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Chapter 36:

When Buffy first got back to Sunnydale, she'd promised herself that she wasn't going to just sit around and cry and mope. At first she found other things to occupy her mind. Like Lou and the Mermaid's Grasp. So much had happened to her in the last few days that she'd forgotten her fear at being made helpless by the slimy strip club owner. So she figured she'd do something about it.

She didn't know exactly what he'd done to her, but she clearly remembered him putting on red sunglasses and then a bright flash of light. It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure out that that this was a bad guy to be fought with accessories. So she bought herself a new set of shades, and paid a visit to the Mermaid's Grasp early the next morning.

It was all rather anticlimactic. The last time she and Spike had been there, the other patrons had been willing to join in the fray. But there had been a lot of customers that night. She had carefully planned her visit for a time when there would be few demons about, so once she had dispatched the bouncers he'd sicked on her nothing stood between her and Lou.

Lou, it turned out, had a severe allergy to pain. Even though she didn't remember hitting him, he sure did. Not the least because she'd broken his nose and given him two impressive black eyes. So he pretty much fell sobbing at her feet begging for mercy. She made it very clear to him that in the future he would leave humans alone, and that if she heard differently she would return and burn his place down.

As she strode away from the sleazy club, she felt let down by the lack of excitement. She'd been expecting this big showdown to distract her from the pain in her heart. Not a Willy-want-to-be who crumpled at the sight of a fist.

She actually managed to keep busy for a day and a half after that, because the new school year was about to begin and it was time for her to move back into the dorms. She told her friends that she didn't want any help so that it would take her longer, and so that they wouldn't ask her any questions about Spike and L.A.

Once the moving and unpacking was done, things were even worse. She'd managed to get a corner dorm room without a roommate. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Willow had wanted to move in with Tara, and Buffy had thought having a room that she could bring her boyfriend back to without worrying about disturbing a roommate had seemed perfect. Of course that had been when she was dating Riley. Now she wasn't dating anyone, and for the first time in her life she was living on her own.

It was terribly lonely. The next couple days were the most miserable of her life. This was worse than when Angel had left her, because not only did she have her own heartbreak and loneliness to deal with but she could feel Spike's as well. Distance hadn't diminished her connection to him, and she felt his emotions as strongly as if he was in the room with her.

She'd hoped class would distract her, but nothing was really happening in any of her classes. It was all going over rules and reading syllabi. She had very little homework, and nothing to do but sit in her room and think.

Thinking caused her to realize some very painful truths. The first one was that what she had done to Spike was almost exactly the same thing Angel had done to her. She'd made the decision for both of them, without really allowing him to have much input. This time she was the one who didn't have faith in the relationship.

But Angel had never had to deal with her pain, and she had to deal with Spike's. There was no pretending it wasn't real, or pretending he was better without her.

Almost worse than his pain, was the knowledge that he was up to something. She didn't know what. She couldn't read his mind–all she could feel was purpose. Spike was planning something and she was pretty sure it involved her somehow.

Half the time this frightened her. She imagined him returning to Sunnydale having arranged some grand romantic gesture that would take away all her will, and despite her better judgment, she would take him back. The other half of the time she hoped that he would return, whether he had a big romantic gesture or not (though if given a choice, she voted for romantic gesture).

Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, Giles tracked her down. He'd gotten a call from Angel and had found out not only about the claim, but also about Spike having his chip removed. She hadn't understood how Angel could have known about a chip, and she tried to distract Giles by pushing the issue. Finally they called Angel and learned that he had found out from Darla. It seemed that she had watched the entire break up scene.

Buffy had never had a very high opinion of Darla, but now she thought of her as little more than a busy body.

One good thing had come out of the whole tearful scene. Since he knew about the claim, she figured she might as well tell him about the mystery connection she had to Spike. Despite his anger and disappointment, the mystery of why his Slayer was becoming empathic with vampires was a research opportunity he could not pass up. He promised to look into it, muttering something about "the origins of the Slayer."

Buffy was just getting ready for patrol two nights later when she suddenly realized that Spike was closer than he'd been since she'd left L.A. As she concentrated on the bond she realized not only was he closer, but that he was moving toward her rapidly. She tried to examine his emotions and found both anxiety, and eagerness. He was coming home, back to her.

Now that it was actually happening, she didn't know how she felt about his return. She kept wavering between continuing on with her routine as if nothing had happened, or staying where she was. Finally indecision won out and she stayed within the safety of her dorm room, to which he had not been invited.

Then it came, the knock on her door. He was there, just outside within easy reach of her fists or her lips. She was scared to open the door. She was both afraid to face him, and afraid that he wouldn't really be there at all.

"Buffy?" he called through the door.

Her heart thudded in her throat. It was definitely him. She practically flew across the room and threw the door open.

"Spike I-"

RING!

The phone interrupted her.

"I um. . . " she started.

RING!

"Oh, dammit! Hold on."

Buffy rushed back over to her bed and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" she snapped into the receiver.

"Buffy?" came Dawn's weepy voice.

'Great,' thought Buffy, 'Mom refused to buy her that new top she absolutely had to have and now she's calling me to complain.'

"Yeah, Dawn. What is it?"

"Mom, she. . . " Dawn was crying into the phone. "Oh God, Buffy. She didn't know who I was and the she just. . . she just fell. And-" Someone in the background interrupted Dawn and Buffy could hear men's voices.

Buffy wanted to yell at Dawn to get back on the phone. What did she mean that mom fell down? Mom's don't just fall down. Horrid seconds ticked by before Dawn's voice floated back over the telephone line.

"Buffy. . . the paramedics, they're taking us to the hospital."

"Okay, Dawn. It's Okay. You go with them. I'll be there right away."

She hung up the phone with a trembling hand.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" came Spike's worried voice.

She almost jumped. In the few short minutes she'd been on the phone with Dawn she'd forgotten about him completely. His words pushed her into action, however, and she headed for the door, not paying attention to whether he followed or not.

"My mom. I have to get to the hospital."

As she exited the dorm he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in a different direction.

"I have the bike. I'll drive you."

She could do nothing but nod.





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