AN: A bitter sweet chapter for you. I didn't want you all to think it was going to be all bad between the two but I have to warn, there is more angst ahead. Remember, nothing comes easily. Review if you love it, review if you like it, review if you even hate it. JUST REVIEW!!!!
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Buffy let out a small content sigh and snuggled closer to the warm body beside her. Her eyes shot open as the memories of the night before flooded back to her all at once. Her birthday. Giles. Spike. Fighting. Crying. Willow. Crying. The Bronze. Riley. Spike. Violent fucking. Fighting. Crying. Nate. Jack. Cocaine. Spike. Crying. Snuggling. Warmth. Love. Spike.
How ironic. The thing that made her so sad was the one thing that made her feel better.
That was just another day in the life of Buffy Summers.
She let out a bitter laugh. No, that was a day in the life of the old Buffy Summers, minus the Willow, Bronze and Riley factors of course.
It was so funny how the man she hated with all of her being was the one thing she loved more than anything. She must have lost her mind, she decided. She was insane. Ruby had always told her that if you felt like you were under control you weren’t going fast enough. She’d been under control and it had been wonderful. Now she was going too fast once again. She was getting dizzy. Why couldn’t she just slow down again? And to think, this was just Spike’s first day back in her life. She already knew that she was going to spin out of control. A small part of her wanted it to happen too. How sick was that?
Sure Buffy Summers didn’t have the perfect life in Sunnydale but anything was better than her old lifestyle. One currently living that lifestyle wouldn’t see this but she did. It was a big fucking neon sign too. Another bitter laugh escaped her chapped lips and she shook her head, starting to sit up on her elbows before discovering that she was trapped in between too strong, familiar arms. Home. It felt like home to be in his arms again. Yup her life was officially fucked up to the point of no return again. Great.
She sigh and settled down once again, knowing that she wasn’t going anywhere.
She turned her head to look at him. He was beautiful. Sure he had large sleep deprived circles under his eyes and she could see red scabs under his nose and he was a little too thin but other than that he was simply beautiful.
She’d once found it hard to think of a man as beautiful. Guys were meant to be handsome but not beautiful. Then there was Spike. He was a thing of pure beauty to her. She hated him for it.
She hated him for all the same reasons she loved him.
He challenged her and he made her feel. The last thing Buffy had ever needed in her life had been to be able to feel. Emotions just complicated things. The funny thing was that for someone who pushed her so hard to let go and give in into her emotions, she’d never seen him do that very thing once. Not in pain, emotional and psychical that it. Now when it came to pleasure he had no problem.
He always told her that he loved her and he’d always made her feel loved. She knew that he really did indeed love her but it the way he did. One second he was warm and loving the next he was stone. It made no sense at all.
But like she’d said, the times that he’d opened up to her and made her feel so loved that words themselves did the feeling no justice. Love just is.
She smiled and closed her eyes, letting all of those times consume her, for just one more time. At least that’s what she’d tell herself.
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Buffy Summers moaned happily as a she was pulled closer to a warm, hard body. The body of the man she loved. Coke had nothing on this, she thought with a content smile. She opened her eyes to see Spike looming over her.
“Mornin luv,” he said softly with a sleep roughened voice.
She let out a small giggle as he leaned in to give her a gentle kiss, “Good morning. This is nice.”
He nodded and rolled her on top of him, “Can we just stay this way forever?”
Buffy smiled before replying, “Forever is a really long time Spike.”
He nodded as he helped her position herself over his straining erection, “Not nearly long enough.”
The both let out long moans as Buffy sank down on him and started to ride him.
It didn’t take long for them both to reach their climaxes. It was all too good. Buffy collapsed onto his chest before stating, “You're right. Not nearly.”
She snuggled her head into his chest as one thought crossed her mind. This was what she wanted forever.
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Tears were forming in her hazel eyes. She quickly wiped them away. Forever. They had been supposed to be forever but she’d been right. Forever was a long time and nothing was forever. Not even love. A bitter laugh that was beginning to become all too familiar came again. Maybe this love would. Too bad that it would never work. Buffy opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to be happy though. It would explain so much. Her eyes drifted closed again. Why didn’t everything have to be so damn complicated?
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When the night won't fall and the sun wont rise
And you see the best as you close your eyes
When you reach the top as you bottom out
But you understand what it's all about
Nothing's ever what it seems
In your life or in your dreams
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin' sense of you
Love just is... whatever it may be
Love just is... you and me
Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for... love just is
When you ask to stay and disappear
It seems you're gone but you're really here
When every move seems out of place
But every kiss is filled with grace
Some things never get defined
In your heart or in your mind
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin sense of you
Don't ever ask me for reasons
I can't get to you
Don't ever ask me for reasons
Why I live for you... I just do
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AN: hello all again. I want to thank you all for the great reviews in which I appreciate to no end! I’m a little stuck on where I want to take this story so if tell me what you think. Just e-mail me or say it through a review and I’ll give you all a cookie! Oh and also I hope that ending each chapter with a song isn't too annoying. If you don’t like it tell me! All reviews are welcome but you know, just don’t rip me a new one. I’m new at this. Thanks ever so much!
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