Or at least, how he assumed that would've felt. He'd never really had the chance to discover that first hand, since the girls hadn't exactly been clamoring to let him take them out when he'd been a schoolboy. No one had even given him a second glance until he met Drusilla, and their relationship had never been about dating.
In all honesty, he'd never really done a lot of dating. Either it was just sex or it was a relationship—he'd never seen much of the in between. And how he was going to try it with Buffy of all people?
Spike didn't think it was going to work, though he hadn't figured out on which side of the spectrum it was going to go wrong. On the one hand, he was still having a hard time letting go of all his resentment towards her for the way she'd ended things, even if knowing her reasoning had made it a little easier for him to accept.
On the other, if this was supposed to be the sort of date that included at most a kiss at the end of the night, he wasn't sure the plan would go so smoothly either. It had been three years since he'd been with her, and Spike knew his self-control had never been all that stellar when it had been three hours.
So on the whole, Spike knew the "dating" idea was probably doomed from the start. If he had any sense, he'd get out of it now, since he knew he was only going to get his heart broken again. But he'd never been anything more than a fool when it came to love, and despite everything, he was Buffy's again—if he'd ever truly not been. If he was honest with himself, he could admit the only reason he'd managed to spend three years away from her is because she hadn't as much as crooked her finger.
Now that she had, it was all over for him. He was too weak to fight what he wanted, and what he wanted was Buffy, suffering and all.
Another glance at the clock told him it was time. Spike took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and headed out of his house.
"Buffy, if you don't sit still, I'm going to burn you."
"I can't help it. I'm all shaky."
"I noticed." Dawn sighed as she released the curling iron from her sister's hair. "There's nothing to be nervous about, Buffy. It's just you and Spike."
"That's why I'm nervous," Buffy replied.
Dawn rolled another section of Buffy's hair onto the curler. "Look, you love him and he loves you. That's all that matters."
"Love isn't always enough, Dawnie. I mean…"
"Buffy, no. You're not going to do that this time. Either of you." Dawn took the curling iron out of Buffy's hair again and switched it off before setting it back on the bathroom counter. "Turn around and look at me."
With a sigh, Buffy turned around. "What?"
"Love can be enough, Buffy—you just have to let it be, okay? You and Spike, you're both strong people. You've fought to get where you are in life. It's time for you to fight to be together, too."
Buffy arched her eyebrow. "Aren't you a little young and single to be giving these sorts of peptalks?"
"It doesn't matter, 'cause I'm right and you know it," Dawn retorted. "I've sat here for three years and watched you two make yourselves miserable. There was no reason in the world for you to have been apart, because it's obvious how much you want each other. No, scratch that—need each other. So stop being an idiot and worrying about anything other than the fact that you're both crazy in love, because if you screw this up again, I swear I'm going to so kick your ass."
Buffy snorted. "Like you could."
Dawn crossed her arms in front of her. "I could get you in your sleep."
Buffy's eyes locked with her sister's for a moment before she laughed and leaned forward to hug Dawn. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
After a moment, they pulled apart, and Buffy wiped at her eyes. "Crap. Did you just make me ruin my eye make-up?"
"Me? You were the one who made threats into a touching sisterly moment."
"You started it with the whole 'let love be enough' speech!"
"And then I threatened you, which was supposed to tone down the sap!"
Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but her words turned into a high-pitched "eep!" at the sound of someone knocking at the door.
"Is he supposed to be here yet?" she asked.
Dawn looked down at her watch. "It's eight on the dot."
"Then it can't be Spike. He's not punctual, like, ever."
"Unless he was all nervous and he's been pacing outside the door for the past few minutes waiting for it to be time to knock."
"Good point. I'm going to finish getting ready, you do recon."
Dawn nodded her assent and sprinted out of the bathroom to the front door. Sure enough, it was Spike, and from the way he was ringing his hands and slightly bouncing, Dawn assumed the nervous pacing theory had been correct.
She sized him up quickly, gauging the mood of the evening on his outfit. He wore a dark red button-down shirt with the top slightly open and black leather pants. Dawn grinned to herself.
Yeah, she'd be getting the place to herself tonight. And possibly tomorrow, too…
"Buffy's still getting ready, but she'll be out in a moment," Dawn said as she let Spike into the apartment.
"All right," Spike said with a nod, his body practically vibrating as he stood in the foyer.
"I'll go tell her you're here," Dawn told him before she turned towards the hallway, rolling her eyes as she went back towards the bathroom. They were seriously pathetic, if you asked her.
"He's wearing leather pants," Dawn hissed in a sharp whisper as she ducked into the bathroom with Buffy.
Buffy whirled around, her eyes wide. "What?!" she whispered back.
"He's wearing leather pants. Nice ones, too. All tight and…bulgey in the right places."
Buffy narrowed her eyes. "You're not supposed to be looking at any bulges."
Dawn raised her hands in self-defense. "Hey, it's a little hard to miss. How exactly did you manage to walk when you were with him?"
Buffy blushed a deep red. "Dawn!"
Dawn laughed. "You are so easy to harass. But seriously, there's leather pants, and he looks damn good. Try not to trip over your tongue, 'cause that would just be embarrassing."
"Thanks ever so for the tip," Buffy replied with a dirty look. Then, she took a deep breath. "Okay, how do I look?"
"You look great."
"Hair, make-up, dress—all good?"
"Perfect. You two will be drooling all over each other. Now get out there."
"Okay. I can do this." Buffy stepped out into the hall and walked to the foyer, stopping short when she saw Spike standing there.
Dawn hadn't been exaggerating about those leather pants…
Spike, too, froze at the first sight of Buffy, his eyes traveling down to take in the whole of her look. Her golden hair was in loose curls around her shoulders, making the desire to muss it up almost uncontrollable. She was wearing a red silk halter dress with a scoop front that gave him a tantalizing view of her cleavage, and he let his eyes linger there for a moment, remembering fondly the time he'd spent in the past nestled there. Then, his gaze moved down, over her hips and down to her legs, where…
Oh god, the woman was wearing leather boots. Sleek, leg hugging, high-heeled boots… At that moment, it became official. He was a goner.
He looked back up, met her eyes, and curled his tongue between his teeth. Buffy's knees went wobbly.
"You ready to go, pet?" he asked, his voice low and husky.
Buffy wanted to be coy and seductive, but all she could manage was a nod and a squeaky, "Uh huh."
Spike held out his arm, and Buffy surprised herself by having enough presence of mind to grab her purse off the back of the couch before she went to him.
Dawn followed the couple to the door, leaning out to yell, "Don't worry, I won't bother waiting up!" as they walked off.
Buffy turned and stuck her tongue out at her sister before Dawn laughed and shut the door.
In all of her time living in Los Angeles, both in recent years and as a young girl, Buffy had never been ushered to a table in a restaurant so quickly. As soon as they entered, someone was rushing to their side to bring them into a private room without any questions asked.
"They sure seem to like you here," Buffy said as they waited on their dinner.
"I tip well," Spike replied.
"So you come here often then?" Buffy asked, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.
Spike immediately picked up on her change of mood and figured out what had most likely brought it on. "I never took Eve here," he said. "She doesn't like Italian food. Too many carbs or something. I just zoned out when she started talking about her dietary habits." He paused for a moment, clearing his throat. "Actually, the only other woman I've ever eaten alone here with was Dawn, which is why I thought it would be a good place for tonight."
"So you've never had a date here?"
Spike shook his head. "No. Not until now."
Buffy smiled, her uneasiness going away. She appreciated the thought he'd put into picking a place that wouldn't make her think about what he may have done there with some other woman in the past.
It was a far cry from bringing up sleeping with other women in her bed. Unbidden, Buffy giggled at the memory, the anger she'd felt in the moment long since faded. It was just so completely Spike to say something that boneheaded before actually taking the time to think.
"What's so funny, luv?" Spike asked.
"Nothing. Just remembering something from a long time ago." She reached across the table and took his hand, linking their fingers together. "I always did love you, you know. All of you, even your not so charming aspects."
Spike's eyebrow rose. "I have some of those?"
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Please. Don't try to convince me otherwise, 'cause I know you, mister."
"Yeah, you do," Spike replied softly. He knew that in truth, Buffy probably knew him better than anyone else ever had—certainly better than any of his other lovers. She knew a side of him no one else had ever truly seen, the part of him he tried to hide.
She knew the part of him that was vulnerable.
Buffy was the only woman he'd ever been able to open up that much with. He'd loved Drusilla desperately, but he'd also known her well enough to know what she would've made of his feelings had he let her. And Eve, well, the same went for her, too—without the whole love part. He never really had loved Eve, though at the time, he'd tried to convince himself he could, if he could just get over Buffy.
Clearly, that wasn't going to happen.
But with Buffy, he'd never been afraid to be who he was, to let her see the man he tried to hide with the persona he presented to the world. He'd never been afraid she'd mock him, or use his feelings against him to tear him down. And really, she never had. Even in their break-up, she hadn't used his heart to manipulate him or tried to twist what he felt.
He looked across the table at her now, and for the first time, he realized why. Buffy loved like he did—with everything. He didn't think she wanted to—knew she wanted to keep herself guarded—but she couldn't help it anymore than he could. She was slow to open her heart, but when she did, she couldn't hold back what she felt. For the first time in three years, he let himself see what their break-up had done to her, see the pain she must have felt.
She hadn't wanted to break him. She hadn't wanted to lose him. He'd never managed to see how raw her passion really was, too busy looking for something big to notice the small ways she showed it.
She loved like him, but she didn't show it like him. When it came to matters of the heart, Buffy took small steps, always afraid of the hurt she could feel.
Spike, on the other hand, plunged in headfirst, trying to turn a blind eye to the possibility of heartache, even when he knew it was most likely right around the corner.
With this new insight into Buffy, Spike began to picture parts of their relationship in another light. He thought back to what she'd said to him on the phone not too long ago, when she'd told him she didn't know how to be everything for someone the way he had been for her. That had been the truth. She didn't know.
But she wanted to be.
He ran his thumb over her hand, a sense of peace filling him for the first time in years. They could do make it this time. He knew it.
"I love you, Buffy."
His words brought her attention to him, and when she met his eyes, what she saw there made tears form in her own.
Spike smiled at her softly as he reached across the table and wiped them away.
Please take a moment to review!