"I'm going to miss you, too, Wills," Buffy replied. "But I'll come to visit you, and you'll come to visit me. It's not good-bye forever."
The redhead shook her finger at Buffy. "It better not be. Or I'll have to come down to L.A. and kick your butt."
Buffy chuckled. "Not gonna happen."
"So is everything all set for you guys in L.A.?" Tara asked, leaning against another box.
"Yep. Giles helped us with the apartment hunting, and we have one all ready and waiting for us. And with Spike's signing bonus, all the moving expenses are covered."
"That's great," Tara said. "This has got to be really exciting for you, Buffy."
"It is. A little butterfly-in-the-stomach making, too, but I'm trying to be all positive girl about it. The record company seems really excited about signing them, and they think they've got a hit on their hands, so I think it's going to be good."
Willow cleared her throat, then asked, not looking at Tara as she spoke, "How about Oz? Is he…is he happy?"
Sometimes Buffy forgot about the overlap between her life with her friends and her life with Spike, as represented by Oz. By the time she'd met Willow, Willow had already been with Tara, and Buffy had never seen her together with Oz. But she'd gotten the impression that it had once been pretty serious, and with the way Tara's eyes were fixed on the carpet, it was still an uncomfortable subject. "He is," Buffy said. "I mean, I think he is. He is Oz, after all, so it's not all that easy to tell."
Willow chuckled. "True. He never was all that forthcoming with, well, any sort of emotional response."
An uncomfortable silence filled the room for a moment until Willow spoke again, deciding it was most likely better to change topics. "You said Giles found you guys an apartment?"
"Helped with it, yeah," Buffy replied. "He's a lot closer to L.A. than we are, after all."
"So your mom, does she know anything about it?" Willow asked.
Buffy almost groaned. Like jumping from one uncomfortable topic to another was any real help. Granted, Willow had only gotten the condensed version of what had gone on at Christmas, but still… "I don't know. Giles hasn't mentioned her, and neither have I. We're not speaking now, and I don't see that miraculously changing just because I'm back in California. I have no intention of seeing her."
The front door opened, and Spike, Xander, and Anya walked in with lunch, letting the conversation about her mother drop, for which Buffy was grateful. Soon she was going to have to be saying good-bye to her friends, and she didn't want to spend her last few days with them thinking of unpleasant things. She wanted to be positive, enjoy what time she had left in New York and think of the move as starting a new chapter in her life, not going back to face things she'd run from when she'd come here.
With a smile on her face, she ate lunch with her friends.
Aside from an air mattress they'd borrowed from Tara and Willow and their suitcases, the apartment was empty. All their stuff had been shipped to California, where Giles would see to it that it was waiting for them in what was to be their new apartment.
Buffy wrapped her arms around herself as she looked around the place that had been her home for years now. It had been where she'd cried herself to sleep night after night, cold and alone and longing for Angel. It had also been the same place where she'd finally found happiness in Spike's arms, where they'd come to call home.
She had so many memories in this apartment, both good and bad, and leaving it now left her with mixed feelings. She was still reluctant, really, to give up the life she'd built for herself in New York and start again in California. What if she was making the wrong choice? What if leaving their home made everything fall apart between her and Spike? Odds were, he was going to be very famous, very soon. How would that change things? Women were already launching themselves at him now—how would they be when he was in something bigger than a bar band?
In moving now, she was putting Spike first. For one thing, it was a little late to start a transfer now, so she'd have to take at least a semester off from school. On top of that, the idea of moving back to California didn't exactly thrill her. She liked New York, even with the rough time she'd had there. She'd decided quickly that it was where she wanted to be, and that was a big reason why she'd struggled to keep going instead of throwing in the towel and going back home. And now, after all of that, she was going to end up in California anyway. She wondered if it was fate or just a big coincidence.
Her doubts swam furiously through her mind until Spike came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and they all seemed to disappear. She was doing this to be with him, and because of that, it couldn't possibly be the wrong decision to make. They were in love and they were happy together. They'd be happy in Los Angeles, too. They'd make a new home for themselves there and everything would find a way of working itself out.
The part of her that was still broken and cynical told her she was being overly optimistic, but she ignored it. Spike was why she was as happy as she was now, so as long as he was with her in L.A., she'd still be happy. It was as simple as that.
She leaned back against him, a soft smile coming to her lips when she felt the warm muscles of his chest. Spike kissed her hair, then asked her, "Are you okay, kitten?"
"I'm fine, honey," Buffy replied. She looked up at him, her smile still on her face. "Really, I am. I mean, yeah, a little nervous 'cause hey, big move, but I think it's the right thing to do. I want to be with you, so if you're in L.A., then so am I."
"I know I'm asking a lot from you, Buffy. I probably shouldn't…"
Buffy turned in Spike's arms and put a finger to his lips to silence him. "It would be asking a lot more of you if I made you stay here with me, Spike. You've worked really hard to get this opportunity, and you can't pass it up. And hey, if living in L.A. totally sucks, you'll be like a huge rock star soon enough, and we'll be able to live anywhere."
Spike chuckled. "You've got a lot of faith in me, pet. There's no guarantee that this album will actually have any success."
"Yes there is. You're talented, handsome, and full of charisma—everything a lead singer needs—and the band is great. You guys are going to be huge. You'll have to fend off the groupies with a stick."
"Which I will be doing, by the way," Spike said, caressing her cheek as he spoke. "I don't care how many desperately horny women throw their panties at me, you're still going to be my one and only girl, Buffy."
"Aww, you sweet talker, you," Buffy teased.
"Does that bother you at all?" Spike asked, his expression growing serious. "The idea of me leaving you for another woman?"
Buffy worried her lip between her teeth for a moment as she thought about his question. "No…but yes, too."
Spike's eyebrow arched. "Um, that's not exactly an answer, Buffy. Not one that makes any sense anyway."
Buffy sighed. "Okay, I'll try to explain. I trust you, Spike. And I know you love me, and you want me, and all of that. But I can't help but be a little worried, you know? I mean, fame changes people. And how many famous musicians do you know of that are still with the people they were with before they got famous? So, see? Not worried and worried."
"I need you in my life, Buffy. Without you, I'm just a bloody wreck. And didn't Jon Bon Jovi marry his high school sweetheart?"
"I think they broke up for a while and got back together."
"So we'll do even better." Spike kissed her until she was pliant in his arms, the tension in her body draining away under his skilled touch. "We're forever, you and me," he said when he finally broke away from her lips. "We're too good together to be anything but."
"I do trust you, Spike. I trust us. It's just hard not to be a little nervous, you know? This is a huge step, in so many ways."
"I know, kitten. But we're making it together, and that's what counts. Fifty years from now we're gonna be looking back on this as an old, happily married couple."
"You really think so?"
"I know so."
Buffy slid her arms though his, her hands against his back. "You know, this is our last night in this apartment."
Spike's expression shifted into a leer as he realized the new direction she was brining their conversation and decided he was perfectly happy to go there. Buffy didn't have a reason to worry. He'd already made up his mind that he was going to spend the rest of his life with her, and no amount of groupies was going to change that. He'd done the meaningless relationships thing, and it had left him unsatisfied. Why would he want to go back to that now when he had Buffy?
"Wanna give it something to remember us by?" Spike asked, waggling his eyebrows.
"It was the first place we ever made love," Buffy pointed out. "Though we've found all sorts of new places since then."
"True. Before we got together, I never would've pegged you for the semi-public sex type, pet."
"I wasn't then," Buffy replied. "It's all your fault. You make my sex drive short circuit my brain, you bad, bad boy you."
Spike responded with a tongue curl, and Buffy was glad she was holding on to him as her legs turned to jelly. She hoped the bit of worry she was feeling was all for nothing, because she knew Spike had ruined her for all other men. How could she settle for anyone else after everything he'd shown her?
Spike lowered her down to the carpet as he kissed her again, hardening at the feel and sound of her moaning into his mouth. Buffy brought something out in him that he hadn't truly felt until he'd met her. His sex life pre-Buffy hadn't exactly been all vanilla, but something about her encouraged him to go further, to test the levels of their passion over and over again. Every time with her was mind-blowing, and left him constantly craving more. Just a smile from her, and Spike was ready to go, anywhere, anytime.
The thought of him ever needing another woman was completely ludicrous as far as Spike was concerned, and he set out to show her exactly that.
Buffy sat beside Spike on another plane bound for California, and this time, the trip was one way. Her emotions ran the gamut from terrified to excited, and she tried to her best to calm herself, knowing that it would be difficult to sit in this seat for as long as she had to if she felt like she was about to jump out of her skin. The plane hadn't even left the runway yet…
She rubbed her hands, wincing at the soreness there. "This carpet burn is really unpleasant," she muttered to Spike. "And my knees don't feel much better."
"Sorry, luv," Spike replied. "Maybe we should've stopped after we killed the air mattress."
"We probably should've stopped before we killed the air mattress. What a way to say good-bye to Willow—giving her back something she lent us all busted. She's probably glad I'm leaving now."
"I think she likes you better than an air mattress."
Buffy glanced out the small window, taking her last look at New York for a long time, even if it was just a runway. "I'm going to miss her. I'm going to miss all of them. Hell, I'm going to miss everything."
"Are you still sure you want to do this?" Spike asked her.
"Yes. I am."
Buffy took Spike's hand and held on to it tightly as the plane began its take-off.
I posted two chapters this week, just like I promised. Hopefully, I'll be able to do the same thing next week, too, though again, I can't set it in stone or anything.
Please review!