A/N This story is so emotionally draining that I’m giving you two combined chapters today. I’m proud of it, but everything about it is taking a toll. I was prepared (a few days ago) to put it on hiatus and give myself a break, but then I realized that you guys wouldn’t have a break and it’s probably just as stressful for you to read and wait to see what happens. So, I will keep updating until it’s finished (I think about seven more chapters), so enjoy the longer update. I’m not sure I’ll be able to update tomorrow, so if I don’t everyone have a safe and happy holiday!
Chapter 11 – Choices
Buffy was miserable. She knew she would be, but she didn’t expect to still feel like she was dying. It had been a month of solid torture, and Buffy was now moving her belongings into the house she’d found in Sunnydale.
Spike had begged her to meet him through voicemail everyday for over a week, but Buffy stayed strong. She had only talked to him one other time, and the agony in his voice nearly had her rushing home. However, she’d done a lot of soul searching and found the strength within herself to live without him, if she had to. She didn’t like being in a position that she would have to come to that decision, but she wanted to be happy and this was the first logical step toward that goal.
Spike didn’t know that she would be moving back today, but school started in a
few days, so Buffy fully expected to be seeing him at some point.
* * * * *
Buffy was preparing her classroom on the first day of school when she heard
a soft knock at the door. She felt her heart jump into her throat and her
breath catch, wondering if it was Spike. It was still two hours before the
children would arrive, and Buffy didn’t know if she could handle it.
“Hello?”
Buffy turned around at the strange voice and came face to face with a
handsome dark-haired man.
“Can I help you?”
“Oh, yeah,” he replied with a smile, speaking with a slight Midwestern
accent. “I’m Lindsey McDonald, I’m the new Phys. Ed. teacher.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Buffy said with a smile and a shake of her head. “I didn’t
know the position was filled, I’ve been out of town. I’m Buffy Summers,”
she finished, offering her hand.
Buffy was surprised when he kissed her hand instead of shaking it but
quickly put a smile on her face.
“That’s alright, Miss Summers,” Lindsey replied. “I’ve been learning the
ropes for about a week, and your name keeps popping up in every conversation
I’ve had.”
”Oh really?” Buffy asked with a smile.
“Yeah,” Lindsey said, looking sheepish. “It seems all of the teachers here
think we’d be perfect for each other.”
Buffy flushed, looking down at the ground.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“No, it’s fine,” Buffy replied, shaking her head.
“Well, that’s not actually why I came by. I just wanted to meet you. Put
the name to the face.”
“It was nice meeting you, Mr. McDonald.”
“It’s Lindsey.”
“Okay, Lindsey, then that means I’m Buffy.”
Lindsey turned to walk through the door but paused before leaving her room.
“Would you like to have lunch with me today?” he asked, turning around to
face her again.
“Um…I-I don’t think that’s such a-“
“Just as friends.”
“Okay,” Buffy said with a smile. “I’d like that.”
“Great,” Lindsey replied with a smile. “I’ll see you later.”
Buffy sighed as he left the room. She hated these awkward conversations
with men. She was never any good at it, and it just made her miss Spike more
than ever.
* * * * *
Buffy tried to be as energetic as possible during recess. She saw Lindsey
wave at her from the other side of the playground while keeping an eye on
his own class, and she forced a smile on her face as she returned the wave.
He really was a nice guy, and lunch had been filled with pleasant small talk,
but Buffy didn’t feel ready to begin dating so soon.
“Miss Summers?”
Buffy turned and knelt down to face one of her students.
“Yes, Bobby?”
“That man over there wants to talk to you.”
Buffy followed the direction the little boy was pointing in and felt as if
all the air had been knocked out of her. Spike stood on the other side of
the fence, looking very much like he did when she first saw him back in
January. The leather duster was gone, of course, due to the hot weather,
but he was there all the same.
With a shaky breath, Buffy stood, wiping her hands on her black pants and
nervously straightening her white silk shirt as she approached the fence,
worrying her bottom lip as she walked.
“Hello, Buffy,” he said softly as she approached.
“What are you doing here, Spike?” Buffy asked quietly.
“I had to see you,” he whispered, looking heartbroken.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“I’m keeping my distance, luv,” he said with a wry smile, gesturing to the
fence that separated them.
“I haven’t changed my mind.”
“No…I didn’t expect you would,” Spike paused as he looked at the ground
before raising his watery eyes to hers. “I miss you, Buffy.”
“Spike, you can’t keep doing this,” Buffy said in a choked voice. “You need
to…you need to get over me.” Buffy felt like she was ripping out her own
heart as she said the words.
“Can we talk?” he asked, trying to keep from begging. “Some place private.”
“Spike, I’m working,” Buffy said, glancing around the playground.
“Not now…tonight. Will you do that for me, Buffy? Will you meet me
tonight?”
Buffy sighed, knowing her answer and hating herself for her weakness.
“Where?” she whispered.
Relief washed over Spike’s features as a brief smile came to his lips. “How
about your old place?”
“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head before he even finished speaking.
“Some place public.”
Spike looked down in thought for a moment before raising his eyes. “The
park?”
“Okay,” Buffy whispered. “I’ll meet you at eight.”
“Thank you,” he whispered before slowly turning away.
“And Spike?” Buffy waited until he turned around again. “We can’t keep
doing this. Tonight…it has to be good-bye.”
* * * * *
Buffy decided to walk to the park, needing the extra time to clear her head.
She looked down at her clothes, still unsure about what she was wearing.
What are you supposed to wear to meet your married ex-lover?
She had finally decided on a pair of jeans and a sleeveless black shirt with
her long hair pulled back in a ponytail. Buffy walked slowly through the
park, hugging her arms around her body against the chill that was creeping
through her in spite of the warm weather.
Buffy could see Spike in the distance as he paced, tapping an unlit
cigarette against his open palm, the last rays of the setting sun casting
him in a golden glow.
“Trying to quit?” Buffy asked, coming up behind him and offering a small
smile when he whirled around to face her.
“Uh…yeah,” he replied, gazing into her eyes. He tossed the cigarette to the
ground before slowly walking toward her. “How’ve you been?” he asked in a
soft tone.
Buffy broke their eye contact, looking down at the ground as she scuffed the
toe of her boot into the dirt. “I’ve been okay,” she whispered, avoiding
his eyes. “What about you?”
“Without you? Miserable.”
Buffy brought her eyes up to his, seeing that they were shimmering with
tears. Spike took a deep, shaky breath as he took another step toward her.
“How can I fix this, Buffy?” he asked in a pleading voice.
“Spike, you can’t,” Buffy said, shaking her head as she battled her own
tears. “You’re married. I should have ended this when I found out and not
dragged it on for months. This can never work. You’re starting a family
with your wife, and I just…I just can’t do it anymore.”
“I don’t want to start a family with Dru.”
Buffy’s mouth dropped open slightly as she stared at him. “So you’re
leaving her?” she asked in disbelief.
Spike took a shuddering breath as he walked over to sit on a nearby bench, dropping his head into his hands. “I just know I want to be with you,” he replied in a choked voice before slowly raising his tear-filled eyes to hers. “Tell me what to do,” he practically pleaded with her, silently begging Buffy to ask him to leave his wife. Buffy knew it. Spike knew it. But she wouldn’t ask that of him. Buffy had come to terms with possibly being a part of the destruction of a marriage, but she wouldn’t ask him to leave. A month ago she might have, but now he needed to make that decision on his own.
“You only wanted me because I was there, Spike…because I was available,” Buffy replied with a sigh.
“That’s not true,” Spike said, standing and walking toward her.
Buffy inhaled sharply when she felt his muscular arms go around her waist,
pulling her against him, before she looked into his eyes. “So you’re
telling me you’d divorce Drusilla if I wanted you to?”
“Is that what you want?”
Buffy saw the worry and something that could be identified as hope etched onto his face and felt her heart break a little more. “I want to be happy,” she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek.
Spike couldn’t resist any longer. His mouth covered hers in desperate need
as Buffy’s lips parted. Both moaned at the feeling of being together again
before Buffy slowly began to pull away.
Spike pulled back to look into her eyes, letting his hand trail over her
cheek before settling on the back of her neck, attempting to bring her back
for another kiss. Buffy looked down before their lips could meet, causing
Spike to lean back and stare at her. “I can make you happy, Buffy.”
“You could,” Buffy agreed with a slight nod. “But you don’t even know if
you want me.”
“I do, I-“
“Spike, I love you. I will always love you, but I just can’t go on like
this.”
Spike took a deep breath, preparing to come to terms with everything that had transpired since he met the woman he was in love with. Preparing to tell Buffy what he had realized in the month that she’d been away. “Buffy-“
“I’ve met somebody,” Buffy lied, interrupting what Spike was about to say. She averted her eyes and preparing for the explosion. “I-I needed to move on, and I…”
“Who is it?” Spike asked, clenching his jaw.
“Nobody you know,” Buffy whispered.
“Kiss me.”
“What?” she asked, looking up at him.
Buffy’s eyes widened before squeezing them shut as Spike’s mouth assaulted
hers. Their tongues seemed to do battle as his hands went to her arms,
holding her in place as his tongue swept over her lower lip.
Breaking away after a few moments, Spike stared into her eyes. “I know you
still feel it,” he said, breathing heavily. “You said it yourself, you’re
still in love with me. You’ll always love me. You don’t want to be with
anybody else.”
Buffy closed her eyes, letting the tears slide down her cheeks as she bit
her lip. “Why can’t you just let me go?” she whispered. “Why do you have
to keep hurting me?”
“How am I hurting you?” Spike asked, partly in concern and partly in anger
as he tilted her head up. Buffy backed away as she prepared to leave.
“You won’t choose me.”
* * * * *
“So that was him?”
“What?” Buffy asked, turning around, her arms laden with building blocks
and seeing Lindsey standing behind her.
“The guy on the playground yesterday,” he clarified, gesturing to the
window. “I didn’t get a good look at him, but I’m guessing he was your ex. The reason you’re not ready to date
yet.”
“How did…what makes you say that?”
“Just a guess,” he replied with a shrug, walking into the classroom and
helping Buffy pick up the toys, tossing them into the nearby bins. “The way
you talked to him. I guess the body language sums it up.”
“Body language?”
“Yeah,” he said, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “It just
seemed like you two were more than friends.”
“’Were’ being the key word in that sentence,” Buffy said, avoiding his eyes
as she continued picking up the room.
“So…you’re not seeing anyone?”
“Um…no…not right now.”
“Well, I was kind of hoping maybe I could take you out sometime.”
“Lindsey-“
“I know, I know,” Lindsey replied, holding up his hands in mock surrender.
“You’re not looking for a serious relationship, but neither am I.”
“I’m not looking for a sleepover buddy, either.”
Lindsey laughed at her comment, shaking his head. “I just thought we could
go out and relax. Nothing wrong with that, is there?”
“I guess not,” Buffy murmured.
“Great,” he said with a smile. “How about Friday night at seven?”
“It’s a date.”
[Reviews - 166]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 5606 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +