sigh, I’m kinda impatient, okay I’m REALLY impatient so instead of writing ten chapters of Buffy/Ryan relationship with hints of a brooding Spike, I skipped ahead a few months. Hope you all enjoy!
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It’s kinda funny how things work out. Everything had been perfect for Buffy and Ryan for the first three months of their relationship. They were sickening to watch, Buffy would admit it. All lovey dovey and coupley. Was that even a word? Did it matter? Not so much. Things were totally different now. It had went from a call everyday for no reason whatsoever to the point that she was lucky to hear from him an entire week. The loving little pecks and squeezes and passionate kisses had turned to nothing more than the occasional sloppy make-out sessions and quickies anywhere he could get them. It had become quite clear that Buffy Summers was nothing more than arm candy to Ryan. It hurt.
***Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone***
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut, a head ache on its way and rubbed her temples to clear all of her thoughts. It didn’t work of course. When she opened them back up, the world came rushing back to her, almost smacking her onto her ass. There she was, standing off in a corner, completely invisible to the world around her while Ryan sat on a couch playing Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 or whatever and smocking a joint with his friends. He was clearly having a ball.
***Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided***
High energy punk music blasted in the background but she could barely hear it because she was too lost in thought. The smell of stale sweat and smoke hung heavy in the air. She wanted to puke. Cory Olsen’s girlfriend Hailey Albrecht flashed Buffy a quick smile as they headed up the stairs she was standing by. She forced a weak smile across her face and nodded. It seemed like she never smiled anymore. Did anyone even notice? Probably not. It didn’t even mater to her anymore.
***Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud***
Tears stung her eyes. She quickly wiped them away even though it wouldn’t have mater if she had just let them stream down her cheeks, showing her misery to the whole world. The world wasn’t looking. She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw something across the room. She wanted someone to notice her for god’s sake! She knew it sounded self absorbed but she didn’t want to be invisible. She’d been invisible for since the beginning of junior high and then she’d been seen and it had felt so nice. Now, she’d had that wonderfully, warming feeling ripped carelessly from her by the boy she was pretty sure she was in love with. Maybe she was just meant to be unloved by anyone other than her family and close friends. It would truly clear so many things up.
***Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going no where
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then i don't care were not going no where***
Wiping her eyes once more, Buffy started to approach her boyfriend carefully.
“Ryan?” Buffy asked impatiently, no one even looking at her, “Can we go? This party’s totally lame.”
Ryan finally turned to look at his girlfriend and clearly suppressed a sigh of slight annoyance, “In a minute babe. I’m winning!”
Buffy stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Oh yeah, what made a WHOLE world of difference to her if he was winning at some stupid ass video game, “Whatever.” With that, she stomped off, all too familiar tears starting up again with a vengeance.
She stumbled out of the house, clutching her purse to her until the fresh air hit her face. She sniffled and pulled out her cell. She couldn’t call Willow or Xander because neither had a car and she sure as hell could NOT call her brother. He’d probably storm in and beat the shit out of Ryan for hurting her. Didn’t want that now did we? Okay, maybe it would be a little fun to watch Ryan get the shit beat out of him but that wasn’t the point!
Sniffling again, Buffy quickly dialed an oddly familiar number and let it ring. It rang five times before he picked up. “Hey luv what’s up?”
Buffy paused before saying shakily, “Spike, I need you to come pick me up.”
Automatically detecting the tears in her voice, Spike asked gently, “Kitten, what’s wrong. Where are you?”
“Oh god Spike,” Buffy let her new tears fall, “I’m so fucking stupid! He doesn’t care about me anymore.” The last statement came out as a whisper of pure sadness.
“I’m on my way Buffy,” was the last thing he said before the line went dead.
Buffy knew that he’d be there.
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I hope that was okay! I was going to make one long chapter but I decided to cut it into 2 short ones. I’m starting on the next after I finish typing this so I’ll make this short. Thanks ever so much for all of you who review cause they keep this story going. Review pretty please!!! Oh yeah, the song in this chapter is Avril Lavinge's Losing Grip
[Reviews - 360]
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