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Chapter 8

To say the last four weeks had been difficult, was a colossal understatement. Buffy was released from the hospital shortly after Spike confronted her. She'd spent most of the time since then sleeping, crying, retching, or screaming; sometimes all of them at once. She had an angry zombie look to her that had Spike worried, not to mention the others. But with school about to start she had begun moving around and even made a few trips to various places, always accompanied by someone, of course.

Jenny spent a fair amount of time in Buffy's room, looking rather worn when she finally emerged. Spike could tell his father was at a loss for what to say or do. He would often catch the elder Giles staring at the closed door with a look of sadness and longing, only to eventually turn away with a deeply resigned sigh. Spike could also tell that Dawn desperately wanted to talk about things, but everyone seemed to fear that she wasn't old enough to handle the answers to her questions. They all disregarded the fact she'd dealt with almost equally disturbing things in her short life thus far.

Spike spent more than a few hours just holding Buffy's hand and listening to things she was and wasn't saying. He'd spent even more hours wondering to himself how to help her. He and Jenny managed to coax her to eat small amounts each day, but nothing substantial and it was beginning to show. The already too thin girl was looking more sickly, pale, and tired each day, causing him to wonder if something more physical than mental was going on. His only consoling thought was that the police had run numerous tests on both Warren and his chum Tucker and both were apparently the picture of health.

Spike had to swallow the smile that quirked the corners of his lips when he thought about the "picture" of health Warren actually showed when he was dropped off at the Sunnydale police station. Spike and Angel had gone back to Angel's apartment the morning after Buffy's attack and found the pair there, acting as if nothing unusual had happened. However, once he and Angel demonstrated their interrogation techniques on Warren, Tucker felt himself moved to make a very tearful confession. The only thing that stopped them from likely beating the idiots to a bloody pulp, ok bloodier pulp, was the elder Giles showing up at the door when his sons had failed to return in a timely fashion. It had taken both of them to hold him back.

Angel gave up his apartment and moved back into the house, causing a mad shuffling of sleeping arrangements. Dawn now had her own room, as did Buffy. Angel occupied the basement while Spike took the ever so comfortable couch. Not that anyone ever got a lot of sleep.

Spike had hoped that Angel had worked out a few of his demons in dealing with Warren, but apparently he was mistaken. The problem was, Angel didn't seem to be part of the solution to Buffy's healing. In fact, he seemed to make things worse. Despite his frequent words of love and support to Buffy, any overtures of touching she initiated, no matter how innocent, were met with a look of fear as he flinched away from her.

Spike knew that Angel harbored no feelings of disgust, nor had his feelings for Buffy changed. In fact, he seemed to have elevated her to the status of a goddess for surviving the whole thing. But, Angel was deathly afraid that anything he did would trigger a memory of the rape. The more Buffy clamored for reassurances that Angel still loved and wanted her, the more Angel held himself away from her. This in turn only reaffirmed Buffy's fears of rejection.

Naturally, with Angel and Buffy being the two stoics they were, neither was telling the other about their fears. That was what he was for. Spike was fairly certain that he was now exceptionally trained, if he should decide to become a bartender, because he sure wasn't going to become a priest. He was actually thankful to have the house to himself this afternoon. Jenny had taken Buffy on some "girls only" trip. Angel was down at the college campus trying to arrange his class schedule so Buffy would never be left alone. Dawn was predictably off with one of her friends. Silence had never sounded so sweet.

Spike cursed his own foolishness at that thought when the phone rang. His karma lately was definitely lacking.

"'lo," Spike called into the receiver. He was met with a brief pause, before a high and obviously female voice answered him.

"Is this the Summer residence?" The voice queried.

"No, it's the winter residence." He replied, a smirk on his lips. He sighed when he was only met with silence. "This is the Giles' house, but some of the Summers' live here. Who you lookin' for?"

"Giles? Ah, yes. It's here on the chart. May I speak to Buffy Summers, please?" The voice replied.

Spike sat up from his reclined position on the couch, as little alarms started going off in his head.

"She's not taking calls. Mind me askin' just who it is that wants to speak to her?" Spike demanded.

"This is Amelia at Dr Goff's office. Can I leave a message for her?"

Spike's alarms were now ringing full tilt.

"Something wrong?" He asked, feeling the slightest panic.

"No, no...nothing wrong. I was just calling to inform her that her sonogram has been scheduled for Friday at two o'clock. Dr Goff wanted it sooner rather than later since he felt she may be a little further along than she thought," the woman informed him. "Will you have her call the office, please?"

Spike sat in stunned silence for a moment until the voice on the line prompted him.

"Sir? Mr. Giles?"

"Um, yeah. Yeah, I'll tell her. Thanks for callin'," Spike mumbled out as he hung up the phone. Things started clicking into place in his head. Scattered pieces of puzzle suddenly started fitting together. Even as the answers gave him more questions, he started seeing red. He was going to choke the whole lot of them for not telling him. That thought froze his whole mind for a moment. Why hadn't Buffy told him? As the one who knew more than the others about what had happened, Buffy had confided several things to him. So why not this? That thought stung him. Perhaps she didn't trust him as much as he thought.

Before that line of thinking could continue, the sound of Jenny's car pulling up in the drive interrupted it. Shortly thereafter, Jenny and Buffy strolled through the door, their conversation filled with a discussion about school starting soon. Spike simply stared at the duo, unintentionally drawing their attention. After he affirmed to them that everything was fine and he was going to catch a quick shower before dinner, the women watched him stalk up the stairs as Jenny mused aloud what was up with Spike.

**********

"Hey, luv," Spike said, pushing open the door. He found Buffy sitting alone on the bed staring out the window. Her dinner plate sitting untouched as usual on the bedside table. "Missed you at dinner."

"Yeah. I wasn't feeling too hot. Figured it would be better up here," Buffy responded. She looked to be lost in thought, and not in a sharing mood tonight.

"Probably feel a hell of a lot better if you actually ate something for a change," Spike pointed out, annoyance coloring his speech despite his effort to hide it.

"Don't feel much like eating right now. I'll eat something later. Promise," Buffy replied, trying to affect a reassuring smile, and failing miserably.

Spike nodded, acknowledging her response. "You want something else maybe? Crackers? Toast? I can't get you anything."

This drew a confused and slightly wary look from Buffy. After a moment she told him that what she had was fine, as her attention focused to some imagined piece of lint on the bed cover.

"Ok then," Spike shrugged as he turned to leave. "Oh! Almost forgot. Doctor called and said your sonogram is Friday at two," he said, looking over his shoulder to gauge her reaction. He was rewarded with an almost audible snap of her head. Her face was covered with a look of horror, followed closely by her eyes filling with tears.

Spike turned from the door and took a few short steps to stand next to the bed. "Why didn't you tell me?" Spike asked, bitterness tinged with a little desperation. "You know you can tell me anything, Buffy"

Silence reigned for several moments. As Spike's anger got the better of him, he turned to leave the room. He was right. She didn't trust him like he thought. As his hand reached once again for the door knob, her strained voice finally answered him.

"I...I didn't know how to."

"You didn't know how? 'I'm pregnant' is two words! Not that hard to figure!" Spike exploded. Seeing her hurt response as she closed off, Spike took several breaths to calm himself before moving back and sitting on the bed. As he reached out to smooth a strand of hair behind her ear, like he'd done countless times before, she flinched back as if afraid he would strike her.

"Buffy?" Spike asked as he withdrew his hand. "You know I'd never hurt you, right?"

Buffy looked up at him, anger shining brightly. "You just did."

Spike looked at her a moment before looking away from the accusation in her eyes. "Yeah, reckon I did."

"Can you forgive me?" Spike asked. "I was just shocked you didn't tell me something this important. Kind of brassed off a bit that no one did."

"They don't know," Buffy mumbled shakily.

It was Spike's turn to look stunned and confused.

"Your mom knows. But not Giles or Angel," Buffy quickly added. "I wanted to wait until after I saw this new doctor. And I just didn't know what to say. What can I say?"

"It's not your fault, luv. They'll understand. You don't have to make up excuses for what a couple of bloody wankers did." Spike reassured her.

Buffy suddenly seemed fascinated with the invisible lint again.

"Buffy?"

"It's not one of theirs," Buffy stuttered out so quietly that Spike was certain he hadn't heard her correctly.

"Come again?" Spike asked.

Buffy heaved a great sigh before looking up, briefly, and restating the sentence. "It's not one of theirs. It's...it's Angel's."

Spike blinked twice, reeling from that little piece of information. She and Angel had already… Christ, how could the sodding prick have… God, she was sixteen, Angel should have stopped… Stupid sod probably didn't think about anything except what it would be like to feel her…

"I'm gonna kill the blood pillock!" He ground out between his teeth, as he shot of the bed and covered the distance to the door.

"Spike, wait!" Buffy urgently scrambled off the comforter in an attempt to stop him, but the lack of food combined with her condition and the sudden motion apparently had her head quickly spinning. She would have had an unpleasant meeting with the floor if Spike hadn't been close enough to catch her.

As Spike lifted her and placed her back on the bed, he grabbed her glass of water from the table and sat her up, encouraging her to drink. A few tentative sips later she pushed herself up completely and gave Spike a dangerous look. There was the Buffy he remembered, She *was* still in there somewhere.

"You can't kill him Spike. He doesn't even know," She asserted.

"Then I can kill him once he does know?" Spike arched one brow in a questioning look.

"Yes. No! I don't... I mean... he doesn't know."

Curiosity got the better of him. "Why not? Has he done something? I'll kill him either way, but he'll suffer a little longer if he has," Spike assured her.

That brought the tiniest of smiles to her face. "No," she replied. "I just..." she trailed off, he face serious again.

"Tell me. Please," Spike requested.

Buffy searched his face a moment before nodding her agreement.

"I found out when I was in the hospital. Apparently it's part of all the testing they do. I don't remember a lot of it, seeing as how I had this nifty skull fracture and was sort of in and out of it. Angel and I were really careful, but I guess it wasn't careful enough. After everything that happened, I didn't think Angel would want me, us," Buffy hesitated as a tear traveled down her cheek.

"But you know that he does, right?" Spike asked.

"Does he?" Buffy responded, her voice full of doubt. "He doesn't even let me touch him. He won't hold me, or even touch my hand. He jerks away any time I get near him, like he's afraid I'll contaminate him or something. I don't want him to come back to me because of some obligation he feels," she finished.

Spike sighed. He was definitely going to have to talk to Angel, right after he beat him to a bloody pulp. In the meantime, "Buffy, he's just as scared as you are."

This brought a hearty but bitter laugh from Buffy. "Angel's scared of me? That doesn't help, Spike."

"That's not what I meant. He's afraid that you'll blame him because the idiot was his flat mate. He's scared that he can't protect you, and he's bloody terrified that everything he does will somehow remind you of what they did," Spike told her, spilling Angel's confessions to him and wondering why on earth he was defending the git. This should be his golden opportunity. His chance to...no. She didn't love him. Not like Angel. There were whole new reasons now to make sure she was happy. As much as he hated it, Angel could make her happy.

"What are you thinking?" Buffy asked Spike, when he looked to be suddenly lost in a sad thought.

Spike glanced up at her and gave her a quick smile. "That you're gorgeous and Angel's a stupid git that doesn't deserve you, even if he does make you happy."

Buffy quirked a little smile at him in response.

"And that you need to rest," Spike added, as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Get some sleep."

"Spike?" Her too tiny voice called to him, as he was leaving the room.

"Yeah, luv?"

"Thanks," She smiled. She almost looked like herself again for a moment.

He simply smiled back, and gave a slight nod of his head before switching off the light and closing the door behind him.

**********

"Spike, glad you're here. Can you hand me that box over there?" Angel asked, as he saw his step brother stride through the door into the basement.

Spike ignored the request and proceeded to walk straight up to Angel, draw back his left fist and belted Angel across the face as hard as he could.

Angel fell backwards, landing on his rear end in the middle of the floor.

"What the hell was that for?" Angel asked, rubbing his jaw. He shook off his stunned expression as he stood up. Before he was fully standing, Spike drew back and hit him a second time. This one didn't catch Angel quite as off guard. Angel pulled his own right hand back, and sent his fist flying in response to Spike's attack. Over the years, they'd had their share of arguments and occasional physical fights, but there had always been some warning. Spike wasn't the type to just jump someone.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Angel shouted, putting his hands up in surrender as Spike pulled back for another blow. "You keep that up and I'll have to kick your ass. What the hell is wrong with you?!" Angel demanded.

"You! You're what's wrong. And you couldn't kick my arse if you're sorry life depended on. You may be the jolly green Neanderthal, but I'm a hell of a lot faster and definitely more pissed off," Spike bit out.

"Okaaaay," Angel replied, his mind fishing for ideas to find out what was going on. "Mind telling me what brought this on before you take me down a peg, Mr. Fights-Like-The-Wind?"

"You and your damned insecurities. You're making things worse for Buffy and things are plenty bad as it is," Spike said, circling Angel as he searched for another opening for a punch.

Angel looked genuinely confused now. "I didn't do anything," he protested.

Spike laughed, "Oh, you did something all right. But, I'm talking about lately."

"No, you're talking crazy. More than usual," Angel groused.

"You're so full of your own stupid fears, that you can't see it's making Buffy's fears worse," Spike stopped his circling as Angel looked away, his expression appropriately contrite. "Every time you pull away from her, you're telling her you think she's damaged goods."

"You know I don't think that! I love Buffy!" Angel shouted.

"Yeah? Well try putting your own problems aside and showing her!" Spike shouted back. "She fucking needs you. Especially now." Spike's eyes went wide for a split second and then he suddenly clamped his mouth shut.

Angel started to shout something back, but stopped short. He stared at Spike a moment as it dawned on him that there was something Spike wasn't saying. It was practically shouting at him, he just didn't know what it was.

"What do you mean, 'especially now'?" Angel asked, his own anger rising. He didn't like being kept out of the loop. Not about Buffy.

Spike realized his slip had drawn Angel's suspicion, and quickly tried to cover it. "The attack."

Angel narrowed his eyes. Spike could bluff pretty well, but outright lying was a skill he'd never mastered.

Angel advanced on Spike, fury pouring from every one of his pores. He grabbed a fistful of Spike's shirt and demanded again, enunciating each word individually, "What do you mean, 'especially now'?"

As Spike picked his chin up, ready to stand his ground and meet Angel rage for rage, a quiet voice disrupted them.

"He means, now that you're going to be a father," Buffy stated quiet but firm. "They said at the hospital after…after…" Buffy paused, visably shuddering as tears escaped from her closed eyes. "They said I was already pregnant."

Angel stared at Buffy open mouthed before glancing back at Spike. Seeing the look on both faces, he quickly turned loose of his sibling. He stumbled back a few paces as he apparently tried to wrap his mind around the new information. Buffy continued to stand in the open door and she looked ready to flee should he reject her.

Spike took only a heartbeat to decide his move. Angel was going to cock it all up even more if he didn't do something fast. As Angel numbly dropped down on the edge of his bed, Spike stepped up to him and leaned right in to Angel's confused face... and grinned. He kept his voice low when he spoke, so only Angel could hear his next words.

"You aren't the only one who's in love with her, you know. All I have to do is wait. You'll bollocks everything up, and then I'll have myself one. good. day." Spike smirked again, as he noticed Angel's expression started to change. Just one more push should do it, "Find out for myself how she looks and feels when she… " Spike saw it coming, but made no move to stop it. Angel's fist slammed into Spike's jaw with brutal force. Angel shot up as Spike flew back, landing flat on his ass.

Spike laughed as he swiped at the blood trickling from his lip. Angel stepped over him and walked up to Buffy. Angel hesitated a moment, but then as Spike watched Angel sank to his knees and pulled Buffy to him; his arms circled her waist and he buried his head in her stomach. A second later Angel was sobbing out apologies and thanks and words of love all jumbled together, finally releasing the flood of emotion he'd been holding. Buffy hesitated only briefly, before her arms cradled his head.

Spike picked himself up and made to quietly leave them. As he squeezed past Buffy in the door, her hand grabbed his arm. He looked up at her, his eyes questioning. She said nothing, and yet her thanks went straight to his heart. His hand covered hers for a moment and he smiled before proceeding up the stairs.


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a/n -Thanks to everyone for their wonderful and insirational reviews! You guys are great! I know this has the dreaded cliche, but trust the tale!
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