Buffy glanced between the two men, immediately picking up on the tension coming from Spike. "Um, honey, this is Ben, an intern here who's been working with my mother," Buffy said. "And Ben, this is…"
"Spike. Her boyfriend," Spike interjected. Almost tentatively, Ben offered his hand for a shake, and Spike took it, squeezing a little harder than necessary.
"Spike, that's an interesting nickname," Ben commented as he pulled his hand away. "How did you get it?"
"That's not something I'm quite at liberty to discuss," Spike replied with a grin that bordered on menacing.
A beat of silence passed between the two males before Ben coughed, then rose to his feet. "Well, I've got my rounds, so I should be going."
"Yeah, you do that," Spike said, sitting back down beside Buffy now that Ben was gone.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Buffy hissed at Spike when they were alone.
Spike raised his eyebrow. "I didn't fancy coming back over here to find someone putting the moves on you, Buffy," he replied.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Please, Spike. Ben was not putting the moves on me. He was just coming to ask how things were going with my mother."
"Buffy, he's the doctor. Or one in training at least. You should be the one asking him how your mother is doing, not the other way around."
"He was being nice!" Buffy insisted. "He's the one who let me in to see her last night. There were no moves being made of any kind."
"Are you completely blind?" Spike asked. "He was practically drooling down the front of your shirt!"
"He was not!" Buffy shook her head. "God, I can't believe I have to put up with this jealous crap from you now."
"It's not crap, Buffy," Spike snapped. "He was hitting on you whether you realized it or not."
"And so what if he was?" Buffy asked. "What difference does it make, Spike? It's not like I was about to go find an empty hospital bed with the guy."
"I'm not saying you were, Buffy. I just wanted to make sure he knows you're off limits."
"Yeah, and now he probably just thinks I'm dating a total asshole." Buffy shook her head. "You know, I never do this to you. I sit there and watch women flash you from the stage, and I deal with it."
"That's different."
"How? If Ben had started stripping then it would've been okay?" Buffy asked, her body shaking with barely controlled anger.
"No! Look, those women, they aren't looking to ask me out for coffee, Buffy. They're caught in the moment, and most of them won't even think about it any of it again once the show's over. At most they're hoping they can live out a fantasy of shagging a guy in a band, but if they don't get to come home with me, they're not going to keep pursuing me."
"So I'm supposed to be okay with it because they just want to fuck my boyfriend, not pick out curtains with him? Oh, well, that makes everything better," Buffy snapped.
Spike frowned. "You told me you didn't have a problem with those girls."
"And I don't! God, Spike, that's my point. I don't care about those girls because I trust you. I know you love me, and I know you wouldn't cheat on me so I can deal with the other women. But you go all caveman because another guy is talking to me? Where's your trust in me, huh?"
"It's not about that!"
"Yes, it is," Buffy said. "You always do this. Anytime you see a guy talking to me that you perceive is trying to get into my pants, you act like a dick, and I'm so not in the mood for it right now."
"It was more than my perception."
Buffy held up her hands. "Fine, whatever. I was completely helpless against his advances, and you saved me, you big, strong man you."
"Buffy…"
"No, Spike. I'm not having this conversation anymore. Not here. We're in the middle of the hospital for crying out loud, and people are starting to look at us."
"Fine," Spike replied, holding his tongue from saying any more than that.
Buffy snatched a magazine off a nearby table and began to read.
By the time visiting hours were over for the day, and they were headed back to Revello Drive, Spike was beginning to wonder if maybe it would've been better if he'd come to Sunnydale later in the day like he'd originally planned. He'd hoped to help Buffy by being there, drain some of her tension, but it appeared he'd instead caused more.
Spike sat on the edge of the bed and watched Buffy as she moved around the room that night, getting ready to go to sleep. The tension she carried with her was obvious, and while Spike knew most of that was coming from her worry over her mother's surgery in the morning, he also knew he'd contributed, and that bothered him.
"I'm sorry, luv," he told her softly.
Buffy turned from where she'd been brushing her hair at the dresser. "Hmm?"
He spoke louder when he responded. "I'm sorry—for what happened earlier in the hospital, with Ben. You were right, I was a jerk."
Buffy's shoulders lowered slightly. "I wasn't hitting on him, Spike. Or flirting or anything. I wasn't even thinking about that. I was just looking at him as a doctor."
"I know, kitten. Forgive me?" Spike opened up his arms to her.
Buffy set down her brush and moved into his embrace. "I forgive you," Buffy said as she hugged him, a sigh escaping her as she settled into his arms. "I don't like it when we're arguing."
"Me either," Spike replied, kissing the top of her head. He tightened his grip around her. "I love you, Buffy. I love you so bloody much. I know I was a right git today, and I know I've got no excuse, but I'm just so afraid of losing you, sometimes I don't think right."
Buffy looked up at him, a frown on her face. "Spike, you're not going to lose me. I need you. I fall apart without you—you saw what I was like when we first met. I wouldn't be able to handle any of this now without you here to hold me together."
"And I'm here for you, sweetheart. Completely," Spike promised her. "You're the most important thing in my life and being here when you need me comes before everything else." He kissed her forehead. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Spike." She pulled back so she could look at his face. "Thank you, for coming this morning, and for agreeing to be here with me while she's in surgery. I know you have your album to work on."
"You're more important to me than the album, Buffy."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Come on, Spike. I know you love me, but this is fame and fortune here."
He cupped her face, forcing her to look into his eyes. "You mean more to me than any of that. Not that it doesn't all sound nice, and I've got hopes for this album, yeah, but if it doesn't turn out to be a hit, I'm not going to feel unfulfilled in life or whatnot. The important thing for me is having you by my side."
Buffy took his hand off her cheek and pulled it down, though she kept it linked with hers. "You're not risking anything with the album to be here, are you, Spike?" she asked. "Be honest with me."
"No. I don't need to be back there until Tuesday. I talked to the producers, told them what was going on, and they let me go. I'm not the only person in the band, and there's plenty they can do without me there. It's fine, pet, really," Spike assured her.
"Okay, because if it was a problem, Spike, I'd want you to tell me. We moved out here for you to make this album, and I don't want you to ruin it all now because of me."
"Nothing's ruined, kitten, and nothing's going to be ruined. I can be here for you and for the band. Don't worry about that at all."
"I won't worry as long as you promise me that if there's something that comes up and you have to be in L.A., you go. I won't be angry with you. You're here for me even when you're not physically here for me," Buffy said, her hand still around his.
"All right, luv," Spike replied.
"I'm serious. I don't want you sacrificing this because of me. You've worked too hard and too long for that," Buffy stressed to him.
"I said I wouldn't do that," Spike insisted. "Come on now, let's just go to sleep. You need your rest for tomorrow."
Buffy eyed him warily for a moment, not sure if she completely believed he wouldn't do something stupid for her. Maybe she could talk to Mona, make sure she kept her updated on when Spike had to be in the studio. Rory tended to keep Mona more in the loop about those things than Spike did Buffy.
"I mean it, pet," Spike said, catching the look on her face. "I won't just piss away my one chance at a record contract, all right?"
"Okay," Buffy said, mentally filing away her decision to talk to Mona. "Come on, let's do that sleep thing. It sounded nice."
Spike chuckled. "Sleep it is then." They went up to the other end of the bed and slid under the sheets, Buffy immediately moving into Spike's arms.
"Mmm…this is much better than last night," she said as she closed her eyes. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," Spike said, kissing her head again. "Our apartment seemed so empty without you."
Buffy snuggled closer against his chest. "We're back together now."
"We are," Spike agreed. "Love you."
Buffy was already drifting off, the sleeplessness that had plagued her disappearing with Spike there to hold her. "I love you, too."
Buffy stood beside her mother, dread curling in her stomach as she became acutely aware of the fact that this could be it. Any minute now the doctors would be coming in to take Joyce off to get prepped for surgery, and this could be her good-bye.
Giles and Dawn had given Buffy and Joyce a moment alone, and the two women now watched each other silently, neither knowing quite what to say. There weren't enough words to express it all, and even if there had been, there certainly wasn't enough time for them.
Buffy had to say it now. Despite everything that had happened, it was still true, and Buffy knew that if she didn't now, she could very well regret it for the rest of her life. Even if her mother did pull through, Buffy didn't think she'd regret saying those words. Not here, not now.
"I love you, Mom," she said softly, barely able to manage anything above a whisper with the tears that kept threatening to fall.
Joyce smiled sadly at her. "I love you, too, Buffy." She took Buffy's hand and shakily lifted it to her lips. "I'm going to still be here tomorrow. This isn't good-bye."
It was the same tone her mother used to have when she'd tell her a shot wasn't going to hurt one bit, and Buffy found little reassurance in the words. Her mother was afraid, and that wasn't something Buffy had seen enough in her life to be comfortable with.
Still, for her mother's sake, she played along. "Then we won't say it. I'll see you when you wake up, Mom."
"I'll see you when I wake up," Joyce replied, her own eyes tearing.
The door opened and two people in scrubs came in to wheel Joyce out of the room. Buffy watched her go, unable to keep from feeling anything but helpless.
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