're still very much addicted to the love.”

Buffy blinked at Willow a few times before laughing, “My god Willow. Cheesy much?”

Willow sighed, “I’m serious Buffy! Nothing’s perfect in life and in love. I don’t know from experience but I’m guessing that love is a more lethal, addicting drug than anything else and you and Spike are both hooked. Just go with it if it’s gonna make you happy.”

Buffy met Willow’s eyes briefly, “When did you get so damn insightful Wills?”

Willow just laughed cryptically.

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There was a loud knock on the door that woke Spike up. His head shot up to glare at the door. He shut his eyes to go back to back to sleep but the knocking persisted. With a loud grumble, Spike rolled out of bed and wandering into the living room to answer the door. Jack stood there fidgeting.

“Jack,” Spike said, a little surprised, “Bloody hell mate. I haven’t seen to you in a while.” He then paused, “Well actually I did see you sell to Buffy last night but other than that…”

Jack rubbed the back of his head, a thing anyone who knew him knew he did often.
“Yeah. I was kinda surprised when I saw her. I was also pretty surprised when Nate told me you were down here.”

Spike couldn’t help but laugh, “Yeah well, my da lives down here. Came to hit him up for some cash and found Buffy.” Hmm, it really had been bloody convenient.

Jack laughed back and nodded as Spike let him into the apartment, “What a deal. So I’m guessing you’ve talked to her.”

Spike sighed heavily, “Talked, yelled, fucked, you fill in the blanks. Did stop her from relapsing though.”

Jack grimaced, “Harsh man. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Spike sighed heavily, “Wanna take a swing at you and Nate though. She’s worked to hard to bloody well relapse over me.”

“Yeah, about that…” Jack started. He’d heard that Buffy had cleaned up her act and the second he saw her outside Sunnydale Liquors, he’d automatically not wanted to go through with the sale.

Spike shook his platinum head and wandered into the kitchen, grabbing two beers, “Let’s just forget about it mate. It doesn’t matter anymore. Stopped her and that’s what does.”

Jack nodded and took a seat on the comfy black leather sofa. Spike handed him a beer which he accepted and his old friend took a seat next to him.

As the red headed man was about to take a sip, he stopped and pulled something out of his coat pocket and threw it at Spike, “On me. Think of it as a welcome to Sunnydale present.”

Spike fingered the bag filled with white powder almost ruefully. There it was again. Wherever he turned was cocaine. For once in his life he wanted to get away from it.
The drug stared up at him with mocking eyes. You knew you were a drug addict when it started to taunt you. How badly he wanted to be just able to snort a few lines but it wasn’t the easy anymore. Buffy. He’d only been back all of two days and the bitch already had him more then ready and willing to give it up. And they said stopping was hard. It seemed almost bloody revolting now but he knew that if he just forgot all about Buffy and snorted some that all the pain would go away. It would fill the empty void that kept growing. Then again if he did give in, he might never have Buffy. Bloody hell things weren’t supposed to be this complicated when it came to drugs.

Jack tore him from his thoughts by announcing, “Oh shit man. I gotta jet. It was great seeing you again Spike. Give me a jingle some time and we can go out.”

Spike nodded, his eyes never living the small baggie, “Yeah. I’ll be sure to do that.”

A few seconds after Jack was out of the door, Spike stood and wandered into the bathroom.

“Hey Spike, I forgot…” Jack started as he re-entered the unlocked apartment. He stopped when he heard splash and a toilet flush. A smile crossed his face at the sound. Maybe, just maybe his friend was gonna be okay.

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Buffy found herself on the Finn’s front step for the second time that day. This time she was even more dead set then the last.

Riley answered the door. “Hey,” he smiled warmly.

Buffy wouldn’t let his boyish charm melt her this time. She wanted to be with Spike and that’s all the mattered. “Riley we need to talk,” Buffy stated, hinting him in on what was coming.

His smile faded as quickly as it had appeared, “Oh. Nothing good ever starts with those words.”

“No,” Buffy agreed as Riley stepped out of his house and they both took a seat on the front steps, “Riley I’m so sorry. I really am and you have to understand that I really did, do care about you but I’m…” she paused and took a deep breath, “I can't do this anymore. I’m sick of pretending. I just can't. It’s killing me.”

And it was true. Pretending to be Miss Little Perfect was eating her away inside faster than any drug ever could. It was killing her and it was so NOT the way she intended to go.

Riley was silent. He wouldn’t even look at her. A few beats passed before he asked, “Does this have something to do with your ex? From the other night?”

Buffy stared at him before deciding to be honest, “Yeah. I’m still in love with him and I don’t ever think there’ll be a time I’m not.”

Riley nodded, obvious pain etched across his face. Like a knife in the gut but she’d be okay. They both would. He’d move on with his life and forget all about it. For some reason the thought was comforting.

“I love you Buffy,” he stated softly, “I love you so much that I just want you to be happy.”

“I never meant to hurt you Riley,” Buffy sighed, “And I’m sorry it had to be this way. Thank you for understanding. You’ll find her, I know you will.”

He smiled sadly as they both stood and hugged for one final time, “I hope so.”
With that he went back into his house.

Buffy started at the door for a moment wistfully before turning and running down his steps and down the street. She had to find her man.

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well people, the stories coming to the end here. Just one more chapter and a prologue. Review please if you wanna know how it ends…

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