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Buffy sat there stunned, letting Giles' words wash over her. As painful as it had been, everything she had known about Angel's death had been a lie. A beautiful lie Giles had designed to protect her from the truth. Had he thought her that weak? That fragile?

And Spike had never told her the truth.

"Buffy?" Giles prompted. "I know this is quite a lot to take in, but…"

"You lied," Buffy softly spoke. "You lied to me?"

"I had hoped to spare you of the pain of knowing what Angel went through."

"You think me so weak? That I couldn't handle that he wasn't instantly killed. That even though he was in agony, his only thought was for me? That the love of my life spent his dying breath giving us away?" Her face crumbled as she spoke.

"Weak?" Giles seemed aghast at the thought. "Buffy, your strength has only been remarkable. You've had so much pain in you young life, I simply sought to spare you what little I could."

"Good job, thanks for that." Buffy growled out. "God, I trusted you! All of you! And you all lied to me. You didn't trust me to deal with anything on my own!" She was not near the point of shouting.

"Yeah, cause you've done a bang up job of it, haven't you?" Spike's anger got the best of him.

"And you! Is that was these last few days have been about? The fact that you think you own me? Or was it just obligation? Is that what I am? An obligation? All that talk about promises should have clued me in, huh? Oh wait, I didn't know anything about that, did I. Because no one told me!"

"I wanted to!" He shouted back, before turning to Giles. "Told you a hundred times, it wasn’t right not telling her. She deserved to know. No, that'd be selfish you said."

"It was! You know damn well you had no altruistic motive to telling her, it was all about you, William."

"Did it ever occur to you that I needed to tell her just as much as she needed to know?"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about! It would have torn you both apart."

"Everyone, shut up!" Buffy shouted.

"Me too?" Dawn's voice cut through the sudden silence.
"Dawnie…"

"It's Dawn," she bit out. "Not that you ever saw me as anything more than a baby you had to take care of. You want to talk about obligation? At least Spike took care of his obligation. What's your excuse?"

"Dawn, I can't take care of anyone. I can't even take care of myself. But these people can. They can take care of you, and love you, and you can have everything that I will never, ever, get to have."

"And what about my sister. My real family. Do I get to have that, too?"

"Dawn, all I can do is give you pain and loss and grief. Everything I touch falls apart into spectacular hellish crap. There is nothing good I can give you. But here, you can live. Really live. For me."

"Dramatic much?" Dawn snorted.

"What?!" Buffy asked, incredulous.

"You really do think the world evolves around you…" Dawn crossed her arms and stared at Buffy.

"Revolves…" Giles corrected automatically.

"Whatever!" Dawn stomped her foot. "You think you're the only one that has lost someone? What about Giles? He lost his wife… again! And his son, and Gabriel. We all did. But the rest of us also lost a sister, a daughter, and the girl that poetry boy over there thinks is the reason for his entire existence."

"Oi!"

"Shut up, Spike," Dawn replied, eyes rolling dramatically.

"The point is, we all lost a lot of people. And then we had to deal with losing you too, while we were all trying to put our lives back together."

"It's not the same," Buffy quietly asserted.

"No, it's not. I get that. But do you think that they do? When you won't tell them any of it?"

"And what are they going to do about it Dawn? Pat me on the head? Talk about how poor little Buffy can't handle anything? Send me to therapy? So that what, they can tell me I'm insane and making it all up?"

"Break any glass lately?" Dawn smirked.

"You told her?" Buffy spun to face Spike, she couldn't keep the hurt from her voice. But Spike looked as shocked as she felt.

"Of course I didn't tell her!" He defended.

"Tell her what?" Giles asked, now also looking confused. "What's this about glass?"

"You think I didn't know?" Dawn indignantly replied. "Buffy, I was there too when we were with dad." Then she gave a stoic look of pride to each person. "None of you think I know anything, but it seems to me that I'm the only one who knows everything."

"Dawn…" Giles voice was full of caution.

"Fine, whatever. But know this. All this talking solves nothing. She doesn't understand if it doesn't involve pain. You all keep forgetting that. Even you, Buffy," she finished before she turned and stomped back up the stairs.

Silence followed Dawn's pronouncement. Buffy felt as though she'd been sucker punched.

"She's wrong, pet," Spike softly offered.

"No, she's not," Buffy met his eyes.

"She is!" He insisted. "When you were with Angel, was that pain, or did it make every moment seem like the whole world could just melt away because every single second was the best moment of your life?"

"Stop it," Buffy whispered.

"And Whitebread? Is that about the pain? Or is it about getting rid of the pain the only way you can think of, for just a little bit?"

"Spike, please," Buffy pleaded.

"What about me? Was that about pain? Or was it about feeling something, anything, other than that gaping whole inside, because the pain just makes it bigger?"

"You're right, Spike. It wasn't about pain. But whatever it was, it wasn't about love. Not for me. I told you, I can't love." Her voice held an apology, that her words didn't.

"Bloody hell," Giles breathed out. "William, how could you?"

"It's Spike, for fucks sake! And if memory serves, wasn't me that instigated it." Spike fixed her with an accusing smirk.

"William!" Giles shouted.
"I can't do this…" Buffy turned to go.

"Buffy, stop!" "No, don't!" The two voices occurred simultaneously. But she didn't hear either one. All she felt was a strong determined hand grab her arm. She reacted on instinct, one hand grabbing the wrist and applying pressure and leverage in just the right spot, as the elbow on her now free arm cracked the offender in the face, sending him crashing to the floor. She stepped back, and that was when she saw him. Giles, on the floor holding his nose, as blood seeped between his fingers. Her eyes went wide with shock and despair. This gentle soul had never hurt her. Not really. He had never given her anything but his love and caring. And now… he looked, frightened?

"Oh, god!" Buffy covered her mouth, as tears started spilling forth. What had she done? She started to back away from him.

"Buffy?" Spike was edging closer to her. Soon he would be upon her, and he'd try to tell her it wasn't her fault. But it was. "Buffy, please, god, please, don't run. Not again."

"I can't do this, Spike." It felt like she was falling apart. Torn in so many directions. To many feelings, all at once. It was too much. "It's too much."

"Please, don't leave?" God, she was going to give in if he kept up. She shook her head, because it she said anything…

"Please, Buffy, I don't think I could handle losing you. Not again." Great big tears were now trailing down his face, and it was her undoing.

"I need some time, Spike."

"Time?"

"Everything's changed. I've changed. I… I need time to think, about everything. To find out what it all means. I need time. Can you give me that?"

Spike's eyes were openly pleading, as he locked eyes with her, but he said nothing. She could see his emotions warring within him; doubt, fear, resignation. Finally, he closed his eyes and slowly nodded his head.

She turned and walked to the door. As she stepped outside and closed the door, he softly spoke one last time. He probably didn't think she would hear it, but she did.

"We'll be right here where you left us. Again."





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