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Buffy nodded solemnly and squeezed back. A few long minutes that seemed to be more like hours to Buffy passed before they called her name. She looked at Lindy with sad eyes before she stood and started to follow the doctor waiting for her. She was really going to do this. Right…?

No. No, no, no, no! Not right.

Buffy whipped back around, her eyes searching for Lindy. All of the emotions that she had refused to let herself feel overcame her all at once. She couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. It was wrong. She was going to be a mother and she had to face it. She had somebody where Lindy hadn't. Hell she had several people who would do anything for her and still here she was about to commit murder. Tears were now streaming down her face. She turned to the doctor before whispering, “No. I can't kill my baby!”

Doctor Strauss’s all business face softened, “That’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything dear.”

Buffy nodded through her tears, “I can't. I won't.”

“Are you here with someone?” she asked.

Before Buffy could answer Lindy was at her side, “Yeah, me. Come on Buff, it’s okay sweets, let’s just get you home okay?”

Buffy clung to Lindy’s arm for dear life as she slowly let her out of the clinic, both ignoring the stares of other patients. All Buffy wanted to do was go home, take a hot bath and crawl in bed forever.

**********************************************************

Spike headed out of the small gas station, cigarette in mouth. He’d run out of fags and used his lunch period to make a cigarette and gas run. Bloody nicotine addiction. He opened his car door and was about to get in when his eyes rested on a sobbing Buffy coming out of the doctor’s office with Lindy. His eyes narrowed slightly before he threw the pack of cigarettes into his front seat and jogged across the street.

“Buffy,” Lindy said quietly as they reached her car. Her eyes zeroed in on the black leather clad platinum blonde now crossing the street, “Sweetie, we have a problem.”

“W-what?” Buffy sobbed out, her tears still coming strong.

“Buffy?!”

Buffy froze as a familiar British male voice entered her ears. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Her day was getting worse and worse. She needed time to explain it to him. She was on the very verge of a mental break down at the moment and she knew that this was going to push her over the edge.

“Spike…” she whispered in a tearful voice.

“Buffy, baby what are you doing here? What’s the matter? Are you sick? Are you hurt? Tell me.”

“I’m gonna go…elsewhere,” Lindy mumbled, edging away, “You two need to talk.” With that she fled. It didn’t take a genius to know that this was something that was not going to end well.

“I’m so sorry,” Buffy sniffled, “I’m a selfish bitch and I should have told you the second I found out but I couldn’t. I thought that this was the way to go. I thought it wouldn’t hurt this way. Why does it hurt so much?”

“Luv, please tell me what’s the matter. You're scaring me,” a tight coil of fear started to form in the pit of Spike’s stomach.

“I was gonna kill it,” Buffy rambled, new tears starting, “But it’s not an it at all. It’s a little he or a little she and I was going to take its life because I was scared. I’m still scared.” She looked up at him with wide eyes, “Oh god I think I’m going to be sick.”

Realization hit Spike hard. He was barely able to decipher her tearful ramble but he understood enough. She was pregnant but not only that, she was going to have an abortion without ever telling him.

Anger like no other coursed through him. She had no right! He was the father and he sure as hell should have had a say in this!

“Bloody hell,” he muttered as he watched Buffy bend and threw up. His anger not forgotten, he non to gently pulled her hair back.

“Are you finished?” he asked coldly as she stood up right and looked at him sadly.

Buffy couldn’t help but flinch at his tone. She nodded yes to his question before saying softly, “I’m so sorry.”

“Do you think that that matters!? Do you think that “sorry” is going to make up for you not telling me that I’m going to be a father!? Bloody hell Buffy if you’d told me before all of this I would have gotten down on one fucking knee and proposed to you on the spot! I love you don’t you get that!? I would do anything for me but now after this…fuck how could you? Don’t you love me back?” Spike’s anger roughened voice trailed off softly with his last question.

She’d never said it before. She felt it but she’d never said and now it was too late. She loved him with all of her heart and now she had a strong feeling that it didn’t matter, “Oh course I do! I love you Spike! I love you so much…”

Spike shook his head and laughed bitterly, “And now she says it. Is it guilt? I don’t want your fucking pity! If you loved me you would have told me from the start and we would have figured something out!”

Buffy was sobbing earnest now, “Please, it’s not that simple! I love you Spike! You have to believe me!”

“Why isn't it that simple!?” he demanded, “It is that simple! What, am I not the father?!”

Silence. Buffy looked at Spike with pleading eyes, begging him to understand. Spike had been waiting for her to deny it. He wanted her to tell him no and that she loved him and she wanted him to give her a second chance but she didn’t. That’s why it wasn’t that simple. The baby wasn’t his.

Spike couldn’t look at her anymore. He loved her so bloody much and she was pregnant with another man’s child. That meant that in the short time they’d been together the bitch had already cheated on him.

He turned to walk away, not being able to stand it anymore when Buffy grabbed his arm, “I don’t know. I didn’t cheat on you Spike if that’s what you're thinking.” She paused to sniffle, “The baby could be yours and god you don’t know how much I want it to be yours or it could be…it could be…Ryan’s.”

Buffy could only watch as Spike wrenched his arm out of her grip and walked away. She could have even sworn there were tears in his eyes.

**********************************************************

“Are you going to be okay?” Lindy asked as they pulled in the Summer’s driveway.

Buffy who had ceased crying on the way home nodded, “Yeah. Um, I don’t think I’m be going to school tomorrow. Tell Wills for me okay?”

Lindy nodded back, her eyes warm and sympathetic, “Of course I will. Call me when you feel better?”

“Yeah,” Buffy sighed, starting out of the car, “Might be a while. I’m gonna tell my mom tonight.”

“Good luck,” Lindy smiled sadly, “Your mom’s a wonderful woman, I think she’ll understand Buff.”

Buffy matched Lindy’s smile, “Can only hope so. I’m sorry for all of this Lind. God knows how many things you’d tried to keep buried this dug up.”

Lindy shook her head, “Don’t worry about it sweets. I’ll be fine, what I’m worried about is you here.”

With that Lindy started out of the driveway and Buffy made her way into the house. She dropped her purse at the bottom of the stairs and trudged upstairs and into her room. She lied down on her bed and let her hands settle on her stomach in an almost protective manner. The tears she willed herself to stop a short while ago came flooding back and she rubbed circles on her clothed belly, “I’m so sorry baby. I swear I will never ever even attempt to do something so stupid and selfish again. I love you with all my heart just like I love your daddy.” She paused and sighed wistfully, “I know Spike’s your daddy baby. I just know it and I love him as much as I’m gonna love you but mommy screwed up so if it’s just me and you in the end, I’m so sorry.”

She hadn't noticed her mother standing in her doorway, “Oh Buffy…”

Buffy sat up, startled and stopped her movements on her stomach, “Mommy.”

Her mother was on her bed, her arms wrapped around her baby girl in a moment, “My baby’s going to have a baby.”

Buffy nodded, crying, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m so scared mommy.”

Joyce nodded against her daughter, “I know baby, I know.”

“Aren't you going to yell at me?” Buffy asked quietly, “Tell me how stupid and irresponsible I am?”

“Tomorrow for sure,” her mother whispered back, hugging her tighter, “But now we cry.”

And they did.

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hey people, hope I didn’t ruffle to many feathers with the last chapter but like I said before we are all entitled to our own personal opinion about subjects like abortion and I feel that a woman as a right to choose when it comes to it and not to mention that this is my story and you all don’t know what I’m gonna do with. I like to unpredictable and also your reviews (which I am thankful for even though some where not so positive) did not sway the story in this direction but it was my idea beforehand. I was never actually going to let Buffy go through with it but this story is meant to be angsty and there are so many happy teen baby stories so I had to put my own twist on this so basically I took all of your suggestions (which most where for the happy-happyness) and the one angsty one and combined them together. Don’t hate me!





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