Spoilers: Really covers all of the Buffy series and the basics of the Angel series. Specific episodes include: Buffy Two-Part Season Finale, Season 1 ep. ”Becoming” Parts 1 & 2, Buffy Series Finale, Season 7 ep. “Chosen”, and Angel, Season 1 ep. “To Shanshu in L.A.”
Dedicated: To Candice (lilacdream7) for your support, friendship, and undying devotion to your one true obsession….James! ^_^
A/N:This story was started before the last few episodes of Angel, Season 5 aired so the whole battle against Wolfram & Hart battle is ignored and wouldn’t occur for awhile longer – basically it takes place a little over one year after Illyria has lost her time-jumping powers in “Timebomb”.
“What is it, Angel?” Buffy sighed heavily, hopping up onto the conference table, her feet swinging beneath her. She was so tired and from the look in his eyes, he was about to start a conversation she really didn’t want to get into at the moment.
“We need talk about…about what Whistler said…about the Shanshu prophecy being fulfilled tonight.”
She stared back at him silently. He had the floor and she had no intention of interrupting him until he had said his piece.
“If he’s right, Buffy, then I’ll be human again,” he waited for her to react and when she didn’t he frowned and continued on. “I’ll be human again, just like we’ve always wanted.”
The phrase ‘we’ve’ struck her right between the eyes. Yep this was definitely the conversation she had been dreading since Whistler’s performance earlier that night. “Angel,” she started gently.
He sat down beside her on the table, his eyes focused on his hands in his lap. “I know you came back for Spike last year,” he interrupted, “and I know he is in your heart. But if Whistler is right, if I become human again, then I can finally give you what you deserve. We can be together again, for real this time. No fear of moments of pure happiness, no fear of unleashing my darker side; we can be a real couple again Buff. We can be together.”
The emotion in his voice was like a knife to her heart and she felt her resolve slipping. She didn’t want to hurt him, but how could she make him understand? Tears began to well up in her eyes and she struggled to swallow them. “Angel,” she tried again, but her voice was shaking too much with emotion.
Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around her drawing her against him, and for a few moments they just sat like that in silence. Finally, confident that she had control of her voice once again, Buffy spoke up. “Angel,” she reached out and touched the side of his face. “I loved you so much and I don’t think that part of me will ever stop loving you. You were my first love and that is something that every girl carries with her forever; their first love. You were my world for so long, and I would have given up life itself if it meant I could be with you, or at least that’s how it felt. But we both know that feelings and reality are not the same. When you left me in Sunnydale, I broke into so many pieces I never thought I would completely heal. I wallowed for a while, tried to lose myself in the fights, but nothing seemed to fill the hole. I tried dating again, opening myself up to love, but nothing seemed to be enough. Not my friends, not sex, not even my death gave me solace. And then the words and actions of one man re-awoken that sleeping part of me, he helped to heal up the wounds, and fill up the emptiness. Angel, I have been through more and grown in ways that I myself am still coming to terms with and through it all there has been one person who has given me the strength to take up my own cross, to become who I was truly meant to become. I’m sorry but Spike is more than just in my heart, he is my heart.”
She paused as he turned his face from hers, pain creasing the edges of his lips. Again she swallowed hard and turned his face gently back to her own. “Angel, you have changed my life in so many ways. You will always be a very important part of my life and I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t promise you what you want. I can’t be what you seek.”
“But things will be different,” he protested, his arm pulling her closer to him. His face was inches from her own and he leaned in a bit closer. “We can be whole this time, Buffy. I can give you everything, just give me the chance and let me try to show you.” He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. To his surprise she didn’t protest nor did she kiss him back, she just allowed him to kiss her, and finally he began to understand.
“When Cordelia died I thought I’d lost everything. I thought love was something I would forever be denied; first Darla, then you, and then Cordy. But you were and are still alive; you were the exception, you were the reason I became who I became.” She looked at him in confusion but he plowed on. “Whistler found me, Buffy, and he showed me you. You were so young. It was back when your parents were still together. He showed me you and offered me a purpose for my existence, to protect you, to help you, to fight to save the world. Since that day I loved you, before I met you I loved you, and yet even our love was forbidden, but then I learned of the prophecy and I found hope again. If I could just fulfill it we could have a real chance. I won’t try to pretend I understand you and Spike, but I have come to see the champion that lives within him in the last few years. Maybe that’s why Dru sired him in the first place; maybe all of what we are was fated for you.”
Tears began to well up in Buffy’s eyes again, and she shook her head ‘no’, but he raised a finger to her lips, and pulled her to him again. “Promise me one thing, Buffy,” Angel whispered down at her, his fingers hooked under her jaw, tilting her head up towards his. Again he kissed her softly on the lips. “Promise me you will at least think about it.”
A tear slipped down her cheek and she leaned into his chest, resting her head against its silent hollow form. Even as she did it she knew it was a lie and she half expect that he too knew the truth, but just the same she nodded ‘yes’ against his chest. They sat in silence for a few minutes, his arms holding her tightly to him. Finally he released her and rose to go.
“Get some rest,” he whispered, and turning he headed out the main doors and into the hallway.
Buffy watched him go, another tear slipping down her cheek. Raising her hands she wiped away the remaining tears, and slid down off the table onto her feet. As she began to turn the doorknob leading back into Angel’s office she glanced back at the spot where he had just been. “I’m sorry,” she whispered to the empty room, and turning she flipped off the conference room lights, and stepped back into Angel’s office.
Jealousy welled up inside of him as Spike watched Angel kiss Buffy. Rising he stomped back to the wet bar and grabbing the bottle of Jack taking several long swigs. Faith just watched him silently from the couch.
“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered, the unusual crack in her tough-girl demeanor cause Spike to pause mid-swig. He blinked down at Faith for a second or two, before replacing the bottle and sitting beside her once again.
“I’m used to this,” he sighed, watching the two talking again. “Angel’s never been able to keep his lips off of what was mine.”
“Drusilla?” Faith turned completely towards him, snuffing out her cigarette on the arm of Angel’s couch.
Spike nodded again. “Dru was my destiny,” he half-smiled as he repeated the words he had believed for so long, “At least I used to think so. Funny how fickle lady love can be.”
“So then what’s B?”
“My soul,” he replied softly. “I mean I got the bloody thing for her in the first place, guilt and all.”
“Man, how does she do it?” Faith shook her head. Spike cocked his head at her in confusion. “How does she get you boys jonesin’ for her so badly? The girl should put out a self-help tape or something for the rest of us.”
Spike chuckled softly, grateful to Faith for her uncanny sense of humor. “I don’t know what it is,” he replied with a half-smile, “But once she’s in your blood she stays there forever.”
“Well it looks like she’s given lover-boy there the slip,” Faith nodded back towards the conference room as they watched Angel’s saddened face turn to leave. “Maybe things have changed.”
As Buffy moved towards the door, Faith rose to her feet. “Thanks for the smoke,” she tossed the cartoon back to him. “I think I’ll go for a little walk, do some catching up with some of my old L.A. snitches, see if I can’t flush out a bit more on our newest Big Bad.” Spike nodded, his eyes turning back towards Buffy who was now against the door looking back into the conference room. “Good luck,” Faith added as she left Angel’s office, closing the door behind her.
“Was that Faith?” Buffy voice called out to Spike as she closed the door to the conference room behind her.
“Yeah,” he nodded rising to his feet and heading towards the door.
“You’re leaving?” she frowned, moving a few more steps towards him. “But it’s almost dawn. There’s nothing more you can do right now.”
“Not feeling all that chatty right now, luv,” he replied, his head slightly bowed, his eyes focused down at his feet. She watched him in confusion for a moment, her eyes moving between him and the conference room windows. Suddenly she understood.
“That wasn’t what you thought,” she began.
“Didn’t think it was,” he cut her off, still refusing to look at her.
“Then why are you starting with the jealous vamp routine?” she shot back, her hands firmly planted on her hips. She was tired. Willow was in trouble. There was no time for games and jealousy.
“There’s no routine here,” he sighed looking up at her at last. She was surprised by the surrender that she saw in his eyes. He looked tired, old, weary-worn. His otherwise piercing features were softened by sometime, some deep emotion. She wasn’t quite sure what it was but it almost looked like sad acceptance.
“Then what?” she moved a few more feet towards him, her voice softening.
He shook his head. He could be such a jerk, but he didn’t know where to begin. “You should get some sleep,” he finally replied.
“Only if you’ll stay with me, here,” she nodded towards the couch. “Please Spike.”
He sighed again. How could he deny her anything? With a nod of his head, he let his hand slip from the doorknob, and dropping his coat onto a nearby chair. He slumped down heavily onto the couch. Slowly she moved beside him and for a moment they sat in silence.
“Angel wants me to stay with him when the battle’s over, when the prophecy has been fulfilled,” her voice, soft and gentle, finally broke the silence.
“Figured he’d be serenading you sooner or later about that. Can’t say I don’t blame him; I mean this is what you two were after for so long.”
“Yeah, maybe at one time we both were,” she turned to look at him, “But now I have you and Angel needs to accept that.”
He stared at her for a moment. “Why Buffy? Why stay with me when you can have your true love?”
She reached out and took his hand in hers, her fingers entwining with his own. “Because I already have him,” she smiled coyly at him, her eyes soft with emotion. “Yes Angel was the first great love of my life, but it was no different then Dru was to you. They both hold pieces of our hearts that no one else can ever reclaim, but Spike you, you hold not just my heart but also my soul. The person I am, all of this,” she gestured to herself, “I found all of this, I grew to be this thanks to you, thanks to your strength, your faith, your unwavering love. You loved me, you believed in me when I couldn’t and what we have is something I am not willing to just toss away because of some prophecy. When I say I love you I mean it with all that I am.”
He squeezed her hand tightly, his eyes melting into hers. Finally he pulled her to him and kissed her deeply. She snuggled down against his chest when he finally released her, his arms holding her gently to him, his chin resting against the top of her head. Closing her eyes she smiled to herself.
“Will you just stay here, now with me?” she whispered.
“Of course, luv,” he replied, kissing the top of her hair. Together they stretched out on the couch, Spike on his back, Buffy lying on top of him. Reaching up he pulled a small blanket down from the top of the couch and draped it over the top of her, before wrapping his arms around her small frame. Without another word the two of them drifted off into contented sleep.
London, 1885
The screams of children mingled with the harsh winter’s wind. Stealthfully he moved through the first floor rooms of the large manor. He could hear Dru and Darla laughing with delight above him, the sound of their footsteps and laughter followed by a choking scream. How the ladies enjoyed playing mothers. He continued to move forward towards the large library. He could hear the muffled cries of one being tortured and the tears of a woman being forced to watch. He knew even as he entered the room that it was a scene that even many demons would have trouble stomaching, but then again, when Angelus had his fun he never cut corners, fingers perhaps, but never corners.
“Why Willie, come to share in the fun?” Angelus smiled up at him, his demon face smeared with fresh blood, the raped and broken body of a woman crying helpless to one side. Before him an older man, her husband sat, his hands bound above his head, his shirt torn open to reveal hundreds of small cuts, not deep enough to kill but just enough to cause incredible pain.
“Willie meet Mr. and Mrs. Sanford,” Angelus grinned. “Mr. Sanford here is a well-respected jeweler; finest silver I dare say. Darla loves his work. You might want to help yourself to some trinkets, give Dru a little something.”
He ignored Angelus, moving instead towards the man and lifting him roughly to his feet.
“Mrs. Sanford here is mighty glad to oblige a man’s needs. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind taking you for a ride, Willie.” Angelus continued on with delight.
“It’s William,” he growled, his eyes running over the man’s listless features.
“Forgive me, lad,” Angelus feigned injury before breaking out into wide grin. “Why don’t you finish of fine Mr. Sanford? I think I will deliver Mrs. Sanford as a gift to our beloved Dru,” he let his voice emphasize ‘our’ just long enough to watch William’s shoulders stiffen. With a soft laugh the older vampire grabbed the crying woman, and left him alone with the dying man.
“Please,” the man gasped, “Mercy, I beg of you. Kill me quickly.”
“And why would I want to do that?” William dropped him to the floor.
“Because I can help you,” the man groaned. “Untie my hands and I will show you.”
Curious William obeyed, freeing the old man but maintaining a tight hold on his arm. As quickly as he could the old man dragged his battered body to his desk and began fumbling with a locked drawer. Finally he managed to get it opened, and reaching in pulled out a small velvet pouch. “For your one true love,” he croaked, “That you might win her at last from that monster.”
Releasing the man from his grasp, William lifted the small bag in his hand and untying it, inverted it over his other open palm. Out fell a small ring, fashioned from silver it had been shaped into a delicate and intricately blooming rose, which held in its center a flawless diamond. It truly was a sight to behold, and William stood mesmerized by it for a few moments, but the sound of the dying man’s gasping breaths broke the ring’s trance and he quickly returned it to the pouch.
Reaching down he pulled the man back up to his feet again. “What makes you think I am not a monster?” he growled, unleashing the demon inside of him. With one smooth fluid motion he reached out and snapped the man’s neck, dropping his lifeless body to the floor; a painless, quick death. “Thanks, mate.”