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Buffy smiled when she spotted her friends. Today was her eighteenth birthday and she was feeling really good. Better than any drug had ever made her feel. She’d been clean for three years now of last week and she wouldn’t have had it any other way. After Ruby’s death she’d checked herself into rehab and then moved to Sunnydale to live with her mother. It had been hard. Hell, sometimes it still was but she’d gotten over her addition.
She wouldn’t deny that she sometimes missed the wonderful highs that the drug had given her but she would NEVER miss coming down, that feeling of utter emptiness. She also wouldn’t deny no matter being with Riley that she still loved Spike. She sighed silently and shook her head. None of that now. He was a part of her dark past. The one part that she couldn’t let go.
“Hey!” Willow said happily, “Happy birthday Buffy!”
Buffy’s smile widened as she saw Xander hold out a cupcake with a candle in the middle, “Ooh guys. Thank you!”
She’d never really told anyone in Sunnydale about her past. She knew she really should but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t want to see the looks of disgust on their face when she told them that on some nights she would have done anything of even a milligram. She didn’t want them to think she was bad, like she had for a long while after. That’s why she just couldn’t do it.
She was brought out her thoughts by the feeling of two strong male arms being wrapped around her waist.
“Hey baby,” Riley smiled, kissing the top of her head.
Buffy mentally sighed, “Hey Riley.”
Just then the bell rang. Damn, she didn’t even get to eat her cupcake, “Walk me to class?”
He shook his head, “Sorry babe but I gotta go to gym which is all the way on the other side of the school.”
“Come on Wills,” Buffy sighed, breaking free of Riley’s grip and linking arms with her friend, “I’ll see you later Riley, Xander. And thanks for the cupcake.”
With that, they went their separate ways.

**********************************************************

“Buffy!” Spike called out in release.
“It’s Michelle,” the blonde beneath him reminded him with a sharp tone.
“Whatever,” Spike muttered, rolling off of her and shoving her out the bed.
She let out a squeak of surprise and watched him get out of bed from the floor as he grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and wandered into the bathroom.
She sighed heavily and stood up. She quickly dressed and left with out saying another word. Just the way he liked it.
Spike quickly snorted the line of white powder and instantly felt much better.
After Ruby’s death and Buffy’s disappearing act Spike’s life had gone even more downhill.
He had had nothing left. Bloody hell, he thought. He wasn’t going to start to think about this again.
He sighed heavily and reached for the baggie that contained the only thing he had left in his life. It was empty. Fuck. He took a long swig of his whisky and staggered back into the bedroom of the hotel. He reached for his pants and pulled out his wallet to find it also empty. Bloody fucking hell. He was completely broke and cocaineless.
Time to visit his dear old da.

**********************************************************

Willow and Buffy reached the library where they spent their free period.
“I heard the school hired a new librarian,” Willow said as they entered the musty library.
Buffy nodded, “Coolness. Well then, let’s go give him our greetings.”
There was a thumb from behind the check out counter and a familiar, “Bloody hell.”
“Um, are you okay?” Willow asked.
“Yes, quite,” the person answered, standing up.
Buffy was in shock. There in front of her was Giles looking the same as ever. Still very much tweed clad, “Giles.”
“Buffy,” he replied wide eyed.
A bright smile broke out over both of their faces and Buffy rushed over to hug him.
Giles pulled away and shook his head, “Look at you my dear girl.”
Buffy smiled sadly, “It’s a big improvement from last time you saw me I’m guessing.”
He smiled sadly and nodded, “You look wonderful.”
Willow was completely lost, “I’m guessing you two know each other.”
Buffy nodded, “I knew Giles from back in LA.”
Willow could sense something was up and nodded, “Hey Buff? I’m gonna go find Oz. you guys catch up.”
Buffy nodded back, “Okay Wills. I’ll see you later.”
With one last smile, Willow was gone.
Buffy turned to Giles who at sat down and sat down across from him, “So you're probably wondering what happened right?”
Giles nodded, “I must say finding you here, alive and well was…”
Buffy looked away, “I know Giles. The day of Ruby’s funeral Spike and I self destructed so I left.” She paused before continuing, “I know how important Ruby was to you. As important to you as she was to me, even maybe more.” She paused again, “You should know that she told me that she was gonna quit after that last party. I guess she never got the chance.”
He nodded and looked away also.
“So I decided I was going to do it for her,” Buffy finished.
“Thank you,” he whispered, tears shining in both of their eyes.
“How is he Giles?” Buffy asked quietly, dreading the answer.
Giles sighed, “I haven’t talk to William in about a year. I’m guessing quite badly.”
Buffy nodded, “I wish I could have saved him. I wish I could have saved them both.”
Giles shook his head and took her hand in his, “So do I Buffy but you were able to save yourself. That’s all that matters.”
“I guess you're right,” Buffy sighed, trying her hardest to believe him. She couldn’t. It wasn’t enough.

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AN: to all of you that are reading, I should warn you, if you're a fan of all fluff this isn't a story for you. Things are gonna get pretty dark but stick in there. I’ll never have a story without a happy ending. That’s just wrong.





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