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And With This Power

Chapter Six: Losing My Mind

Buffy burst in to the doors of the Magic Box an hour or so after sunset. The gang was there, just being lazy as they ate and drank their coffee. “I have a job!” She practically yelled. Usually, she wouldn’t be so overjoyed. But this job was special, because it wasn’t the Doublemeat Palace.

“And you’re happy?” Xander asked with raised eyebrows. Willow playfully rolled her eyes.

“So, what do ya do?” Dawn asked, walking from behind one of the shelves.

“Nothing big. I waitress at a café downtown,” Buffy replied, regaining her cool. “So, what are we doin’?”

“Nothing. The hellmouth seems to be a little inactive lately,” Giles answered, standing up from his chair.

“Right it is,” Spike said, stepping in from the training room, showing he’d come in the back door. “Been patrolling ‘bout four time this week. Haven’t killed a thing.”

“Should we be worried? In research mode?” Willow asked.

“No,” Buffy answered quickly. “I just mean…you all have personal lives that you’re dealing with. Let me handle the slayage.”

“Speaking of slayage,” Spike started. “Want to come patrol, luv? I was just on my way out there.”

“But I thought you just said that there wasn-” She cut herself off when she realized he had other thing to discuss during patrol then just demons. “Right. I’m coming.”

[Later, cemetery]

“So, what’s all this about?” Buffy asked, sitting on a tombstone. Spike mirrored her actions and sat on one across from her.

“What are you keeping from me?”

“What?”

“Buffy, you know what I bloody well mean!”

Oh, crap. Did he somehow find out about her knowing the future? No, impossible.

“Spike. You’re stupid,” Buffy replied defiantly and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Buffy! Bloody hell!” He got up from the tombstone and began to pace around a little.

“You’re making me dizzy,” Buffy said a little sourly. This wasn’t what she was hoping to come out here and talk about.

Spike sighed, letting his anger subside before turning to her and placing both hands on either of her shoulders.

“Luv, you.” He paused suddenly. “You’re keeping something from all of us.”

“Us?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Me and your stupid Scoobies,” he replied a little harshly and then calmed again. “You’ve stopped every nasty that’s found it’s way to Sunnyhell so far. But that’s only clue number one.” Pausing, he looked down. “What happened in Heaven?”

Tears were already apparent in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall. It’d be so nice just to tell, but she shouldn’t. Oh, what the hell.

“I got to see…” She said shakily.

“See what?” He asked, a little concerned.

“What was going to happen…the future, bad things that came, life…I got to see it all. And then I saw you.” Her eyes became even glassier and she bit her lower lip.

Spike didn’t actually find it that surprising that she had seen the future. Actually, it kind of explained everything. But what did she mean by ‘and then I saw you’?

“Buffy, luv, you see me everyday,” he replied with a small smile and she groaned a little.

“No…I saw you. I got to see what you were like. What you became. The man you always were but I refused to see.”

“You aren’t making too much sense, Pet.”

“Spike! I saw you about a year from now. You had your…” She paused before calming a little. “Your soul.”

[Same time, Willow’s room]

“Willow?” Jonathon asked from the doorway.

“Jonathon? Doesn’t Buffy have you in a captive state downstairs?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“She, uh, let me up for a while.” He slowly walked in, not sure what he was supposed to be doing.

Willow suddenly muttered something and the blinds closed with the help of her magic. Now Jonathon knew what Buffy had meant. “Um, Willow. How often do you do that?”

“What?”

“Use a spell to do the easy stuff?”

Willow thought about it, and suddenly became defensive. “Hey! I just figure why not use the magic if I have it?”

“Well, yeah. But only when you need it,” Jonathon said, pushing his argument further.

“Listen. I’m not using too much magic…What?! I’m not. I just- I…” She didn’t have an argument. With her trademark Willow-pout, she sat down on her bed and gave him a look, which pretty much said ‘get out’.

Taking the hint, he exited the room, shutting the door behind him. Andrew had been leaning against the wall, arms crossed and a smug smile on his face. “Ah, so the dark prince returns from Lesson one of ‘la control’?” He asked in his ‘I’m wise, you know nothing’ voice. “Thus can only mean that-”

“Shut it,” Jonathon commanded.

“Make me Furball!” Andrew practically yelled.

“Butt scratcher!”

“Nose picker!”

Jonathon gasped a little. “I do not!”

“Do so!”

Jonathon and Andrew just exchanged deadly glances, before Andrew called a silent truce. “So…” He started. “Wanna summon a demon to mess with Buffy?”

“Sure, why not?” Jonathon replied with a shrug and they started to walk downstairs. Buffy knew they wouldn’t be able to resist doing some damage, and knew it was inevitable that something like this would happen.

[Cemetery]

“So…” Spike’s eyes were wide and looked paler than usual. “I tried to…r-rape you…” He blinked back the water in his eyes and forced himself to continue. Buffy had just finished explaining to him what the future held. “Then I got my soul?”

“Yeah…”

“I…I…”

“You nothing,” Buffy said, sweeter than what he’d expected. “It was me. I’m the one who treated you like I did, and then-” She cut herself off and sighed. “And why are we even going over this. It was something that could have happened. I changed it.”

Spike still didn’t move. Even if it had never happened, Buffy had to experience it.

They were both torn from their thoughts as a large demon made it’s way towards them.

“Oh…hell no…” Buffy muttered to herself. She knew this demon. It was the one that made her think she was in the mental institution.

“What?”

“Stay back,” Buffy commanded Spike and went toward the demon.

She tried so hard this time to keep those sharp claws away from her. But one impaled her in the stomach, sending her to her knees.

“Buffy!” She heard Spike scream. But his voice faded as her world changed. When she opened her eyes, she was sitting in the dirt. But it was daytime.

Xander, Willow, Dawn, Giles, and…the newly-risen slayers? They were all standing next to her.

“Whoa, Buff. Gave us quite a scare. You okay?”

Buffy took in her surroundings. She knew where she was. She saw the ditch of Sunnydale. It was the battle after the First.

This demon wasn’t making her see herself in a mental institution…It was making her think that the whole ‘going back in time’ thing was just in her head.

What if her grief over losing Spike and Anya was too much and had made her break down after the battle with the First. What if the grief had been so great that she’d never actually gone back at all. It was all her mind’s way of dealing…and she was losing it again? What if that was what was happening?

Buffy closed her eyes and let herself open them to see she was in the cemetery again.

“Bloody hell, Buffy!” She heard him yell as he tried to hold her up.

“Spike?” She barely whispered.

“Are you okay?” He asked once she was steadied.

[Basement of Buffy’s house]

“So…do you think that was wrong?” Jonathon asked. “I mean, Buffy has helped us in this path to getting better and whatnot.”

They both grinned and agreed that Buffy may pummel them later for summoning a demon, but at least it was fun.

[Cemetery, after Buffy has explained to Spike what that poison just did to her]

“Buffy…” Spike said, trying to soothe her.

“Don’t. Just don’t.” She paused and looked down. “Spike…what if this whole ‘I had visions while in Heaven’ thing was just my mind’s way of trying to make the things in my past better?” She asked with tears. “What if this is fake…and my real life doesn’t have you in it anymore?”





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