[Reviews - 39]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 1980 times

- Text Size +




Chapter 13


Numb. That was the most suitable word Spike could think of to describe Buffy's behavior for the last few weeks. She just seemed to drift around in a fog. At first he'd expected it, how could she have *not* been in shock. She had finally found some measure of perfect happiness and it all got torn away from her. She had totally withdrawn from everyone and everything. Even during the funerals she'd been distant. Never looking at anyone, her expression frozen, her eyes unseeing.

The first few weeks she spent mostly in her refuge from the horrors of the world, her room. Each day either Spike or his father would assist her to the hospital to visit Michael, who had grown stronger and healthier with each passing day. After four weeks, the doctor had declared that Michael would soon be able to go home. He was not expected to have any lingering effects from his early delivery, aside from usual premature issues which would likely resolve with time. And yet Buffy remained detached from even Michael. She would stare into the bassinet endlessly, as if the answers to the larger questions of the universe were held within. But she never touched, never held, never rocked nor fed him.

But that didn't stop everyone else from seizing the opportunity to hold on to the legacy left by Jenny and Angel. For each chance to feed or hold Michael that Buffy passed up, Spike, Giles, or Dawn would gladly step in and help care for the baby. The professional staff assured the small family that time would bring healing for Buffy; and counseling for everyone involved would help even more.

When Michael was finally declared ready to go home, everyone was at a loss as to where exactly to put him. Giles had insisted that Michael be placed in Buffy's room, despite protests from both Spike and Dawn. Dawn felt it was obvious that Buffy didn't care and didn't want to. Spike insisted that Buffy was still too weak from her injuries and subsequent surgery, and too traumatized by the losses. But Giles insisted those were exactly the reasons why she needed Michael with her. It would help her to begin the long process of moving forward. A process that all of them needed to begin.

It worked to a degree. Buffy did finally start caring for her son, but it still didn't seem to make much of a dent in her detached demeanor. Spike was beyond worried. He feared that the loss of Jenny, Angel, and Gabriel had been too much. A human can only endure so much tragedy and Buffy had certainly had more than her fair share. But he found hope when one night he awoke to the sound of crying on the baby monitor he kept near him at all times. But the crying wasn't from the baby, it was from Buffy. The sound of her quiet sobs pulled at everything inside him, but it meant she was feeling something.

Soon after, the dreams started. The first one nearly scared Spike to death. When her scream tore through the house, Spike jumped to action and nearly bowled over both Dawn and Giles in his rush to Buffy's room. He found Buffy sitting up in her bed, a look of horror and confusion on her face. Michael was wailing fiercely in his cradle. Dawn edged around him to see to Michael, prompting him to take care of Buffy. Carefully, so as not to startle her, he settled next to Buffy on the bed and pulled her to him, enclosing her in his warm protective arms as her sobs shook her. He wasn't sure when Giles and Dawn left the room, taking Michael with them, he only knew that Buffy needed someone and he seemed to fit the bill at that moment.

So a routine was set. Each night the family settled in. Each night Buffy would wake them. Each night Dawn or Giles would take Michael, and each night Spike would stay with Buffy, comforting her and coercing her back to slumber. He couldn't ever elicit from her what her dreams entailed. She wouldn't trust him with that information anymore for some reason. But she was feeling. She was hurting and crying, but at least she wasn't numb. That meant she would be alright eventually. He hoped.

**********

The dreams. They came every night now. She was almost afraid to fall asleep because she knew they would come. He would come. It started so sweetly. Just her and Angel. Him saying she needed a friend. Helping her when the demons came. She had even patched him up one night when he'd been injured helping her to fight a group of them called "The Three". Then it happened. He became one of the monsters. He became a demon, a vampire. That was the first night she'd woken the house with her scream. That night she fell asleep enfolded in Spikes arms, and for a while the nightmares were kept at bay. Each night she dreamt, and each night he came to her, wiping away the tears and staying with her until the sun signaled the beginning of a new day.

As the weeks progressed, she found herself caring more and more for Michael. She could see little hints of Angel here and there. Spike was right, he did look a little like Dawn when she was a baby. But his features were handsome and sweet. His eyes were her undoing They were so sweet and soulful, they were the ultimate reminder she had of Angel. Despite her days of healing by tiny degrees, each night brought a new dream involving Angel. New slayer dreams that she had thought she would never have again.

For some reason, despite his vampire status, the slayer dreams had given Angel a soul. Then, a few nights ago, the dreams had brought a sequence that left her breathless. They had made love. He had been slow and gentle. Showing her the depth of his love, and she could have sworn that it had been real, that he was really there. But when she woke, he was gone. Nothing was beside her except the spot left vacant by his absence. That had hurt her even more, ripping her very soul from her.

The nights since had brought dreams of a soulless Angel rampaging through the town, cutting down everyone in his path. She watched in horror as Jenny died. She watched as her friends died. She watched as the dreams told her that it was her fault. It was because of her that Jenny was gone. It was because of her that Angel was gone, replaced by a soulless Angelus.

It was no different in the day. She knew that it was because of her that they had died. They had all risked their lives and well-being because of her. Everything she did brought only ill fortune. She carried nothing but death and destruction with her. It was her gift and her calling. It would eventually destroy everyone she cared for.

With that thought, she once more gave in to sleep, knowing the dreams would come.

**********

"Angel's the key," Whistler began. "His blood will open the door to Hell. Acathla opens his big mouth, creates a vortex. Then only Angel's blood will close it. One blow will send 'em both back to Hell. But I strongly suggest that you get there before that happens, 'cause the faster you kill Angel, the easier it's gonna be on you.

"Don't worry about me," Buffy responded, resolute.

"It's all on the line here, kid," The oddly dressed whatever-he-is warned.

Sadly, Buffy considered a bare moment before replying. "I can deal, I got nothing left to lose."

As he watched her leave, he whispered, "Wrong, kid. You got one more thing."

The fight almost seemed to happen in fast forward. So many things happened at once. As she fought the vampires off, she caught sight of Xander helping Giles out of the mansion. In the time she lost fighting for her own life, Angelus managed to complete the ritual awakening Acathla. As the sword pulled free of the stone, Angelus whipped it around to face off with Buffy, who scrambled to find her own sword.

Buffy reached for the blessed sword Kendra's Watcher had provided, and faced Angelus.

"You almost made it, Buff," he taunted her.

"It's not over yet."

Angelus sneered, "My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell."

"Save me a seat."

The ensuing sword fight carried them throughout the room. The traded thrust and parry. They danced in an endless battle to destroy each other. Neither one seemed to be gaining the advantage as their swordplay took them past Acathla, over and around furniture and destroyed everything around them. They began throwing brutal kicks and punches, each one landing blows to the other, but it was Angelus who eventually caught her with a kick to her sword arm, sending her stumbling back into the atrium.

They began to fight in earnest then, each determined to win. But the next moment belonged to Angelus as Buffy's sword embedded in the ground and Angelus stomped a foot down, sending the blade from her grasp. A sharp elbow sent him flying backwards into a table, and they both collapsed.

Angelus eased forward, blade first, as Buffy backed up against the wall. He had her pinned, and toyingly waved his sword before her face. "Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends... No hope."

Buffy closed her eyes as she straightened up slightly, seemingly ready to face her impending doom.

Angelus taunted her more, "Take all that away... and what's left?" He pulled back slightly before thrusting forward, directly at her face. But before he can complete the mortal blow, Buffy's hand moved in astonishing reflex, capturing the blade between her palms, and her eyes flashed open, a look of determination boldly screaming from them.

"Me."

The battle continued, but Buffy clearly had the advantage now as she forced Angelus back. Finally she beat him to his knees in front of Acathla, ready to deal the final blow to put an end to both Angelus and Acathla. She raises the blade, but at the last moment she stayed her blade as Angelus gasped and his eyes flash with what almost looks like flame. As she watched, he collapsed forward a few seconds, then looks up at her with the eyes of her Angel once more.

"Buffy?... What's going on?"

Buffy looked on him, confused and unsure what has happened. Angel looked around as he stood. "Where are we? I-I don't remember."

"Angel?" She asked hesitantly, lowering her sword finally.

"You're hurt," Angel reached out, gingerly touching the cut on her arm. Buffy unconsciously drew forward to him, until they finally embraced. "Oh, Buffy... God. I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months."

Buffy exhaled in desperate relief at having her Angel back, and fully gives in to the embrace.

"Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I..." He pulled her in even tighter, placing a kiss to her shoulder. As tears fell from Buffy, her eyes drifted shut.

When Buffy again opened her eyes, she was met with the sight of Acathla and a spinning vortex emerged from the great stone beast. She was too late. Buffy let go of Angel and pulled back slightly, looking up into his eyes.

"What's happening?" Angel asked, unaware of the danger he had unleashed, that was growing steadily just behind him.

"Shh... don't worry about it," Buffy told him, as she brushed her fingers lightly across his lips and over his face. She leaned in and gently kissed him, the kiss turning more passionate and desperate as he returned it. It was a kiss between two lovers who had been separated for far too long. When she pulled back from the kiss she looked at him once more and whispered, "I love you."

"And I love you," Angel responded without hesitation.

"Close your eyes," Buffy instructed him. Tears rolling down her face, she placed one final kiss upon his lips, then she stepped back, drew back her sword and thrust it into his chest. His eyes popped open in surprise, as light shone from the sword. She stepped back. He looked at the sword protruding from his chest, then back at Buffy, clearly hurt and confused. He reached out for her, "Buffy?"

But she could only stare as she continued to move away. The vortex grew until suddenly the sword, and Angel disappear into it and the vortex closed. No traces were left behind of the man she loved, the sword, or the vortex that had threatened to consume them all.

Buffy stared at Acathla for many moments, her face showing the evidence that she was fully aware what she'd done. She began to sob, her heart shattering once more. She had killed the man she loved. A final knowledge sunk in at that moment. She hadn't truly lost everything...until now.

**********

Buffy sat up suddenly in bed, her face covered in tears. Her pillow was soaked with them. Spike came rushing in, and pulled her to him whispering words that told her everything would be alright. It was the same ritual he performed every night now. As he gently rocked her, she pondered the dream. The message was clear. She could only bring death and destruction to those she loved and to those who loved her. She knew what she had to do. She allowed Spike to comfort her, and she eased her breathing back down to normal as she calmed herself. She would have to wait a little while. She couldn't face them when they were awake. It would be better this way.

**********

The sun shone through the window, as the alarm clock screamed out its insistence that it was time for him to wake. He could hear Michael over in his bassinet, contenting himself with cooing at something. Spike reached behind him, extending a hand to wake Buffy. "Come on sleepy head. Some of us have to go to school," Spike mumbled out as he continued to reach for Buffy.

When his hand met nothing but air, he rolled over to look for her. The only sight that greeted him was a piece of paper. It was folded over, and on the outside it was neatly lettered, "Spike". He sat up as he opened the letter, quickly scanning it contents. As he read it a second time, he couldn't help the fear and anger that rolled through him. He read it a third time, somehow hoping that he'd read it wrong.

Dear Spike,

When you read this, I will be gone. Don't worry, I'm not that kind of gone. Don't try to find me. Please don't. I've been thinking a lot lately. Being with me and having me around brings only hurt to everyone. You all deserve more than that. It's my fault that everyone is hurting and I can't keep doing that to everyone. I don't think I have anything left in me that can love or be loved. That's why I've left. Dawn won't understand, but she will be better off without me. Please take care of Michael, I know you will.

Remember what my dad told Angel about it taking a big man to take care of his brother's child? You've done nothing but take care of me and Michael. I know you will be the best person to watch over him. You are that bigger man.

Buffy

Spike bolted up off the bed, and over to the dresser. Several of Buffy's things were missing from the drawer. A quick check of the closet revealed the same. Her duffle bag was gone. He quickly tore down the stairs, running past Giles and causing him to inadvertently spill his morning tea. He threw open the door and ran down to the sidewalk, looking as far in each direction as he could, and calling her name. As Giles came down the walk behind him, he sunk to his knees, realization dawning upon him. As his father took the note from his hand, asking Spike what was going on, he could only manage one thought...

"She's gone," he whispered. "Oh God, she's gone."

________________________________________

a/n - see, it's getting there. Slowly but surely. Just wait for the next chapter!
________________________________________







You must login (register) to review.