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Author's Chapter Notes:
Well, it's nowhere near over yet, but you guys have been so patient with all the angst, here's a little reward...
"You must be Buffy."

Buffy turned to Mona in surprise. "How'd you know that?"

"Spike talks about a 'Buffy' all the time. And from that little display, I guessed you must be her."

"Well you guessed right." Buffy was silent for a moment before asking, "Spike really talks about me?"

"Like I just said—all the time."

Buffy couldn't help the smile that broke out across her face. "Really? Wow…"

Mona leaned in. "If I were you, I'd claim him before some other girl does," she said before turning her attention back to the stage.

Buffy watched Spike performing, and even now that it wasn't directed at her, the sight of him still made a rush go through her. He was so alive up there, and she realized abruptly that she wanted him. Really really wanted him. He turned her way then, his eyes smoldering, and Buffy decided to hell with the consequences. She knew he could make her break all over again, but trying to fight what was between them was killing her on its own. She might as well give in to it if there was going to be pain either way.

When the band finished their set, Spike jumped down off the stage, coming over to the table where Mona and Buffy were sitting. "We have to break down and load up, and then we can get out of here, all right?" he asked Buffy tentatively, hoping not to scare her off again.

She surprised him, however, by grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down to her, crushing his lips against hers. Spike only hesitated for a moment before his brain registered the fact that Buffy really was kissing him and kissed her back. She was grinning slyly at him when he pulled away, and Spike cleared his throat. "I'll just, um, be quick about this then."

"I'll be waiting for you," Buffy said in a tone that sounded suspiciously like a purr to his ears. Spike nodded and jumped back on stage, not wanting to waste any time in case Buffy changed her mind on a whim.

Mona smirked from beside Buffy. "Looks like somebody's going to have a good time tonight."

Buffy's smile grew. "That's what I'm counting on."

*** *** ***

Spike was surprised that they made it out of the cab and into the apartment with their clothing still intact. Buffy had been all over him since they'd left the club—a far cry from the woman who would run off every time he'd come near her.

Now that they were behind closed doors, her attentions intensified. She was pulling at his t-shirt so ferociously that Spike wondered if the fabric would tear. When she finally managed to pull it over his head, she broke away from his mouth and moved her kisses to his chest, making Spike groan and thread his fingers through her dark hair.

Some part of his brain that was still miraculously capable of rational thought was screaming at him, telling him that this was just asking for trouble. Buffy had very quickly gone from pushing him away at every advance he made to attacking him as if she were a starving woman and he was the first meal she'd had in weeks. What if she responded to this the same way she did everything else? The problems that would cause would be detrimental to whatever this was between them. Mustering up all of his willpower, he nudged her away from him.

"Buffy…wait. We should…we need to talk about this."

Buffy looked up at him with the sexiest pout Spike had ever seen. "Don't want talk—want you." She leaned into him again, nipping at his ear, and he sucked in a hissing breath.

Spike was going to protest more. He was going to convince her that if they were going to do this, then they needed to do it right. He was going to tell her that she meant too much to him for just a quick screw that could have consequences neither one of them wanted to face.

But then he realized that she'd somehow managed to get his pants open, and her hot little hand was gripping him tightly. That last bit of rational thought he'd been clinging to was gone, and he grabbed her with a snarl, turning to press her against the wall.

"Spike!" Buffy gasped as his hands moved to her blouse, impatiently pulling at the buttons. She felt it give way suddenly, heard the buttons scatter on the kitchen floor, but she didn't care—despite the fact that it was one of her favorite shirts—because then his mouth was on her, licking and nipping at the mounds of flesh that pushed through the top of her bra. She cried out, wrapping her arms around him to hold him in place. Spike responded by hooking his arms under her legs, and then pulling them up so they were wrapped around his waist. Buffy used the new position to grind her hips against his, using the wall for support.

Buffy moaned loudly as one of his hands snaked up her skirt, her panties quickly pushed out of the way to allow a finger to slip inside of her. He moved from her breasts, licking a path from her collar bone up her neck to her ear, where he breathed hotly, "You're awfully wet, kitten. Gonna let me taste that cream?"

She whimpered in response, his words making her shiver. She wondered for a moment if he could make her come just with his voice, before he moved suddenly, changing their position before she even had a chance to register he was moving. Her legs were over his shoulders now as he knelt in front of her, pushing her skirt up to her hips. Buffy looked down at him with hooded eyes, her breath coming out in short pants of anticipation. Spike grinned up at her before leaning in and giving her a long, lazy lick. It made Buffy arch up, her eyes going wide and her hands scrambling as she lost the support of the wall. Spike moved quickly again, wrapping his arms tightly around her back and turning them around so she was splayed out across the table.

Buffy thought for only a second that this probably wasn't the most hygienic thing to be doing on the surface where they ate before his mouth was on her again, her underwear pushed to the side as he lapped at her clit. With her now lying across the table, it freed up his hands, and Spike slipped two fingers inside her, curving them slightly as he pushed them in and out of her. Buffy cried out, reaching behind her to grasp the other end of the table as her hips bucked wildly.

Her taste and scent were driving Spike wild, along with her eager response to his touch. He pulled away for a moment to take a much-needed breath, and Buffy whimpered loudly, using her legs to push him back against her. Spike figured he better finish her off quickly if he wanted to make it through this without passing out, and added another finger, pumping them in and out of her faster as he sucked her clit into his mouth. It wasn't long before her whole body tensed and she made a sound somewhere between a scream and a sob before going limp.

Spike stood on shaky legs, leaning over to kiss her, his cock growing even harder at the way she eagerly kissed him back despite undoubtedly being able to taste herself on his mouth. When he started to finish what she'd started with taking off his pants, Buffy suddenly pushed him back, and he looked at her with unhidden fear in his eyes as he thought she was going to run away like she had before.

"Not…not stopping this," she assured him, reading his expression. "I just want…I want our first time to be in a bed."

Her words warmed his heart. Their "first time"… That meant not only that there would be other times, but that this was something special to her after all. "Anything you want, princess," Spike said softly, grinning at her as he scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom, depositing her softly on the bed.

Spike stepped back for a moment, taking her in. Her chest was barely covered by a cream colored lace bra, the rosy tips of her nipples threatening to spill from the fabric. Her short skirt was bunched around her waist, revealing her barely covered pussy to his heated gaze. His eyes traveled down her shapely legs, his mouth watering at the sight of her calves incased in the black leather of her boots. He thought for a moment about leaving them on her, but decided there'd be time for that later. Right now he didn't want to feel anything but her skin against his.

"Are you going to stare at me all day, or are you going to fuck me?"

Spike blinked, realizing he must've been standing there long enough to make her antsy. Then her words sunk in, and he looked up to meet her eyes. "Not gonna fuck you, Buffy. Gonna make love to you." He kept his gaze on her face, waiting for her reaction to that.

Much to his delight, she smiled. "Well, get to it then, William. Not very nice to leave me all wanting like this."

Spike smiled back, feeling more happiness in that moment than he remembered feeling in a long time. Buffy wanted him to make love to her… He got into the bed with her, pulling her to her side so she was in his arms. "Gonna make it so good for you, kitten," he promised softly, moving his hand down to stroke her core again.

"Spike…please…no more teasing," Buffy begged, arching into his touch. "Need you inside. I feel so empty, baby."

Her words made him shiver, and he was moving in an instant to take off the rest of her clothes. He stopped for a second at her boots, his declaration of, "You're wearing these again for me later," making her giggle. When he sat up, Buffy whimpered for just a moment before she realized he was taking off his own shoes He then stood, ridding himself of his jeans as well. Buffy's eyes immediately fell to his erection, and she unconsciously licked her lips. Another shiver coursed through him as he saw her little pink tongue dart out, and he was on top of her in an instant, kissing her as he positioned himself at her entrance.

Suddenly, she was pushing him back, and Spike looked down at her, confused. "Buffy…what…?"

"Condom," she said, scrambling to get off the bed.

"I don't have one…" he said, cursing himself for both not carrying one and for being inconsiderate enough to not think about it until now.

"I do, in the medicine cabinet," Buffy said, hurrying out of the room.

Spike frowned, thinking about how there hadn't been any in the medicine cabinet when he'd lived there. Had she gotten them for that wanker she'd been seeing? The thought of Riley's hands on Buffy made Spike angry, but he pushed it down. He was here with Buffy now, not Riley, and he wasn't going to let jealousy spoil this.

Of course, if Finn ever tried to touch Buffy again, Spike would rip the git's arms off and beat him with them, but that was another issue entirely.

When she came back into the bedroom, Spike saw that the box was unopened, and he felt a wave of relief go through him. Unless they'd already gone through a box. Or more… He frowned again.

Buffy looked up at his face, puzzled at his darkened expression before she realized what he was probably thinking. "I didn't sleep with Riley," she said. "He didn't even get to second base."

"What's with those then?" Spike asked, pointing to the box of condoms.

"I figured it would be smart to have them just in case. But I wasn't planning on using them with him, really—just a precaution." She reached out and gripped his slightly deflated cock, pumping it back to full hardness. "And aren't you glad I was cautious?" she cooed.

Spike closed his eyes and groaned. She had a point there. He'd be in quite a predicament right now if she hadn't had them. He didn't think he could quite make it to the store to buy any like this…

Buffy tried to open the box with shaky hands, finally tearing it open and letting the box fall to the ground as she pulled out the long metallic strip. She ripped one from the top and dropped the others to the floor to join the box and their clothes before ripping open the packet. She glanced between the condom and Spike's cock dubiously for a moment before reminding herself she'd done this before, even if it had been years. She called back long-buried knowledge before pinching the latex tip and then rolling it down his length.

Spike let out a deep breath once she had him covered, knowing the moment he'd been waiting for had finally come. He reached out for Buffy's hand and coaxed her on to her back before moving over her again. "Where were we, luv?" he asked huskily.

"You were about to make love to me," Buffy said softly, running her hand down his cheek.

Spike smiled warmly, then leaned in to kiss her deeply before guiding himself into her. Buffy cried out at the penetration, and hissed as he pushed in further. Spike pulled up on his arms, looking down at her with concern. "Am I hurting you?"

"It's…it's been a while," Buffy said. She let out a deep breath. "Just go slowly."

"I can do that," Spike promised, kissing the tip of her nose, though honestly, he wasn't sure he could. Buffy was so hot, so tight—so perfect—that it was all he could do to keep from pistoning into her wildly. But he was not going to hurt his girl. So he closed his eyes and grit his teeth, counting backwards from a thousand as he waited for her to adjust.

He wasn't quite to eight hundred when she locked her heels behind him, pulling him slightly deeper. "I can take more, now," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Need to feel you move."

Spike opened his eyes to look into hers, taking a deep breath as he started his rhythm, slowly working himself deeper into her. Buffy yelled his name when he finally bottomed out inside her, and Spike had to fight from coming right there. He knew it should sound corny to his own jaded mind, but he'd never known a woman to fit him as well as this one. They were moving in perfect synch, as if they were old pros when it came to each other's movements and not doing this for the first time. One of her hands was clutching tightly to his shoulder, but the other was splayed out on the pillow beside her head, and Spike linked his fingers with hers. She met the gesture with a tight squeeze, and Spike trembled.

He could feel himself nearing the edge and could tell by her frantic movements that she was close, too. He shifted slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts so he was rubbing hard against her clitoris with every push inside her. Buffy responded with a throaty moan, wrapping her legs tighter around him and making his thrusts shorter, keeping more of him inside of her. Spike was so close now, fighting the need to let go she'd reached her own peak. He leaned down, speaking closely to her ear. "Need…need you to come, luv. Buffy…kitten…come for me now, baby…"

His ragged pleas shot straight through her, and Buffy wailed loudly, squeezing both his hand as tightly as she could as her orgasm hit her. Spike let her pull him along with her, his hips freezing and pushing her further into the mattress as he roared his climax.

Not wanting to collapse on top of Buffy, Spike rolled over, groaning as he had to pull out of her. But their hands were still linked on the pillow, and he looked at them and smiled before pulling them to his lips to kiss her fingers. Buffy returned his smile before stretching languidly, reveling in the warmth that was still spreading through her. Spike broke away from her suddenly, and Buffy frowned before he gave her a quick kiss. "Be right back, luv. Gotta do something about this," he said, reminding Buffy of the condom. She nodded and leaned back on the pillow, her eyes drifting shut.

Spike rejoined her in the bed soon, pulling her to him and the sheet around them. Buffy made a small sound of contentment and nuzzled up against him, and Spike held her close, running his hand through her silky hair.

They stayed like that for a while before Spike heard Buffy sniffling and realized she was crying. He was hit with a sudden wave of panic, wishing that he'd gone with his first instinct and talked to her beforehand, made sure this was really wanted. It had all seemed so perfect at the time, but she must be regretting it now. He pulled away enough to look at her face, though he feared what he might see there.

"Buffy? What's wrong, luv?" he asked softly, praying that she wouldn't run off.

She took a deep breath before answering, and the sight of her watery eyes made Spike's heart clench. "I never thought I'd have this again," she said.

"Have what?"

"This. This thing that we just shared. It was so beautiful, and I feel so cherished right now, and I…I never thought I could…again…after…after…" Buffy's soft tears broke into full sobs, and Spike gathered her back into his arms, murmuring soft words of comfort.

Eventually, Buffy moved away from him slightly, slipping one arm from around him to wipe at her eyes. She saw the concern clearly written on Spike's face, and Buffy knew then that she had to tell him the truth about her past. He deserved to know what he was signing up for getting with her, needed to know why she was the way she was.

"His name was Angel."

Spike tensed, wondering what Buffy could be talking about before he remembered the hints of her past that he'd caught in their time together. Her dead lover… "Tell me about him?" he coaxed softly, knowing she needed to get this out.

Buffy closed her eyes, willing her nerves to calm down. She could do this… She opened them again and knew immediately she couldn't get this out with Spike looking at her so intently. It made her heart ache too much. She sat up, keeping the sheet around her as best she could as she pulled her knees to her chest.

Her back was to him now, but Spike didn't push her to move. If this is how she needed to do this, then he would let her. Buffy was too easily scared off he knew, and he didn't want her to run now that he finally had had her in his arms. He propped himself up on his hand, lying on his side and waiting patiently for her to speak. After a long pause, she did.

"I met him when I was sixteen. My friend Cordelia talked me into going to this college party, and he was there. He was twenty, and he had no idea that I was still in high school. We ended up cutting out of the party and going outside, sitting on the hood of his car and talking all night. He made me feel smart, and mature, and like someone really special. I'd never…I'd never felt that way with anyone. I knew at the time that I should tell him my age, but I couldn't do it. I figured I'd lose him that way, and I didn't want to. So I let him think I was a sophomore at some other college—not in high school.

"But then I actually fell in love with him. He was everything to me, and I couldn't keep lying to him. I…I told him the truth. He was shocked, and he said that we shouldn't see each other anymore. That I was too young, and he was pre-law, and that being with me could jeopardize his whole future career. But that lasted all of a week. We knew it was wrong, but we couldn't stay away. I was convinced that I couldn't live without him. We kept seeing each other, and in my mind nothing bad could happen, because we were in love. It was going to be forever, and I knew that in a few years the whole age thing wouldn't matter. I mean, what's four years in the grand scheme of things, right? I could see our whole future, from the small apartment we'd live in while he was in law school to the house we'd have with the kids and the dog.

"But then my mom found out. Apparently four years was a lot to her. She told him if he came near me again, she'd have him arrested. I was seventeen by this point, and I begged her to let it go. I was almost old enough, why couldn't she just let me be happy? She did everything she could to keep us apart, and Angel said that we should just wait the year. We had our whole lives ahead of us, after all…

"I tried to wait, but I ached for him. We saw each other when we could, but it was rough. My mother was watching me like a hawk, and when I finally did turn eighteen, I wanted to just leave home, be out on my own. But Angel convinced me to stay, told me that I needed to stick it out through high school. At least she couldn't threaten to have him arrested anymore. But that didn't stop her. She said he'd only be a distraction in my life, that I had too much going on to get so serious with a man. So we made plans. He was graduating from college about a month before I finished high school, and he was going to go to LA—where he was going to be for law school—and set everything up for us. He got an apartment, and right after graduation, I was going to take the bus down there and we…we were going to be together."

Buffy was silent for a long while after that, and Spike took a deep breath, deciding to prod her gently again. "What happened, pet?" he asked, keeping his tone steady and even.

"My mother," Buffy replied, her tone harsh enough to make Spike wince. "She found out I was leaving, and told me I couldn't go. We…we had this huge fight, and…and it made me miss the bus. I had to wait around for another one, and it was night before I got to LA."

Buffy stopped again, and Spike could hear her fighting tears. She took a deep breath and pushed herself to continue. "But Angel was there waiting for me. I was so happy in that moment. I can still remember seeing him there and thinking that all the badness was behind us. But…but there were these men in…in the parking lot. And they attacked us. It happened so fast, I can't…I can't remember it all, but they came after me, and Angel he…he wanted to protect me. And then there was a shot, and they were gone, and…" She sobbed loudly for a moment, her whole body shaking before she said in a rush, "He died in my arms, and it was all my fault. He was there because of me, and…" It became too much, and she buried her face in her hands.

Spike was up immediately, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against his chest. She welcomed his embrace, letting him soothe her while she cried. "Not your fault, kitten. Oh, Buffy, not your fault." He felt his own eyes tearing up, his heart breaking for the woman in his arms.

"It is. It is my fault," she replied. "If he hadn't loved me, he never would've died. I…I killed him."

Spike's arms tightened around her. "No, baby. Don't think that about yourself."

She pulled away slightly, her face a picture of anguish. "It just hurts so much, Spike. It hurts all the time, and I can't make it stop, and I…" she crumbled again, and Spike moved them so they were lying down again, cradling her in his arms as she cried.

Eventually, her tears quieted down, and Spike realized she'd fallen asleep in his arms. "I'll make the hurting stop, Buffy," he promised softly before letting himself follow her into slumber.

*** *** ***

I know you have to have something to say about that chapter, so please review. I'm not a mind-reading author, so there's no way for me to know what you're thinking about a story or if you want to keep reading it unless you tell me.





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