Chapter 7 – Needing


Buffy unlocked the door of her apartment the next day and began coughing at
the cloud of smoke that engulfed her. Walking in, she frowned when she saw Spike
chain-smoking as he paced the length of the living room.

“Spike, what are you doing?” she asked, deciding not to give him a lecture about no smoking in the apartment, since he seemed more stressed than usual. Buffy walked over and began opening the French doors, hoping to let the cloud filter out so she could breathe again as she waited for him to say something.

Buffy jumped when she found herself grabbed from behind and pulled into
strong arms. She would have giggled if she wasn’t so worried about him as
he carried her over to the couch and dropped down onto it, depositing her on his lap.

“Spike-“

“I needed to see you, Buffy,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck in desperation. “Where’ve
you been?”

“I can’t even go out anymore?” she asked, immediately switching to defensive
mode as she tried to pull away from him.

“I didn’t mean…I just need you right now, Buffy,” he replied, holding her firmly against him.

“Spike, I-“

“Not like that,” he whispered, needing to clarify and make her understand. “I just need to be close to you.”

“Spike…you’re scaring me,” Buffy said softly as she turned around in his lap, watching as his hands slowly came up to cup her face, staring into her eyes with an intensity that she never saw.

“I’m sorry, luv,” he said, bringing his lips to hers in a brief, tender
kiss before wrapping his arms around her waist and cuddling closer to her.

“What’s going on?”

Spike took a deep breath before speaking. “Dru wants to have a baby.”

He immediately felt Buffy’s body go rigid in his arms. That was the last thing she had expected to hear. Spike had always told her that Drusilla never wanted children. She found them too ‘involving.’

“Oh,” she whispered softly, always fearing that this day would inevitably come, in spite of what he had told her.
“So…I guess this means that we’re…”

Buffy trailed off, not even letting herself finish that sentence. She
didn’t know why she felt the need to hold on to this man. He obviously
didn’t love her, but the idea of losing him was terrifying…and Buffy hated
herself for that weakness.

She wasn’t scared of being alone, she was scared of being without him.

“We’re staying the way we are, pet,” Spike said in a more forceful voice
than he intended as he pulled back to look at her again.

“But Spike…”

“No buts, Buffy. I’m not ready to let you go.”

“But when you are ready…you’ll cut me loose,” she murmured.

Spike pulled her down for another passionate kiss, trying to settle her
fears as his lips slid across hers, before leaning back. “Have I ever told you that, luv?”

“You didn’t need to,” she replied softly, still slightly thrown by this new
Spike. The man that she had finally allowed herself to fall in love with, who was actually acting like the man she had first met.

* * * * *

Spike pushed into Buffy slowly, letting his lips trail along her jaw, lightly licking the sensitive area behind her ear as she moaned. They moved together with ease, neither wanting to rush as they made love.

Spike brought her to the edge with long, sure thrusts, making sure she could feel everything he was feeling. Buffy’s muscles contracted around him, as she arched her back gasping with each thrust. No words were spoken as she breathed heavily, slowly coming down as they looked into each other’s eyes, conveying all of their emotions. Spike swept the hair out of Buffy’s eyes, leaning forward to brush his lips against hers, as she clung to him.

Spike could feel his own climax approaching as he sped up his thrusts. Buffy felt the familiar tightening in her stomach as a second, more powerful, orgasm overtook her. Spike couldn’t last any longer as he found his release, his muscles tensed, pulsing deep inside of her, before collapsing on the mattress, pulling Buffy with him as he rolled over.

Tears fell from Buffy’s eyes as their lips met in another passionate kiss.

“Don’t cry, luv,” he whispered in concern as he pulled back, wiping her tears away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Buffy replied with a soft smile, shaking her head. “I love you.”

Spike gently smiled, as he played with her hair. “I know.”

Buffy lay with her lover, her head on his chest as she snuggled closer to him. His hands traced over her
bare arms and back, sending shivers running through her body. She was surprised that he wasn’t more forceful with her this time, considering the stress he was obviously under. Buffy had expected one of their rougher sessions, instead of being treated to the side of him who she rarely saw, telling her that he just ‘needed her’ tonight. It was Buffy who led him to the bedroom, knowing that both of them needed more than simple affection tonight. He had turned into the man who made her feel loved, never mind the fact that he didn’t love her. He was back to being the man she’d made love to that first night.

“Can I stay the night?” he whispered, quietly, his hands never stopping their movements along her skin.

Buffy looked up at him in surprise. “What about-“

“Dru?” he supplied. “I don’t know,” he continued in a subdued voice. “All
I know is, I don’t want to leave you. I need to stay with you tonight. I need to have you in my arms.”

Buffy nodded acceptance and understanding as Spike pulled her closer, leaving a soft kiss on her lips
before closing his eyes. Buffy smiled as she watched him drift off to sleep. He looked so young, so innocent in moments like this. She rarely saw this relaxed side of him, and she treasured all of the moments that she got. She found herself wishing, for the millionth time, that he could be hers. Wishing that the two of them could have this closeness and be together every night. She knew it was useless, but she had to allow the dream.





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