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Chapter 10 – Changing


Buffy wrapped her arms around her small body, staying slightly behind Spike
as they made a sweep of the area. Her comfort level had severely decreased
around the blonde vampire now that she knew more about who she used to be.
She knew she didn’t deserve him.

“What’s going through that mind of yours, pet?” Spike asked, slowing his pace
to walk beside her.

Buffy paused for a few moments before answering. “What happens when I get
all my memories back, Spike?”

“What do you mean, luv?”

“Why am I here? If I’ve lived my life, why am I back?”

“I’m not supposed-“

“So help me, Spike, if you say you’re not supposed to tell me, I will
personally kick your ass.”

Spike had to hide his smirk. ‘There’s my girl,’ he thought.

“Alright,” he said. “I’m not giving you details, because I don’t know any,
but there’s a prophecy that mentions you.”

“A prophecy? Like, something written millions of years ago and telling the
future?”

“That would be the short version.”

“And you don’t know the details of this thing?”

“Not yet,” Spike admitted.

Before Buffy could respond, she felt herself grabbed from behind. Without
stopping to think, she wrenched herself free and spun around, facing a
vampire. She could hear the fighting behind her and knew that Spike was
taking care of another one.

Buffy reeled back as she was punched in the face. Righting herself, she
landed a solid kick to his stomach. “Note to self- learn to duck,” she
said, throwing a few more punches, when she heard Spike call her name.
Turning toward him, she deftly caught the stake he threw at her before
plunging it into the vamp’s heart.

Breathing heavily from the adrenaline coursing through her, Buffy brushed
the dust off her hands as she turned to face Spike.

“You okay?” he asked, stepping closer to her.

Buffy took a step away, still not allowing herself to get close to him.
“I’m fine,” she murmured, trying to control her breathing. She jumped when
she felt Spike’s hand trace her cheek.

“You’re hurt,” he murmured, carefully touching the reddened skin.

“No, I’m fine,” Buffy said, shaking her head as she averted her eyes, trying
to fight the natural pull she felt toward his body.

Spike’s hand dropped away as he looked around the area. “I think that’s all
the action we’re going to see tonight, luv. We should probably be getting
back.”

* * * * *

Buffy sat up in bed later that night, unclear as to what woke her up.
Pausing for a moment, she closed her eyes, trying to remember the dream.
Her eyes flew open as she gasped. “Dawn!”

Scrambling out of her bed, Buffy pulled open her door and almost ran over
Cordelia, walking down the hallway.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“Dawn,” Buffy said, the memory already fading. “I need to see Dawn, she’s
my…my…”

“Dawn’s your sister, Buffy,” Cordy said gently. “Do you remember anything
else?”

“I-I’m supposed to protect her,” Buffy replied softly. “I don’t remember
why.”

“It’s okay,” Cordy said with a gentle smile. “You’ll remember more, I’m
sure of it.”

“Is she safe?” Buffy asked.

“Yes, she’s safe. She’s happy.”

“Okay,” Buffy breathed out a sigh of relief. She was getting flashes and
images of a girl that she knew was supposed to be her sister, but she didn’t
remember any particular events. Regardless, she was relieved that Dawn was
safe.

“Are you okay?”

Buffy nodded. “I think I’m going to stay up for a while,” she murmured,
walking to the end of the hall.

Cordelia watched the younger girl as she disappeared around the corner
before turning and walking to the other end of the hall. Knocking on the
door, she almost laughed as a very disheveled Spike answered the door.

“What’s wrong, Cordelia?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Buffy needs you.”

Spike was instantly awake. “Where is she? Is something wrong?”

“She’s downstairs,” Cordelia replied. “She remembered Dawn.”

Spike’s mouth dropped open slightly before he turned and jogged down the
hallway. Practically flying down the stairs, he could see Buffy sitting on
the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest with her chin resting on her
knees. She looked so tiny and frail that Spike wanted nothing more than to
take her in his arms.

Buffy looked up, hearing a noise. Her eyes widened as she stared at Spike.
His shirt was open, leaving his chiseled abs and muscular chest in plain
view. His hair stood up in spikes all over his head. She didn’t say
anything as he walked over, sitting down next to her.

“So…you remembered Dawnie?” he asked softly.

“Kind of,” Buffy replied in a quiet voice. “I remembered feelings.
Emotions that I couldn’t turn off. I knew that I needed to protect her, but
I didn’t know from what. I knew that I loved her, but it was a sudden kind
of love, you know?”

Buffy turned to look at Spike. He did know what she was talking about, but
he didn’t feel this was the right time to explain about her sister once
being a mystical ball of energy. She would figure it out soon enough on her
own.

“You loved her,” Spike said with a soft smile. “More than anything or
anyone…you loved her.”

“And she’s safe?” Buffy repeated the question to Spike, needing it confirmed
again.

“Yes,” Spike replied. “She’s safe.”

“Does she know about her…me?”

“Not yet.”

Buffy nodded, standing up. “I should probably get back to sleep. More
memories are waiting to assault me, I’m sure,” she said in a sardonic voice.

Spike began walking with her as they climbed the stairs. “It’ll be easier,
Buffy,” Spike said softly as Buffy looked over at him. “When you remember
everything…it’ll get easier.”

“You’re so sure about that?”

Spike stopped in front of the door to her bedroom, turning to face her.
“You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known,” he murmured. “You can make it
through anything they throw your way.”

“I’m not her, Spike,” Buffy whispered, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I
don’t want to be like her.”

“Yes, you do,” Spike said, offering her a small smile. “You just don’t know
it yet.”

“You don’t get it,” Buffy said, more forcefully than she intended. “Even if
I get every last memory of who Buffy Summers was, I am not her!”

Spike sighed, deciding it was best not to argue with her tonight, as he
slowly leaned forward to brush his lips against her cheek, surprised when he
was met with her lips instead. The kiss wasn’t passionate. There was no
eager need to deepen it, but it held a fire and electricity that they both
felt. Pulling away after a few moments, Spike stared into her deep green
eyes, gently trailing his fingertips along her cheekbone.

“Good night, Buffy,” he whispered.

“Good night.”

Buffy turned and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her before
leaning against it. Spike just didn’t get it. Nobody did…or could. She
was turning into Buffy Summers- she could feel it. With every memory, with
every minute of the day, she was changing. She knew that she would soon
remember the woman she once was, but that didn’t mean she had to allow
herself to change.





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