Quentin Travers shifted on her couch, wincing slightly as he did, as if having to sit on such a piece of furniture was beneath him, then turned his gaze onto Buffy. "I'm going to cut right to the chase, Miss Summers, since this is a matter of some importance."
Buffy's stomach did a flip. Was Spike in trouble? She knew he'd been drinking nights, but he always seemed sober enough when he came home. What if she was wrong, and he'd been getting drunk in the studio, too? Was the rift in their relationship causing problems for his album as well? "What's going on?" Buffy asked.
"I've already discussed this with Spike, but he was rather…headstrong about the matter. I thought perhaps you would be more willing to listen to reason." Travers cleared his throat. "It has come to the attention of the label that you and Spike are, in fact, step-siblings. Now, I know the two of you care a great deal for each other, but I believe you're going to have to think about just how much you want to cope with for the sake of your relationship. Spike is going to become a public figure in a very short amount of time, and when that happens, the media is going to snap up this story like a rabid dog with a bone. Something like this could very well kill his career before it even gets a chance to fully take off."
Quentin's words took Buffy completely by surprise. She'd never even considered their relationship becoming a problem in such a way. "But I'm not really Spike's stepsister," Buffy protested. "Our parents didn't marry until we were already older, and Spike lived in England for the entire time I was still at home."
"I realize that, Miss Summers, but I doubt the tabloids will give such a generous spin to the story. The label would do what it could to protect Spike's image, of course, but we're looking at a PR nightmare. If things get too out of hand, the label may be forced drop the band completely."
Buffy was beginning to feel genuinely ill. She could ruin Spike's career simply by being with him? "I love him," Buffy said softly.
"I'm certain you do, but sometimes to love someone is to do what's best for them," Travers replied. "I'm not telling you you must end things with Spike, but I wanted you to be fully aware of the situation before it began."
Buffy only nodded, unable to respond.
Travers stood. "I'll see myself out then. Good day, Miss Summers."
Buffy jumped at the sound of the door closing. After everything that had been going on for the past couple of weeks, now they had this to add to the mess? Could things really get as bad as Travers had insinuated? Would their relationship be the death of Spike's career?
She had to see him. She'd never liked going to the studio—the fear of distracting him too much kept her away—but Buffy knew it was time to break that personal rule. She'd gone too long already, and now everything was even worse. Travers had told her he'd already spoken to Spike about this, and she needed to know what had happened there.
She needed to see Spike now…
Buffy took a taxi to the studio, but once she got there, she couldn't seem to bring herself to go inside. What was she going to say to him exactly? Your producer thinks our relationship is completely wrong and will ruin your career—what are your thoughts on the matter?
"Buffy? What are you doing standing out here?"
She looked up sharply at the sound of the familiar voice, then did her best to smile. "Hey, Mona. I was here looking for Spike."
"He's inside, working on a new song," Mona replied. "Apparently he recently wrote one the other guys liked so much they worked it onto the album."
"Oh," Buffy said. "Will he be busy for a while?"
"Depends," Mona answered. "Sometimes they get everything done pretty quickly, and sometimes they struggle to get it just right."
"Do you come up here a lot?" Buffy asked.
"I like listening to Rory play. I just stay out of their way until they go on break." She smiled. "The band sends me on food runs, too."
Buffy chuckled slightly, then sobered. "I always figured I'd be in Spike's way."
"I doubt it," Mona said. "Spike likes having you around, I know. Hey, do you want to listen to them? There's a room set up where we can hear them playing without bugging them. There's a two-way mirror. The big-wigs stand around in there when they come to check up on the band's progress, but it's unoccupied right now."
Buffy thought about it for a moment before she nodded her assent and followed Mona into the studio. She was more than a little curious about this new song Spike had recently written. He hadn't mentioned one—not that they talked about much of anything these days anyway—but given their current situation, she didn't think she was being self-centered to figure it was most likely about them.
They hadn't started playing yet when Mona and Buffy came into the listening room, and Buffy watched the band through the two-way mirror as they got ready to start. She felt a little odd watching Spike like this when he didn't know she was there, but as they settled and she heard the first notes, she stopped caring, focusing instead on Spike and what he was singing.
"Are we done for now,
Or is this for good?
Will there be something in time,
With us there should.
Only girl for me is you.
There can be no other one.
If I didn't have faith,
I would come undone.
So much promise in your eyes,
Seems that I can only see.
It only makes me wonder
If you save it all for me…"
The first verse, and Buffy already felt tears pricking her eyes. She had no doubt now the song was about them, and the first two lines stuck in her mind, making her heart feel heavy. Are we done for now, or is this for good? It didn't really matter when you got right down to it—either way, they were done…
"Maybe you do.
Maybe you don't.
Maybe you should.
Probably won't...
'Cause there will be...
"There will be other guys
Who will whisper in your ear,
Say they'll take away your sadness
And your fear.
They may be kind and true.
They may be good for you.
But they'll never care for you
More than I do."
She began to cry in earnest, and though she tried to turn and hide her reaction from Mona, she knew the other woman wasn't at all fooled. Buffy didn't know why Spike couldn't seem to understand why she didn't want any other men. She knew no one else would ever care for her the way Spike did, and she didn't want to be in a relationship that could only pale in comparison to the one she had now.
"I'll be always there,
There to the end.
I can't do much,
But be your one true friend
To the end
To the end
Our lives to spend
With each other 'till the end
Of time..."
That was what she wanted…forever with Spike. She wanted things to be the way they were only a few weeks before when she'd had no doubt about them being able to last until the end of time. But she wanted Spike as more than her "one true friend." She wanted him as her lover, her partner—her everything. Did Spike not that want that anymore—or did he not think it was possible? She wondered when exactly he'd talked to Quentin Travers, and if Spike was still mulling over leaving her because of it. Or was he just tired of living with her with how things had gotten between them?
"Still see the promise in your eyes,
And still wonder if it's for me.
But I know it's still there,
Even when you sleep.
"So I say,
Goodnight, Sweet Girl."
Buffy let out a small, choked sob at the end of the song, her hand going over her mouth. What did he mean by the last part? How could he wonder it anything she felt was for him, and him alone? Still, the general message of the song seemed to be clear. It wasn't optimistic….
Goodnight, Sweet Girl…
Goodbye…
Are we done for now, or is this for good?
They were done…
"I need to go," Buffy said, turning away from the two-way mirror. "I can't…I can't be here."
"Buffy, what's wrong? What's going on?" Mona asked, coming closer to Buffy. She'd been able to tell something was up with Spike, and everyone had assumed it was somehow related to Buffy, but no one had gotten any details. Mona had thought it might be stress from Buffy's mother being sick, but from the looks of things now, it was something more.
"I don't even know," Buffy said as her face crumpled. "I just need to go home now." She started towards the door, but stopped when she heard Mona call to her.
"How did you get here today? Did you take a cab?"
Buffy turned towards Mona and nodded. "Yeah. I'll call for another one."
"No, sweetie, let me drive you home," Mona said, putting her arm around Buffy. Buffy didn't protest, but instead let Mona lead her out of the studio and drive her back to the apartment.
Buffy was silent the whole way, even as they walked to the door. Mona followed her in anyway, and Buffy didn't protest, just went in and sat on the couch, a distant look in her eyes. It was obvious she wasn't up for company, but at the same time, Mona couldn't bring herself to leave the girl alone—not when she was like this. Instead, she went into the kitchen and fixed a pot of tea, then brought Buffy a cup.
"Here, this will help soothe you a bit," Mona told Buffy as she handed her a mug of tea, then took a seat near Buffy on the couch.
"Thank you," Buffy replied softly, then slowly sipped the dark liquid, careful not to burn herself.
Mona's heart definitely went out to Buffy. Nothing hurt more than a rift between you and someone you genuinely loved… "You know," Mona said after a few moments, "Sometimes when Rory and I hit a rough patch, he writes songs about it—but they're not always a clear window into what he's thinking. He pours all the negative emotions out without really thinking about it, just so he can get them out. It doesn't necessarily mean he feels exactly like what he's writing. It doesn't make it the whole truth."
Buffy nodded, her hands tight around the mug. She understood what Mona was saying, but she didn't believe it was the case in this instance—not with how bad things had gotten with Spike recently. It had felt like things were really over, even if she hadn't been willing to admit it.
"Spike really loves you, Buffy. Whatever's going on with the two of you right now, that hasn't changed."
"I love him, too," Buffy said softly, though in her mind she added, "But sometimes love isn't enough…"
Mona cleared her throat. "Buffy, I've been with Rory since, well, since we were kids, really. A long freaking time… And there were some points when it was all I could do to keep from killing the man, never mind staying in the relationship. But I did—and you know why? Because I love him. And real love, it's not a pretty thing. It's not like in a fairytale where a kiss can make all the problems go away. It's work, Buffy—hard work. But it's worth working for. If you find someone who can make you feel even a fraction of what you and Spike obviously feel for each other, then you've gotta do the work. No good can come from letting it go, even if it seems like it might be easier at the time."
Buffy's only response was another soft nod, though she knew what good could come from her leaving now—Spike would still have a shot at his career. How could she stay when she knew their relationship could ruin everything for him? Besides, as bad as things had gotten, she didn't think Spike would even want to risk it all for her anymore.
Mona could tell Buffy wasn't completely listening to her, but if Buffy couldn't take her advice, there wasn't much else she could do. She couldn't force Buffy to see reason, as much as she may want to. It broke her heart to think of anything coming between two people who were clearly so much in love, and she hoped they'd start to see reason soon. Maybe Spike would be more willing to listen to her than Buffy…
"I need to get back to the studio," Mona told Buffy as she gently patted her leg. "They'll be getting hungry soon. If you need anything at all, call my cell phone, all right? I'll be here as quickly as I can."
"Okay," Buffy replied. "Thanks for bringing me home. And for the tea."
"You're welcome." Mona stood up. "Think about what I said, too, okay?"
"I will. Bye, Mona."
Mona gave her a sad smile. "Bye, Buffy."
The song in this chapter is "Goodnight Sweet Girl" by Ghost of the Robot, which means yes, James Marsters actually sings it. If you haven't heard it and want to, there's a Spuffy music video that uses it on this site: http://www.mysideyourside.co.uk/cybermintz/