[Reviews - 39]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 445 times

- Text Size +




Chapter 51

“You left him there?” Riley still seemed perplexed.

“Do I need to put it in ASL? Ancient Etruscan?” She’d called him up and asked if they could go for a drive. He’d readily obliged, asking as they headed out what had happened, and she’d already told him everything a dozen times.

“I just… can’t wrap my head around it.” He answered from the driver’s seat. “You got through to him, you snuggled, and then you just… left?”

“You’re really having difficulty with this.” She didn’t get what the problem was. “What was I supposed to do? Jump him? Take advantage of him? He was hung over, Riley.”

“No, no, I get that. But maybe you could have, I don’t know, stayed and talked with him once he woke up?”

“What more was there to talk about?” She’d got him to understand he wasn’t responsible. “He said he needed time and sleep, so I gave it to him.”

Riley smiled and shook his head, but never took his eyes off the road.

“You really are adorable,” He finally said. “And clueless.”

“Hey!” She protested.

“I’m serious, Buffy. Think about it. Did you ever ask a guy to give you some time?”

“Yes.” She hesitantly answered, wondering where he was going with this.

“Did you mean it? That you really wanting time and then everything would be all better?”

She stared at him. He really was getting to be a little too perceptive. What happened to the nice, clueless, handsome guy that she could just pretend everything before had been a bad dream? Oh right, she’d dragged him into said dream.

“I’m betting you were using “time” to try and avoid facing things? Am I right?” He asked.

“I’m sorry,” She answered. Suddenly trying to forget what they had been talking about and needing once again to apologize for dragging him into everything.

“I know,” He answered. “But, am I right?”

“Yes,” she conceded, looking out into the endless night sky.

“You think Spike’s any different?” He asked.

Was he? Did he really ask for time just to get her off his case and let him keep trying to move on? And that thought suddenly filled her with more than a little dread. Was he still trying to move on? Had he finally given up?

“Let me answer that for you,” He interrupted her thoughts. “He’s not any different. He’s confused and still trying to wrap his head around everything and probably wants to just forget any headway you two made because it would be a whole lot easier than fixing things between you.”

“But, I thought we did fix things?” She asked, confused. Hadn’t they?

Riley laughed. A genuine, full on, no holds barred laugh.

“You really are adorable, Buffy.” He smiled over at her. “So, what? You think now you two just fall back in line like none of the last year and a half happened?”

“No!” She only sounded a little petulant. “Maybe?”

“Buffy,” He pulled the car over onto the shoulder and put it in park, then turned in the seat to face her. “Can I ask you something?”

Oh no. Curious Riley was usually not of the good. She didn’t want to tell him no, but she also didn’t want to say yes.

“What are you afraid of?” Apparently, he didn’t need a yes or no.

“I’m not afraid of anything!” Her voice didn’t seem to sounds as certain of that as she would have liked it to sound.

“Try it again with less panic this time,” He smiled.

She sighed as she looked out at the void of darkness. What was she afraid of? Why had she left the other morning without even waking him up or saying goodbye? She hadn’t even left him a quick note or anything.

“Buffy?” He gently prodded.

“Honestly?” She turned and looked back at him. “I think… I’m afraid I’ll hurt him. That I don’t know how to start all over with all of this stuff between us.”

He seemed to think about that for a while. It gave her some time to think as well.

“How did it feel, Buffy?” She quirked an eyebrow in question. Which part? All of it? The fights? The crying? The kissing?

“When he was holding you?” He clarified. “No obligations or expectations, just you two holding each other and sleeping?”

She hadn’t tried to think about it too much. It was… confusing. She really hadn’t expected anything more, just wanted him to hold her. To feel the strength and tenderness of him wrapped around her. To be able to hold him without some horrible reason driving her to seek comfort. Just wanting to feel him, and have him feel her. She’d thought maybe he might feel how much he meant to her, without feeling obligated to give her anything more. Not that he wouldn’t if she asked him.

“You’re smiling,” His statement broke through her jumble of thoughts. “So… how did it make you feel?”

“I don’t know if I can describe it,” She answered honestly. “You know I’m not good with words. It was…” She trailed off again, allowing the same feelings to wash over her. “It’s not something I can really put into words.”

Riley nodded, seeming to somehow understand what she meant. He turned back around and put the car in drive. He pulled back onto the highway and kept driving without asking her any more questions.

She leaned her head back against the seat, letting the cool night air wash over her. As the gentle hum of the road and the soft vibration of the engine purring as Riley drove lulled her into relaxation, she allowed the fatigue and tension melt away and she drifted off to sleep.

********************

“The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you’re back to making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.” Spike aimed his barbs at her and Angel.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” She hedged, studiously toeing a rock next to her foot.

“Oh, yeah. You’re just friends.” Spike smirked.

“That’s right,” Angel answered him.

“You’re NOT friends. You'll never be friends. You’ll be in love till it kills you both. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends.” Spike pointed to his head. “Love isn’t brains, children, it's blood.” He brought his hand down to his chest over his heart. “Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.”

********************

A hand on her shoulder woke her from her slumber, her head slowly swimming to the surface in confusion. Another slayer dream, but it was interrupted before she could finish it, much less process it. She’d think about it later. Right now sleep was calling her back.

“Buffy,” The hand shook her a little more insistently.

She opened her eyes, seeing Riley’s soft blue-grey eyes staring back at her, and smiled.

“We’re here,” He smiled back.

She stretched languidly, enjoying the relaxed feeling.

“Five more minutes?” She asked teasingly. Much as her bed was calling her, she really didn’t want to go back in and rejoin the effort of trying to fit back into things at the house with Giles pointedly trying not to make her feel nervous about everything while Dawn did her best to criticize everything she did or didn’t do. It was going to be a long hard road to repairing that relationship.

“Sorry, think it’s time for sleeping beauty to finally wake up.”

Maybe it was her imagination, but his smile looked as little more rueful than usual. Sadly accepting something. What had she missed? Had she said something in her sleep?

That was when the background behind Riley clicked in her brain. They were not at her house. She quickly glanced around confirming her suspicion. Yep. They were at Spike’s apartment. She leaned her head back on the seat again with a groan.

“Buffy?” Riley was trying to get her attention.

She rolled her head to the side, knowing he was going to say whatever it was whether she wanted him to or not.

“I want you to know… you’re the first girl I ever loved.”

“Riley, don’t…” Fear climbed inside her as she got the distinct feeling she knew what was coming, and she wasn’t ready for it.

“Some part of me always will love you,” He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “And I’ve done everything I can to help you…”

“But?” She’d closed her eyes, not wanting to see his face as he spoke. She wasn’t sure she could hold it together if she did.

“But it’s time for you to take the next step...on your own. I can’t do this for you. And as much as I want to be there for you… you don’t need me. Not anymore.”

“What if I can’t…” She started to plead with him.

“You can.” His voice seemed so sure. Why wasn’t she as sure as he was?

“I don’t know what… how…”

“You do, Buffy. Just go in there and let your heart do the rest. It’s like open mic night. Stop over thinking it and just let it come.”

She cracked one eye open and peered at him. “You do remember how that ended, right?”

“I do,” He didn’t cover his flinch before she caught it, he gazed away and didn’t look back.

She stretched her arm across the seat to take his hand in hers, and gave it a squeeze, drawing his attention back to her. She wasn’t good with words, but she hoped he could read what she was trying to tell him.

“I…”

“Don’t.” His breath caught. “Don’t apologize. Our time together was… I’ll never forget it. And I don’t regret it. Neither should you.”

“I don’t. Just…”

“Not even that, Buffy. Even with the way that everything turned out, for a little while you made me the happiest man alive. But now it’s your turn. Go. Let yourself be happy.”

She squeezed his hand even more. She understood, even if it did feel like a huge part of her life was coming to a sudden end. And some part of her was already beginning to understand that it meant a new part of her life was about to begin. And it wouldn’t be happening without Riley.

“Thank you.” It was simple. Elegant. Honest.

He smiled and stared deeply in her eyes for several seconds, before suddenly turning away. He cleared his throat and suspiciously acted like something was in his eye.

“Well, what are you waiting for? That door isn’t going to open itself.” He gave her a watery smile.

With one last glance at him, she pulled the car door open and stepped out. She turned and closed the door, wishing she could find the words to thank him for everything he’d ever done. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out.

“It’s ok, Buffy. I know. The future’s yours, now. Make it what you want.” He offered her one last smile, put the car in gear and backed out. She stood there watching tail lights fade in the distance. A sense of deja vu washed over her, remembering the last time that happened and thinking her life was over. This time, however, she hoped it was just beginning.





You must login (register) to review.