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Chapter 16


Spike paced around his living room, desperately wanting to get drunk. Now
wasn’t the time. Buffy was coming over, but Spike’s thoughts were on Giles.
The older man’s words were haunting him.

*There have been some inquiries about your relationship with Miss
Summers…people are starting to suspect something.*

Spike shut his eyes, feeling his stomach churn as he remembered telling
Giles that there was nothing to suspect. Giles had then told him the two
words that shook the very foundation of everything that he lived with.

*I know.*

The tone had implied that he wasn’t agreeing with what Spike had said.
Giles knew exactly what was going on but was kind enough to give Spike the
benefit of the doubt and let him have fair warning that other people were catching on.

*Miss Summers is a strong-minded individual. I know that she would never
let herself be taken advantage of. However, I feel compelled to warn you
that some teachers are alarmed and they are prepared to take their concerns
to Principal Snyder.*

“Bugger it,” Spike growled, grabbing a bottle of whiskey off his bar and
taking several long swallows. He knew what he had to do. He just didn’t
know if he could do it.

“Spike?”

Spike turned and felt his heart tighten when he saw Buffy standing in his
living room with a concerned look on her face.

“Is something wrong?”

Spike crossed the room in three long strides, taking Buffy in his arms and
crushing his mouth to hers. She gasped but quickly adapted to his
advances, wrapping her arms around his neck and parting her lips.

Spike gently picked her up, never separating his lips from hers as he
carried her to the bedroom. He couldn’t do this if he didn’t get to say
good-bye- physically. He needed one more time being inside her. One more
moment of her breathy voice, whispering to him. One last memory of
completion before it was ripped away from him forever.

Buffy helped him as he slowly stripped both of them of their clothes. He
took a step back, admiring her naked body while easing her toward the bed.
Buffy smiled when he crawled the length of her body, resting his hips
against hers while his lips met hers in a tender kiss.

Buffy gasped when she felt him enter her. Spike let his head fall to her
shoulder, trying to suppress the tears in his eyes when he began thrusting
with her. Their bodies moved fluidly as one.

“Spike, are you okay?” Buffy whispered, breathing heavily as he grinded his
hips against hers.

“Right now?” Spike asked, pulling back to look at her. “This
minute…everything’s the way it should be.”

Buffy smiled at the sentiment, brushing a tender kiss to his lips as his
thrusts became stronger. Her breathing escalated once again, her hands
clutching at his back, letting her nails drag along his skin.

“Spike,” she whispered, her eyes shut as she lifted her hips to meet his.
“I need to come.”

Spike was barely able to stop the tears that came to his eyes, knowing that their
time together was almost over. Her muscles tightened around him, seconds
before stars burst in front of her eyes. Spike held her trembling body to
his as she screamed his name. His movements never stopped, even as he
emptied himself in her welcoming body.

Buffy knew something was different, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.
She didn’t have time to think about it as a second, more powerful orgasm
exploded through her body. She gasped for breath as Spike’s movements
slowed to a stop. His lips sought out hers in a desperate kiss, his hand
reaching up to run through her silky hair.

The couple lay together for several minutes, Buffy enjoying the warmth and
comfort he provided, Spike fighting back his emotions.

Buffy sat up after a moment, searching for her clothes.

“What are you doing, luv?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered, turning back to him and leaving a gentle
kiss on his lips before getting dressed. Spike felt his throat close up at
the endearment. “I need to get home. I have a lot of homework to do…most of
it for your class,” she added with a smile as she put her shoes on and
smoothed her hair. “And my mom wants to see me, I think she missed me or…”

Buffy trailed off, her smile fading when she noticed Spike wasn’t
smiling. He simply got up and pulled his jeans on before pacing the room.

Then it suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks: Giles saying he needed to
talk to Spike. Spike drinking from the bottle of whiskey when she showed
up. The different feeling she had when they were making love…it felt like
good-bye.

“Spike,” she whispered, fighting the urge to sit down. “What’s going on?”

Spike didn’t say anything as he set his gaze on the far wall, his eyes unfocused and glassy.

“Does this have something to do with what Giles said to you earlier?”

Buffy was soon becoming frustrated that he wasn’t even looking at her.

“Was that good-bye?”

Spike’s eyes snapped to hers, giving her the answer she dreaded.

Buffy felt her body begin to shake as she backed away from him. “Oh my
God,” she whispered, her eyes becoming unfocused as Spike followed her into
the hall.

“Giles knows,” he said softly, battling his tears. “Other teachers are
suspecting something…they’re about to go to Snyder.”

“So we’ll be more careful,” Buffy said desperately, fisting her hands in his
shirt. “We’ll do better.”

“We can’t,” Spike said in a choked voice as he shook his head, his heart aching. “There’s too
much at risk…your future, my job, not to mention jail time.”

“But…but you needed me…”

“I’ll always need you,” he whispered, letting his tears fall before giving
her a tender kiss. “I’m sorry I got you into this.”

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “Don’t say that, this doesn’t have to
be over, Spike. Please don’t say that after everything…”

Spike swallowed hard as Buffy began sobbing. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing.

“It has to be,” he whispered, running his hands along her arms in a soothing gesture that obviously wasn’t having any affect. “I’ll take you home, okay?”

“I don’t want to go home,” she said softly, breaking away from him and walking toward the door. “And I
don’t want you taking me anywhere…I’ll walk.”

“Buffy-“

“No! I don’t get a choice in anything you do, so you don’t get a choice in
what I do.”

Buffy’s strength soon faded as her emotions took over again.

Spike turned away, standing in the doorway of his bedroom, not wanting to
see her walk through that door.

“So that’s it?” she asked, her heart breaking. “It’s over? I give you
everything I have and…and it’s still not enough.”

Spike longed to take her in his arms. To erase this moment forever. To
assure her that it was enough, that it would always be enough…but he
couldn’t.

“You’re willing to throw away what we have just because…”

Buffy trailed off with a nod, her mind turning over every possibility. She had
to tell him, she couldn’t walk out of his life without him not knowing.
‘What have you got to lose, Buffy?’ she asked herself.

“Spike…I love you.”

Spike’s hand gripped the doorframe to support himself. The pressure under his hand was so strong, he was mildly surprised that it didn’t crack with the force. “No, you don’t,” he replied through gritted teeth, needing to stay strong. Needing her to be able to move on with a clean slate, even if that was the last thing he
wanted.

“You think I haven’t tried not to?” Buffy asked, tears streaming down her
face.

Spike turned to face her, his heart breaking at the anguish he was causing
her. “Try harder,” he said in a choked voice.

‘What have you got to lose, Buffy?’ she asked herself again. ‘Everything.’

Buffy turned and walked through the door not bothering to close it behind
her.

Spike watched her turn and walk away…walk out of his life. There was no
going back. There was no changing it. She was gone. Spike quietly shut
the door, walked down the hall and into the bathroom before spending the
next half hour emptying his stomach.





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