Chapter 39

She walked in behind Riley this time, more than happy to let him take the lead. In fact, maybe she would give him even more room and bigger lead. Yeah, that’s it. Take it nice and slow. Feel out the place a bit as she walked in.

“Buffy?” Riley’s voice pulled her from her thoughts.

“Hmmm?” She looked at him. He was smiling in a way that made her think she was somehow amusing him.

“You’re blocking the door.” Ok, now he looked like he was trying really hard not to laugh at her.

She looked around, and noticed that she was in fact blocking the door and everyone was now looking at her expectantly.

“Sorry, I, um, thought I heard my car alarm,” she smiled apologetically at the growing group behind her and proceeded to quickly catch up to Riley.

“Your car alarm?” Ok, now he was starting to laugh. “You don’t even have a car, Buffy.”

“Oh, shut up, you. What was I supposed to say?” She took off her jacket and threw it over her shoulder. For some reason it seemed really hot inside the club tonight.

“Take it easy, Buffy.” Riley put an arm around her shoulders and started steering her toward a table in the back. “You’re just here to enjoy the evening and say a little poetry, no big deal.”

She shot him a withering glance, which instead made him smile even wider.

“What if he’s not here?” Panic suddenly gripped her.

“Buffy.”

“No! What if I get up there and by some miracle I find the right words, and he’s not even here to hear them?”

“Buffy.”

“I mean, this is like a once in a lifetime thing…”

“Buffy!”

“Oh God, what if I’m too late?”

“Buffy!”

“What if he’s already gone and he never knows I…”

Riley grabbed her head and pulled her to him, and planted a firm kiss on her lips that she hadn’t been expecting. It felt… odd. Not that he wasn’t a good kisser, Riley’s lips were pretty talented, but it just felt odd. Awkward even. Like a kiss that wasn’t meant to be a kiss. A kiss that didn’t want to be a kiss. His kisses had never felt like that. She opened her eyes and looked at Riley in confusion as he ended the kiss and pulled back just a bit and smiled. Wait, he was smiling?

“Sorry. You were rambling and I couldn’t get you to stop long enough to tell you that I saw the owner let him in through the back exit.” He was still smiling. She was still confused.

And then his words sank in. Oh, God. She turned around in her seat looking frantically for him, and for the first time since their little publicly broadcasted tete-a-tete had begun, he wasn’t hard to find. He was standing across the club, looking straight at her. His face held an expression she had never wanted to see again. One that was straight out of her dream.

”No. You don’t, but thanks for saying it.”

She turned back to Riley, horror written on her face.

“Do you know what you’ve done?”

She whipped back around to look for Spike, but he had vanished. She suddenly felt very much like she was drowning, like she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs because they weren’t working.

“No, no, no, no.” She looked back at Riley, only he was a little blurry now and… “Oh god… he’s gone… Riley, he’s gone. He thinks… He’ll never know…”
Hot angry tears came now, searing paths down her face that felt like they would leave scars there. Riley’s hands cupped her face and he looked deep into her eyes and said three very simple sounding words.

“Go… tell… him…”

As the words sank in, she finally understood them. And without a second thought, she took off. She pushed her way through the growing crowd like she was the Slayer after a vampire. She hit the door running, her senses suddenly keen and searching for their target. There! She willed an extra burst of speed into her legs as she saw him, his car just feet ahead of him.

“Spike!” She shouted for all she was worth.

He froze.

As she neared him, she slowed until she was just a few feet away from him, and then suddenly her legs refused to carry her any further. He was still facing away from her. Why hadn’t he turned around? Was she too late?

“Spike?”

Suddenly he whipped around, his coat flaring around his legs before settling around him like armor.

“Don’t!”

She wasn’t sure exactly what she had expected him to say, but that wasn’t it.

“Look, I don’t think I’m up for a round of ‘Kick the Spike’ right now, so why don’t you run back to Iowa in there and resume you’re snogging. I’ll just be on my way…” He finished as he turned back toward his car.

“Spike, wait!”

“Buffy, please, just… go.” Spike strained words floated over his shoulder toward her, and then he took another step… And another… And another… And one more…

It was now or never.
“Three little words”

He froze, hand outstretched, keys poised to slide into the lock.

”Three little words, that’s all they are,
But if you say them with the wrong person, place, or even time
They can split you open and flay your heart
With a sharpness and precision that rivals even the sharpest knife.”


“Buffy….” His voice was a whispered, tortured plea.

”Those three little words have started wars, launched ships,
Carried soldiers through battle and lovers through life.
They’ve inspired poets, made bold the weak, made weak the strong,
And sounded the beginning and ending of countless lives.”


He was looking at her now, and look of both pain and confusion, but also a tiny spark of hope.

”Three little words, carry the weight of the world,
With the power to give and take away the living part of life.
They hide from us, jump out at us, assault us, and wash over us,
Filling us with unending joy, or leave us bleeding salt from our eyes.
Three little words that can mean so many things,
And be said in so many ways, with each having a different meaning.
They can be accepted and rejected, heard but not felt, and felt but not heard.
And the harder I try to find the perfect way, the more I realize I’ve run out of time.”


Of their own free will, her feet began taking her closer to him.

”Because three little words are what you really need to hear,
But if I say them out loud, I can’t be sure you’ll believe
Because your heart will say ‘yes’, but they’re coming from me,
So your brain will say no, they’re just three little words filling out this rhyme.”


She stopped now, just a breath away from him, looking straight up into his eyes.

”But these three little words are coming from my heart and my mind,
And my soul, and my dreams, and hell, even the Slayer is begging you, please,
Hear these three words, and believe them inside, without any doubt,
That I mean every one of these three little words, and I always will for the rest of my life.


His face held a myriad of emotions. Awe, fear, wonder, fear… Was she too late? Had her words been enough to make him believe her this time?

She waited. He swallowed hard, and then cleared his throat as if he was going to say something important.

“Pet, you do realize you didn’t actually say…”

She grabbed his face and not too gently pulled it down to hers until they were nose to nose, locking eyes with him so there could be no doubt here.
“I. Love. You.” She enunciated each word as she said it, and then pulled him in and kissed him. This was no ordinary kiss. She poured every bit of fire and fear and love and need and her soul into this kiss. If lips can sink ships, then hers were going to launch one. She tried to tell him everything she needed to say and everything he needed to hear without actually saying a word. It was an apology, a plea, and a promise, all rolled into one. The question was, would he accept it?

A cacophony of cheers, mixed with whoops, whistles, and clapping interrupted her thoughts, bringing an abrupt end to the kiss. She felt her cheeks flaring red hot and wasn’t sure if it was due to the apparent audience they had, or the kiss itself. She was still clutching his face tightly, afraid that if she let go he might slip away from her again.

“When did we get an audience?” She whispered, resting her forehead against his.

“Guessing they followed us out.”

“Hey, William! Got a response?” Someone from the crowd called. Starting off a chant of, “William! William! William! William!” Until he finally put a hand up in the air, instantly silencing the crowd. He took hold of her shoulders, and pushed her gently, holding them apart, and then stared into her eyes for the longest time. It was a soul gaze, but not one that let her see into his own soul. So she let him. She opened her heart and mind, hoping that he would find what he was looking for, what she wanted him to find.

When the crowd started to get a bit restless, she saw the look in his eyes change, but she still couldn’t quite read it.

He took a deep breath to begin, and she knew that whatever he’d seen, it had made up his mind. And whatever he was about to say, was going to be her moment of fate.





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