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Chapter 40:

For a while Spike did nothing but rant and rave. Not to Drusilla, who was still chained on the lower level, but simply to the stone walls of his crypt. Why was it that nothing he did ever went right?

Finally he settled down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. But the calm only lasted a moment. Below his feet he could hear Drusilla trying to pull loose the chains that bound her.

Wearily he descended to the lower level to deal with her. To his surprise she was silent as he picked up the stake he'd thrown earlier and approached her. He stroked her cheek with his hand and looked sadly at her. It wasn't as if he didn't love her anymore, it just wasn't enough.

"Good bye, William. You should have run while you could," she told him.

"Good bye, Dru."

He kissed her forehead and plunged the stake into her heart. There was a strange sensation as her face turned to dust in his hand.

Once the last of her dust had crumbled through his fingertips, he fell to the ground where he stood and began to cry. He lost track of everything as he lay on the floor sobbing, so it startled him when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Buffy's soft voice said. "Both for what I said, and for Drusilla."

He sat up and started to wipe the tears from his eyes, trying to control his sobbing.

"No, don't," she told him. "You should cry. It's okay."

She wrapped her arms around him, pulled his face close to her chest, and ran her fingers through his hair. For a moment he tried to resist, but he felt so comforted by her touch and her scent that instead he found himself beginning to cry all over again.

He didn't know how long he sat there, being rocked in Buffy's arms, and listening to her murmur comforting words. Finally he had no more tears, and reluctantly pulled away from her.

She was smiling sadly at him. "You okay?" she asked.

"What'd you care?" he sulked.

"I care. Look, I am sorry. I just was kind of surprised. I thought. . . I don't know that maybe you'd found a weapon to fight Glory or something. 'Cause you know, if anyone could find some mythical what's it that isn't even really supposed to exist, it's you."

He snorted, refusing to be won over by her flattery, as he continued to wipe away his tears.

"It's just," she continued. "It was sort of this horrible deja vu."

"Huh?"

"It was just after I found out that Angel was a vampire that he killed Darla. It was sort of like, 'See I'm a good vampire, I killed my sire.' I don't think Angel cried though."

Spike started up defensively, "Yeah, well-"

"No, I mean. It's good you cried. I never really knew if it meant anything to Angel. I mean, he didn't exactly make a big deal of it, but. . . Well it was always hard to know what Angel thought about anything." She stopped and looked at him seriously, "I should tell you something, and you're going to be mad."

He looked at her suspiciously. Was it finally coming? Was she finally going to tell him to go away forever? Technically she'd already told him that once, but would she really mean it?

"There's this thing. It has to do with being the Slayer. I can sense vampires. The thing is ever since we. . . first had sex, it's been getting stronger when it comes to you. At first it was just that I could pick you out from any other vampire, and then I knew where you were no matter what. The closer we get the stronger it gets and I can sort of. . . " She took a deep breath. "Sense your emotions."

Spike was stunned; he wasn't expecting anything like this. He didn't even know how to respond. "How long. . ?"

"The emotion thing, sometime in L.A. There wasn't an exact moment. It's not like someone suddenly turned on a Slayer switch or anything. Look. . . before you say anything, the reason I told you is because I want you to know that I really know. I know that you love me and how much. It's not you I doubt, Spike. It's me I don't trust. If something happened, I don't know if I could stop you in time."

He got up pushing her away from him. "That's just. . . stupid. If you trust me, which obviously you don't, then it wouldn't matter because you'd know I'd never put you in the situation where you'd have to stop me."

"Well yeah, when you get all logical about it. I want to Spike. I want so much to let you be strong for me. To just give in, but I'm the Slayer, and if I'm weak. . ."

"Love doesn't make you weak, pet. You're the good guy, you're supposed to know that." He sat back down next to her. "And if you let me help a little, if you let me take just a small part of your burden, it doesn't mean you aren't strong enough, just means you're saving your strength for the things that really matter."

"I don't know. . ."

"Shh, listen to me. I know I can't take it all away. I know that when the chips are down, you're the one who's going to have to save the world, and I may be able to help some, but I can't take that over for you. But being with me, that doesn't mean you can't do that, too. Do you think I want to take you away from you mum, and the bit? Why is it all right to help if we're friends, but not if we're lovers?"

"See there you go with the logic again. But you're forgetting Hellmouth logic. It's when you give in that things go all kerplewy. There will be a curse, or a prophecy or something and it'll all go bad."

He chuckled, "You're a real piece of work Summers, you know that? You're not afraid that you won't be strong enough, even you aren't that daft. You're afraid to be happy. Trying to avoid all the cliches here, but isn't it better to try and be happy for as long as you can? If you really trust me, then trust me to help you through whatever comes. Is that really too much to ask?"

She looked him in the eyes for what seemed an eternity. Thinking over his words, weighing her fears against her desires. Finally, slowly, she leaned forward and kissed him.

He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up off the floor and onto the bed. He pulled back to look in her eyes for permission. She nodded slightly and he lay down next to her. He could tell that she was still scared, but it was a first step, and with time he was convinced he could show her that they were the one thing she didn't ever have to fear.

The End





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