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Buffy knew that the last subject that should be on her mind while she was on a date with Riley was Spike. She should be listening to Riley's very amusing anecdote about whatever it was he was currently talking about. Possibly something about…cheese? But her mind kept replaying the scene at the door with Spike, and something inside her was telling her she should feel guilty about it. But why? It wasn't as if she owed Spike anything. She'd offered him her home, not her heart.

She laughed at something Riley said, although she wasn't sure what exactly. It had merely seemed to be the proper social response at the time, and he appeared pleased that she'd given it. She wondered if she could do the whole night like this, feigning interest the way she had at the coffee shop. The way her mind was still reeling because of Spike she wasn't sure she could concentrate on much else. She knew that made her a horrible date, but…

"So what's life like for you back home?"

Dammit... Now she had to be part of the conversation. She sighed internally, realizing she wasn't really being fair to Riley. She had chosen to go on this date, which meant, of course, that she wanted to be there. She should be more of an active participant. She started to answer, and then had a moment of panic as she did a quick compare of her life to Riley's. What would he think of her if he knew how messed up things had gotten for her in the past and why she had felt she needed to get as far away as New York?

"It's great. Well, my parents got divorced right after I started high school, which was rough, but my mom remarried, and he's a wonderful guy. So family life…good."

"Is it just you and your brother?"

Riley's question confused Buffy for a moment. Brother? She didn't have a…oh. Right. "No. I have a younger sister. Dawn."

"Much better name than Spike," Riley commented.

"His name is William," Buffy said quickly, almost feeling as if she had to defend Spike.

"Oh." There was a pause for a moment before Riley asked another question. "Are you planning on staying here after you graduate, or are you going back to California?"

Why was he asking her that? Did he honestly expect her to know what she was going to be doing in the future when today was still a struggle? "I don't know," she admitted. "I'm just trying to get through to graduation. After that, well, I guess it will depend on where I can find a job."

"Do you know what career you're going for yet?"

Buffy suddenly felt like a loser. She had no clue where she was going, what she was going to do once college was over. "No," she said, feeling somewhat guilty that she hadn't planned out her future more now that she was faced with someone who so obviously had.

"Oh. Well, that's all right. You have time, I guess. Personally, I felt like I needed to have a plan as soon as I started college so I wouldn't waste any time trying out majors, but I know that's not possible for everyone."

Buffy decided not to own up to the fact that she'd "tried out" three different majors before settling on her current choice. She had a feeling Riley would meet that declaration with disapproval. "I looked at it as more of a self discovery thing," Buffy said. "Searching for your niche and all that."

"Yeah, that tends to be a popular take on the college experience. I just found it much more beneficial to see it as laying the groundwork for my future career."

"That's very…practical."

Riley's smile told Buffy he'd taken her response as praise, though she wasn't entirely sure she'd meant it to be. "What made you to settle on psych as your major?" Riley asked.

It was the third time in a rather short conversation that Buffy didn't feel comfortable with giving the whole truth as her answer. Riley was so normal, so together, it made her embarrassed for having such a screwed up life. She knew she couldn't tell him her interest in psychology came from her own past experience with having a less-than-clean bill of mental health. "I just find the inner workings of the human mind fascinating," she replied with her most chipper smile.

Before anything else could be said, the waiter arrived with their dinner. Buffy looked down and immediately regretted her meal choice, the sight of it reminding her too much of the first time Spike had cooked. Who would've thought that she'd start to equate pasta with Spike? She hated the way he kept creeping back into her thoughts. She was on this date in order to get herself to not think about him, not the other way around.

So she'd have to push him out of her mind for now, simple as that. She'd concentrate on the food, the restaurant, Riley—anything but the man she'd left back in her apartment.

*** *** ***

"I had a really nice time tonight."

Buffy smiled at Riley, even though he'd just said what was probably the most overused end of a date line ever. It was like the mild, virginal twin of "Would you like to come in for coffee?" She hated this point of a date, when the night was technically over, but neither person was quite sure how to officially end it. And then there was that whole to kiss or not to kiss mental tug-of-war… "Me, too," she said.

"So, you think maybe we could do it again some time?"

"Sure," Buffy agreed. After all, it wasn't like it had been a bad night. Riley was a nice guy, exactly the type she needed to be with. "You have my number. Call me."

Riley gave her his boyish grin. "Great!" He hesitated for a moment, and Buffy braced herself for what was coming. When he leaned towards her, she didn't move, only waiting for his lips to touch hers. When they did, it was a quick kiss, over before Buffy had a chance to blink.

"So I'll call you?" Riley verified.

He looked pleased with himself, Buffy thought. She couldn't help but feel a little bitchy and wonder why. "Yeah."

"Well, um, have a good night then, Buffy."

"You, too, Riley."

She waited until Riley had walked down the hall and disappeared into the stairwell before fishing her keys out from her purse. There was a moment of dread as Buffy thought of what could happen once she walked into the apartment and saw Spike. Maybe she'd be lucky, and he wouldn't be home. She took a deep breath, turning the key in the lock.

Buffy opened the door, freezing when she saw Spike wasn't alone. Harmony was in his lap, tracing the curve of his neck with her tongue. Buffy threw her purse and keys down on the table, telling herself quickly that what she was feeling was anger at Spike for bringing Harmony here when he'd said he wouldn't and not jealousy at seeing him with another woman. "You. Out of my apartment."

Harmony turned, startled, but Spike just looked smug. "What, you're the only one who gets any tonight? Or wait…maybe that's the problem. Not even a bit of a snog from Cap'n Cardboard, and now you're feeling all frustrated?"

"Shut up, Spike," Buffy snapped.

Harmony glared over at Buffy. "Look, I don't know what your deal is, but my blondie bear and I…"

"Get out of my apartment before I throw you out." Buffy's tone was bordering on a growl.

Harmony's eyes bulged, and she jumped off Spike's lap. "Okay. Well, um, see you later, Spikey." Harmony dashed out of the apartment, not daring to look at Buffy as she did.

Buffy slammed the door behind Harmony, then locked it angrily. She spun around, her eyes narrowing at Spike. "I told you not to bring her here again."

Spike remained seated on the couch, his legs spread comfortably and his hands resting behind his head. "Didn't really think you'd be back tonight. What, dinner wasn't nice enough for you to let him take a poke?"

Buffy gasped. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Yeah, well, it's all part of my lack of charm. Don't see why you even care what I think or say, seeing as I'm not good enough for your precious self anyway."

"What? Don't you try to turn this around on me, Spike. You're the one who had that skank back in my apartment."

"You're one judgmental little bint, you know that?" Spike said, his cool demeanor starting to crack. "You don't know her. For all you know, she could be the very pinnacle of virtue."

"Oh yeah, and I'm sure that's why she's with you."

Spike was off the couch as soon as the words were out of Buffy's mouth. He stalked towards her, backing her against the door and pinning her there between his outstretched arms. Buffy trembled, her eyes wide and her breath quickening. "That what you think of me? That I'm beneath you? Oh, I'm fine when you just want to use me, when all I am to you is someone who can make your pain go away for a little while. But if you're ever going to go out in public, well, it better be with someone nice and clean cut. Bloke like me is just an embarrassment."

Buffy pushed against his chest. "Get away from me. You smell like a damn brewery."

Spike didn't budge. "I know you feel this thing between us, Buffy. This heat…desire. You want me. Just let yourself…" He leaned in, his mouth dangerously close to hers.

Buffy pushed him away, harder this time, and he stumbled backwards. "There is nothing between us," she snapped, her body shaking. "God, look at yourself. You have no real job and you can't seem to go even a full twenty-four hours without getting drunk out of your mind. What could you possibly offer me?"

Spike leered at her, caressing his teeth with his tongue, though Buffy could see the anger still in his eyes. "I think you know exactly what I could offer you, kitten."

Buffy gave him her best look of disgust. "That's something I'll never want from you."

"What, you think Riley is going to give you what you need? Didn't seem quite man enough to me."

"Shows how much you know," Buffy said with a smug smile. She didn't like the way he was talking to her, what he was insinuating. She wanted that smug look off of his face. "Riley gives me exactly what I need. He's more of a man than you could ever dream of being."

Spike had her against the door again within seconds, this time with his hard body pressed into her, showing her exactly how much of a man he was. His mouth swallowed her cry of surprise as he gave her a punishing kiss. All semblance of rational thought seemed to fly out the window for her. This kiss was so unlike the mere peck that Riley had given her only a short time before, and Buffy felt dizzy. His touch was electric, and it sent fire through her veins.

But it was wrong. Her voice of reason popped back to the forefront of her mind, reminding her of all the reasons why she couldn't do this. Spike wasn't safe. If she gave in to him now, it would only lead to badness later on. She pushed him away again, this time moving quickly so she was away from the door. "No, Spike. I don't want you. I'll never want you." She saw him move towards her again, and she grabbed on to something he'd said earlier, desperate to do anything to keep him from pushing her where she knew she couldn't go. "You're beneath me."

Spike's face hardened. "Fine. Tell yourself whatever you want, you bloody little bitch. Just think about that when no one's there to hold you while you cry over your dead lover."

Buffy paled. "How did you…"

"I'm not as dumb as you think I am, Buffy. I see you, hear you, and I've put enough of the pieces together to figure out what this is all about."

"You know nothing about me, Spike," Buffy snarled. "Nothing." She went into her bedroom, relieved when Spike didn't follow her.

*** *** ***

Willow propped her elbows up on the lunch table, resting her chin on top of her fists. "So, how did the date with Riley go?"

Buffy swirled her straw around in her drink. "It was nice…"

"Nice? I need more than nice. Give me a full description here. Er, unless things got all groiny, in which case a blurry watercolor will suffice."

"There was no groininess," Buffy said with a small smirk. "Just a kiss at the end of the night."

"Ooh! A kiss! Did it make you all tingly?"

"It was…nice."

"There's that 'nice' again. Come on, satisfy the curiosity of the nosy best friend."

"Fine. We went to dinner at Café Centosette on Second Avenue, and…"

"Ooh, Italian. Tara and I go there for brunch sometimes. They have really good…" Willow trailed off. "Oh, I asked about your date with Riley, and now I'm rambling…"

Buffy chuckled. "Rambling's fine. And it was a good meal. Good food. Good conversation. It was…good."

"So it was nice and good?"

"Yep. Nice and good."

"With a kiss at the end of the night."

"Uh huh."

"So will there be more 'nice and good' dates for Buffy and Riley?"

"I think so. He asked if he could see me again, and I told him he could call me."

Willow gave a small, excited squeal. "I'm so happy for you, Buffy! I was worried when you seemed so unwilling to date again after Parker, but here you are, getting back on that dating horse. And Riley's a great guy. I think you'll be really happy together."

"He's terrific," Buffy replied, hopefully with more enthusiasm than she was currently feeling.

Willow smiled brightly, and Buffy tried very hard to let the other woman's good mood be addictive. After all, Riley was terrific, and Spike's behavior the previous night had more than reinforced her belief that she had made the wise choice. Buffy smiled, too. She was doing the right thing.

*** *** ***

Spike was sitting at the kitchen table when Buffy came home that afternoon. "Can we talk?" he asked as soon as she was inside.

"I really don't want to talk to you, Spike."

"I figured as much. I just…"

Buffy leaned against the counter. "Make it quick. I have to be at work in an hour."

Spike took a deep breath. "Right. Look, I'm really sorry about what happened last night."

"Skip it. I don't want to hear anything you have to say about that. You were drunk, and you acted like an ass. End of story."

"Fine. We'll leave it at that then."

"Is that all you had to say?"

"No. I wanted you to know that I'm going to find another place to live. I can't promise anything over night, but I'll be out of here as soon as I can."

Buffy felt all the strength knocked from both her righteous anger and her legs. Spike was leaving? He wasn't supposed to leave. He was supposed to stay there with her, and… No… This was good, she told herself. Spike being out of her life would make everything easier. "Happy apartment hunting, then. I'm going to get ready for work."

A quick flash of pain hit his features before they hardened again. "I'll be out of your hair soon, Buffy."

"Glad to hear it." Buffy walked into her room, shutting the door behind her. She started to go to her closet and get her uniform for work, when she felt her legs begin to tremble. She leaned against the door for support, tears forming in her eyes. She hadn't considered the possibility that Spike would actually leave like this.

But it was a good thing. She had to keep telling herself that. It would be better for her, and she'd be safer this way. Yes, this would be better.

So why didn't it feel that way?

*** *** ***

A big thanks to Niamh on this one for being my location scout. *wink*

Yes, I know things look rough for our favorite couple right now, but just sit tight, don't burn effigies of me, and everything will be fine, I promise!

Oh yeah, and review please…





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